Episode 7 - Loving Our Complex Layers with Dr. Bernadine Waller
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest for this week’s episode is a very accomplished scholar, working at Adelphi University for 14 years and currently working as a research fellow at Columbia University in New York City. Dr. Bernadine Waller (or Dr. Bern, as she is often called) offers so much great advice and intelligence as she goes through the F.E.E.L podcast talking points with Melissa.
Her self care goal is to keep herself whole and healthy enough to help others, describing herself as a natural caregiver. She also says how important it is for her to invite God into her life, being protective of her Sundays and allowing Him to be part of everything she does. Dr. Bern says that “self care is a journey,” which we have covered extensively on the podcast. What nourishes you in one season may not nourish you in another, and it’s okay to evolve with your needs.
I found one of the most interesting parts of the episode to be when Dr. Bern describes her boundaries and how she puts them in place. Her PhD is in social work, which can be a difficult field to be able to set boundaries in. It can wear on your mind and your body quite often, and her biggest wakeup call came when she was diagnosed with a noncancerous tumor, which usually shows up in people twice her age. When it comes to becoming better at setting boundaries, she says, “it should not take a life-altering health challenge for us to do that.” This reminds me of our Clay Health episode with its founder, Sera, who experienced a health crisis that made her chase after what she really wanted from life. It seems to be a pattern that women continue to work themselves so harshly until, like Dr. Bern says, a major medical crisis takes place. She couldn’t be more right; it shouldn’t take something like that to change your perspective, especially because you may not get the chance to change things afterward. It’s scary to think about, but hopefully her stories and advice can help everyone move forward towards their true goals before it’s too late.
The order that Dr. Bern takes care of herself is her spiritual health first, then her mental, then her physical. If she follows this order, then everything else seems to fall into place, though that may not be the same for everyone. She is a big believer in both Jesus and therapy, rather than only relying on her faith to keep her mental health in the right place. It’s okay to ask for help from mental health professionals—that’s what they’re there for, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Another thing she does to take care of her mental health as much as her physical health is to allow herself to enjoy things. Although her work is important and means a lot to her, she doesn’t let it take over her life; she’s allowed to enjoy things in her downtime that don’t relate to work.
There was another part of this episode that I absolutely loved, and it’s when Dr. Bern is talking about her values and how she sees herself. She used to always seek approval from others, especially in high school when the boys didn’t want to go out with her. She thought she wasn’t good enough, and it might be because of her dark skin or impurities that she found in herself. But as she got older, she learned to affirm herself and accept how “perfectly imperfect” she was. All of the things she used to hate when she was younger are the things that make her who she is now, and that’s a really special point of view to have. She compares it by using the example of a wound and a scar. There's a huge difference between them. Wounds take time to heal, but you need to expose them once in a while to be able to allow it to heal properly; the same goes for our hurt on the inside. If you keep it tucked away forever, it will take longer to heal, and it won’t heal the same way if you allowed it to show itself every now and then. At first when she was describing this, I was thinking to myself, where is she going with this? But once she finished, it all made sense. That’s why she is The Dr. Bern—emphasis on everything.
I truly didn’t even scratch the surface with this blog in comparison to the episode. The way Dr. Bern speaks about her life, helping others, and all of her knowledge is one of the most eye opening things ever. Listening to her during this episode was life changing, and I hope we can have her back as a guest someday to share more stories.
Episode 6 - Beauty & Beauty Privilege - What is it, Who defines it, & How do We Find Our Beauty in it?
By Jessica Garrison
In a world consumed by social media, toxic body image, and celebrity worship, the way we perceive ourselves is harsher than ever. This week we discuss pretty privilege and beauty standards that we’re faced with in society, especially being women across a spectrum of backgrounds. From racism to agism, the world of beauty is difficult to navigate, and there’s never a real winner. This conversation is hosted by Melissa Crook with guests Charlotte Feehan, Micaela, and myself, as we share our past experiences with beauty standards and how the media changed our perception growing up.
Micaela brought up how she watched America’s Next Top Model growing up (I was OBSESSED with it), yet there were so many terrible messages sent to young girls through this show. She recalls a specific season where a contestant had a gap in her front teeth and was told she needs to close it to become a model. The model stood up for herself and said she liked the gap between her teeth,, but the insistence to get rid of it really is damaging to those watching who don’t have perfect teeth and might not have the means to accomplish that. But why do we care so much? We can’t help how our teeth grow in; it’s a natural occurrence, and yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to look flawless every second of the day, even when it comes to our teeth and our smiles. This show was on air for 24 seasons and received multiple spin-offs across various countries; imagine how many people were negatively affected by this show and will continue to be affected by it.
