Episode 27 - From Toxicity to Transformation: How Corine Lafont Found Self-Worth and Emotional Freedom
By Jessica Garrison
I just know everyone is going to adore our next guest, Corine Lafont. Corine takes a break from her own podcast, Between the Lines, to join Melissa in a lively conversation of embracing her layers. She describes herself as young, cute, and sexy.
As we get older, our body changes and although that seems self-explanatory, we don’t acknowledge or treat ourselves like it. Corine relays the importance of recentering and recalibrating herself, checking in on her progress. After leaving a toxic 27 year relationship, Corine could see the changes in herself, and I’m sure people noticed on the outside as well. She mentioned that things as small as skin improvement can come as a result of finally putting yourself first. Once you’re rid of the person who has been dragging you down, the toxicity and stress is able to leave the body, too. However, once you start to find that light again, people are drawn to it, but you have to be careful they aren’t draining it.
Corine also reminds us how important it is to find that balancing act of letting people in but not letting them take advantage of you. It’s difficult at first, especially for people pleasers, to say no and to understand when it’s time to stop giving. Corine says she has no expectations because she doesn’t need to prove herself—not to herself or to anyone else. She doesn’t give her energy to people who aren’t worth her time or are constantly draining her without giving anything back. It’s not about a relationship being transactional, but more so about finding a balance in the relationship. At the end of the day, the trust you have for yourself is what matters most. Whatever feels healthiest for you, whether it’s nutritionally, physically, or mentally, don’t doubt yourself. You’ll know when you’re on the right path.
When discussing how living out F.E.E.L has impacted some of her relationships, Corine sends a strong reminder to not compromise—stick to your boundaries. When you give an inch, it makes people think they can take a mile, but it isn’t apparent at the beginning. Sometimes you’ll be pushed bit by bit to see how far they can go, and each time is just a bit further and further until you’re right back where you started. Misery loves company, so even subconsciously, people can be bringing you down without even trying. You have to look out for yourself the best you can and protect yourself like you would a best friend.
Corine doesn’t have the feeling of missing out like she used to because she knows in her heart she is doing what is best for herself, standing beside her inner child as they go through life, healing themselves and others. Let Corine be that little voice inside your head telling you to keep going, reminding yourself that you’re on the right track.
Ways to Engage: Next time you’re faced with a decision, big or small, ask yourself some questions. Is this what I want? Who am I? Recognize your true self with your true emotions towards the decision and base it off of those answers rather than out of guilt or people pleasing tendencies.
Episode 26 - Healing from Within: Holistic Self-Care, Body Awareness, and Women’s Wellness with Alexandra Birch
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: eating disorder
Our first guest of the week is Alexandra Birch, who is holistic in mind, body, and spirit. Science is also part of what she does and who she is, keeping an open mind to explore all sides of healing.
Self care first crossed Alexandra’s doorstep when it was just a “buzzword,” slapping the label on something materialistic you could buy without really considering if it was actually part of self care. She has since learned that the connection between taking care of yourself internally matches your health externally. She was a competitive athlete, obsessed with taking her performance to the next level. Without sports, she became lost and turned her attention to nutrition. I also was an athlete, playing softball all year round for 6 years. Once I stopped, my physique changed, and I quickly realized I couldn’t eat the way I used to. Although nutrition is always important, sometimes it takes something like weight gain or constant exhaustion to get you to focus inward like it had for me and for Alexandra.
The body is constantly giving us signals and, although Alexandra is still learning, she’s more intune with herself and what she needs. She says she prioritizes stillness and quiet, coming back to her body and really listening to what it’s telling her. She also emphasizes the need to listen to yourself on a day to day basis to understand what you need, and I appreciate her bringing that up in this conversation. Sometimes what works one day may not have the same effect the next, and that can become frustrating. We’ve heard a few guests in the past talk about having a “self care menu,” where they have different activities listed that they can choose from depending on their mood. Even the things on your list might not work or need to be updated, but it’s a place to start.
I also love how Alexandra brings up the selflessness of self care, even though women have been taught to think it’s selfish. Filling up your own cup allows you to pour into others, part of the reason Alexandra quit her corporate job and chose to specialize in her fertility. This work is healing to her and is a subject she is passionate about, which is so obvious when listening to her speak. Doing work that nourishes her soul not only fills her cup, but she is able to support other women in living unapologetically by pouring into them with this work.
These subjects specifically involving women need to be talked about more and shared without shame. It’s scary to take that leap of faith, but it only leads to all of the answers you’ve been looking for, along with ways to accomplish your goals. I think Alexandra has so much knowledge and really articulates her story well while weaving that in. Her own courage and strength will inspire others for generations.
Ways to Engage: Try creating your own self care menu, choosing from the menu when you’re unsure of which self care practice to utilize. Starting with 5 activities that nourish you or 5 ways you want to feel in the 6 months is a great starting point towards a self care routine.
Resources: Eating Recovery Center, NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association)
Episode 25 - Healing Through Writing: Emotional Wellness, Trauma Recovery & Women’s Empowerment with Teresa Rosario-Hernandez
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined by another great guest from Podmatch, Teresa Rosario-Hernandez. Teresa is determined, independent, hopeful, hardworking, professional, and she is a forever dreamer.
Since this episode releases during the holiday season, it’s more important than ever to make sure we are taking care of ourselves when the stress is building. Teresa shares how she didn’t recognize herself when she wasn’t taking care of her emotional and mental health. It manifested into physical health problems, as she was reacting to trauma rather than processing it. It’s become easier since Teresa has given herself permission to feel, saying that emotional health is more about moving through the storm rather than pretending it’s sunny out all the time.
Teresa now has tools she uses to process these emotions and to move through the storm. She needs a way to release her thoughts so she doesn’t get caught up in that cycle of negative thoughts or memories. Through affirmations, voice notes, and poetry, Teresa has been able to put her emotions into words to be able to process them. Her main vice is writing, which is a powerful tool that is under utilized. I’m a bit biased, but there’s a great release when you write out what you’re thinking. I tell people that even if they aren’t “good at it,” writing poetry can really help you make some sense of everything going on in your mind. It doesn’t have to be perfect because you aren’t publishing it—no one has to see it but you. It’s relieving to get those thoughts out of your body, so forget about being the best writer or the best speller. Do it for yourself, and only share if that feels authentic for you. It’s also nice to keep them in a journal so you can look back over them when the feelings aren’t as fresh and raw.
