Episode 12 - Just Say “Know” Through “Voices From The Opioid Crisis” with Harris Insler
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: Addiction, drug overdose
This episode covers one of the most difficult conversations to have but also spotlights a topic that needs to come to the forefront: addiction. Harris Insler lost his son in 2006 to a drug overdose, and he has since been admirably using his experience to help change the lives of others. Harris describes himself as physically active, an empath, a humanist, a stick-to-it guy, playful, practical, pragmatic, a learner, and a teacher.
There isn’t a guide to grief, especially when it comes to taking care of yourself afterwards. It’s easy to forget yourself in the midst of loss, and it took quite some time before Harris was able to step back and do that. Through this journey, Harris was able to find a community that supports him and gives a sense of understanding of what he’s been through with the loss of his son.
Boundaries are another demanding area to work on after loss. At first, Harris wasn’t open to telling his story, and that’s okay. It takes time to process information and consider your new reality, and not everyone is open to sharing every single detail. When the time was right, Harris wanted to actively support those who are struggling with addiction or have lost someone to it. His empathetic nature helped him see the bigger picture, but it didn’t happen overnight, which is important to remember.
Addiction can creep up on anyone, and Harris wants to have a variety of people share their stories on the subject. No matter your age, gender, ethnicity, or race, you can be affected by addiction and the opioid crisis. Supporting one another and sharing these experiences is part of the safe community Harris wants to create for anyone who may be struggling.
In his pursuit to help as many people as possible, Harris began speaking to schools about his story and spreading awareness. He explains his process during this segment, beginning with letting the students get to know him and then using a variety of tools and videos. The younger someone is when they learn about the opioid crisis and the way addiction can negatively affect their life, the better. Education is also key with adults, learning to look for the signs of someone who may be affected by this or is beginning to experiment with drugs.
Becoming a father supercharged Harris’s need to help others, and it shows in everything he does, from his careful actions to the gentleness in his voice. He has a true passion for people, revealing itself even further as he discovers his layers. Understandably, a lot of inner turmoil came with the loss of his son, and Harris started blaming himself. It took a lot of time for him to start granting himself grace and forgiveness, as well as beginning talk therapy to work through his emotions. Even if discovering his layers wasn’t part of the original mission, it’s become an asset to Harris’s ability to be so compassionate and forgiving.
This was another longer episode we’ve had from the F.E.E.L Podcast, but there’s so much helpful and incredible information that Harris shared with us, so we have to be sure to share it with all of you! This blog doesn’t even scratch the surface of the episode, and Harris’s story deserves to be heard by as many people as possible. His resources will be listed on our website, as well as Harris’s website and any other information you may find helpful while listening to this complex conversation.
Ways to Engage: Everyone has been affected by the opioid crisis or drug addiction in one way or another. We want to offer this platform as a safe space to share your thoughts, stories, or losses if this subject is a personal one. If you don’t want to post them, then we encourage writing down your emotions to at least acknowledge and express them, which can be pivotal in our F.E.E.L. journey.
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration: 1-800-662-4375
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
Addiction Helpline: 844-561-0606
Episode 11 - Empowered Voices Through Strategic Assertiveness with Cara Tuttle Bell
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Cara Tuttle Bell, joins Melissa in talking about the double standards many women face, especially in the professional world. Traits that are praised in men are often used negatively against women, but Cara continues to use her voice to empower other women to live proudly and authentically. She describes herself as persistent, relentless, courageous, fair, and compassionate, all of which are clear to see after listening to her episode.
Self-care has been a journey for Cara over the last decade, but she has been making notable progress. One example she provides includes something as simple as making sure she eats a filling lunch so she has enough energy for the rest of the day, rather than skipping lunch to continue working and being burnt out later on.
We’ve heard from quite a few guests that setting boundaries in place can rub people the wrong way, even if you’re being completely reasonable. When people are used to getting what they want from you, there can sometimes be pushback for finally standing your ground. There are a lot of gems in this segment, and Cara brings much-needed attention to the boundary conversation. Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles with people, and that’s something I’ve come to find out as well.
Crying was not rewarded like anger was growing up, and as Cara says, “Your body keeps the record book.” Your body falls into the routines you set for yourself, but your body can help you take care of yourself, too. Keeping up with your emotional health as much as your physical health comes from prioritizing yourself, and setting boundaries, as well as communicating these things to those around you. Cara gives strong insight into this talking point, and it serves as a great reminder of how knowledgeable and benevolent our guests are.
Cara dives into the complexities of supporting women in living unapologetically and how capitalism can affect us in this with who gets praised and who doesn’t. The system is set up against certain people, and Cara believes everyone has the right to speak their mind, share their ideas, and do so in a safe environment. The way she speaks is so eloquent and confident; I admire her for her strength and beliefs. This is probably my favorite talking point from her episode, so I’d love to hear any comments or thoughts our listeners have on this.
Although we all have days where we don’t feel productive or like we’ve “earned” it, it’s still important we allow ourselves breaks. Cara’s why is rooted in acknowledging the work she has done and saying, “I showed up and tried.” Even if it doesn’t feel like she did everything she could, she knows in her body and heart that she did.
With expectations, we think there are boxes we need to check off: married, children, career. However, just because the boxes are checked doesn’t equate to happiness. During this segment, Cara shares her struggles with divorce and life after saying, “I can’t keep living like this.” It’s a huge jump to make, but sometimes it’s necessary to find what we’re truly after in life.
Our layers are so beautiful, and Cara shares the importance of allowing space for those layers to exist. Instead of pushing them down or blocking them out, she’s seen the advantages of discovering herself. She has also found that once she really committed to living out F.E.E.L., the journey becomes more clear. She shared that there is no better feeling than knowing who you are and showing up authentically. There’s time that’s yours and space that’s yours, and listening to Cara explain this gets me excited for anyone who’s looking to begin this journey to living authentically. It’s a journey that will continue to grow and evolve, but the end results are so worth it.
This is one of our longer episodes, so there is an extraordinary amount of information to learn and ideas to work into your own journey. I suggest listening to Cara’s episode with pen and paper available to take notes because there’s so much to learn.
Ways to Engage: Cara mentions how the societal systems we live in can affect other aspects of our lives, such as our careers, financial situations, and even personal relationships. Are there any examples you can think of in your personal life or what you may have seen others experience that relate to this subject? Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first, if we continue to dive deep into these subjects, we can gain new perspectives and understanding of those around us.
Episode 10 - Finding Her Value Through the Infertility Journey with Lana Manikowski
By Jessica Garrison
It’s important to us at the F.E.E.L Podcast that we focus on the incredible and courageous women we’re able to speak to, including our next guest, Lana Manikowski. Her character traits include being willing, clear-minded, powerful, and capable. She joins Melissa for a conversation about infertility, a topic that isn’t usually spoken about but needs far more attention than it gets.
Lana’s major focus with self-care depends on how she wants to feel for the day. We’re always saying that different seasons require different things from you, and the same can go from day to day, depending on those specific needs. I’m glad Lana brought up this constant shift in her self-care and described how this works for her.
Boundaries have become very important for Lana’s emotional and physical health. Since Lana has a journey with infertility, she’s had to deal with people not always minding their own business. Boundaries became more clear to her when people would ask questions about having children and giving their unnecessary input. It’s no one else’s business if you choose to have children, whether it’s a conscious choice or out of your hands. This conversation is so important to not only listen to, but to have with others, and I’m glad Melissa and Lana are taking the time to bring attention to this. Their conversation also intertwines our talking points nicely and shows how connected everything is on the journey.
In supporting women, Lana says it’s important to “understand the story of yourself that you tell others.” She didn’t like the narrative she would provide when speaking about not having children, but she came to realize the power she has in her own life. I love that Lana also shared during this segment how impactful the words we use with ourselves can be, which has been mentioned in the past, but you wouldn’t believe how effective this can be.