In high school, Charlotte never felt desirable because everyone had preconceived notions of who was pretty and who was popular. She was introverted and closed off, but she didn’t mind that. She was comfortable with who she was, but there came a point where she started to change herself for social media. She posted more of what she thought other people would like to see and what would bring her more attention. She describes how those posts did get her more attention from boys, and she experienced a lot of unsolicited comments about her body and the way she looked. Just because someone posts a photo doesn’t mean that they want everyone’s two cents, but, unfortunately, it seems to be a sacrifice you have to make in the world of social media.
Melissa also shares a story that she previously spoke about in another episode, where she experienced a serious foot injury being a track runner. However, the injury didn’t come from actually running on the track. She says that if she didn’t feel skinny enough before bed, she would jog in place in her room until she felt like she was thin enough. It breaks my heart to hear stories like this, but I’ve experienced this mentality as well. It’s even more upsetting to think about how many people agree that they’ve had similar thoughts and experiences when no one should have to go through that. There’s also so much talk about beauty stopping once you reach a certain age, and Melissa has had to deal with this for years. Any person of any age can be beautiful, but according to societal rules, beauty ends at 30 when there’s still so much life left to live.
When it comes to beauty culture, my first thought is it’s about whatever is in style at the time. If big lips are in style, then it seems like everyone is getting lip injections and plumping lip gloss. If skinny butts are in style, everyone’s getting liposuction and going on destructive diets to seem as skinny as possible. Personally, I don’t find anything wrong with people who want to have work done because I believe if it’s your body, then it’s your choice. However, I believe people should do it for the right reasons, rather than just worrying about seeming beautiful to others and worrying about what other people think of you. It truly is a battle that goes back and forth, and like I said before, it’s too contradicting for anyone to actually be victorious in the eyes of society and its standards.
This has been one of the easiest blogs to write and yet one of the most difficult. Just as we said on the podcast, we could talk about this topic all day long. This topic could be its own podcast with how many layers there are to the conversation. Deciding which stories to tell and which could be saved for another day was difficult. But we would love to continue the conversation, hear everyone’s stories, and bring more awareness to issues involving beauty privilege, body image, and everything in between because no one is alone in the struggle.
Episode 5 - Learning & Evolving with Dawn
By Jessica Garrison
This week’s guest on the F.E.E.L podcast, Dawn, is a wonderful reminder that there’s always something to learn by listening to the experience of others, no matter how different they may seem from us. Hearing Dawn speak about what she has learned (and continues to learn) throughout her life really changed my perspective on the way I view certain things. She weaves these lessons into the story she is telling, and it’s like listening to someone you have known for a lifetime.
Dawn approaches each day with positivity as she tries to remain open-minded when it comes to new experiences and ideas. She says she’s still working on taking care of herself, but being a nurse in the NICU, she’s used to putting others above her. The advice she gives to parents is to look after themselves so they can be 1000% for their child, but this isn’t always what she tells herself. After being a caregiver for so long, it can be difficult to get out of that habit of ignoring your own needs, but prioritizing self care is a skill Dawn continues to work on, which isn’t the first (and certainly not the last) time we will hear this on the podcast.
Boundaries are also a work in progress for Dawn. She is a people pleaser through and through. Whenever someone needs help, she’s there to lend a hand without asking for much in return. Her method to bettering her boundaries is “focusing on the moment and making [herself] present in the moment.” Instead of multitasking, she sets time aside for what she needs to focus on and puts her phone on Do Not Disturb when she doesn’t want the distraction. Little things like this have been helping her to establish what is most important and what she needs to feel fulfilled.
Dawn shares the direct correlation she has noticed when it comes to her physical and emotional health. She has a workout routine that involves light exercise and walking, and when she skips her routine, she feels it in her body and her soul. By not keeping her body healthy, it negatively affected her mental state. Everyone has a different routine they follow when it comes to keeping their body active, but the two are definitely tied together stronger than we may think, even when it comes to the smallest details.
Working in an all female NICU, Dawn has noticed the way women have been treating each other, and there’s a lot more work to do. She says we need to focus on “pick[ing] each other up and hav[ing] one another’s backs,” rather than tearing each other down. Dawn says approach is everything, and we need to be approaching one another differently. Rather than being cruel to one another, which she has witnessed greatly in her workplace, she wants to see a change where women support and congratulate one another. Competition can be very positive, but the way that Dawn has seen it recently, it can be an ugly thing to witness.