By taking care of her emotional as well as her physical health, it’s opened doors for Teresa to support women in living unapologetically. She emphasizes the need for more grace and less judgment in these spaces. We don’t always see what other people see, and everyone has their own experience or wisdom to share. There’s more of an impact when we can learn and we can teach without the worry of unnecessary judgment. I also loved that during this talking point Teresa says, “Never shame a woman for changing her mind or for starting over.” No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, there is always an opportunity to start fresh. It’s not easy, so it should be something that is celebrated and acknowledged. Women especially get put into a box that seems impossible to break out of at first, but once you do, the real magic happens.
Teresa has her own self-improvement podcast, Prosecco Queens Podcast, where she continues to share her story (with a little help from the Prosecco, of course). Women work so hard to make sure others feel supported, so why not you? Start prioritizing yourself today and feel the shift into a healthier life.
Ways to Engage: Write a poem about a recent event or emotion you experienced. It doesn’t have to rhyme or be in a certain format. Just put the pen in your hand, open your mind, and write.
Episode 24 - Sisterhood Through Survival: How Deana Lynn & Lizzie Jane Turned Pain Into Purpose
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: abuse
We have a double feature today with two amazing guests we have met recently. Deana Lynn and Lizzie Jane have a podcast together called Surviving Toxic Relationships, where they discuss what brought them together and have guests to share their own experiences. Deana describes herself as energetic, extroverted, empathetic, and motivated, while Lizzie describes herself as resilient, compassionate, empowering, and wise.
The history between Deana and Lizzie is further explained by them in the episode, but in short, the two of them were married to the same man who did not treat them the way they deserved. He had narcissistic behaviors and abusive tendencies, but they were able to overcome this trauma and create something beautiful together. They want to support other women in living unapologetically just as they have for each other. I had chills when Lizzie recalled looking over at Deana and saying, “we’re going to tell our story to the world.” She knew that other women needed to know the signs and what to watch out for when meeting a man like their ex-husband—there was even a 3rd woman involved in the situation, proving their point further that these resources are necessary.
Deana shares how she felt guilty for not warning Lizzie of her ex-husband’s behavior ahead of time, but her son eventually encouraged her to reach out to Lizzie, knowing how kind and understanding of a woman she is. Deana says it was a very validating experience for her, able to talk to someone who can truly understand what she had been through. It also validated Lizzie’s gut feeling, which is so important to remember. Always trust your gut or your intuition. It’s been happening a lot in my life personally where me or a friend have had a gut feeling we listened to and it paid off. I’m always urging people to listen to that voice inside because she does know best.
It’s incredible to hear these stories from women who have turned such a negative experience into something so magical. They’re lucky to have had each other through this experience, but they know not everyone is as lucky. Their podcast is to not only tell their story but to allow others to learn and to tell theirs.
Deana reminds us to let that ex go and focus on yourself. Uncover your layers and get to know the real you, not the one that was buried underneath the narcissist for so many years. Lizzie says, “The layers don’t make me complicated, they make me whole,” and I don’t think there’s a better quote from the episode. No matter what happens, you have yourself. The rest will follow.
Ways to Engage: Name some things you like about yourself. Not how others make you feel or what others like about you. Focus on who you are, what you value in yourself, and remember to be your own biggest supporter.
Resources:
The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness (Education & Action)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
Episode 23 - Boundaries That Build You: A Conversation with Briana Bowley
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: eating disorder
Our next guest joins us from Australia as she reflects upon our talking points and shares her experiences through them. Briana Bowley describes herself as innovative, driven, and inspired.
Briana was a competitive body builder for a long time, and this has given her new ways to look at and appreciate her journey. Briana used to think she was the problem, burning herself out by pushing through and overworking. Eventually, she listened to the whisper within herself and slowed down; she was curious of another way of living, which opened doors for her to explore. We always talk about curiosity and how important that is in a person’s embracing layers journey, and Briana just further proves our point.
Boundaries have been the most difficult part for Briana, but she says she has been building up her strength for them. She made a great comparison between lifting weights and boundaries. You can’t walk into a gym on day one and expect to lift the heaviest weights in the building. You start small and build up your muscle until you’re able to do it safely and effectively. The same goes for boundaries. Briana says that she started small and built up to setting stronger boundaries and by doing this, she’s gotten better at setting and keeping those boundaries. This is true with so many things, so we have to remember to give ourselves grace and patience. Results won’t happen overnight, but if you continue to work at it, you can only get better.
While further discussing boundaries, Briana told a story that I think is helpful for anyone to hear, and it also clears up the different types of conflict we can have. Briana shared that she was getting her eyebrows done one time and she wasn’t really happy with the results. There was one of two things she could do: she could tell the woman she’s unhappy and have them fixed, or she could not say anything and go home. This is the external conflict versus the internal. External being she says something and internal being she keeps it to herself. She ended up giving feedback to the woman who thanked her, glad that she could improve upon her work. We have a hard time, especially as women, giving criticism even if it’s constructive because we don’t want to seem rude. But the truth is, people like to hear the feedback so they don’t make the same mistake twice. As long as you’re telling them in a respectful, kind way, then there’s no reason you should hold back your feelings.
Briana is such an impressive young woman who has more lessons and eye-opening analogies to share. If you took something away from the blog, then there’s even more to take away from the episode. Dive into our episode with Briana further and get to love her like we have.
Ways to Engage: Next time you’re faced with a decision for an internal/external conflict, challenge yourself to have the conversation. Just like with building muscle, start small and work your way up to the more difficult conversations.
