Episode 16 - Rediscovering Your Why: Living by Your Values with Foster Wilson

By Jessica Garrison

Podmatch has yet again brought us an incredible guest that we get to share with everyone this week. The multitalented Foster Wilson describes herself as compassionate, creative, nerdy, and weird.

I wanted to share Foster’s conversation on coming back to her why and her values. She says that she sees values as a filtration system. There’s 4 areas that she asks about while deciphering if something aligns with her values: connection, growth, self-expression, and freedom. Foster considers herself an extrovert, so connection is really important to her. If she’s able to make a meaningful connection, whether it be with a person or within a project, then she knows it’s beneficial to her values. She also wants to expand in all aspects of life, which is where growth comes in. She’ll ask herself, “Will this help me grow?” Although it can be intimidating to try new things, if it will help you grow, then it’s worth taking the risk on, so I think this is a great question to ask in these situations, especially if that is something of value to you. 

Self-expression is also important to Foster as a creative person. Growing up, she wanted to be an actress but eventually ended up behind the camera as a director, giving her more creative control. If something is going to allow her to express herself, especially in a creative way, then she knows it aligns with herself and her values. Lastly is freedom, something we all want. There’s many layers to the word freedom itself, but in Foster’s case, she is referring to the freedom to try new things and the freedom of time. She doesn’t want to be anchored down by the same old things, so she keeps an open mind for opportunities that make it through her filtration system of values. I think this is a great way of thinking about it because it is helpful to have some type of question in your mind as to what you’ll allow into your life and what you won’t. No matter what process you use in your mind to make decisions, knowing that they align with your why can make you feel more confident, knowing it is best for you. 

When it comes to following your heart, you have to be okay with living out of your own expectations rather than someone else’s. Foster says you should disappoint everyone else before ever disappointing yourself, and I agree completely. Of course we want people to be proud of us, but we need to be the most proud of ourselves. It’s been a theme lately on our podcast that it’s your life and no one else’s to live. You always have a choice, and it’s you making the decisions and living with the consequences of them, so be sure it aligns with yourself. 

Foster has one of those voices that is perfect for podcasting, it’s soft and relaxing but the content of what she is saying is so important that you can’t help but hold on to every word. I look forward to seeing what she accomplishes in the future with her creativity and sense of self.

Ways to Engage: Create your own criteria/filtration system for your why and your values (think of connection, growth, self-expression, and freedom as examples). You can also write it down to see how it changes over time. Use this whenever you have an important decision to make or are questioning if something aligns with your why.  

Episode 15 - Living for Yourself: Finding Balance Between Helping Others and Self-Care with Teresa Vesneske

By Jessica Garrison

Our friend, Teresa Vesneske, is back again for our latest season of The F.E.E.L Podcast. She was previously on season 4 episode 7 “Emotional Health & Physical Health Healing.” A lot has been happening in Teresa’s life, and we’re excited to host her for an update on her journey. Teresa is dedicated, adventurous, and empathetic.

While discussing the importance of taking care of our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health, Teresa shares her realization of how much she lived for others rather than herself. We’ve discussed in the past the impact it has for you to be the main character of your own life, just as you need to live your life for yourself instead of for others. Of course, especially as an empath, Teresa is still mindful of others and is still the same supportive woman she always was, but she has better boundaries now. Not only is she an empath, but she is in the educational field, which is constantly worrying about others over yourself. She’s had to learn how to balance the life she has at work and the life she has at home. Both are equally important, but it’s also important to not overextend yourself in one area of life. 

Teresa also shares how she has plenty to give to others after she gives to herself first. She is able to leave a stronger impression on the students she works with because she is taking care of herself first. It allows her to be more focused on work while she’s there because her mind is not clogged with random thoughts of everything she’ll have to do at home or everything she’ll have to do for others. This way, she is already taken care of, and this allows for more peace in our minds than we realize. 

Even with all of her accomplishments, Teresa’s story is far from over. She wants to be a guide/mentor for young teachers who are new to the field. She has so much knowledge and experience that she can now share it with others to help them find their own path. It’s admirable that she could retire and just leave everything at the door, but Teresa isn’t that type of person. As she said, she is dedicated and empathetic, so she wants everyone to have the best opportunity possible and the best chance for success. 

Teresa reminds us that it’s never too late. It’s never too late to start taking care of yourself, to do what you want to do, to fall in love with something new, or to start over. It doesn’t matter how old you are but rather how much work you’re willing to put in. At the end of the day, what truly matters is that you see the worth within yourself to live the life you desire and to stay healthy while doing it.

Ways to Engage: Think of ways you can make an impact in someone’s life, even if it’s small. Hold the door for someone, lend a listening ear, or offer guidance to someone who needs it. Kindness goes a long way.  

Episode 14 - Grief, Boundaries, and Grace: Marie Alessi on Navigating Sudden Loss and Finding Emotional Resilience Marie Alessi

By Jessica Garrison

Joining us all the way from Australia, our next guest is logical, reliable, and genuine. Marie Alessi speaks with such softness and grace while describing her embracing layers journey that it’s a nice break from all of the outside noise.  

