Episode 11 - Embracing Our Multifaceted Identities with Jenna Madden
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome to the final blog of season four! We’ve had so many incredible, insightful guests this season, but I’m definitely partial to this one. Jenna Madden, who identifies as a nonbinary queer person, has been one of my best friends since high school, and I’m so thankful they accepted the invitation to be featured on an episode of our podcast. Even though Jenna is a year younger than me, they have always been someone I’ve looked up to and aspired to be more like.
Self care can seem really scary at first, especially if someone else seems to have the hang of it and you’re just learning. But for Jenna, self care is all about the basics and doing whatever makes them feel good. Whether it be a deep breathing exercise or taking a break to hydrate, Jenna says, “it’s important to nourish yourself.” They’re also a fan of playing the guitar, running, swimming, and playing soccer. Even if they aren’t necessarily the best at a certain activity, Jenna likes to let loose and finds peace in participating in anything that keeps them grounded.
When talking about boundaries, one word that Jenna mentioned was consent, and I don’t think there is a better word to fit this topic. Jenna provides the example that not everyone enjoys hugs, so it’s okay to tell someone you’re not comfortable with your space being violated. Even if something may seem small to you, it’s important to build the self confidence to trust your feelings and express them. Not everyone has the same level of comfort, and Jenna tries to motivate those around them to be aware that they have control over their own bodies.
Not only has the guitar helped Jenna understand the importance of self care, but it’s also helped them understand the connection between mental and physical health. Not only does listening to music comfort them mentally, but being able to physically play an instrument also helps to get out anxieties and frustrations. Jenna believes that therapy is for everyone but understands that not everyone may have the same resources as them. They provide other outlets, such as journaling or the Youper app, which guides you through therapy exercises to help calm anxiety.
Jenna is also a big believer in “your struggle is my struggle.” In their free time, Jenna enjoys advocating for others and spreading awareness around their community. So many groups are oppressed in our world, and we believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to experience joy and to live their life to the fullest.
Oppression and systems of power also influence the expectations we have of others and ourselves. I’ve never thought of this perspective before, but they’re absolutely right. Jenna says there’s no simple answer to living out of your own expectations because there are so many elements that can affect the way we see this. Even when it came to accepting themself, it was difficult for Jenna to come to terms with their queer identity because of all the expectations thrown their way, such as not dressing like a stereotypical queer person. Jenna says it was important to remind themself that “you know you the best,” and finding a sense of community has helped in so many ways.
Jenna spoke during the episode about their identity, and how multifaceted people are. You are more than just one thing at any given moment, and that’s why it’s so important for everyone to embrace their layers. I have always been a big believer in intersectional feminism because, like Jenna said, we are more than just one thing. We are more than just our race or religion or sexual orientation; every part of us is beautiful and deserves to be celebrated. Jenna credits their time at Barnard College for helping them understand the complexity of the world. There’s a freedom to dismantling the boxes that society tries to put us in by embracing your true self.
You will not be disappointed with Jenna’s episode. They have so much encouragement and wisdom to offer (I couldn’t possibly fit it all in one blog). Be sure to follow us on social media for posts and updates throughout the summer, and we’ll see you all in the fall!
Episode 10 - Clear Expectations with Chotsani Williams West
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week has quite the history with the F.E.E.L Podcast. Melissa connected with the original editor of the podcast, Valencia, through our guest, Chotsani Williams West. She is the Assistant Vice President of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, & Belonging for Adelphi University, as well as an Adjunct Professor within the College of Arts & Sciences and the College of Education & Health Sciences. She is clearly an intelligent and accomplished individual, but like everyone else, Chotsani has had setbacks when it comes to her layers and living out F.E.E.L.
She shares that her self care routine needs “sprucing up,” but she still has a lot of helpful techniques in her current one. For example, she likes to have quiet moments in the car to listen to the birds and take the time to reflect upon her day. She’s been working diligently on her doctorate and can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s been a long road to travel. Stealing the moments for self care when she can has been essential for her mental health, and she has learned to not push self care back, even if that means penciling in time for yourself on the calendar to make sure you get the attention you deserve.