Lana wasn’t used to feeling helpless, but infertility and treatment are completely out of your hands. No resources were given to her after she experienced this loss, and she felt alone. However, Lana wants to break this cycle and provide help to those who are experiencing the same thing. Her why is wrapped up in helping others, and this shows how dedicated she is to supporting women to live unapologetically.
Living out of your own expectations versus others’ can be difficult, especially when it comes to children. Society sets this precedent that all women should get married and have biological children, but we don’t live in that kind of world anymore. It’s a woman’s decision to get married and have children, and sometimes what a person wants doesn’t coincide with what happens. This conversation is crucial for women, we need to be normalizing these ideas.
Layers are an important aspect of Lana’s life, especially when facing this enormous obstacle in her journey. She didn’t feel connected to herself anymore and had to take the time to recognize her feelings. Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, and Lana shares her story of getting back to feeling like herself again in her own body.
Lana has her own coaching programs that she uses to support women in their infertility journey. There are 4 pillars she bases this on to help cover all of the multifaceted layers of this. Each case is different, but hearing Lana talk about this program, it becomes clear how passionate she is about helping women find themselves again.
I encourage everyone to check out Lana’s resources as well as engage in this conversation. It isn’t an easy one to have, but sometimes the most difficult topics are the ones worth discussing.
Ways to Engage: Infertility is more common than we think it is, with 1 in 5 women being unable to conceive in the U.S. according to the CDC. However, we don’t tend to hear a lot of conversations surrounding this topic. Why is that? Think about the pressure you have experienced as well as seen in others when it comes to having children. Feel free to share your thoughts and emotions on this multifaceted topic that I’m sure has touched each of our lives.
Episode 9 - Self-Care From the Inside Out with Michele Folan
By Jessica Garrison
Our fellow podcast friend, Michele Folan, joins Melissa in a transformative conversation about personal growth while staying true to who you are. Michele’s character traits include being persuasive, passionate, a perfectionist, a procrastinator, and a people person.
In the past, Michele thought she had to “earn” self-care, which I have definitely experienced before. We think we have to finish x, y, z to be able to treat ourselves, but taking care of yourself shouldn’t come with conditions—you deserve the best for yourself. Michele displays this perfectly, especially while discussing her self-care journey.
Worrying about external factors used to negatively affect Michele’s boundaries, and FOMO was a huge part of this. I’ve heard lots of people describe this feeling (myself included) and how FOMO can cause them to overwork themselves. However, it all adds up and you’ll definitely be feeling the stress later on, and Michele is able to share her experience in this.
Taking walks and prayer have been monumental in Michele’s journey with her taking care of her physical and mental health. Walking has taken care of the physical aspect of her journey, whereas prayer has healed the spiritual connection with her body. The way she describes this connection during the segment is quite inspiring and can be influential in getting your journey started in these areas.
Michele is a big believer that there’s room for everyone at the table, just as we are at the F.E.E.L. Podcast. Everyone has a voice that deserves to be heard, and we don’t need to tear one another down to fight for a spot at the table—we can simply add another chair.
Being true to herself has not only affected Michele’s why, but also the expectations she has for herself. It’s important that she is living her life authentically, a goal we hope to see every woman reach. Her journey in this has come with obstacles, but we’re able to see her overcome them throughout this episode.
When speaking about her layers, Michele mentions that she sometimes has imposter syndrome, which is a conversation I’ve had many times. If you haven’t heard of imposter syndrome before, you’ve probably seen or experienced it at least once in your life. Michele and Melissa explain it perfectly, and I’m glad it was brought up during this talking point.
Living out F.E.E.L. has helped Michele in her personal life. After starting her own podcast, Asking for a Friend, Michele has been having more meaningful conversations. Her elaboration of this will have you wanting to hear more from her.
Although Michele’s podcast is aimed toward midlife women, I still encourage everyone to take a listen. There’s always something new to learn and share, especially when going on a journey with yourself. Michele has done incredible work in supporting women through her podcast, and we appreciate all she does for the community.
Ways to Engage: Michele mentions how she doesn’t want to feel left out at times, and that has caused conflict with her boundaries in the past. Is there a time when you’ve experienced this as well? How did that affect your body and mental health? Next time this comes up, try making a list of pros and cons—prioritize what feels right for you.
Episode 8 - Make Your Passion a Priority with Dana Shamas
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is Dana Shamas, an experienced life coach who offers coaching from an individual standpoint to group retreats in Costa Rica! She has so much passion for life, and her joy is infectious as you listen to her speak.
Self-care has been an evolution for Dana, just as it is for most of us. She recalls how she was exposed to meditation at a young age and asks questions that can help shape the way we think about self-care.
Dana has made her passion a priority and advises others to do the same—this can be a huge help when it comes to setting boundaries. It’s important to make room in your schedule for things you want to do, otherwise you’re saying yes to what everyone else wants to do, which in turn will make you miserable. This segment of Dana’s episode is a gold mine, and there’s something for everyone to learn from her as she speaks about her boundaries journey.
Breathwork has been monumental to Dana as she keeps up with her physical and mental health. The link between the two became clear with her breathwork, and it helped her understand where her anxiety might be stemming from. She describes emotions as waves, which has been one of the best explanations I’ve heard; I’m grateful Dana was able to share it with us.
Supporting other women in living unapologetically “starts with you living unapologetically.” Dana shares how she used to diminish her own light and power, but she has since turned this attitude around. I absolutely loved hearing Dana talk about how she’s found herself and how passionate she is about everyone finding their purpose in life.
Dana’s why is essential to her and guides her in everything she does. Her values help her in making the right decisions for herself as well as others, and that’s all you can really ask for. “Life is designed to be abundant and beautiful,” Dana says, which she showcases in her life brilliantly.
Living out of her own expectations versus others’ is one of the most difficult parts of Dana’s journey. The idea of success is different for everyone, so listening to someone else’s version of success and happiness can muddle your own ideas. However, hearing Dana describe her journey with expectations is encouraging and inspiring.
Accepting the layered aspects of yourself isn’t an easy feat, but Dana shows us the exciting parts of discovering yourself. She says that we’re able to experience so much in life, and being curious rather than afraid can be quite impactful.
I love the end of the episode when Dana is discussing cultivating healthy relationships through F.E.E.L. One thing she says is that allowing herself to feel and express her emotions allows her to show grace for others in her life.
Dana has been an incredible guest for the podcast, and I appreciate all of the knowledge she had to share. You can learn more about Dana on the Embracing Layers website, check out her resources page, and if you’d like to work with Dana, visit her website for more information.
Ways to Engage: As Dana mentions in this episode, everyone has their own idea of what success is. What does success mean to you? Have other people’s ideas of success altered the way you think of it? Think about what you want out of life, what would make you happy, and begin your journey towards success.
Episode 7 - Triumph over Trauma with Suzy Ryan
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: rape
Our guest this week is so charismatic and full of life that you will wish this episode was longer. Suzy Ryan digs deep with Melissa into her past, how her journey has evolved, and how she’s become the remarkable woman she is today.
The first step in Suzy’s journey was admitting she was a people pleaser. She had an insatiable need for people to adore her, and I think many of us can agree with this feeling, even to the point where we change our identities along the way to become what others will like. However, Suzy reached a point where she began taking care of herself as she authentically was and saw a huge transformation.
When people get used to you not having boundaries, there can be some pushback once you finally set them in place, and Suzy was no exception to this experience. She has so much power and grace within herself that she was able to change the narrative of her boundaries.