Marie tragically lost her husband to a brain aneurysm when he was just 45, a completely unexpected blow. She had her 2 young sons to think about when this happened, which only added more to the stress and shock of it all. She says that when her dad had passed away years earlier, she learned a lot of tools she was able to use in this situation, and a previous conversation she had with her husband became her guiding North Star. Still, there is nothing that can prepare you for the loss of a loved one. Boundaries are huge in situations like this, and Marie had to learn quickly the best way to protect her children. People have a lot of opinions, but not all of them are helpful and you don’t always want to hear them! She describes telling her children about their father’s death as the most confronting thing she ever had to do, so the rest of the boundaries looked minimal in comparison.

People would drop into Marie’s house unexpectedly, which was a suffocating and overwhelming experience for her. Although these people were trying to be of help to Marie, they didn’t stop to ask her how they could help or what she wanted. With modern technology, people think we are always on call. If a text doesn’t come back in 10 minutes, people’s minds wander and they think the other person is mad at them or something bad has happened. Honestly, it’s nice to be away from your phone for a while—we’re not meant to be on our phones 24/7. I remember one time I forgot my phone at home when I went out for dinner, but I didn’t care because I was out to dinner, so I wouldn’t need it anyway. Meanwhile, I came home from a bunch of texts from people with passive aggressive tones because I didn’t answer them within 2 hours. We didn’t always have constant open communication, and it’s important to remember that when you’re emailing someone or sending a text. Marie’s situation was a more serious case of needing to respect someone’s boundaries and privacy, but it’s something we can practice in everyday life. She needed space and time to process and those who truly cared about her, respected her wishes so she could do that. 

Marie’s episode is jam-packed with emotional turmoil, resilience, strength, intelligence, and so much more. This is an episode that I will go back to as I continue to move through my embracing layers journey, and I think this will remain a great resource for a long time.

Ways to Engage: As Marie says in the episode, language can be very debilitating or very nurturing depending on how you use it. Think about this when you are setting boundaries, using self-talk, creating a dialogue, or anything else that comes to mind with the use of language.  

Episode 13 - Reclaiming Yourself After Trauma: Kristin Duncombe on Boundaries, Healing, and Empowered Living

By Jessica Garrison

Trigger warning: sexual abuse 

The story of our next guest, Kristin Duncombe, is a test of strength and vulnerability, a combination that goes hand in hand, despite common misconceptions. She is impulsive, determined, disorganized, thoughtful, extroverted, and a friendly introvert. 

Starting off, Kristin shares the relationship she had with her husband and its rocky road, describing how busy he was with work. She says she was constantly waiting on him—waiting up for him, waiting to make dinner, and waiting on him to make decisions when she already knew the best outcome.  Her husband would walk into the house after being absent all day as if he owned everyone and everything. As if Kristin wasn’t the one holding the place together and taking care of the children so he could do what he wanted to do. Not only this, but there was poor communication from him in the relationship, which made waiting on him a full time job. I can attest, experiencing it myself as well as seeing friends go through it, that there is something so exhausting about waiting on a partner. There’s a hole inside that never gets filled, though you think that if you just keep waiting, eventually you’ll feel fulfilled. But we can’t spend our lives waiting for someone else, especially someone who doesn’t see how worth it you are. That’s how time passes you by before you even know it, and you’re left wishing you could do it all again. 

Kristin has become the subject of her own life, just as Jessica should be the subject of Jessica’s life and you should be the subject of your own life. It’s important to remember that you’re the main character, and you don’t want to let someone else take over your narration. Life can be whatever you want to make it, and this leads into living out of your own expectations. If you constantly live out of the expectations of other people, you’ll spend your whole life wishing you were doing anything else than what you’re doing. If you’re not sure where to start, understand what makes you feel passionate and align with your why. You can’t go wrong there. 

Kristin says that she doesn’t have space for boundaryless people in her life anymore, and I can just imagine how free she feels now. She is finally living for herself, which in turn is giving herself as well as her children the best, healthiest life possible. I hope this episode is an inspiration for all women who are ready to break the chains they’ve been wrapped in their whole life and finally be free within themselves.

Ways to Engage: Let’s go back to the basics. Name 5 activities that nourish you, 5 things you are passionate about, and/or 5 things that align with your why. Keep coming back to these things as you make decisions and remember to check in with yourself every so often to make sure they still align with you.

RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE or 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 66743

Episode 12 - Healing After Loss, Faith After Pain: Gina Economopoulos on Boundaries, Recovery & Self-Discovery

By Jessica Garrison

Trigger warning: alcoholism 

Our next guest, Gina Economopoulos, is trustworthy, humorous, reliable, responsible, spiritual, beautiful, godly, and positive. She has had an adventurous life, taking on many different roles trying to find herself, and now she is here to share her journey to authentic living. 