Boundaries have been flexible for Chotsani, and I think she brings great insight to the topic. By saying “no” when you want to, it makes the “yes” so much more special. It frees up time for what Chotsani wants to do, rather than her schedule being full of things she doesn’t really want to do. And “no” doesn’t always have to be a no with a period at the end of it, though sometimes it might be. Sometimes it can be “no for now, but maybe another time.” Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be as scary as it sounds, though it can be difficult at times to say no to those you really want to say yes to. However, in the long run, you’ll see how beneficial it can be to stick to the boundaries you’ve set and trust your instincts, just as Chotsani has.
Chotsani is very grateful for the women she has in her life and is surrounded by those who help straighten each other up. They support one another, even if they may not always have the time to pick up the phone and call. Even a text message of encouragement or a shared post between them helps them get through the day. It’s important to not only have these kinds of people in your life but to also allow yourself to fall back on them; supporting one another always feels good.
Coming back to her why is crucial to Chotsani. She says that if you don’t set this at the very beginning of your career and/or education, when things get blurry, you can easily lose direction. A strong foundation is important to make sure you’re on the track you want to be and act as a guiding point for making decisions. There’s always opportunities to learn about yourself, and maybe this will cause your why to change. As long as it’s true to who you are, then your why will always be important.
When Chotsani thinks about living out of her own expectations versus others’, she says, “accessibility is important; if people don’t think you’re accessible, it doesn’t lend itself to authentic, life changing conversations.” In her world, you have to be clear on not only how you engage with people, but also what expectations there are in the relationship. It’s easy for miscommunication to happen, so Chotsani clearly expresses what she expects and wants from a situation and allows others the opportunity to do the same.
Chotsani is a lover of dance, so she tends to look at her layers as such. You can’t always choreograph the dance—things come up unexpectedly in life. Sometimes there are moments where you know exactly which step you’ll be doing next and sometimes you have to improvise. There’s no right way or wrong way to discover and embrace your layers. Everyone has their own style and images of how they want their life to turn out, and Chotsani definitely has the elegance of a person dancing through life, even if she’s not sure which step is supposed to come next. Her authenticity throughout this episode was refreshing and personable, and I’m pleased we’re all able to hear her story.
Episode 9 - How to Live Well With Bipolar with Paris Prynkiewicz
By Jessica Garrison
Paris Prynkiewicz has been on an extraordinary journey in her life, from being misdiagnosed with depression at 16 years old to being hospitalized a few years later before finally being diagnosed properly. From there, she was able to treat the actual mental disorder she has and was able to get back to the life she wanted to live. As it turns out, Paris has bipolar I and, after being diagnosed, she was able to transform her life. She created the Live Well Bipolar podcast to help others who live with being bipolar, and she wants to spread the message to the world that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Self care wasn’t really part of Paris’s life until she was 23 years old. She attended a personal development conference that helped her realize she wasn’t happy in her situation and needed a change. She began to cut things out of her life that didn’t align with what she truly wanted. She described that her changes started small, like visualizing what she wanted from each day. Now she can visualize what she wants in her future and how she can go about accomplishing those goals while taking proper care of herself.
Like so many of us, it was hard for Paris to say no at first. She worked two jobs and attended school full time before her proper diagnosis at 19 years old. Her psychiatrist thought she was fine because she could hold a job, had straight A’s in school, and was in a consistent relationship. He had no idea about her internal struggles and how she never valued herself. This is a great example of how you have no idea what’s going on in a person’s head, even if everything seems to be okay on the outside. She’s gotten better at recognizing stressors in her life, and those are things she’s able to confidently set a boundary against. She had quite a few negative influences in her life that tried to discourage her from starting her podcast and sharing her story, but she’s been able to block them out and continue with the work she knows is important.
Our talking point about taking care of your emotional health as much as your physical health really resonated with Paris because that was featured on the first episode of her podcast. She and Melissa were really meant to be! It makes so much sense to her that the two are intertwined, especially when she reflects on her past. Her mental health was the biggest block in her life, so to cope, she was reckless with her physical body. Once she was able to get control mentally, she looked at her physical health. Paris cut out alcohol, she eats in moderation, exercises regularly, and is working towards goals she creates. I’m happy to hear that Paris was able to heal not only her mental health, but physical health as well in her journey.
Living out of her own expectations rather than others is a challenging experience for Paris. People have this idea of what being bipolar is in their heads, like extreme mood swings or episodes of mania. However, it doesn’t show up the same way in each person, and Paris wants to share that with the world. She was worried about people looking at her differently once she shared her diagnosis, but she has since gained the confidence to speak out about her experiences. She’s able to coach other people through this, whether it be people in her life or people she meets through the podcast. It’s about what’s best for her, rather than what’s best for those around her and fitting into the mold they want her to fit in.