Suzy has come up with a mantra that she is “unoffendable,” and someone’s bad behavior should not reflect her own behavior, which I completely agree with. She explains this so well during the talking point of taking care of our emotional health as much as our physical health, and I agree that adapting her way of thinking is a great way to protect your emotional health, especially if there are some negative or toxic people in your life.
In supporting other women in living unapologetically, Suzy shares, “I would never be as hard on others as I am on myself.” This is another ideal that a lot of us can agree with. We should show ourselves as much kindness as we show others, and self-talk can be pivotal in these instances. Suzy also mentions the importance of self-talk throughout her episode, and it can be life-changing.
Suzy’s why is bettering herself and, in turn, that betters those around her. She shares a story during this segment about a day with her husband that really helps put things into perspective, especially when old trauma can show up in new ways. However, Suzy proves that we don’t have to let it control us.
While talking about living out of her own expectations, Suzy shockingly shares how she was raped at a very young age. She was able to write about this traumatic incident in her book, Saving Summer. She goes into further detail about how this shows up in her book, including a conversation she had with her editor. If this topic isn’t too triggering, I highly recommend listening and sharing.
Suzy has her own website if you’re interested in hearing more from her or reading her book. She also has been published in quite a few impressive mediums that are worth checking out as well. I can say with the utmost confidence that everyone can learn something from Suzy’s story, and she serves as a great reminder that you’re not alone in your journey, no matter when you choose to begin it.
Ways to Engage: Throughout the episode, Suzy says that she changed her mindset by becoming “unoffendable.” What did the word mean to you before listening to the episode, and what does it mean to you after listening? How can you implement this idea into your everyday life that can affect it for the better? Track your ideas and progress from this so you can look back and see how far you’ve come.
Episode 6 - Learning to Care For & Love the Skin You’re In with Natalie Bevans
By Jessica Garrison
I am so excited for our guest, Natalie Bevans, this week. She’s an aesthetician, and I’ve been obsessed with skincare since I was an acne-riddled teenager. She sees the connection between a person’s health and their skin and offers a different perspective to the talking points throughout the episode.
We’ve heard plenty of self-care tips from women over the years, and we’ve learned that self-care doesn’t have to be a grand event. Natalie shares a handful of ways she expresses self-care, even in the smallest of ways.
Although setting boundaries can be challenging, Natalie reminds us that it isn’t selfish to take care of and protect yourself. It’s important to communicate those boundaries to those you love, which is arguably the most difficult part of the process. However, if a boundary is important to you, then it’s worth seeing through.
Being an aesthetician, skin is an important part of Natalie’s life, and your skin can tell a lot about your health, both mentally and physically. Acne appears with stress, and your skin is a clue as to what’s going on with your body. Natalie shares the importance of trusting yourself, and listening to her speak is a true reminder of that.
Living as your authentic self isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it’s important to show yourself to the world and how eloquently you can evolve. If other women see you doing this, it only inspires them to do this as well, and we need more of that in the world.
Natalie’s why centers her and gives her purpose. It’s normal to have a different why for different circumstances, as long as you’re being true to yourself and doing what you think is best. Your why and living out of your own expectations are intertwined, and understanding one can help you understand yourself as a whole as Natalie has shown.
To accept her layers, Natalie asks herself, “What do I love?” What does she love in life, what does she love about herself, and who does she love? All of these questions can help you along in your journey, just as they helped Natalie. What you love about yourself can come out as well, and that can only help you in the process of accepting the layered aspects of yourself.
Natalie says that F.E.E.L. affects her relationships positively, and it’s been empowering to take control over her own life. Just as it affects the relationship she has with herself, it’s also affected the way other people see her.
Natalie had so much intelligence and wonderful content to share with us, and I can’t wait for everyone to hear her episode. You can check out our website for more information about Natalie and see the incredible resources she shared with us.
Ways to Engage: Natalie describes the connection between the health of your skin and the health of your mind and body. Have you ever noticed changes in your skin when a stressful event is coming up, or you haven’t been taking care of yourself physically? If not, start to pay attention to your skin as it coincides with outside factors, and use this as a tool to indicate how you’re taking care of yourself.
Episode 5 - Embracing the Body Healing Itself with Heather Dillard
By Jessica Garrison
This week, Heather Dillard joins Melissa in talking about her journey, particularly with her body. She shares her experiences with holistic wellness practices as well as owning a bakery that specializes in gluten-free and dairy-free products. She has seen the effects of her actions and wants to spread the wealth of knowledge she has learned along the way.
Being a holistic coach, Heather is very aware of her body and enjoys participating in physical self-care. She was given false information when she was younger about her body, and it took a toll on her. Not taking care of her body had consequences that changed Heather’s life, and two years passed before she could feel at home in her body again.
A lot of Heather’s boundaries come from her dietary restrictions, and although people are more open about gluten-free and vegan diets in today’s world, there are still times she has to stand up for herself and set a firm boundary. I’ve seen it myself with people who are gluten-free, and there can be a lot of peer pressure when it comes to a person’s diet. However, seeing the benefits of sticking to her boundaries with both her mind and body has made it easier over the years.
While discussing her mental and physical health, Heather shared how she was a foster mom of 3 children. She discovered just how necessary it is to listen to your body, which essentially is the boss of all else. She also worked in a school system and was able to understand the children on a different level because she understood the connection between the body and the mind.
When asked how she supports women in living unapologetically, Heather showcased just how compassionate and understanding she is. Everyone has a story, and being gentle with one another is sometimes all you need. I appreciate the kindness that she displays; the world would be a much better place if more people like Heather existed.
Heather’s current values include her physical health being a priority and making it a point to keep herself recharged. She says that when you know what your values are, it makes decision-making a lot easier, and I agree with her completely. Living out of her own expectations is a difficult process for Heather, but she credits her values with helping her move in the right direction. This ties into her boundaries since she’s a people pleaser, and defying people’s expectations of you can be demanding but also quite rewarding.
Over the years, Heather has learned to accept her body’s capacity and create a balance between her body and spirit. Heather offers great advice that helped her accept the layered aspects of herself, and I think everyone has something to learn from this segment of the podcast.
We get energy from those around us, and Heather speaks to how F.E.E.L affects the relationships she has. During this segment, Heather shares her many talents, and she offers many ways that people can heal themselves, both physically and mentally. When others see her doing these and putting in the effort, they want to as well.
Heather’s resources will be listed on our website at embracinglayers.com if you’re interested in learning more about her, booking an appointment with her for holistic coaching, or if you’re hungry for a sweet treat from her bakery. Let us know what you thought of Heather’s episode and if you loved it as much as I did!
Ways to Engage: Have you seen the effects that food has, not only on your body, but on your mental health as well? What are some patterns you see? Do you keep track of what you eat and the ingredients in the food? Why or why not? After listening to Heather’s episode, it might be helpful to reevaluate your diet to see what is working and what is not for all aspects of your health.
Episode 4 - Learning to Love Your Layers with Jasmine Rice
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: suicide
Although the conversation this week contains some heavy topics, they are also very important to bring to the forefront. I thank our guest, Jasmine Rice, for her vulnerability, honesty, and good spirit as she shares her life with us this week, and I’m so excited for everyone to listen!
Self-care wasn’t in Jasmine’s vocabulary until about five years ago, but she began her self-care journey cognitively after going through a divorce. Her self-care evolves every day, but in the beginning, even taking a shower was nourishing for Jasmine. I’m glad she mentioned this (along with so many other helpful tips) because showering can become quite laborious if you’re depressed. If you understand this feeling, instead of thinking of showering as a chore, you can start to think of it as a form of self-care.
As a people pleaser, setting boundaries is challenging for Jasmine. She doesn’t want to rub people the wrong way by setting a boundary and sticking to it, but sometimes it’s necessary. She shared an example about her dad during this segment that proves she’s better at setting boundaries than she thought. Even if setting a boundary is difficult, if it’s important to you, then it’s worth it in the end, and you can expect to see the benefits of that decision.