While discussing how to confidently set healthy boundaries, Gina dives into her story of searching for self-discovery. She’s the 7th of 8 children and says that she was the child with all of the health problems. Constantly comparing herself to her friends and her siblings, Gina became lost and insecure. All of her siblings went to college, and she did the same but took up drinking as a coping mechanism. She was known as “Gina, The Life of the Party,” and people love the life of the party, so she filled this role hoping for fulfillment. Sadly, her mother passed away from cancer, so Gina pivoted in a new direction: faith. She sought God, even becoming a Catholic nun for over a decade. But after all that time, she was kicked out of the convent, again faced with the decision of what to do now. I can only imagine the disbelief and loss of direction after something like that happening, Gina didn’t let this end her journey to finding herself. 

She reveals to us that she was mistreated and abused emotionally in the church setting, which just brought further complications to her emotions. She had no sense of boundaries or self care, but she knew that she was looking for love and peace. She had to ask herself, what does Gina want? We should be asking ourselves this same question of what do we truly want out of life? Gina loves the beach, so she moved to the Jersey Shore and started building a life for herself there. Even when you’re trying to figure things out and don’t think you can take on anymore, life throws curveballs, but it seemed like Gina was getting hit with something greater. She had to go through multiple losses, to the point where she thought she wasn’t meant to be happy. I know this is a thought that many people have after experiencing tragedy after tragedy, but let Gina be a reminder to never give up. She could’ve stopped trying to achieve her goals, but she didn’t. She continued to persevere and used her heart of service to help others who need it. 

Gina is full of compassion and has been her whole life, but now she knows who her true self is and is using this character trait to serve others as well as herself. If you think I covered a lot in the blog, there is even more to hear during the episode. Gina goes into much further detail, and there’s nothing like hearing the story straight from the source. It’s been anything but an easy journey for her, but I think this episode will inspire so many people to keep going and get the idea out of your head that you were never meant to be happy. It’s your life, and only you can make it what you want it to be.

Ways to Engage: Instead of asking yourself, “why me?” ask yourself, “why not me?” Flip the narrative you’re telling yourself on its head and look at your situation from a new perspective. Not everything that happens to us is for the better, but with this technique we can eliminate the victim mentality and recognize our blessings and opportunities in disguise.

Episode 11 - Healing, Faith & Finding Your Voice with Roshonda Blackmon

By Jessica Garrison

Get ready for another week full of insightful guests, inspiring messages, and endless resources! Roshonda Blackmon has been a Together We F.E.E.L panel guest before in the episodes “Honest Conversations on Parenthood,” “Come As You Are,” and “Women’s Wellness, Empowerment & Authentic Living,” but we haven’t had her on the podcast before, so this may be the first time you’re hearing from her. Roshonda is peaceful, loving, fearless, inspiring, and an encourager. 

Roshonda shares that she has an emotional journal to write down and understand her feelings. She writes one feeling and then one thing she’s grateful for, coupling a win with a defeat, while still feeling both as much as possible. Like most of us growing up, Roshonda was taught to stuff her feelings, so she’s had to unlearn that concept and then learn how to express her emotions in a healthy way. 

As a woman of faith, Roshonda has heard people say they don’t believe in therapy because God will guide them, or they don’t need professional help when they have the help of God. However, Roshonda made a great counter statement by saying that God created therapists so people could get help—the two go hand in hand. God helps those who help themselves and He isn’t just going to hand you what you prayed for on a silver platter, but rather He brings the opportunity for you to do better or achieve what you’re asking for. 

Roshonda’s goal is to create a safe space for women, and she does so much of that in her work. She talks about how she used to dumb herself down until she didn’t have a voice, but your voice is your most powerful asset. Change doesn’t come by staying quiet, and it’s more important now than ever that we rise up and use our voices for positive change. A lightbulb went off in Roshonda’s head when she was 30, and she wanted to create a safe space where, no matter who you are, you are able to use your voice. Honestly, we need more spaces like this where women can open up without fear of judgement or retaliation, but it can be difficult to find a space you trust, especially if you’ve been burned before in a space you thought was safe. But I can say with absolute certainty that Roshonda is a reliable source and has the best of intentions with supporting women in living unapologetically. 

With her own podcasts, Matters of the Heart and The Girlfriend’s GIRL-FRIEND, The Girlfriend’s GIRL-FRIEND which Roshonda describes as “mental food for the soul,” she is consistently doing the work to create a world she wants to live in. Roshonda’s energy and honesty make this an episode you will not want to miss. While listening, you’d think Roshonda and Melissa have known each other all their lives, but I think that just goes to show how connected the community is. There is a strong support system where you can use your voice without fear.

Ways to Engage: Journal your emotions. Try at the end of the day, during lunch, or before bed and use whatever you find works best for you and you find yourself most consistent with. Acknowledge those feelings and understand where they’re coming from while remembering that there are no bad emotions—they are clues for you to understand yourself and your layers on another level.