It was so interesting to hear Dawn talk about being a people pleaser and living out of others’ expectations. However, once she became a mother, she realized that needed to change. She realized that if she cannot advocate for herself, how will she ever be able to advocate for her child? How will she be able to take care of another human being if she isn’t taking care of herself? Of course she is still making progress, but by sharing her fears so candidly, she’s able to continue her journey through this. She refused to let other peoples’ expectations of her control the way she wanted to raise her children, and it’s quite admirable.
Lately, Dawn has been peeling back her layers and is discovering new parts of herself. She is aware that she needs help and needs to continue to discover herself, no matter how difficult it may be. She says it has been a humbling experience and is still figuring things out, but even the smallest ounce of progress is better than not even trying. Her advice, which I will be keeping with me, is to make a hard day a good day; it’s all about the approach. You can’t help if others want to accept what you bring to the table, but no matter what happens, you can always bring kindness.
Episode 4 - Women’s Health Empowerment with Sera from Clay Health
By Jessica Garrison
It’s always reassuring to catch a glimpse of the impact the F.E.E.L podcast makes by sharing the voices of others in a different way. The guest we have for this week’s episode is a great example of that, because she is the first one who our host and creator, Melissa Crook, had not known prior to filming. The two met through social media and share a passion for bringing women’s voices to the forefront of difficult conversations. Our guest, Sera, is the founder of Clay Health, a comprehensive lifestyle health delivery network that aims to “mold the healthcare experience for women.” She shares her story of a health crisis she experienced at a young age and how she’s shifted her life to a healthier form that includes more than just her physical health.
Sera describes prioritizing self care as an “evolution.” It’s very specific to her needs in the moment as well as the needs of those around her, particularly her son. She became a mom right before the pandemic hit and has had to adjust her life to that struggle. Regularly looking at her schedule, Sera sees what time she has available, how much of it she’s putting into her work, and how much of herself she is giving to pursue her dreams. She doesn’t feel guilty about the time she takes for herself anymore because it helps her be more creative, which therefore helps her achieve the goals she sets. Sometimes it takes a while for us to understand this because of society’s pressure to always be on the move, but the sooner we recognize this, the sooner we can become our best selves.
It’s quite emotional to hear Sera share the story of her health crisis, especially at an age where you’re still figuring yourself out. However, it was after her struggle that she decided to leave her job in finance to pursue something she was actually passionate about. She was no longer willing to risk her health, which means all parts of her health: spiritual health, emotional health, physical health, and mental health. Sera is quite a captivating storyteller; it’s refreshing to hear people talk about chasing their dreams despite the obstacles they have to overcome. It’s a nice change of pace from the fantasy we see on television.
Considering her past, Sera deeply cares about her physical and emotional health, as well as taking care of both of them equally. After suffering from her health crisis, she wanted to prove to those around her that she was better, and by doing that involved abusing her body. She would continue to work herself as a runner to prove she was healthy. She also describes her journey with chronic pain. With doctors trying to convince her the pain was in her head, she didn’t know how to handle everything that was going on with her body. Now, she makes it a point to take care of her mental health before her physical health, knowing things will fall into place much more easily for her. I really cannot do Sera’s story justice—listen to her explain and you’ll understand just how powerful her words are. Melissa agrees during the conversation that “your body is for you,” and that is a huge takeaway from this episode.
When it comes to supporting women, Sera describes it as so important and simple, yet difficult. Letting other women share their stories in a safe space is what will help us all with the support we need. She says that women don’t always need to be “fixed,” we just need to be heard and feel heard. Community is one of the most important things when it comes to women feeling supported in their everyday lives. By founding Clay Health, she opened the door to women being able to share their health stories in a world where it is difficult to seek help, feel believed, and be believed.
My favorite part of this episode comes towards the end while listening to Sera describe the unraveling of her layers. It truly never stops. They are complicated and scary and hurtful, yet it’s still beautiful to discover new layers of yourself. Everyone has these layers they have to uncover throughout their lives and learn to accept in order to grow as a person. It can be one of the most difficult things we have to do, but it’s beneficial in the long run.
Sera was always told she was “inspiring” after overcoming her health difficulties, which she says she hated. She says she isn’t brave for dealing with her health crisis and overcoming it—what she finds brave and inspiring is women who are able to share their stories, share their truths, and offer a listening ear to those who need it. I must say, however, that the way she speaks about her journey so candidly and unapologetically is truly inspirational, and I’m glad we are able to share her truth through this episode.