Resources:
National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA)
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD)
Episode 22 - Self Care, Reinvention, and Living Unfiltered with Kara Vaval
By Jessica Garrison
We have another crossover this week with Kara Vaval, host of the Unfiltered podcast. Melissa was on her podcast in the episode “How to F.E.E.L Your Way to Freedom with Melissa Crook.” Kara is unhinged, unenamored, motivational, and inspirational. She is also the queen of reinventing herself, and she knows when it’s time to do that.
Self-care is where it all starts for Kara. It’s a way of letting herself know she matters and is worth the time to put into herself. A lot of women tend to get hung up on the self-care portion of their journey because they believe it to be selfish or they don’t think they have time. The truth is that sometimes you just have to block out time in your calendar to get your self-care practices done, but it shouldn’t feel like you’re just checking items off your list. Whatever nourishes your soul or makes you feel more relaxed should be part of your self-care routine, but it’s also okay if you need different things on different days. One of Kara’s nonnegotiables is a workout in the morning. Having these nonnegotiables also help you reinstate your boundaries, allowing you to practice saying, “no, this is a nonnegotiable for me and I can’t skip it.” Whatever you value should be protected, and you yourself are valuable.
Kara also expresses the role that journaling plays in her self-care routine, allowing herself to freely unleash her thoughts onto the page. You don’t have to be a good writer to take time to write about your day, your emotions, or whatever you want to utilize your journal for. Kara loves and values herself, though she didn’t start off feeling this way. It took time and dedication to help her reach where she is now, and she has had many versions of herself to learn from and appreciate. She works to understand her experiences, paying the price so others don’t have to do it. It’s why she began the work she does now—to support others while reminding them that they are not alone. You don’t have to suffer through these experiences, not knowing which direction to go in. Too many women have had to stumble around blindly until they found what they were looking for, and Kara wants to put that to an end.
The last thing I wanted to touch on from this episode is Kara’s emphasized expression of the importance of making sure you are in the driver’s seat for your life. We’ve heard this from a few other guests this season, so it is essential to understand that you only get one life to live, and you should be living it for yourself. At the end of the day, you are the one making the decisions you will have to live with, so make sure it’s actually what you want. Kara does a great job of explaining living out of her own expectations rather than others’ with this piece, just like she does the other talking points.
If there’s ever going to be someone you value in life, make sure your name is at the top of the list. Make yourself proud and live your truth out loud. You deserve it.
Ways to Engage: Think of something you want as nonnegotiable in your self care practices. Is it having coffee by yourself in the morning? Is it a workout? Find something that nourishes your soul and weave it into your daily life. Pay attention to how it affects you or makes you feel.
Episode 21 - From Financial Rock Bottom to Purpose and Prosperity: Michelle Campbell’s Story of Healing, Hope, and Financial Freedom
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: depression, suicidal ideation
We are honored to have Michelle Campbell with us this week for a new episode of The F.E.E.L Podcast. She is a serial entrepreneur, a learner, curious, and purpose-filled. Michelle has come a long way since the beginning of her journey, but she still works to grow and evolve, offering whatever resources she can to those who are in the position she once was.
Michelle has struggled with finances in the past, and this was her biggest obstacle to overcome. If you ask anyone what their number one stressor is, they’re probably going to say money. All anyone wants to do is live comfortably, but in this world, especially in America, finances are a struggle. It’s the measurement of success in many people’s minds, and this causes a lot of emotional distress. We’re getting closer to Christmas, the most financially taxing holiday, so this is the perfect time to listen to Michelle talk about her experiences and how she handled them. Michelle became very depressed, even having suicidal ideation because being without money means being without security. You get wrapped up in debt, interest, and before you know it, you’re so deep in the hole you don’t know where to start to get yourself out. Michelle was in this exact same spot, but she was able to turn things around for herself.
While discussing how to support other women in living unapologetically, Michelle says that she loved to do small, random acts of kindness but wanted to spread the joy on a larger platform. Between her toxic relationship with money and the battles she won to come this far, Michelle knew she could change people’s lives for the better with her voice. She wrote the book Bluebird, a memoir about her life and everything she’s been faced with, as well as how she was able to overcome it. Although it’s difficult to be vulnerable, especially in a public forum, Michelle knew that sharing her story would bring it to the people who needed it most. We don’t have to go through the struggles alone or without additional resources, the same reason Melissa started the podcast a few years ago.
It’s like an unspoken rule that you aren’t supposed to discuss money, but I think more than ever we should. Not only to understand more, but to also hold people accountable. I’ve been told before not to discuss my hourly pay at work, but if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have found out the people I was training were making more money than me. It’s in the best interest of a capitalistic society to keep people financially illiterate and to struggle by themselves with money, but we don’t have to live that way. We should be talking to one another, learning from one another, and growing.
You don’t have to go through life unknowing, there are so many amazing people and resources out there to learn from. Even if you don’t know where to start, just wanting to begin the journey is a great step forward. Listen to Michelle’s story and allow her to inspire you that every day is a new day, and it isn’t too late to start over.
Ways to Engage: Keep a budgeting journal. If it’s new to you, try starting small like budgeting for those new shoes you want or a night out. Keep track of what comes in and what goes out, being more mindful with your money.
Resources:
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
call or text 988
Episode 20 - Healing After Trauma: Mind, Body & Soul Recovery with Karen Robinson
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of suicide, assault, trauma, and abuse
This week we are joined by Karen Robinson of the Heal, Thrive, Dream Podcast that Melissa guested on recently! Karen is an authentic, genuine, and compassionate woman with so much knowledge to share. This episode features topics that may be triggering for some people, so proceed with caution.
Over the years, Karen has been able to further understand the connection between our mind, body, and soul. She tracks her negative thoughts, organizing them into buckets that are either her negative thoughts or her core beliefs. Sometimes these thoughts are hidden within the self conscience and need deeper analytical skills to fully remember or understand. Therapy is a powerful tool, and Karen shares that she uses behavioral therapy to help her organize her thoughts and explore her trauma deeper.