Episode 10 - Cleaning Out Your Closet: Boundaries, Self-Worth, and the Heroine’s Journey with Joan Perry

By Jessica Garrison

We have another crossover this week with our fabulous guest, Joan Perry. Melissa recently guested with Joan on The Heroine’s Journey, and now it’s Joan’s turn in the hot seat. She is joyous, prosperous, free, insightful, and credible. Joan is also passionate about women’s journeys and their paths forward, which connects her so well to our network.

In discussing confidently setting healthy boundaries, Joan says there are four pillars to create stability: financial, life force energy, self worth, and people. Her biggest hurdle was people. She says that she had to clean people out of her life the way she would clean out a closet. Those who are supportive and have a strong connection in her life stay and those who only want to take from her need to go. Joan says she was shapeshifting into whatever people wanted her to be, and I think that’s a skill many women have, even if they don’t realize it. People pleasers especially morph themselves into whoever they need to be depending on who they’re with.

There’s no way to live authentically if you’re constantly changing yourself to please others, so take a page out of Joan’s book and come up with some criteria for how people need to treat you in order to stay in your life. It may seem harsh at first, but at the end of the day you have to prioritize yourself, and that’s the best way to do it. Joan goes into more details of each of the pillars, but I wanted to pull out her example of which area she needed more work in, and it goes beautifully into our other talking points.

Joan also discusses a victim mentality that people can fall into, especially after it seems like one negative event after the other. There are always options for yourself, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You have choices to make and consequences to face, but it’s all part of the journey (both the heroine’s journey and the embracing layers journey). I remember a very clear distinction between a victim and a Victim that I learned in one of my intro college courses. The instructor said there is a victim, and then there is a Victim with a capital V, meaning that they are always taking on that role. One example she shared was a student not studying for an exam, but blaming the teacher for the outcome rather than taking responsibility. We’ve all met someone in our life that is never responsible for what happens or they constantly have an excuse. People like that have to do the work for themselves to pull themselves out of that mentality, realizing that they always have a choice in their actions. If you have a Victim in your life, maybe it’s time to clean out your closet.

Joan is an incredible speaker with so much knowledge that she has shared over the years, and we’re thrilled to bring her to you as one of our guests and resources. Remember this episode as a great reminder of just how worthy you are of peace and love.

Ways to Engage: Write your story from your own perspective, the way you experienced it, and how it has affected you and your layers. Then, write your story from the perspective of someone watching your life as a movie and seeing the scenes play out before you. Use Joan’s technique to compare these stories, get a new perspective, give yourself grace and make the best decisions for yourself.

Episode 9 - Healing Through Food & Finding Yourself with Lea Dombrowski

By Jessica Garrison

I just know everyone is going to love and be impressed by our next guest Lea Dombrowski. She is motivated, strong, dedicated, and she’s only in her 20s! Lea is a beautiful reminder that it is never too early or too late to follow your heart and live the healthiest life for yourself.

Lea is passionate about holistic health and nutrition, but food didn’t start out as an empowering partner in her journey. She shares how she had depression and anxiety from as young as 12 years old, and we’re finding that depression is starting earlier and earlier in people. Food was negatively affecting her headspace because she wasn’t eating what her body needed. Lea shares that she grew up in a household with a lot of processed foods and sugar, but that’s also what most people grow up with in the United States. Healthy foods are typically more expensive than unhealthy foods and they don’t last as long. Even someone who uses food stamps to buy their groceries might not have access to the proper fruits and vegetables they need, let alone if they’re buying for a whole family. Food is a powerful thing that affects our moods and energy, but we don’t always treat it like that. It’s a complicated subject that we could go on talking about for hours, but that’s why this episode is so special—Lea has had education and experience dealing with this, so she can share her journey and her episode as a resource for others.

At first, Lea was uneducated about food and how it was affecting her body. She dropped weight quickly when figuring out how to change her diet, but that wasn’t the healthiest thing for her to do at the time. In continuing her journey, she was able to find what she needed without feeling so restricted. Food is not the enemy—it is actually fuel for our bodies that we need to function and survive.

Our relationship with food gets more complicated as we grow up, but we don’t always know why. It’s important to explore what reasons might be behind these complications to help you move forward in the best way possible. Lea began to peel back her layers and discover what caused the strain in her relationship with food initially, how she continued to improve it, and realized slowly what she wanted to do with her education and passions. If she didn’t look at her layers with curiosity, then she wouldn’t be in her position today.

Lea feels more content with herself; she is more independent and isn’t bothered by being alone the way she used to be. After focusing on who she is and who she aspires to be, Lea transformed into someone with more confidence, intelligence, patience, and compassion. I’m grateful she could join us for an episode of The F.E.E.L Podcast to shed light on this crucial, yet conflicting conversation.

Ways to Engage: Take a look at your diet and see how it may be affecting your moods or activity. Pay attention to what foods make you feel more energized or in a brighter mood and pay attention to what foods make you feel rundown or depressed. Nutrition is a major key point in our health and wellness journey, making it possible for us to fully experience life.