When it comes to embracing her layers and living out F.E.E.L, Paris has become clear on her thoughts. She doesn’t believe the old stories she used to tell herself, and she understands how to navigate through her life while living with bipolar I. She was used to abuse, whether it be from an ex or herself, but she’s since realized what a healthy relationship is: “When you finally get in front of something healthy, it’s foreign to you.” Paris advises everyone to learn from others who have overcome something like this and stay curious. It’s so incredible how she was able to understand her diagnosis and create something so positive out of it. She’s changing the world with her podcast and the way she shares her experiences. It isn’t easy to put yourself on the spot the way she does everyday, but her courage and intelligence does not go unnoticed.
Episode 8 - Celebrate Yourself with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is a mental health professional and entrepreneur from Inner Solace Therapy named Valerie. She helps her clients deal with a variety of things, such as anxiety, relationships, and trauma. Valerie has so much information to share about herself to help others understand the need for self care, boundaries, and accepting their layers.
Valerie says she’s trying to normalize the term “selfish,” a way in which so many people describe self care. She says she gets monthly massages or mani/pedis to keep her head on straight and give herself a well deserved treat: “Anything that allows [her] to nurture [herself] through health and wellness” can be considered part of her self care routine. She tries to stay consistent when it comes to taking care of herself, though it’s just human nature to falter from time to time.
For her boundaries, Valerie says that it shifts based on what is important in her life at the moment. For example, in her 20s, school and work were most important to her, so she based her boundaries around those aspects of her life. However, now that she’s older, these are not the same priorities. She used to have a bigger social circle, but now she has a family, a career, and different goals. Part of her boundaries is being able to say no without an explanation, which I think is a great sentiment. We always feel the need to explain why we say no and try to reschedule, even if it’s something we don’t want to do. As we’ve learned over the past few seasons of the podcast, no is a sentence all on its own. It’s “okay to change [your] mind.”
At Inner Solace Therapy, Valerie puts importance on a person’s mental health being connected to their physical health. She says she has her own therapist to help keep her mental health on the right track, and it’s critical to pay attention to your body’s internal cues. If your body is trying to tell you something, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and listen to what you need both mentally and physically.
Valerie and Melissa had such a great conversation about supporting women, and it all starts with yourself. It’s okay to celebrate yourself and be your own cheerleader; sometimes that’s what you need the most. If you show up for yourself, then others will show up for you, too. And sometimes other people will need support as well, and if you’re able, be the first person there to support them. Everyone needs support, even if they don’t think they do. Melissa also says, “Nothing is wrong with celebrating your victories.” Even if someone else is celebrating, “there is space for everyone.”
Just as boundaries have changed for Valerie, her values have changed throughout her life as well. I think this is completely normal and healthy. She describes the why as a “guiding point in order to recognize where you’re going.” For her, it’s rooted in safety and security because that’s what she wants for her family. She describes it as an ongoing process, and it probably won’t stay the exact same for anyone throughout their life. Change is okay and can be a great thing.
There’s a duality when it comes to expectations you set for yourself; it can be a good thing, but it can also be harmful if you’re not careful. Just like other aspects of your life, it’s important to reassess your expectations for yourself to make sure you’re pushing yourself towards your goals, but not too hard. If you have unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’ll never get to where you want to go and it’ll negatively impact your mental health. However, it’s important to still push yourself and make sure you’re achieving the things you set out to do. Valerie is so smart in the way she describes living out of her own expectations vs. others, and she’s inspired me to reevaluate my goals to make sure I’m not setting impossible expectations for myself.
Living out F.E.E.L and accepting her layers has been quite the journey for Valerie, one that she continues to work towards. When Valerie was younger, she describes how she was disconnected from reality because she was in survival mode. Since then, she’s continued to work towards peeling back her layers and accepting who she is, whether it be past, present, or future. She has so much knowledge and kindness, and I’m so glad she was able to be part of our podcast and share that with everyone. It’s important to remember not to be discouraged because no matter how you see your progress, you’re continuing to move forward.