She says that she used to numb her emotions with unhealthy methods, which we have heard many times before from women. It’s not uncommon for people to seek out alcohol, drugs, or even food as a way to cope with their emotions rather than facing the reality of them, but Karen provides information that can change your whole perspective. An emotion can pass through our bodies in as little as 9 seconds, but we work so hard to avoid those 9 seconds, stuffing it further and further down. We try to put those 9 seconds off as long as possible to fill the void with whatever is within reach.
Rather than getting it over with and facing your emotions head on, we really try to avoid feeling at all unless it’s an emotion we deem “good” like happy or excited. But as Karen reminds us, we are one with our body. It’s one system, so everything is connected. That means if one area is impacted, the rest of us will be impacted eventually, even if we don’t see it at first. Even so much as leaving your teeth uncleaned can cause bacteria to grow that can make you feel sick in the rest of your body. I would never think that teeth could affect a person’s overall health, but we truly are connected beings. When we avoid one area of our health, we’re really avoiding our health as a whole.
Karen has worked so hard to get to where she is today as she continues to support others in discovering their true selves and overcoming trauma. The journey begins with you and your step towards creating a healthier life for yourself, but you are never alone in your efforts. Women like Karen are all around you—you just have to open your heart and mind.
Ways to Engage: Try tracking your negative thoughts, separating what are lies you’re telling yourself and what the truth is. Sift through what your core beliefs or values are, keeping them in your mind and getting rid of unnecessary negativity.
Resources:
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
call or text 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline
call 800-799-7233
text BEGIN to 88788
RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline
call 800-656-4673
text HOPE to 64673
CTRI
Episode 19 - Healing Beyond Medicine: Touchology and the Power of Listening with Njideka Olatunde
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest is the incredible Njideka Olatunde. She describes herself as an evolving butterfly, which is the most perfect, beautiful imagery for the journey we take through finding empowerment and embracing our layers.
Inspired by home remedies in her household growing up, Njideka wanted to become a healer. She’s always had that passion for helping people and now focuses on being an educator, advocate, and ambassador for pain relief that is alternative to medicine. Prescription medicine can be very helpful, if you’re taking it for the right reasons with proper diagnosis. Sometimes when we have a health concern, we get treated for one area of the problem rather than treating the core of the problem. When you’re only healing one aspect, you just end up going back to the doctor because of something else popping up, but again, it’s because the core of the issue has not been resolved. Njideka understands that pain and stress go hand in hand, so she has a process for understanding the whole problem rather than just a piece of it.
Njideka utilizes the power of touch with her patients, starting with listening. Although you don’t have to physically touch someone to listen, it’s the most important step for proper treatment. She opens her mind and lends an ear to her patients so she can get a full idea of what the issues are. Rather than listening to one part of the problem, she is listening to figure out the core, which saves money, time, and prescription medicine for someone who might not need it. Njideka emphasizes that not one specialist can do it all. There’s a combination of treatments that Njideka will refer to or recommend, but she is coming from the understanding of mind, body, and spirit connections.
Njideka reiterates that touch is more than physical when it comes to touchology. Even a simple “thank you” can be healing. She and Melissa shared a few examples of this, but the one that stuck out in my head was when you’re driving, trying to merge/switch lanes but no one will let you in. Then there’s that one person who will let you go and it’s the biggest relief in the world. You give them a wave to say thank you, they wave back, and then you go on with your day, but you still remember that person who let you in when no one else would. It’s a healing experience that proves any small amount of kindness or consideration is healing.
Explore Njideka’s website to learn more and focus on all aspects of healing. Remember that anyone has the ability to heal and to be healed—suffering isn’t forever. Women like Njideka open doors for new methods of healing and we have only scratched the surface of this world.
Ways to Engage: Your why is a powerful question. Think back to when you were a child and what made you feel passionate or what you wanted to do with your life before someone told you you couldn’t. Does this align with you now? What changed? Explore your journey to discovering your current why, what you love now, and what you left behind.
Episode 18 - Empowering Women to Live Unapologetically with Julie Marty-Pearson: Mental Health, Pets, and Podcasting with Purpose
By Jessica Garrison
I’m so excited for everyone to listen to our newest guest, Julie Marty-Pearson. She has an abundance to share with us and her story is full of twists, turns, and triumphs. Julie describes herself as empathetic, authentic, empowering.
Julie is the epitome of supporting women in living unapologetically. To get to where she is now, we have to delve into the past. When Julie was around 11 or 12 years old, she got really sick, and it took 6 months to figure out what was wrong with her. This caused her to miss a majority of her 7th grade year, which is a pivotal year in our upbringing. We see it now in children who missed out on school because of the pandemic, and we’re seeing the ramifications of just how impactful that time is in a child’s life. This caused her mental health to deteriorate, but she had pets to help her anxiety and depression. I adopted my first cat back in April, and she has changed my mental health immensely and only for the better. You hear that having pets can help a person’s mental health, but you don’t really know just how true it is until you experience it.
She turned her love for animals into a podcast, The Story of My Pet Podcast. She took her passion and created a space for it that is also helpful to others. According to her website, “it is now a top 5% podcast focused on educating and advocating to help animals in need.” She didn’t know a lot of women like herself, but she was able to find a community of like-minded people through her podcast work. Julie is combining her career coaching background with her love for podcasts to help women get their own podcasts started. It’s an overwhelming experience, especially when you don’t know where to start. But Julie wants to hear more women share their voices and talk about their passions, so she helps to build that foundation. I love to hear when people who are already established offer their resources to other women just trying to figure it out. Similar to The Embracing Layers Network, we provide resources to those who need them most, and I think that’s what connects us so strongly with Julie.
This community she found made her feel safe. She could hear from others and speak her truth without the fear of judgment. Her “why” is to create a space for women like her, and I think she’s done just that. She honors herself by living out her dreams, and this inspires others to do the exact same. However, the work is never truly done. There’s definitely not enough female voices in the media, especially in the world of podcasts. If you’re looking to dive into that experience, there’s no greater time like the present.
Ways to Engage: What are some topics you’d have your own podcast about? What are you so passionate or knowledgeable about that you could talk about for hours? Learn more about yourself and discover new passions.