Jasmine has been in and out of therapy since she was 13 after a suicide attempt, and even though she didn’t want to go at first, she’s realized the advantages of seeing a therapist. She describes her connection with her physical body and how much healthier it is to have a balance now that she is properly taking care of her mental health.
In supporting women, Jasmine joined a women’s networking group and has learned it’s important to stay true to who you are. Comparison is something we all do (and are taught to do as women), but not everything is what it seems, and Jasmine speaks to this so strongly throughout her episode.
Although our purpose and why are always evolving, Jasmine’s current why is helping people. She describes some hardships she experienced that helped to shape her why, and I love how encouraging she is with her purpose. It’s easy to become bitter when bad things happen to us, but Jasmine doesn’t want others to go through what she did and is spreading some positivity.
Jasmine shares the experience of her first job that had no boundaries when talking about living out of her own expectations versus others’. She and Melissa agreed that it starts young, when people put expectations on their children that they should be living up to. Some of them have good intentions, but sometimes it’s too much pressure to live your life for someone else because there’s no way to make everyone happy.
My favorite segment from this episode was probably accepting the layered aspects of yourself, as Jasmine shares her history in more detail. There are so many factors that led her to become who she is today, just as we all find ourselves along the way.
Now that Jasmine has been embracing her layers, taking care of herself, and setting necessary boundaries, she’s become more comfortable and confident with herself: “I love myself, and I don’t think I would’ve said that five years ago.” We want everyone to not only cultivate healthy relationships through F.E.E.L., but to also fall in love with themselves; it’s one of the most rewarding and special experiences there is.
Feel free to visit the Resources page on the Embracing Layers website for some of Jasmine’s brilliant recommendations and join the conversation on our Substack!
Ways to Engage: Self-love can be a fleeting emotion, but ask yourself if you truly love who you are. What emotions does this bring up for you? Why do you think you feel that way? Even if it’s uncomfortable, you owe yourself the opportunity to begin a journey towards self-love and self-acceptance.
Episode 3 - Empowerment and Purpose with Pat Rullo
By Jessica Garrison
Our tenacious guest this week is Pat Rullo, who has accomplished so much in her lifetime. Apart from her professional accomplishments, Pat is a dependable, impatient, and creative woman. She found herself being an advocate for her mother in the healthcare system while also writing multiple books to help others who may be in a similar situation. Pat was such a joy to listen to, describing her history as well as how she plans to move forward in her journey.
Self-care and boundaries go hand in hand for Pat, and she’s learned that sometimes it’s the simplest acts that can help nourish your body. She talks about her process in deciding what’s best for her in both cases, and I think everyone has something to learn from Pat when it comes to consistency and knowing your worth.
Emotional health wasn’t a conversation Pat had growing up, although she was thoughtful of her physical health. Usually growing up, everyone focuses on your physical health: if you’re the right weight, if you’re as tall as you should be, if you’re exerting the energy you need to. However, your emotional health catches up eventually, and Pat has seen the after-effects of this. It’s refreshing to hear her talk about what she does to take care of her mental health and how that can sometimes coincide with her physical health. It’s all part of a bigger conversation we need to be having, even from a young age.
Supporting women is in Pat’s everyday life, and she consciously takes advantage of that. She believes the women she meets are brought into her life for a reason, and it’s important to take care of those relationships. Pat also shares a story of how she supports soldiers overseas by making them feel a little more at home, and I love the importance she puts on listening and spreading positivity.
Pat is attracted to teaching, and the journey she experienced with her mother made her want to share her story and educate others on the ambiguity of the medical system. Just like most of us, Pat has high expectations for herself, and this has shaped her journey along the way. If she says she’ll do something, not only will it get done, but it will be done to the best of her ability.
Layers can change and evolve, but that’s okay; it isn’t normal for things to stay the same all the time, especially when it comes to people. Seeing growth within ourselves and others makes space for even more development. With F.E.E.L., Pat loves herself more and has learned it’s okay to be yourself. Even if you don’t know it yet, you can define your empowerment, find it, and embrace it.
To learn more about the impressive life and accomplishments of Pat Rullo, visit our website! There will also be a list of Pat’s resources that she’s come across on her journey thus far, and we can further spread the wealth of knowledge.
Ways to Engage: Pat mentions simple acts being part of her self-care routine, proving that it’s different for everyone and can be found in even the busiest parts of our day. What are some examples of simple self-care steps you can implement into your life, and how does completing these everyday make you feel? We love to hear people’s journeys with self-care, so please feel free to share any tips or tricks that have helped you along the way.
Episode 2 - Empowerment Through Tracking Your Self Care with Dr. Jennifer Harrison
By Jessica Garrison
We are continuing the open to our 6th season strong with Dr. Jennifer Harrison as our guest this week. She is an intelligent and patient individual, a combination that changes the world for the better. Between the effortless conversation and Jennifer’s clever insight, this episode is full of gems you’ll want to pay attention to.
Jennifer described variations of rest during the self-care discussion, such as physical, emotional, creative, and spiritual. An exercise that works one day may not work the next because the type of rest we need can be so complex. However, listening to Jennifer share how she’s come to discover what fits best for her routine serves as a reminder not to give up.
When dealing with boundaries, the key is remembering your worth and your priorities. This segment was my favorite during the episode because of Jennifer's realistic consideration; even though we may have a plan in our heads, things don’t always go according to plan. I’m interested in hearing what listeners have to say about boundaries after hearing this necessary conversation with Jennifer.
Coming from a family of academics, mental health wasn’t always made a priority in Jennifer’s life. There’s a general stigma against therapy in society, but having a trained, objective third party can help you work through any situation. Along with taking care of her mental health as much as her physical health, Jennifer’s “why” also ties into looking inward at who she is authentically.
This reigns true when it comes to other people’s expectations as well. It’s important to look inward at ourselves and decide what it is we truly want. Is it worth letting go to appease someone else’s dreams? Why are you trying to meet their expectations rather than your own? We tend to hold ourselves to higher standards than others, but either way, we work towards exceeding people’s expectations. At the end of the day, it’s impossible to make everyone happy.
Jennifer is constantly uplifting, encouraging, and supporting women as a dissertation coach, but she hasn’t always been doing what she loves in a healthy environment. She shares her journey of leaving a toxic workplace and finding a position where not only she belongs, but she can help others feel like they belong, too. Everyone needs a person like Jennifer, who can read and appreciate their work while helping them learn to be better. It’s easy to get discouraged, especially in the academic field, and I love that Jennifer can create a positive space for people to share their work without fear of rejection.
Jennifer says it’s never too late to start uncovering your layers. You are not the same person now as you were 5 years ago, just like you are not the same person now as you will be in 10 years. People are fluid and forever changing, which makes the lifelong journey of embracing your layers so beautiful. Jennifer shares a lot of great information regarding self-compassion and kindness, which everyone needs more of.
Jennifer shared so many wonderful anecdotes and such brilliance throughout this episode. Let us know what your favorite part of the episode was, and hopefully, we will hear more from Dr. Jennifer Harrison in the future!
Ways to Engage: What are some techniques you use to track your self-care, if any at all? After listening to the episode, what are some techniques you’d like to implement or get rid of when tracking self-care? How is your practice affected by what Jennifer said, and or what are your thoughts on tracking your self-care?
Episode 1 - Finding Value in Your Purpose with Carenda Deonne
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome back to the F.E.E.L Podcast! It seems crazy that we’re already launching the 6th season of our podcast, and we have so many stories to share with you this season. Our guest this week wants to be known and remembered as a woman of wisdom, and I think everyone will agree that Carenda Deonne is just that by the end of this episode.