Episode 3 - Hitting “Reset” with Amaris Garcia
By Jessica Garrison
Over the past three seasons, the F.E.E.L podcast has highlighted many ideals, and one of them is that you can always learn from hearing someone else’s journey, no matter how different they may seem from you. The guest featured on this week’s episode, Amaris Garcia, shares plenty of stories to help all of us grow as people. She speaks in depth about her experience with the COVID-19 pandemic and how she was able to take something positive from the experience. Her outlook on self care was transformed, which in turn, positively affected her life. It took a complete shift in the world for her to realize that if she didn’t slow down, she was going to completely burn herself out, and this realization helped to shape her into the person she is today.
The way she did this involved making subtle changes in her day to day life, rather than everything all at once. She also says that setting strong work boundaries changed her for the better. Amaris leaves her work at work instead of bringing it home with her, and it’s important to make up for the nights you do have to stay and work late. Amaris suggests the app Habit to others who may be struggling to keep an eye on their goals. I had never heard of this app before, but it definitely looks enticing: it’s free on the app store and offers a way for its users to focus on completing their goals throughout the day. I’m sure it doesn’t work for everyone, but if it’s free, I’d say it’s worth a shot.
When it comes to taking care of her emotional health just as much as her physical health, Amaris realized how much she admired the people who were taking the time to invest in themselves, and she wanted to achieve this as well. She says that she takes more time to pause and reflect during the day and acknowledges what her body needs rather than keeping the “go, go, go” mentality.
On the podcast, we believe in supporting others through their journeys to self discovery and self care. Amaris gives a warm response to the question of how she supports other women in taking care of themselves. It’s important for her to share the message to others, especially women who have been told how they need to act in order to be happy in life. As women, we’ve been taught to tear each other down, when we should be working together to achieve our goals. I agree with Amaris that we need to stop judging one another and take care of each other, reminding those around us when they need to take a rest.
Another thing that Amaris spoke about that I enjoyed was traveling. She’s been to over a dozen countries, and she encourages others to explore the world as well, but it doesn’t have to be to the same extent as her. She acknowledges that not everyone may have the opportunity to branch out incredibly far, but even going someplace you’ve never been before can help open your mind.. She also says that getting out of her hometown helped her find herself as a person; it was a way for her to be able to do what she wanted to do, rather than what was expected of her. Everyone deserves the opportunity to be able to live the life they want, instead of continuing to do what others’ want.
One last story that I loved from this episode was when Amaris and Melissa talk about relationships and how some of them need to end for the better of both parties. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, which is an idea that I continue to struggle with. When I lose someone in my life, I look at it as a sad thing because something must’ve gone wrong for this to happen. But in reality, some relationships are meant to be short, and that’s okay, too.
Amaris gives a lot of credit to her parents for becoming the incredible woman she is today. She describes them as amazing leaders throughout her life who continue to bring her back to her values and make sure the decisions she makes align with who she wants to be. Fun fact: one of my favorite episodes from the podcast actually comes from Amaris’s mother, Christy Martinez Garcia, who was the featured guest for the 14th episode of F.E.E.L. These women are a powerful reminder of the quote: “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”
Episode 2 - Getting to Know Yourself with OUR OWN Micaela
By Jessica Garrison
Getting to know yourself after spending most of your life just trying to please other people is a long and difficult journey that we’ve discussed often on the podcast. No one is on the same path to self discovery, so it’s always interesting to hear others speak on what they’ve experienced along the way to finding themselves. Micaela, the F.E.E.L podcast’s social media assistant and research coordinator, shares how she’s grown through the years and how she continues to work towards becoming a healthier person.
Micaela speaks often during this episode about her relationship with God, and how that has helped her become the person who she is today. She describes how she didn’t have her own sense of self before devoting her life to Christ, but now that she has, she feels much more secure in everything she does. It gives her confidence to know that a higher power is looking out for her and guiding her; Micaela knows she’s never alone when things become difficult.
When addressing how she handles boundaries, I thought Micaela gave a very unique answer, which was that “boundaries apply to everything, not just relationships.” She finds that her boundaries show up more in the world of social media. Since she is the social media assistant for the podcast, she has to balance the time she spends online, especially when it’s so easily accessible and necessary to exist. Whether it be for work or for personal use, it’s empowering to hear Micaela talk about the control of what she sees, how much of it she’s viewing, and how it affects her.