Episode 17 - Building Boundaries & Balanced Living with Coach Kay: Bringing Intimacy Back & Self-Care for Women
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest of the week is the one and only Coach Kay from the podcast, Bringing Intimacy Back. Melissa was featured on her podcast in the episode “Your Life, Your Rules,” and now we’re able to host her as our guest. Coach Kay is laid back, funny, and a serial entrepreneur.
Coach Kay is a mother of five, which most people would assume is a recipe for disaster in the boundaries category, but Coach Kay gets her children started early with boundaries. She used the example that from a young age, her children knew that if there was a door closed, they should knock before going in. Although they don’t have the right words yet, they are already understanding and respecting someone’s boundaries. After something small like that is established, it makes explaining them and putting more into place much easier.
Coach Kay also emphasizes the importance of taking care of all areas of one’s health, including physical, mental, and spiritual. When she was experiencing too much stress, her body started to shut down physically. She says that while growing up, she saw her mother constantly on the go, never having enough time to take care of herself. She’d seen the negative impact that had, and she knew she needed to start treating herself better. It was a pivotal point in her journey to not only discover, but to also understand the need for a balance between different aspects of a person’s health. If one is being ignored, then it will eventually catch up and cause the others to diminish.
This realization led her to seeing the value in herself and acting accordingly. She respects her body as well as her mind, and I really don’t think people understand how much this can change their lives. It isn’t about being a specific weight or running yourself into the ground with exercise, but it’s about what is making you feel good both inside and out. Filling your body with nutritious food, working anxieties out of the body with movement, and journaling are just a few examples of things to do that will help in all areas of making you feel healthier. Once you start to make these changes, from boundaries to accepting your layers, it becomes apparent in other areas of your life, including the relationships you have around you.
It’s clear that Coach Kay has a lot of knowledge and experience to share, so go give her episode with Melissa a listen and explore these connections further. We have such a great community of women we have built over the years, and it only continues to grow, giving me great hope for the future.
Ways to Engage: Focus on yourself in silence. Feel the weight of what you’ve been carrying from the past and things you cannot change from the present. Release or work towards releasing the things that hold you down. Check back in with yourself every so often. If you start to feel lighter, you’re heading in the right direction.
Episode 16 - Rediscovering Your Why: Living by Your Values with Foster Wilson
By Jessica Garrison
Podmatch has yet again brought us an incredible guest that we get to share with everyone this week. The multitalented Foster Wilson describes herself as compassionate, creative, nerdy, and weird.
I wanted to share Foster’s conversation on coming back to her why and her values. She says that she sees values as a filtration system. There’s 4 areas that she asks about while deciphering if something aligns with her values: connection, growth, self-expression, and freedom. Foster considers herself an extrovert, so connection is really important to her. If she’s able to make a meaningful connection, whether it be with a person or within a project, then she knows it’s beneficial to her values. She also wants to expand in all aspects of life, which is where growth comes in. She’ll ask herself, “Will this help me grow?” Although it can be intimidating to try new things, if it will help you grow, then it’s worth taking the risk on, so I think this is a great question to ask in these situations, especially if that is something of value to you.
Self-expression is also important to Foster as a creative person. Growing up, she wanted to be an actress but eventually ended up behind the camera as a director, giving her more creative control. If something is going to allow her to express herself, especially in a creative way, then she knows it aligns with herself and her values. Lastly is freedom, something we all want. There’s many layers to the word freedom itself, but in Foster’s case, she is referring to the freedom to try new things and the freedom of time. She doesn’t want to be anchored down by the same old things, so she keeps an open mind for opportunities that make it through her filtration system of values. I think this is a great way of thinking about it because it is helpful to have some type of question in your mind as to what you’ll allow into your life and what you won’t. No matter what process you use in your mind to make decisions, knowing that they align with your why can make you feel more confident, knowing it is best for you.
When it comes to following your heart, you have to be okay with living out of your own expectations rather than someone else’s. Foster says you should disappoint everyone else before ever disappointing yourself, and I agree completely. Of course we want people to be proud of us, but we need to be the most proud of ourselves. It’s been a theme lately on our podcast that it’s your life and no one else’s to live. You always have a choice, and it’s you making the decisions and living with the consequences of them, so be sure it aligns with yourself.
Foster has one of those voices that is perfect for podcasting, it’s soft and relaxing but the content of what she is saying is so important that you can’t help but hold on to every word. I look forward to seeing what she accomplishes in the future with her creativity and sense of self.
Ways to Engage: Create your own criteria/filtration system for your why and your values (think of connection, growth, self-expression, and freedom as examples). You can also write it down to see how it changes over time. Use this whenever you have an important decision to make or are questioning if something aligns with your why.
Episode 15 - Living for Yourself: Finding Balance Between Helping Others and Self-Care with Teresa Vesneske
By Jessica Garrison
Our friend, Teresa Vesneske, is back again for our latest season of The F.E.E.L Podcast. She was previously on season 4 episode 7 “Emotional Health & Physical Health Healing.” A lot has been happening in Teresa’s life, and we’re excited to host her for an update on her journey. Teresa is dedicated, adventurous, and empathetic.
While discussing the importance of taking care of our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health, Teresa shares her realization of how much she lived for others rather than herself. We’ve discussed in the past the impact it has for you to be the main character of your own life, just as you need to live your life for yourself instead of for others. Of course, especially as an empath, Teresa is still mindful of others and is still the same supportive woman she always was, but she has better boundaries now. Not only is she an empath, but she is in the educational field, which is constantly worrying about others over yourself. She’s had to learn how to balance the life she has at work and the life she has at home. Both are equally important, but it’s also important to not overextend yourself in one area of life.
Teresa also shares how she has plenty to give to others after she gives to herself first. She is able to leave a stronger impression on the students she works with because she is taking care of herself first. It allows her to be more focused on work while she’s there because her mind is not clogged with random thoughts of everything she’ll have to do at home or everything she’ll have to do for others. This way, she is already taken care of, and this allows for more peace in our minds than we realize.