Carenda shared that she had not always been proactive with her self-care, and she, unfortunately, had to learn to work it into her schedule more after experiencing pain: emotional and physical. During this talking point, she shares the incredible distinction between purpose and value, which has made all the difference in her life.
A giver and lover by nature, boundaries did not come easy for Carenda, and she continues to work through them with great effort. There’s a fear of disappointing people when it comes to boundaries, and I think Carenda perfectly explains how she’s been able to continue with her boundaries and how her perfectionism was hindering them at first.
Carenda is very passionate about the connection to physical and emotional health, which is always refreshing to hear from people. The connection is not always taken seriously and sometimes it takes a major event to get people to understand how important it is. Throughout the episode, Carenda shares her tactics of emotional detox and how this has been able to help her in this journey.
As important as it is to pour into other people as well as to pour into ourselves, it’s equally as important to surround yourself with others who do the same and pour into you as well. By loving our true selves, we’re able to love others for living their truths, genuinely creating a better space to live in. Carenda does a wonderful job in this episode explaining how her “why” continues to grow and develop, leaving behind a legacy that is positive, compassionate, and healing.
It’s unfulfilling to live your life through someone else’s expectations, and Carenda revealed how she was a pastor’s wife. It isn’t the easiest position to have, especially when your actions are constantly being watched by the community. We’ve actually had another guest, Stephanie Hunter, share a similar experience on being a pastor’s wife, and all of the expectations that come with that.
Living out F.E.E.L has affected many areas of Carenda’s life, such as her mindset, her nature, and her abilities. She wants people to know her as authentically and genuinely as they can, which shines through when you listen to her episode. Seeds will come to harvest, so it’s important to stay true to who you are, and it has positively impacted Carenda’s relationship with others as well as herself.
Make sure to check out the resources she provided on our website, as well as Carenda’s website, so everyone can dive deeper into Carenda’s story!
Ways to Engage: Carenda opened up about feelings of guilt that have caused bumps in her boundaries journey. What feelings, guilt included, have come up for you when discussing, establishing, and actively setting your boundaries? Sometimes the emotions we see come up through expressing boundaries for the first time can reveal a new layer to your character and how best to continue moving forward.
Episode 17 - Protecting Your Peace with India Lott
By Jessica Garrison
This week we wrap up Season 5, with an accomplished young woman whose kindness, determination, and patience are already changing the lives of those around her. India Lott has her own podcast, A Tall Girl’s Podcast, where she’s able to give a voice to tall women.
India has a lot on her plate being a senior in college, a freelancer, and the host of her own podcast. To manage her self-care, India has days that are “off limits,” and I love how firm she stands in allowing herself to take time for herself. If we keep ourselves busy constantly, life will fly by before we’ve even realized it.
Describing herself as a chronic people pleaser, India expressed the guilt she would feel whenever she would tell someone no. Over the years, she’s learned to protect her peace and set stronger boundaries to do that. With the help of the younger generation openly talking about mental health more, it’s given India more chances to speak her mind and to live unapologetically.
We’ve heard from previous guests about the connection between mental and physical health, and India continued this much-needed conversation. She shared how she processes her emotions and how necessary it is to take time with your feelings. Otherwise, you can experience sickness from the stress, and it’s just not worth it.
India shared with us the story of how her podcast came to be. What started out as rant sessions about being a tall girl turned into a platform that promotes body positivity. She’s found a lot of support from her listeners and offers them the same support in return, continuously uplifting women in their fight to live unapologetically in their bodies.
India’s “why” is very important to her, and it shined through during this episode. When she’s having a difficult time focusing at school or deciding if a sacrifice is worth it, she remembers why she’s here, why she’s doing it, and why she’s working so hard. Her passion continues to push her towards her goals.
Living out of her own expectations versus others can be difficult when you’re a tall Black woman like India. As soon as people see her, they make snap judgments about what she does professionally or what she’s studying at school. After being reduced to her height as her personality for so many years by others, India has found a way to live her life authentically, and what she has to offer is so inspirational.
Being tall is part of herself that India can’t change, and by embracing this layer, it takes the power away from others who try to judge her. India’s relationship with herself has improved so much over the years, and part of that has come from speaking kindly to herself. How we talk to ourselves is so effective, and it’s important we give ourselves as much compassion and grace as we give to others.
You can listen to India’s podcast and hear her share even more stories about her journey. I couldn’t get enough of her charisma and joyfulness while listening to the episode. We are so honored to wrap up Season 5 with this engaging guest!
No worries though, as we’ll be back with a new blog soon as we kick off Season 6 in a few short weeks!
Ways to Engage: How does India saying to speak kinder to yourself make you feel? Reflect upon the different ways you’ve spoken to yourself lately and analyze: am I being kind to myself? Am I being too harsh? Would I speak to my friend like this? Try to think of something more gentle you can say to yourself in a moment of stress or anxiety.
Episode 16 - Making Space for Women to Live Unapologetically with Shaquanda Reese
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome back, everyone! After taking off a couple of weeks for the holidays, we’re back with an incredible guest, Shaquanda Reese. Not only is she a founder/CEO of her own business, but her business helps to spread awareness about mental health, clearly showcasing how thoughtful and intelligent she is. She speaks with Melissa about her professional, personal, and internal journey, as well as how she’s living her life authentically.
Shaquanda considers self-care to be internal work and about caring for your emotional needs. She encourages “prioritizing inner peace” and incorporating these efforts into everyday life.
Being a Black woman, boundaries come fairly naturally for Shaquanda. With the weight of the world on her shoulders, Shaquanda has always been told how strong she is. However, she wants to be known as both strong and fragile. Normally we see fragile as an insult, but her explanation of this sentiment makes everything come together.
Setting intentions for the day has helped Shaquanda take care of her emotional health as much as her physical health. The business she’s created as a way to help others start the day like this is called Burst Beans Coffee. Don’t worry, there’s a link to the website at the end of the blog, so you can enjoy your own burst of enjoyment each morning.
Shaquanda shares that when a woman loves herself, she is able to love other women. It’s a shame how much internalized misogyny exists in the world, and rather than taking other women down, we should be uplifting them. In supporting women, Shaquanda also mentions the importance of listening without judgment to give other women the opportunity to just be heard.
Prior to her coffee business, Shaquanda had a podcast, which focused on the front we put up in the social media world. This was a way she could advocate for mental wellness publicly, and the impact she leaves with her various projects is astonishing. After listening to her speak and hearing everything she’s accomplished with her authentic self, Shaquanda’s values should be praised by all.
Everyone has complex layers, but Shaquanda has learned that perfection isn’t a realistic possibility. She’s learned to allow forgiveness and grace to not only those in her life, but to herself as well. Differences are beautiful, and they should be celebrated instead of being buried inside of us. Shaquanda recalls an example with fruit to help explain her points, and I never thought I could relate so much to an apple.
You can visit Shaquanda’s coffee business online, Burst Beans Coffee, to purchase your own blend to enjoy in the morning, setting yourself up for a day full of self-care and success.
Ways to Engage: Shaquanda emphasizes the idea of “intention” in this episode, which is not a new idea to the podcast. Have you tried doing your self-care with intention? If so, think about how it’s changed your perception of self-care. If not, see how adding this into your routine affects it. As always, we love to hear about your experiences and how ideas from The F.E.E.L Podcast have affected the way you embrace your layers.
Episode 15 - Empower Others As You Rise with Victoria Pelletier
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: rape, abuse
Our guest this week, Victoria Pelletier, is an accomplished public speaker and author. She’s been presented with honors such as an HSBC Diversity & Inclusion Award, Mentor of the Year, and was listed in the Top 50 Most Influential Business Leaders in Tech in 2021. She has so much to share with us, not only about how she’s achieved these honors, but how she’s learned to embrace her layers along the way.