Episode 8 - Pleasure, Healing, and the Power of Sex Therapy with Karimah Cornelius-Stith

By Jessica Garrison

Everyone is going to love our next guest, Karimah Conelius-Stith. She is kind, compassionate, creative, soft, and insightful. She is a joy to listen to and has so much knowledge and experience to share. The love and passion she has for her work radiates through the screen, drawing you in from the start.

While discussing the connection between mental, physical, emotional, spiritual health, Karimah mentions another aspect of health that is often overlooked: sexual health. Karimah is a sex therapist, helping couples with their intimate life as well as their personal relationship. When she first started listening to people share their stories, an alarming number of both men and women had an experience or multiple experiences with sexual abuse. Karimah wasn’t equipped to help them at that moment, but she wanted to learn how. She sought out more education and completed years of training to fulfill her dream of being a sex therapist after hearing these stories. Overall wellness improves with the betterment of a person’s sex life, and Karimah is there to help people reach this step in their journey.

Mental health issues run in Karimah’s family, and her aunt was the one who encouraged her to be a therapist. Her aunt wasn’t getting the necessary help for her mental health issues and was only in her 60s when she passed away. Meanwhile Karimah’s grandmother was over 100 years old when she passed, furthering the point that mental health is just as important as your physical health. It’s about finding the value in yourself, knowing that you are worth taking care of and worth spending time on. So many times we put ourselves last on the to-do list, but self care is health care. You can’t go on forever—eventually you run out of steam. It’s more likely to happen sooner if you aren’t taking breaks or getting the help you need along the way.

Karimah also discusses how uninformed people are about sex therapy, but she is very proud of her profession despite misconceptions. It wasn’t easy to achieve her dreams and she put the work in to accomplish her goals, so now she is able to help those who need it. Pleasure is healing and gives people freedom, so we shouldn't feel shame or guilt around it.

This episode is really interesting, especially if you’ve never heard of sex therapy before. There’s so much to learn, from healthy practices to common misinterpretations about Karimah’s practice. She is an inspiration to anyone who is looking to live out of their own expectations as we listen to her defy the expectations of those around her.

Ways to Engage: Check out some articles or posts about sex therapy/sex therapists. Is there anything you didn’t know? Is there anything helpful? How can you explore pleasure on your own or with a partner? Make it a goal to take care of your sexual health as much as the other aspects of health—they’re all connected.

Episode 7 - Embracing the Layers: Power in the Pause with Heidi Blackie

By Jessica Garrison

Our next guest is curious, compassionate, optimistic, loyal, and a lifelong learner. Heidi Blackie has accomplished so much in her life, and she’s here to share her story and what else she hopes to accomplish in the future. 

Heidi’s family is full of perfectionists, and if you’re trying to be a perfect person, you’ll be trying for the rest of your life. With society teaching us to do whatever it takes to blend in, Heidi never felt like she was enough. We have to spend our adult lives unraveling what we thought we should be into who we actually are because it’s so important we discover our true selves. It’s been an evolution for Heidi, just as it is for anyone, and she has reached acceptance in herself and her layers. Once you reach that piece of accepting the layered aspects of yourself, you’re on track of living life authentically and unapologetically. 

A phrase Heidi used in this episode, “power in the pause,” is a great reminder of taking a pause before responding to them. Before responding, she takes a breath and thinks of what she’ll say before she says it. This sounds easy enough, but more people need to hear it: think before you speak. 

We have so much power within ourselves without even realizing, and Heidi works to pull that out of people as she has been able to do for herself. She responds with openness and kindness rather than with suspicion or defensiveness. Choose where you want to come from as a person, and think of the best response that expresses that when you’re in the power of the pause. 

In living out of her own expectations, Heidi is okay with being different which, like I said, isn’t what we’re taught to do. We’re raised to change ourselves to fit in with the crowd and put ourselves into a singular box. However, we are multifaceted people with many layers to us, and they are all valid in who we are. When we see the value in that, we see the value of nurturing that soul and taking care of ourselves the way we deserve. Heidi says that we have to be vulnerable with ourselves to make that connection within, and the reward is worth it. It’s freeing to accept yourself and move forward with knowing yourself.

Heidi has such a big heart, supporting people in finding themselves, building confidence, and moving forward with their life and their newfound skills. Join Melissa and Heidi in their conversation of the journey to finding empowerment and embracing layers.

Ways to Engage: Sometimes when you sit down to work on a project, it takes longer than you’re expecting. Give yourself a time limit on whatever you’re working on so you aren’t spending your entire day on one thing without taking time to care for yourself, taking a breath, eating, moving your body, or resting your brain. Prioritize what’s most important, set a limit for it, and don’t forget to include self-care!

Episode 6 - Boundaries, Growth & Living Authentically with Rachel Lavin

By Jessica Garrison

Anyone who’s been following our network for a while is probably familiar with our next guest, Rachel Lavin. Rachel is a huge supporter of our network, appearing on our podcast previously in season 5, our Substack live, our radio show, our YouTube panel show, and now she is back to give us an update on everything she’s been learning and experiencing. Rachel is kind, loyal, and nonjudgmental, all of which become clear shortly after listening to her speak. 