Even with all of her accomplishments, Teresa’s story is far from over. She wants to be a guide/mentor for young teachers who are new to the field. She has so much knowledge and experience that she can now share it with others to help them find their own path. It’s admirable that she could retire and just leave everything at the door, but Teresa isn’t that type of person. As she said, she is dedicated and empathetic, so she wants everyone to have the best opportunity possible and the best chance for success.
Teresa reminds us that it’s never too late. It’s never too late to start taking care of yourself, to do what you want to do, to fall in love with something new, or to start over. It doesn’t matter how old you are but rather how much work you’re willing to put in. At the end of the day, what truly matters is that you see the worth within yourself to live the life you desire and to stay healthy while doing it.
Ways to Engage: Think of ways you can make an impact in someone’s life, even if it’s small. Hold the door for someone, lend a listening ear, or offer guidance to someone who needs it. Kindness goes a long way.
Episode 14 - Grief, Boundaries, and Grace: Marie Alessi on Navigating Sudden Loss and Finding Emotional Resilience Marie Alessi
By Jessica Garrison
Joining us all the way from Australia, our next guest is logical, reliable, and genuine. Marie Alessi speaks with such softness and grace while describing her embracing layers journey that it’s a nice break from all of the outside noise.
Marie tragically lost her husband to a brain aneurysm when he was just 45, a completely unexpected blow. She had her 2 young sons to think about when this happened, which only added more to the stress and shock of it all. She says that when her dad had passed away years earlier, she learned a lot of tools she was able to use in this situation, and a previous conversation she had with her husband became her guiding North Star. Still, there is nothing that can prepare you for the loss of a loved one. Boundaries are huge in situations like this, and Marie had to learn quickly the best way to protect her children. People have a lot of opinions, but not all of them are helpful and you don’t always want to hear them! She describes telling her children about their father’s death as the most confronting thing she ever had to do, so the rest of the boundaries looked minimal in comparison.
People would drop into Marie’s house unexpectedly, which was a suffocating and overwhelming experience for her. Although these people were trying to be of help to Marie, they didn’t stop to ask her how they could help or what she wanted. With modern technology, people think we are always on call. If a text doesn’t come back in 10 minutes, people’s minds wander and they think the other person is mad at them or something bad has happened. Honestly, it’s nice to be away from your phone for a while—we’re not meant to be on our phones 24/7. I remember one time I forgot my phone at home when I went out for dinner, but I didn’t care because I was out to dinner, so I wouldn’t need it anyway. Meanwhile, I came home from a bunch of texts from people with passive aggressive tones because I didn’t answer them within 2 hours. We didn’t always have constant open communication, and it’s important to remember that when you’re emailing someone or sending a text. Marie’s situation was a more serious case of needing to respect someone’s boundaries and privacy, but it’s something we can practice in everyday life. She needed space and time to process and those who truly cared about her, respected her wishes so she could do that.
Marie’s episode is jam-packed with emotional turmoil, resilience, strength, intelligence, and so much more. This is an episode that I will go back to as I continue to move through my embracing layers journey, and I think this will remain a great resource for a long time.
Ways to Engage: As Marie says in the episode, language can be very debilitating or very nurturing depending on how you use it. Think about this when you are setting boundaries, using self-talk, creating a dialogue, or anything else that comes to mind with the use of language.
Episode 13 - Reclaiming Yourself After Trauma: Kristin Duncombe on Boundaries, Healing, and Empowered Living
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: sexual abuse
The story of our next guest, Kristin Duncombe, is a test of strength and vulnerability, a combination that goes hand in hand, despite common misconceptions. She is impulsive, determined, disorganized, thoughtful, extroverted, and a friendly introvert.
Starting off, Kristin shares the relationship she had with her husband and its rocky road, describing how busy he was with work. She says she was constantly waiting on him—waiting up for him, waiting to make dinner, and waiting on him to make decisions when she already knew the best outcome. Her husband would walk into the house after being absent all day as if he owned everyone and everything. As if Kristin wasn’t the one holding the place together and taking care of the children so he could do what he wanted to do. Not only this, but there was poor communication from him in the relationship, which made waiting on him a full time job. I can attest, experiencing it myself as well as seeing friends go through it, that there is something so exhausting about waiting on a partner. There’s a hole inside that never gets filled, though you think that if you just keep waiting, eventually you’ll feel fulfilled. But we can’t spend our lives waiting for someone else, especially someone who doesn’t see how worth it you are. That’s how time passes you by before you even know it, and you’re left wishing you could do it all again.
Kristin has become the subject of her own life, just as Jessica should be the subject of Jessica’s life and you should be the subject of your own life. It’s important to remember that you’re the main character, and you don’t want to let someone else take over your narration. Life can be whatever you want to make it, and this leads into living out of your own expectations. If you constantly live out of the expectations of other people, you’ll spend your whole life wishing you were doing anything else than what you’re doing. If you’re not sure where to start, understand what makes you feel passionate and align with your why. You can’t go wrong there.
Kristin says that she doesn’t have space for boundaryless people in her life anymore, and I can just imagine how free she feels now. She is finally living for herself, which in turn is giving herself as well as her children the best, healthiest life possible. I hope this episode is an inspiration for all women who are ready to break the chains they’ve been wrapped in their whole life and finally be free within themselves.
Ways to Engage: Let’s go back to the basics. Name 5 activities that nourish you, 5 things you are passionate about, and/or 5 things that align with your why. Keep coming back to these things as you make decisions and remember to check in with yourself every so often to make sure they still align with you.
RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE or 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 66743
Episode 12 - Healing After Loss, Faith After Pain: Gina Economopoulos on Boundaries, Recovery & Self-Discovery
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: alcoholism
Our next guest, Gina Economopoulos, is trustworthy, humorous, reliable, responsible, spiritual, beautiful, godly, and positive. She has had an adventurous life, taking on many different roles trying to find herself, and now she is here to share her journey to authentic living.