Victoria says her self-care evolved over time, reminding us that resilience is a muscle that continues to get stronger over time. She credits her adoptive mother for helping her learn, value, and communicate her emotions, which has helped Victoria create her self-care routines.
Victoria was quite open and vulnerable in the episode, telling us that her birth mother was an abusive drug addict, which in turn scarred her both physically and emotionally; Victoria suffered from abandonment issues and insecurities, which were only elevated at the age of 14 when she was raped. After her adoptive mother came into the picture and helped Victoria become mindful of her emotions, she was able to begin a journey towards self-healing.
A professional goal Victoria had was to achieve an executive role at 24 as she’s very interested in leadership roles and the dynamics of business. Most of the time, Victoria is the youngest executive, only woman, and only queer person in the room, which isn’t easy to handle. However, she began to fight past stereotypes so others don’t have to struggle to be in the room. She fights for more diversity and inclusivity, when it comes to the business world. In supporting women, Victoria brilliantly says, “Lift others as you rise.”
Ever heard the question, “How do you manage it all?” How could a woman possibly handle a job, children, a husband, and a household, as well as keeping up with their social life? Unfortunately, Victoria has heard sexist questions like this a time or twenty. To that, Victoria says, “Where there’s conviction, there’s capacity.”
To be in business, Victoria put a front up for others, and it took until her late 20s to begin the process of peeling back all of her layers. She thought she was always embracing her layers, but she’s since seen the evolution of herself becoming more authentic. She gained the confidence to live the life she wanted and accept the love that she deserves without letting the words of others get to her. Victoria has a very tight-knit group of people who love and accept her for who she is, and she doesn’t stand for unnecessary drama in her core group of people.
She’s chosen to not let others make her feel guilty for the choices she makes, which can be easier said than done. There’s nothing that makes minorities want to stay in places of business when there’s no inclusivity, and Victoria works to create safe spaces for people from all walks of life to feel comfortable pursuing their dreams in business and leadership.
I need everyone to listen to Victoria speak about her journey because no blog could ever do her justice in telling her incredible and influential story. For more information, you can check out Victoria’s website and the show notes on the Embracing Layers website!
Ways to Engage: Victoria touched on a lot of sexist language throughout this episode, such as the difference between a man in business being “assertive” and a woman in business being a “bitch.” What have you experienced with this? How did you respond? What language was used? How did it make you feel? I know every woman has a similar story, and we’re here to listen, share, and grow.
Episode 14 - Daily Unapologetic Living with Bridget Belden
By Jessica Garrison
This week’s guest, Bridget Belden, is the founder and CEO of Magenta Counseling, “a coaching organization providing world-class tools to empower women to discover who they are beyond being a mom.” Bridget’s journey to unapologetic living has shown itself through disciplined self-care, challenging boundaries, and discovering ways to support women in everyday life.
When Bridget was younger, “self-care” was all about physical activity, but it has since evolved into a more mental and spiritual process. There’s been a lot more conversation recently about self-care, and Bridget has used habits, routines, and sustainable practices to help her navigate through life and her self-care practices.
Bridget used to be very focused on life’s “vision,” meaning she was working hard on getting the house, marrying someone, having children, and creating society’s “perfect life.” Feelings of guilt also arose because she had all the things in the “vision” and still felt like something was missing. The reality is that her life wasn’t complete because she left out the most important person of all: herself.
Boundaries are still a challenge for Bridget, especially since she was brought up in a world that told her not to rock the boat. However, Bridget realized that her boundaries come down to a sense of self-worth, which is a common baseline for people. What is okay and what is not? Is this person respecting me as a person or just thinking of what would benefit them? Do I have the time for this? Is it worth my time? I can personally attest that asking yourself these questions can be quite helpful, especially if you have to decide between a few different requests.
While supporting women, Bridget tries to create a space day to day where women can be honest with her. She wants people to be able to say how they are truly feeling, rather than just a robotic response of “I’m good.” In addition to her value of supporting women, Bridget’s “why” also comes down to what she’s passionate about. It’s important that she checks in with herself to see if she’s still passionate about what she’s doing or if it isn’t fulfilling her the same way anymore.
Embracing her layers and living out F.E.E.L. has been a complicated journey, but it’s also been a beneficial self-love journey for Bridget. We can’t pick and choose the parts of ourselves we like; we have to accept ourselves as we are, even if we aren’t happy with all of our layers. Bridget’s journey is a reminder to us that it’s okay to change your mind, it’s okay to go through a difficult time, and no matter what happens, you are your own person.
Check out Bridget’s website for more information and discover the empowerment of being your own person.
Ways to Engage: Something that really resonated with me during this episode was Bridget working towards “the vision,” but once she had it, she realized there was more to life than living for other people. What part of this episode resonated with you and why? Is there a certain “vision” you have or had for yourself in life? How does it compare to you now?
Episode 13 - Living in Alignment with JJ DiGeronimo
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is JJ DiGeronimo, an author and former tech industry leader. Her books, Accelerate Your Impact, The Working Woman’s GPS, and Seeking have all been met with critical acclaim, and she has won various awards for writing about her journey through life and what can help other women achieve success. She’s also been featured in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and Thrive Global, so if this episode isn’t enough, there’s plenty more work by JJ DiGeronimo to discover!
Self-care changes daily for JJ, but no matter what she’s doing for the day, it all starts with creating a space to be able to achieve whatever goal she sets for herself. No matter what she has planned for the day, JJ reminds herself, “I can only be as good as the amount of time I invest in myself.” Ignoring self-care to get other items on the to-do list done can feel good at first, but it all catches up after a while. Even if it doesn't seem like there’s enough time, make sure you’re getting what you need throughout each day.
JJ found herself overcommitting in all aspects of her life, and it caused an “energy leak.” The more she would say yes to, the larger the leak would grow, and soon, everything she was saying yes to would cause an energy leak. JJ learned to readjust her “yes” and began to say yes to things she wanted to put her energy into, so she wouldn’t waste time on things she didn’t actually want to do.
Another thing JJ had to learn on her journey is to be mindful. Not only when it came to her self-care and setting boundaries, but she also learned to be more mindful about her emotional health being connected to her physical health. If a situation ended differently from the way she had hoped, JJ learned to ask herself, “Why am I in this situation?” Did she say “yes” to too many energy-draining activities? Did she complete the self-care routine she’d set up for herself? Is she not keeping up with her emotional or physical well-being? It’s about getting to the root of the situation, rather than writing it off as someone else’s fault or just a coincidence. A tool she uses to help her find out more of what she needs or if she’s keeping up with her boundaries is a column chart. She’ll use this to help her decide which things she should say yes to. For example, she’ll ask herself, “What is the commitment? Who’s asking for this favor? Does it align with where I am now or where I want to go?” All of these questions can help lead her down the path she wants to follow, and it’s definitely a piece of advice I’ll be tucking away for later.
JJ also mentioned having a “whisper” that told her to start a women’s group, to write a book, and other ideas to help support women. She used to ignore it and had self-doubt about her abilities, but in 2008, she decided to stop trying to be perfect and just do the best she could. Without the stress and pressure of overmanaging, JJ has been able to pursue her dreams. Over the years, she’s stumbled and fallen, but she continues to get back up and JJ is excited for the future as she says how it’s an exciting time for women, and we’re here for a reason.
The whisper she was always hearing helped JJ discover her “why,” and working with women has enlightened her. Writing books and getting her thoughts out there are not only helping her find a medium to put her passion into, but they also help all the people who read them or are looking for a fresh start. JJ says she doesn’t always realize how negative times are until it’s over, but no matter the difficulty, she continues to reach out through her work and supports women in her everyday life.