Since being on her embracing layers journey, Rachel is more in tune with her boundaries. She says that she walks around lighter, not having the constant or overwhelming guilt resting on her shoulders. Not only this, but she also is able to be of better service to people because she isn’t stretched too thin—she can give to herself and give back to others because she sticks to her boundaries. She has a healthier outlook as well as healthier engagements with people. Boundaries can be intimidating at first, but the results are worth it. 

Rachel is constantly evolving, as we all should be. We evolve over time, learning the best way to live with ourselves as well as with other people and the crazy world around us. Rachel tells herself, “I will get through this.” Even if it seems like the end of the world, the moon will come out at night, the sun will come out in the morning, and you will get through it. By having these securities and boundaries in place, Rachel is able to live authentically, saying yes to things she is passionate about and saying no to things that don't serve her. Rachel also talks about not guilting someone when they say no, and she acknowledges that it works both ways. If someone says no to Rachel, she doesn’t badger them until they say yes or guilt them for their response. She accepts and respects people’s boundaries the way she wants people to do with her. 

It’s all about meeting people where they are, which we have heard multiple times throughout the podcast. You can’t do the work for someone, and Rachel mentions that while discussing self care and boundaries. You can really want it for someone, but if they aren’t willing to put the work in, then there’s nothing you can do. It’s easier said than done to walk away when you want to see someone flourish, but it’s a journey they have to decide to go on for themselves. Rachel has learned to offer her support for people, letting them know she’s there when they’re ready. You can’t let it overwhelm your mind thinking about all the things you can’t change. Do what is best for you, offer your support or resources, and continue living your healthiest life because no one else will live it for you.  

If you want more of Rachel, there is plenty to explore. Her first podcast episode, “Embracing Body Love” is available on our website to listen back to and compare to this one. You can also check out our YouTube page to see her on the Together We F.E.E.L YouTube panel or check out Substack for the many conversations that were hosted on our radio show including, “The Power of Supporting & Empowering Girl Dads,” “Beauty, Beauty Privilege & Summer Body Expectations,” and “We’ve Got Books!” (just to name a few). I’m sure we will be seeing her again soon, and I look forward to it!

Ways to Engage: Think of an area in your life that you need help with, even if it’s small. Reach out, ask for help, and accept the help that comes your way. We have a hard time admitting when we need someone’s help, but we can retrain ourselves to open up more and learn that we don’t have to carry it all ourselves.

Episode 5 - Living Unapologetically with Tracy DeTomasi: Empowering Women & Supporting Survivors

By Jessica Garrison

Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault/sexual violence

I am completely mesmerized by our next guest, Tracy DeTomasi. Who she is as a person and the work that she does is so inspiring, and there is a lot of knowledge to be gained from this episode. Tracy describes herself as transparent, honest, and trauma-informed, all of which shine through from this discussion.

The transformative work that Tracy has done in her own life bleeds into her work, and she has so much wisdom when it comes to supporting other women in living unapologetically. Women are constantly apologizing for taking up space when we don’t need to, even if we earned our spot in the room. Melissa gives a great example of mirroring our words to be less apologetic. Rather than starting a sentence with “I’m sorry, but…” you can say, “Excuse me” or even “Can I have a moment of your time?”  It doesn’t seem big, but this is something I’ve intentionally continued to work on over the last few years, and you see the subtle changes over time. I used to linger in the background of two people talking til the coast was clear, even if what I had to say was really important. I’ve gotten away from saying, “I’m sorry, but…” because there’s no reason to apologize. There’s no need to say sorry or apologize for being somewhere you are supposed to be, and you should take up space wherever you go.  

In addition to this, Tracy talks about knowing who you are and that you’re coming from the right place. She does amazing work with Project Callisto, which “uses technology to empower survivors of sexual violence.” Tracy is giving survivors the right to choose back, offering resources and opportunities that they are free to claim or deny. I wanted to share something that Tracy said: “The only person responsible for the assault is the perpetrator.” Although we have become more aware and pulled back on victim blaming, it still happens. It doesn’t matter what a person was wearing, if they had a relationship with the person in the past, if they were flirting, whatever—it doesn’t matter. If you didn’t want the encounter to happen, it is not your fault. Project Callisto is about supporting survivors and holding perpetrators accountable, and any place that offers such a supportive space for all survivors makes me believe in the world again.

This blog barely scratches the surface of this great episode with Tracy—let us know which talking point stuck out the most to you or what you personally took away from this episode. Tracy is helping women live their lives without shame or guilt, and she in turn is living her best, healthiest life unapologetically.

Ways to Engage: Do not hold the emotions of others in your body. Listen to your body and separate your own emotions from the emotions of others. If you’re struggling with this, journal it. Write out what you’re feeling and connect the dots between what is yours and what you are holding for others.