While discussing how to confidently set healthy boundaries, Gina dives into her story of searching for self-discovery. She’s the 7th of 8 children and says that she was the child with all of the health problems. Constantly comparing herself to her friends and her siblings, Gina became lost and insecure. All of her siblings went to college, and she did the same but took up drinking as a coping mechanism. She was known as “Gina, The Life of the Party,” and people love the life of the party, so she filled this role hoping for fulfillment. Sadly, her mother passed away from cancer, so Gina pivoted in a new direction: faith. She sought God, even becoming a Catholic nun for over a decade. But after all that time, she was kicked out of the convent, again faced with the decision of what to do now. I can only imagine the disbelief and loss of direction after something like that happening, Gina didn’t let this end her journey to finding herself.
She reveals to us that she was mistreated and abused emotionally in the church setting, which just brought further complications to her emotions. She had no sense of boundaries or self care, but she knew that she was looking for love and peace. She had to ask herself, what does Gina want? We should be asking ourselves this same question of what do we truly want out of life? Gina loves the beach, so she moved to the Jersey Shore and started building a life for herself there. Even when you’re trying to figure things out and don’t think you can take on anymore, life throws curveballs, but it seemed like Gina was getting hit with something greater. She had to go through multiple losses, to the point where she thought she wasn’t meant to be happy. I know this is a thought that many people have after experiencing tragedy after tragedy, but let Gina be a reminder to never give up. She could’ve stopped trying to achieve her goals, but she didn’t. She continued to persevere and used her heart of service to help others who need it.
Gina is full of compassion and has been her whole life, but now she knows who her true self is and is using this character trait to serve others as well as herself. If you think I covered a lot in the blog, there is even more to hear during the episode. Gina goes into much further detail, and there’s nothing like hearing the story straight from the source. It’s been anything but an easy journey for her, but I think this episode will inspire so many people to keep going and get the idea out of your head that you were never meant to be happy. It’s your life, and only you can make it what you want it to be.
Ways to Engage: Instead of asking yourself, “why me?” ask yourself, “why not me?” Flip the narrative you’re telling yourself on its head and look at your situation from a new perspective. Not everything that happens to us is for the better, but with this technique we can eliminate the victim mentality and recognize our blessings and opportunities in disguise.
Episode 11 - Healing, Faith & Finding Your Voice with Roshonda Blackmon
By Jessica Garrison
Get ready for another week full of insightful guests, inspiring messages, and endless resources! Roshonda Blackmon has been a Together We F.E.E.L panel guest before in the episodes “Honest Conversations on Parenthood,” “Come As You Are,” and “Women’s Wellness, Empowerment & Authentic Living,” but we haven’t had her on the podcast before, so this may be the first time you’re hearing from her. Roshonda is peaceful, loving, fearless, inspiring, and an encourager.
Roshonda shares that she has an emotional journal to write down and understand her feelings. She writes one feeling and then one thing she’s grateful for, coupling a win with a defeat, while still feeling both as much as possible. Like most of us growing up, Roshonda was taught to stuff her feelings, so she’s had to unlearn that concept and then learn how to express her emotions in a healthy way.
As a woman of faith, Roshonda has heard people say they don’t believe in therapy because God will guide them, or they don’t need professional help when they have the help of God. However, Roshonda made a great counter statement by saying that God created therapists so people could get help—the two go hand in hand. God helps those who help themselves and He isn’t just going to hand you what you prayed for on a silver platter, but rather He brings the opportunity for you to do better or achieve what you’re asking for.
Roshonda’s goal is to create a safe space for women, and she does so much of that in her work. She talks about how she used to dumb herself down until she didn’t have a voice, but your voice is your most powerful asset. Change doesn’t come by staying quiet, and it’s more important now than ever that we rise up and use our voices for positive change. A lightbulb went off in Roshonda’s head when she was 30, and she wanted to create a safe space where, no matter who you are, you are able to use your voice. Honestly, we need more spaces like this where women can open up without fear of judgement or retaliation, but it can be difficult to find a space you trust, especially if you’ve been burned before in a space you thought was safe. But I can say with absolute certainty that Roshonda is a reliable source and has the best of intentions with supporting women in living unapologetically.
With her own podcasts, Matters of the Heart and The Girlfriend’s GIRL-FRIEND, The Girlfriend’s GIRL-FRIEND which Roshonda describes as “mental food for the soul,” she is consistently doing the work to create a world she wants to live in. Roshonda’s energy and honesty make this an episode you will not want to miss. While listening, you’d think Roshonda and Melissa have known each other all their lives, but I think that just goes to show how connected the community is. There is a strong support system where you can use your voice without fear.
Ways to Engage: Journal your emotions. Try at the end of the day, during lunch, or before bed and use whatever you find works best for you and you find yourself most consistent with. Acknowledge those feelings and understand where they’re coming from while remembering that there are no bad emotions—they are clues for you to understand yourself and your layers on another level.
Episode 10 - Cleaning Out Your Closet: Boundaries, Self-Worth, and the Heroine’s Journey with Joan Perry
By Jessica Garrison
We have another crossover this week with our fabulous guest, Joan Perry. Melissa recently guested with Joan on The Heroine’s Journey, and now it’s Joan’s turn in the hot seat. She is joyous, prosperous, free, insightful, and credible. Joan is also passionate about women’s journeys and their paths forward, which connects her so well to our network.
In discussing confidently setting healthy boundaries, Joan says there are four pillars to create stability: financial, life force energy, self worth, and people. Her biggest hurdle was people. She says that she had to clean people out of her life the way she would clean out a closet. Those who are supportive and have a strong connection in her life stay and those who only want to take from her need to go. Joan says she was shapeshifting into whatever people wanted her to be, and I think that’s a skill many women have, even if they don’t realize it. People pleasers especially morph themselves into whoever they need to be depending on who they’re with.
There’s no way to live authentically if you’re constantly changing yourself to please others, so take a page out of Joan’s book and come up with some criteria for how people need to treat you in order to stay in your life. It may seem harsh at first, but at the end of the day you have to prioritize yourself, and that’s the best way to do it. Joan goes into more details of each of the pillars, but I wanted to pull out her example of which area she needed more work in, and it goes beautifully into our other talking points.