It’s not easy to live out of your own expectations, but JJ has learned that it’s easier to do so when you’re really honest with yourself. Sometimes, there are going to be things you just can’t expect to achieve. An example JJ provided is if you really want a promotion at work, but you work in a place where the boss doesn’t promote women, then you can’t count on getting the promotion. You can do all the hard work to get there, but the environment needs to change for you to be able to reach your goal, and these are the types of things we need to be thinking about in the back of our minds. Your time is important, and if you’re going to spend it working towards something, it’s important to start life’s work from within. There are times when the work can’t be done alone, and that’s when it’s time to look to those around you. Asking for support isn’t a bad thing, and surrounding yourself with those who encourage you is all a part of the journey.
JJ found a lot of freedom in exploring her layers, and she reminds us that there’s so much greatness to discover within yourself. Even the tiniest bit of progress deserves to be celebrated, and we have to remember that we can’t take on the world’s problems; sometimes it’s better to start small. It takes time and practice to be able to connect with your “higher self.” Not everyone is in a space to begin their journey, but it’s never too late to start when you’re ready.
Towards the end of this episode, JJ says, “I like myself a lot more,” and it’s such an admirable thing to say. I used to be in a dark place where I didn’t like anything about myself, and so many people feel that way. However, her journey through F.E.E.L. has been eye-opening for JJ, and she appreciates where she is now so much more because of it. She’s able to look back and see where she started and just how far she’s come.
If you’re interested in learning more about JJ, you can visit her website where you can check out her books, schedule her as a speaker, listen to her podcast, and even join her on a retreat! We appreciate JJ sharing her story with us and reminding us that it’s never too late to work towards your passion.
Ways to Engage: Next time someone asks for a favor, try making a column chart like JJ does. Ask yourself, “Is it worth the time?” “Does this person constantly ask me for favors and doesn’t deliver in return?” “Will this help me reach my end goal?” Find out what questions work for you and discover what boundaries need to be put in place.
Episode 12 - Finding Your Foundation with Ursula Sharp
By Jessica Garrison
Melissa met Ursula Sharp at a conference and knew shortly after that she wanted to have her as a guest on the podcast. Her perspective on life and F.E.E.L. is not only encouraging but also very self-reflective. Ursula became forced to take care of herself after being diagnosed with renal disease, and she is currently on dialysis awaiting a kidney transplant. This health crisis has taught her to make intentional time for herself. She takes a pause to breathe, a moment to reflect, and the time to set realistic goals. She said that the best way to describe her would be a car without a GPS since she was just going through the motions with no real sense of direction. Now, Ursula is able to reach the goals she sets for herself and not become overwhelmed by the impossible.
Boundaries are important to Ursula because she needs a safe space to exist, something we all truly need. We’re taught as women to be there for other people, despite our personal well-being. We’ve heard this from so many women over the seasons, but Ursula reiterated this a few times during the episode. At first, when expressing boundaries, people may be confused as to why you’re suddenly sticking up for yourself or are not their beck and call anymore. It’s important though to stand by the boundaries you set if you believe in them or need them. It’s all about balance in different aspects of your life and keeping to the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.
Ursula expressed the need to have an unfiltered connection with someone in order to take care of her emotional health. She found this connection with her therapist and discovered how it really helped her to recognize her triggers. The disease she’s living with gave her a new perspective on her emotional health, and this transformed her as a person. Although growth can be uncomfortable, it’s necessary to live out F.E.E.L. Ursula has been eating better, walking regularly, and meditating. However, she also gives herself permission to have a “lazy day” where she can just sit down and relax. By slowing down and taking the time to focus on what’s going on around her, Ursula has been able to benefit from her mental health staying healthy since she can’t always rely on her body to feel healthy.
One piece of advice that Ursula wanted to give to anyone listening is that “if it doesn’t feel right, let it go.” I’ve said before that women especially are told too many times to not trust their gut, but if something feels right, you should go after it. And if it feels wrong, as Ursula says, letting it go is probably for the best. What feels right to Ursula is leaving a positive legacy behind, and she wants to also support others in doing the same thing. At the end of the day, all people want is to feel heard, and Ursula supports women by being an active listener to those around her. Not everyone is looking for advice or for the situation to be “fixed,” but sometimes they just want someone to listen to them vent. Ursula makes sure communication is clear in the conversation, such as offering, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is my response based on what I heard.” This causes the person she’s speaking with to reflect upon what they said/how they said it, and for there to be no hurt feelings based on a miscommunication. I think this is a great way to have conversations that can be tough while still making sure that everyone involved is feeling heard, understood, and supported.
There’s a lot of judgment out in the world, and Ursula wants to make sure that she doesn’t add to it, which is part of her leaving a positive legacy behind. In her world, your word is your bond, so she makes it a point to be honest and straightforward with people. If they take anything away from a conversation with her, she wants it to be that she is upfront with them, and they can trust what she’s saying, whether it be good or bad.
Of course, Ursula is not a perfect person, and she’s struggled with patience through her journey to accepting her layers. Even if she knows things can take time to evolve, she wants to see results right away. As Ursula pointed out earlier while speaking about self-care, she’s learned to handle this by taking more pauses. For example, she’s learned not to rush through conversations; if someone catches her at a bad time, she wants to give them her fullest attention and offers to speak with them later rather than just dismissing them because she’s in a hurry. It keeps her more present and in the moment each day.
Ursula says, “Don’t live your life living someone else’s dream,” which is a huge takeaway when it comes to living out of your own expectations versus others’. At the end of the day, it’s your life and the people who you’re listening to may not still be there in the future. You’re the only person who will have to deal with the consequences of your actions, so make sure you’re living the way you want to. Even if someone may not agree with her decisions, Ursula knows what’s best for her and where she wants to go in life, so the opinions of others aren’t always considered. If it’s someone whose opinion she values, of course, she’ll listen to their thoughts and concerns, but she doesn’t let them be the final decision-maker. It’s Ursula’s life, and she’ll live it however she may please, just as we should all be doing.
Despite there being no instruction manual on how to get through life (wouldn’t it be much easier if there were?), Ursula is able to persist with confidence because she believes in what she’s doing. Everyone is just doing their best to get through life successful and happy, and Ursula is no different. However, her kindness, intelligence, and empathy already positively affect her and those around her. The vulnerability and spirit she showed during the episode makes this one you won’t want to miss!
Ways to Engage: Are there any techniques or specific things you do when listening to someone in addition to what Ursula offers? What are they? How have the results been? Feel free to share with us so we can all discover ways to support others and better ourselves.
Episode 11 - Menopause is Natural, Suffering is NOT with Alison Bladh
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Alison Bladh, comes to us from overseas. From England, she currently lives in Sweden and is spreading awareness about a topic that isn’t often talked about: menopause. She’s an award-winning registered Nutritional Therapist, and she’s also a member of the British Association of Nutritional Therapists and the Institute of Functional Medicine. So if you have questions or concerns about these topics, Alison’s your girl.
Self-care is a new concept for Alison. She wasn’t really aware of what it was and what it meant, but it has since become popular in the world of social media. We’re always seeing posts about people getting their nails done, having a facial, doing yoga, or anything that they say keeps them calm after a chaotic day. Alison works specifically with women with menopause, and she says it’s important to protect the time you need. A lot of the time, we put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do lists. Alison has found that putting self-care acts in your schedule has helped her, as well as her clients. The same goes for prioritizing sleep and food; it’s a nonnegotiable for Alison. Sleep is crucial and nutritional, just the same as food is. There’s a lot of stuff that we put off and sacrifice to get everything done in a day, such as skipping meals or staying up past the time we should go to sleep, but we have to stop pushing ourselves past that limit. Self-care, sleep, and a balanced diet are all things that we need to be able to live a happy and healthy life, and it’s imperative that we prioritize these things in our lives. Alison also put a lot of emphasis on the topic of fun: “We don’t laugh enough!” Life is difficult enough as it is, we ought to have some fun while we’re here! Do things that bring you genuine joy, and don’t be afraid to have a good time.