Episode 4 - Planting Boundaries & Embracing Your Layers with Mary Rothwell

By Jessica Garrison

We have a fun crossover this week with Mary Rothwell, who is the host of the podcast “No More Shrinking Violets.” Melissa was in an episode called “Embracing All Your Layers: The Path to Authentic Living,” and now Mary is here to be our guest! Mary is empowering, genuine, authentic, practical, grounded, connected, dynamic, introspective, creative, nature-focused, and she has a great sense of humor.  

I loved hearing Mary talk about her boundaries, the way she describes them makes them seem not so intimidating, but rather doable and rewarding. Since she is an avid gardner, she compares her boundaries to plants and, even though that might seem funny at first, it makes the most sense in the world. Sometimes plants need to be cut or trimmed to thrive, and if there is too much going on around them, they can’t flourish. You have to get rid of the weeds surrounding them and cut off parts that are no longer serving them.

If we have too many things going on and not enough space for ourselves, we’ll start to dwindle. And just like plants will lean towards the sun and away from the shadows, you can lean away from people who are taking too much from you and lean into those who are supporting and lifting you up. People are always evolving, as are our boundaries, so it’s okay to go with the flow until you figure out what you need to prosper. 

Mary also mentions the physical reaction she gets when she doesn’t set boundaries, and I think many people can agree with this without even realizing. Eventually, all of the tasks on our schedule catch up to us and you might feel tired, cranky, overwhelmed, emotional, or even depressed. It’s crucial that we listen to our bodies, even if we don’t know the reason why something is happening, the body is telling us for a reason. Slow down if you’re feeling tired, get some movement if you’re feeling stiff, and look at the bigger picture within your boundaries. 

Invisible labor is another term that Mary brings up, and she says most of the invisible work comes from women. An example of this could be the office function or Christmas party. No one thinks about who got the food, who scheduled it, who decorated, who got the word out, and who made sure everything went off without a hitch, but odds are, it’s probably a woman who made the event happen. It’s someone who doesn’t get noticed or is thanked, but she keeps the world moving, and I love that Mary gave recognition to these people. We can pay more attention to those in our lives who do the invisible work, and we can appreciate them the way they deserve.  

Please check out Melissa’s episode on Mary’s podcast, explore her page, and listen to some other episodes from her. Mary is all about knowing her worth to set boundaries, taking care of herself, and embracing all of her beautiful, complex layers. She is a woman who does so much to keep everyone else afloat, but she is certainly anything but invisible.

Ways to Engage: Take the time to wind down 2 hours before bed. Limit screen time, do some breathing exercises, read a couple chapters in a book, color, or do anything that helps slow your mind down. Sleep is important for us to function daily, so if you have a difficult time sleeping, put more energy into this aspect of your health.

Episode 3 - Empowering Women Through Financial Confidence with Maria Mai

By Jessica Garrison

We are so lucky to have Maria Mai join us on The F.E.E.L Podcast this week. She describes herself as genuine, caring, ambitious, and loving. Maria is changing lives with the work that she does, and she is bringing us into a new world where women can feel more powerful and confident in their decisions.

Maria’s career is in the male dominated field of finance, so she has had to come a long way in both her personal and professional journey. However, Maria is able to look at the positives of being a minority in her field because not only is she very skilled at her work, but she is able to help women in a way that men can’t. It’s a passion of hers to help women become more confident in their financial decisions and she loves supporting them through that journey. Women like to go to another woman for advice, particularly in an area that is written off as a “man’s job” because they can relate on a different level. This way, Maria continuously supports women in living unapologetically, empowering them to feel comfortable in any decision they make.

Maria also encourages women to become financially literate because even if you have a partner who handles the finances, that doesn’t mean they’ll always be around to help. It is especially popular for older women to seek out a financial advisor because their husbands who always took care of the finances aren’t around anymore. Women couldn’t even get a credit card in their own name until 1974, so there is a whole generation of women who Maria can share her knowledge with. She loves to help people become financially independent or gain more confidence when it comes to money, and her why is to positively impact people financially.

During this talking point of supporting women in living unapologetically, Maria mentions the wage gap, as well as the wealth gap and the financial literacy gap. She says that women make 20% less than men in a professional setting, but this doesn’t even begin to cover the gaps among different races and ethnicities when it comes to wages and wealth. People don’t think the wage gap exists, or at least it doesn’t anymore, but that is far from the truth. There is a huge power imbalance between men and women in the world, but Maria is giving women the opportunity to grow in their own right, and I think that holds a lot of power itself.

It takes a lot of courage, compassion, and intelligence to do what Maria does, and I love that she uses her powers for good. Listening to her episode and her positive outlook on life that didn’t always come so easily to her makes this an episode to remember. With Maria’s honesty and vulnerability in this episode, there is so much to learn and celebrate.

Ways to Engage: Practice self-forgiveness. If something doesn’t go right or you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Talk kindly to yourself, forgive yourself, and use this as an opportunity to change the narrative in your mind.

Episode 2 - Living Beyond Expectations & Embracing Your Layers with Kelly Anne Carter

By Jessica Garrison

To bookend the beginning of season 9, we are joined by Kelly Anne Carter who is chronically curious, and she is not afraid of liminal spaces. She is also interested in people’s stories rather than their filters, a trait that connects her even further with our podcast and network.