Joan also discusses a victim mentality that people can fall into, especially after it seems like one negative event after the other. There are always options for yourself, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You have choices to make and consequences to face, but it’s all part of the journey (both the heroine’s journey and the embracing layers journey). I remember a very clear distinction between a victim and a Victim that I learned in one of my intro college courses. The instructor said there is a victim, and then there is a Victim with a capital V, meaning that they are always taking on that role. One example she shared was a student not studying for an exam, but blaming the teacher for the outcome rather than taking responsibility. We’ve all met someone in our life that is never responsible for what happens or they constantly have an excuse. People like that have to do the work for themselves to pull themselves out of that mentality, realizing that they always have a choice in their actions. If you have a Victim in your life, maybe it’s time to clean out your closet.
Joan is an incredible speaker with so much knowledge that she has shared over the years, and we’re thrilled to bring her to you as one of our guests and resources. Remember this episode as a great reminder of just how worthy you are of peace and love.
Ways to Engage: Write your story from your own perspective, the way you experienced it, and how it has affected you and your layers. Then, write your story from the perspective of someone watching your life as a movie and seeing the scenes play out before you. Use Joan’s technique to compare these stories, get a new perspective, give yourself grace and make the best decisions for yourself.
Episode 9 - Healing Through Food & Finding Yourself with Lea Dombrowski
By Jessica Garrison
I just know everyone is going to love and be impressed by our next guest Lea Dombrowski. She is motivated, strong, dedicated, and she’s only in her 20s! Lea is a beautiful reminder that it is never too early or too late to follow your heart and live the healthiest life for yourself.
Lea is passionate about holistic health and nutrition, but food didn’t start out as an empowering partner in her journey. She shares how she had depression and anxiety from as young as 12 years old, and we’re finding that depression is starting earlier and earlier in people. Food was negatively affecting her headspace because she wasn’t eating what her body needed. Lea shares that she grew up in a household with a lot of processed foods and sugar, but that’s also what most people grow up with in the United States. Healthy foods are typically more expensive than unhealthy foods and they don’t last as long. Even someone who uses food stamps to buy their groceries might not have access to the proper fruits and vegetables they need, let alone if they’re buying for a whole family. Food is a powerful thing that affects our moods and energy, but we don’t always treat it like that. It’s a complicated subject that we could go on talking about for hours, but that’s why this episode is so special—Lea has had education and experience dealing with this, so she can share her journey and her episode as a resource for others.
At first, Lea was uneducated about food and how it was affecting her body. She dropped weight quickly when figuring out how to change her diet, but that wasn’t the healthiest thing for her to do at the time. In continuing her journey, she was able to find what she needed without feeling so restricted. Food is not the enemy—it is actually fuel for our bodies that we need to function and survive.
Our relationship with food gets more complicated as we grow up, but we don’t always know why. It’s important to explore what reasons might be behind these complications to help you move forward in the best way possible. Lea began to peel back her layers and discover what caused the strain in her relationship with food initially, how she continued to improve it, and realized slowly what she wanted to do with her education and passions. If she didn’t look at her layers with curiosity, then she wouldn’t be in her position today.
Lea feels more content with herself; she is more independent and isn’t bothered by being alone the way she used to be. After focusing on who she is and who she aspires to be, Lea transformed into someone with more confidence, intelligence, patience, and compassion. I’m grateful she could join us for an episode of The F.E.E.L Podcast to shed light on this crucial, yet conflicting conversation.
Ways to Engage: Take a look at your diet and see how it may be affecting your moods or activity. Pay attention to what foods make you feel more energized or in a brighter mood and pay attention to what foods make you feel rundown or depressed. Nutrition is a major key point in our health and wellness journey, making it possible for us to fully experience life.
Episode 8 - Pleasure, Healing, and the Power of Sex Therapy with Karimah Cornelius-Stith
By Jessica Garrison
Everyone is going to love our next guest, Karimah Conelius-Stith. She is kind, compassionate, creative, soft, and insightful. She is a joy to listen to and has so much knowledge and experience to share. The love and passion she has for her work radiates through the screen, drawing you in from the start.
While discussing the connection between mental, physical, emotional, spiritual health, Karimah mentions another aspect of health that is often overlooked: sexual health. Karimah is a sex therapist, helping couples with their intimate life as well as their personal relationship. When she first started listening to people share their stories, an alarming number of both men and women had an experience or multiple experiences with sexual abuse. Karimah wasn’t equipped to help them at that moment, but she wanted to learn how. She sought out more education and completed years of training to fulfill her dream of being a sex therapist after hearing these stories. Overall wellness improves with the betterment of a person’s sex life, and Karimah is there to help people reach this step in their journey.
Mental health issues run in Karimah’s family, and her aunt was the one who encouraged her to be a therapist. Her aunt wasn’t getting the necessary help for her mental health issues and was only in her 60s when she passed away. Meanwhile Karimah’s grandmother was over 100 years old when she passed, furthering the point that mental health is just as important as your physical health. It’s about finding the value in yourself, knowing that you are worth taking care of and worth spending time on. So many times we put ourselves last on the to-do list, but self care is health care. You can’t go on forever—eventually you run out of steam. It’s more likely to happen sooner if you aren’t taking breaks or getting the help you need along the way.
Karimah also discusses how uninformed people are about sex therapy, but she is very proud of her profession despite misconceptions. It wasn’t easy to achieve her dreams and she put the work in to accomplish her goals, so now she is able to help those who need it. Pleasure is healing and gives people freedom, so we shouldn't feel shame or guilt around it.
This episode is really interesting, especially if you’ve never heard of sex therapy before. There’s so much to learn, from healthy practices to common misinterpretations about Karimah’s practice. She is an inspiration to anyone who is looking to live out of their own expectations as we listen to her defy the expectations of those around her.
Ways to Engage: Check out some articles or posts about sex therapy/sex therapists. Is there anything you didn’t know? Is there anything helpful? How can you explore pleasure on your own or with a partner? Make it a goal to take care of your sexual health as much as the other aspects of health—they’re all connected.