Similar to many of our other guests, Alison used to say yes to everything and never had strong boundaries set. Keeping boundaries in place doesn’t happen overnight, and you just have to remember that you’re prioritizing your own health and your own happiness. Alison said it “feels very alien” to say no, but it also feels quite empowering to be able to say no and stick to your boundaries. Clearly define your boundaries and be aware of how it makes you feel. Sometimes there might be guilt in the beginning, but if it’s a boundary you truly want to set, power through to see the positive results of how you’ll feel after setting it and having it be respected.
Tons of mood swings and anxiety come with menopause, and Alison makes a point to work individually with her clients just because everyone is so different. What works for one client may not work for the other, and it’s important to explore what’s going on in their lives in addition to menopause rather than just making a blanket statement. Food is a huge conversation that she has with people because not only does it affect how we feel, but it’s everywhere. To be able to give our bodies the best care we can, we have to have a relationship with food. It nourishes us, gives us fuel, and can affect our health further down the line. Alison also says that we have to be kinder to ourselves and show more compassion within. Her advice is to connect with friends who understand, friends who heal you, and friends who make you feel less alone in your struggles. Surrounding yourself with uplifting people is beneficial to your emotional health and, in turn, can help benefit your physical health.
Although supporting women unapologetically isn't a question Alison hears about frequently, she’s constantly seeing how women apologize. We don’t need to apologize so much, but it can be a nasty habit to break. Alison supports her clients in breaking old habits and making new ones; she’s seen and experienced how freeing it is to not say sorry for things that aren’t your fault. It also means that when you apologize at an appropriate time, it can bring more meaning to the conversation rather than just another sorry to add to the books.
Alison’s journey with health and wellness started when she was a teenager. She had trouble with acne, and instead of looking towards medication, she wanted to resolve it naturally and looked to her nutritional needs. Originally, she had a career as an aesthetician, but this wasn’t fulfilling her value of helping people the way she wanted it to. Menopause can cause acne in older women, and she’s seen how nutrition and menopause are connected; she wanted to give women the attention they deserve when it comes to their struggles with menopause. As Alison reminds us, “menopause is a natural process, suffering isn’t.”
Alison learned about her layers on the journey, and she’s worked on herself over the years. As a child, she was quite shy, and that continued into her teen years, especially once her acne started to develop. She had to work on her confidence, even after her skin cleared up because there was already so much damage to her self-esteem. But Alison loves to learn, so she looked forward to learning about herself, accepting the growth, and embracing her layers.
Through F.E.E.L., Alison has seen the quality of her relationships grow and develop. She cherishes her core group of people and core group of friends—she really values the friendships in her life. She wants to have fun and enjoy life, which is really what most people want to do deep down. Life is serious and exhausting sometimes, so it’s important to allow yourself some freedom to have a good time. You can check out Alison’s website for more information about her knowledge, her blog, the services she provides, and so much more!
Ways to Engage: What do you think of the topic of menopause? Had you heard of perimenopause before this episode? Why do you think this is a topic of conversation that gets brushed under the rug? Feel free to share any thoughts, feelings, or emotions Alison talks about, and let us know in the comments.
Episode 10 - Financial Empowerment with Patti Handy
By Jessica Garrison
Patti Handy has had a remarkable journey when it comes to supporting women and advocating for them in the financial world. She started as a financial advisor and mortgage advisor but has since become a financial coach for women. She uses her knowledge to help women learn more about money, how to be smart with their finances, and give them back their financial freedom.
Patti describes self-care as traditionally being difficult. Women are pulled in so many different directions, and she wants everyone to know that financial health is a layer of self-care and self-healing. When Patti was going through a divorce, she realized that she needed to start taking better care of herself so she could take care of her son better, too. Her son is her first priority, so by prioritizing her own self-care, she’s able to accomplish this goal. Patti also values exercise as part of her self-care routine. It comes in various ways with people, and she encourages the women that she works with to find their own self-care routine to help create a happier balance.
It’s difficult to set boundaries without feeling the guilt that comes with it, but Patti has come to terms with the necessity of boundaries. Although her son comes first, she still needed to carve time out for herself, and it took a while to do this without feeling selfish. Just like self-care, it’s hard to completely change your lifestyle around. However, Patti realized how important it is for children to see adults taking care of themselves, especially their parents. They model themselves after important figures in their life, and Patti wanted to raise children who would learn to take care of themselves, both independently in the world as well as taking care of their minds.
When asked about taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Patti recalled a time shortly after her divorce when she was distraught. She was sobbing, feeling like she was completely lost on where she should go now. She was also financially distressed, despite knowing how to handle her money properly. She started thinking that there are women who are going through what she is, and they may have no idea where to start when it comes to their finances. Offering a judgment-free zone where women could come to her to discuss their worries with finances, Patti is able to assist women in taking care of their emotional health as well. She’s on a journey to learn and gain knowledge, and she wants to offer that to the women around her. Patti says, “We fear what we don’t know,” and that is especially true when it comes to money. By giving women the opportunity to expand their knowledge and gain back their financial freedom, it heals her in turn.
Patti had so many wonderful things to say when talking about supporting women unapologetically, but one of my favorite quotes from her is, “It’s important that we surround ourselves with individuals who support us emotionally and mentally.” If we surround ourselves with people who are constantly bringing us down, then it’s going to negatively impact our lives and how we perceive ourselves. However, I can speak from experience that by surrounding yourself with those who are kind, uplifting, and offer encouragement, you will see the difference in your life. Patti also suggests that women need to give themselves more grace and to not beat themselves up. She recalled that there were plenty of times that she made a poor decision even though she knew better, but she had to learn to let it go. Dwelling on your mistakes won’t change anything; all you can do is move on and make better decisions moving forward. Her goal is for women to be kinder to themselves and to forgive themselves more easily, which is a goal for us at F.E.E.L., too.
Patti’s “why” has always been her son. She wants to be a better person for him, and even though it was a jump to leave her comfortable job, she knew she had a bigger purpose. By taking the leap to help other women, she’s showing her son that it’s okay to follow your dreams and that some risks are worth taking. The feeling of regret was stronger than the feeling of failure, and Patti knew she couldn’t stay in her line of work any further; she had a new purpose in life and had to listen to her calling.
Patti sees her layers as seasons, and she says that there have been seasons of challenges and seasons of amazing moments; she’s been able to have new opportunities for growth and learning. She’s come to realize that life is so precious, and she says that she, “take[s] care of what [she] can today.” There’s no need to focus her energy on the past or things she can’t control, but rather it’s important to put effort towards what she has control over.
By living out F.E.E.L., Patti has become more compassionate and is always looking for ways she can serve the community around her. We all have our own journeys to take, and hers has been a journey towards becoming a financial advocate for women. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand in the moment why something is happening or what brought you there, but you will come out of the darkness into the light one day. Patti is happy to help women along on this journey and to teach them something new so they’re able to live a more prosperous life. I think she perfectly wrapped up with a quote that we often reiterate at F.E.E.L., which is, “We are all complex, beautiful humans.”
Ways to Engage: Money is a topic we’re often told not to talk about. How does the topic of finances make you feel? Nervous? Anxious? Angry? Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic we’re most often told to keep to ourselves, especially as women. There’s support out there for whatever emotion may make you feel, and let this be a reminder that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.