When discussing living out of her own expectations versus others’, Kelly recalls the deconstruction phase and its brutal awakening. After living out of someone else’s expectations for so long, you forget who you truly are inside, so you have to deconstruct the belief system of others to rebuild your own in their place. She didn’t know herself at all, and I’ve experienced moments like that where I realized I was doing something to make another person happy rather than making myself happy. I think everyone can admit they’ve said yes to something they didn’t want to do or gave an expected answer rather than what they were really thinking.

Kelly says it’s important to be okay with the discovery of yourself and be okay with trying new things. See what feels right or what doesn’t, and make your way to your own decisions and opinions. It’s okay to change your mind, like maybe deciding something feels right for one season and not the other. Growing up in a strict, religious space, Kelly wasn’t allowed to be curious or ask questions, so now she’s making up for that in her adult life.

It can seem daunting to have to go through the self-discovery phase, but let me tell you it is so much fun. You get to do all kinds of different things to find out what you like or what you want to do. I love rediscovering things that I enjoyed as a child that I would’ve been bullied for liking past a certain age or something I hadn’t thought of in a long time. Just because you’re 30 doesn’t mean you can’t watch movies made for little kids or you can’t go to your favorite ice cream shop and have a sundae. Take yourself on dates, ask yourself questions, and find out who you are.

This step in your journey bleeds into accepting your layers, and Kelly says she is also accepting her humanity. She reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to slow down. Sometimes we need to address a layer and take a step back to fully appreciate, understand, and know it. It isn’t a race to see who can discover and accept their layers first—everyone needs to go at their own pace and go in their own order. Kelly has really connected with her layers on a physical level, but she is now working on accepting them on a nervous system level. No matter how you decide to go about your embracing layers journey, the most important step is beginning.

I know that finding empowerment and embracing layers is an exhilarating journey, but Kelly is such a great reminder of this. Her attitude and resilience will get you motivated to live out of your own expectations and accept the layered aspects of yourself, and then the rest will fall into place.

Ways to Engage: Notice what feels good to you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual—it could be the way the ground feels under your feet or the way the wind feels on your skin. Pleasure is an important, yet often forgotten layer that we can focus more of our attention on. 

Episode 1 - The Power of Boundaries, Hope, and Healing with Gretchen Schoser

By Jessica Garrison

Trigger warning: suicide

Welcome back to season 9 of The F.E.E.L Podcast! We are so excited to kick off our season with Gretchen Schoser. She is authentic, fun, vulnerable, loves to laugh, operates in her integrity, and she is a giver of hope.

Boundaries have been an important aspect for Gretchen to learn to be able to feel like herself again. She says that she used to let people drain her, always taking from her but never giving anything back. As an extrovert and an empath, it was difficult for Gretchen to say no, but she realized she couldn’t possibly take it all on—no one can. If it smells like drama, she says, then it cannot come into her life. You wouldn’t think that cutting the drama out of your life would be so transformative, but it really is. Growing up, the friends I had were not always supportive or encouraging, and that affected my mental health for a long time. If your friends are not going to lift you up or participate in the friendship, then it’s probably best to end that relationship. Gretchen says, “there is a reason and a season for some friends,” and I couldn’t agree more.

I also want to touch on Gretchen’s “why” because it is not only life changing, but it is life saving. Gretchen was in a dark place, ready to end her life, but she had a glimmer of hope that changed everything. She called 988, a suicide and crisis line, and the woman on the other end held such compassion that it changed the trajectory of Gretchen’s life. She doesn’t want people to feel as alone and scared as she was in the depths of her depression, and that’s why she shares her story. You don’t have to be at the end of your rope to call 988—you can call whenever you need someone to listen or you can call on behalf of someone else. Compassion goes a long way, and Gretchen spreads that message everywhere she goes.

These events eventually birthed Gretchen’s podcast, “Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads,” that she cohosts with her best friend. We don’t always have the right words to explain the shit that goes on in our heads, but the more we share our feelings and what we’re thinking, the closer we will get to putting into words.

We are so proud to present Gretchen as our first guest this season, sharing all of the good she does in the world and the journey it took to get there. We do not want anyone to reach a breaking point before they ask for help, and with Gretchen’s work, we can continue to move away from that tipping point. Even if it may feel that way, you are not alone in your struggles and there are people to reach out to for help. Don’t give up—you can be the change you want to see in the world, just as Gretchen has been.

Ways to Engage: Find something that brings you joy, even if it’s small. Maybe it’s your favorite book, the smell of a certain flower, a person, etc. Describe it, appreciate it, and continue to find something new each day that brings you happiness. 

Resources: 

Suicide & Crisis Line: 988 (call or text - available 24 hours)

Trevor Project’s Suicide Hotline for LGBTQ+ Youth: 1-866-488-7386 (or text ‘START’ to 678-678 - both available 24 hours)