Another part of this episode that really resonated with me was when Micaela recalls being told she was a “sensitive” child. For some reason, this word is typically used negatively when referring to people, though the world could use a lot more sensitivity in my opinion. People mistook Micaela’s empathetic nature as a weakness, which she has since relearned as a positive trait. She enjoys sharing these stories as a way to help others who may have been through something similar to her; she wants everyone to know that it’s okay to be who you are, and you shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of that.
Micaela says that her way of supporting herself, as well as other women, includes being a listener: “You can always learn something from another person, especially if you haven’t walked in their shoes.” She always wants to offer an open ear to those around her, which serves as further proof that empathy is an admirable attribute, rather than something that is a hindrance.
Identifying as a Christian is the biggest reason Micaela is the person she is today. Everything she does and believes stems from her faith, but she shares that despite how strongly she feels about this, it isn’t an easy path to be on. She used to be lost with how much judgment there is in the world and wasn’t sure what her true character was. As a result of this, she is exceptionally proud of her growth while still understanding there’s room for improvement. She has also described herself as a huge people pleaser, but she continues to make decisions that make her feel fulfilled, rather than others. By opening up her mind and allowing God in her life, she can confidently act as her own person.
Micaela is still working on accepting all aspects of herself; she says that introversion will always be part of her, but she wants to come out of her shell more. I’ve learned from her that you can still love yourself while wanting to improve. The world doesn’t have to be black and white—we just have to be willing to understand that not everyone is on the same path as us. The best thing we can do is be sensitive and understanding, like Micaela.
Episode 1 - WE’RE BAAACK - Welcome to Season Three of the F.E.E.L Podcast
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome back everyone to the third season of the F.E.E.L podcast! We are all so excited to return and continue sharing the stories of the incredible figures that surround us. We have so many new features coming your way, including an expansion of social media platforms and a newsletter that will give a sneak peek to upcoming guests and topics.
To kick-off the first episode of the new season, Melissa sat down with her staff—Germaine Jeanty, Charlotte Feehan, Micaela, and myself—to discuss our time off in August. It was nice for everyone to take a break and make time for things that they may not always be able to do. And it’s even better to come together and get to share and listen to those stories. We shared something we loved over the break, something we’ve learned, and something we look forward to in our lives.
We’ve seen Germaine on her journey of moving into a new apartment, and she’s finally all settled in. Now that her new place is more organized and is starting to come together, she is loving the space that she’s worked hard to develop. However, she shares that it comes with patience and compromise, especially when living with another person who has their own habits and ideals. But even through her journey, it’s nice to hear her say, “I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel comfortable.”
Meanwhile, Charlotte has been loving her travels over the course of the summer and experiencing what the world has to offer. It was also interesting to hear her discuss her other work endeavors, and what she’s learning in her new environment. I think Charlotte relates to a lot of people when she says what she’s learned is to be more comfortable with reaching out and asking questions—I know she at least relates to me when it comes to that.
For me, I spoke about the upcoming Autumn season (my favorite) and how everything from the weather to the fall scents to Halloween nourishes my soul. I always look forward to the festivities every single year. In addition to this, my first “grownup” wedding is happening soon, and I’m so thankful to be able to share in the celebration with my friends. It just reminds me of the wonderful memories I’ll be making in the coming months.
Micaela shares the knowledge that she’s learned over the past month, specifically about social media and living her life as she wants it. She discusses the “glamorous” side of social media that may not be as truthful as one would like to think. Rather, she’s choosing to believe that she’s where she’s meant to be, and letting herself live freely in the present of the moment, which is a sentiment we can all learn from.
Our host and Embracing Layers creator, Melissa, has had an eventful August to say the least. She opens up about coming back from her time off to discover, without rhyme or reason, she didn’t have a job anymore. It’s been an emotional and frightening time for her, figuring out how to move forward in an unforgiving world. But her positive outlook on life allows her to continue to thrive in any situation she’s in. Melissa, along with the rest of the staff, excitedly looks forward to moving the podcast forward and seeing what other opportunities lie ahead.
We want our listeners to know that the F.E.E.L podcast has also decided to add a “donate” option to help continue our journey. If you can’t donate, that’s okay! Feel free to share our podcast to ensure the growth of the Embracing Layers community; we’ve been working hard on expanding across various social media platforms, such as Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, LinkedIn, and Facebook. It is not expected but is very much appreciated. Thank you for coming on this journey with us, and here’s to another amazing season!