Episode 7 - Emotional Health & Physical Health Healing with Teresa Vesneske
By Jessica Garrison
We have such an enjoyable episode this week with guest Teresa Vesneske, a former paraeducator, now educator, who brings incredible energy to every conversation she has. She has 3 daughters and her life was dedicated to making sure they had everything they needed growing up. Once they were all on their own and Teresa had an empty nest, she had to figure out the next steps of her life. She decided to pursue her dream of becoming an educator by going back to school and finishing her degree. With her determined attitude and supportive family, she was able to work towards her goal and is now making a difference in the lives of so many children.
To be able to succeed at what she wanted to do, she had to establish some boundaries: “You can only give so much.” She understood what changes needed to be made, such as getting the negativity out of her life and realizing not everything can be perfect. If someone was making her feel bad about herself, she unfriended them, at least for the time being. Teresa keeps the possibility open that they may realign at different points of their lives, but as it stands, she needs people who are there to support her rather than tear her down.
Teresa has had an incredible journey through her physical health connecting with her mental health. Her physical health was a priority because she was resting at a weight of 374 pounds. She had so much social anxiety; even the thought of getting on an airplane was nerve wracking to her, and I don’t blame her. Like Teresa says, “the world is not kind.” If you scroll on your phone for just ten minutes, you’re bound to see at least one thing that negatively depicts people who are obese, particularly women. Teresa sought out weight loss surgery to help her change her life and, thankfully, it did: “I’m down 215 pounds and living my best life!” The most important thing she did was ask for help, even after she had her surgery. She rediscovered her love for swimming after losing weight and works with a counselor to help work through an eating disorder she didn’t even realize she had until after the surgery.
Being everyone else’s support system weighed on her, so she had to get in the “selfish” mindset of taking care of herself first. We know that it isn’t actually selfish to take care of yourself, but it’s difficult in the beginning when you’re trying to change an idea you’ve lived with your entire life. Teresa realized that “being good to myself trickles over to them.” She’s become a cheerleader for others but also for herself, and the community around her is beginning to follow her mindset. In supporting others and other women, she says that sharing the story is important because it shows others that it’s okay to ask for help. Those who love Teresa are there to support her, and she saw it was okay to lean into that support. Once she realized this, her life began to move forward in a positive way, and she wants other people to learn from this.
Teresa was a young mother, and her whole focus was on raising her children. She began to neglect other parts of her life for her girls, primarily her own self care. She was a mother figure to a lot of people, including children that her children were friends with. This kind of attitude further signifies that she was meant to be an educator, and her kindness is incomparable. We can all remember that friend whose mom was “Everyone’s Mom” and the impact they made on our lives.
By living out of her own expectations rather than others, Teresa realized how much better life could be. There were people who said she’d never get her degree or a teaching job, never lose weight, and basically never accomplish her goals. She also has siblings who are a lot older than her, and she had to stop comparing where they were in their lives to where she was; they were on a separate journey and not in the same area of life as her. You can never really compare yourself to anyone because what they’ve been through and what you’ve been through are completely different. You are on your own journey and how you get to your destination is up to you.
This past November Teresa completed her 11th 5k run and hopes to accomplish more in the future. She shared that she always wanted to be a runner but couldn’t really do so until she lost weight. Just as Teresa has shown us, with a positive mindset and attitude to match, anything is possible. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes next.
Episode 6 - Period Empowerment - How SAALT Makes This Possible with Taylor Christenson
By Jessica Garrison
Taylor Christenson has been a guest on the podcast previously, but she’s back in season 4 to share exciting information for listeners to learn more about period health and how you could possibly save some money on period hygiene products. I want to be clear that even though period products are well known as feminine hygiene products, we recognize that not everyone who has their period identifies as a woman or as feminine. The F.E.E.L Podcast is a safe space for everyone to share their thoughts, feelings, struggles, and victories.
SAALT creates “clean, high-performance products that are healthy for you and the planet.” The CEO and cofounder featured on their website is Cherie, whose Venezuelan aunt told her that period products haven’t been available in stores for years; Cherie couldn’t imagine what she would do if she had to live her life without access to period products or if one of her five daughters had to live that way. She worked up a way to be able to create and send sustainable period products overseas for those who aren’t as privileged as we are to have period products available in stores. Period products are still pretty expensive in the United States, but it’s a step above some other countries that don’t have the same access.
While Taylor was a guest during this episode, she spoke about SAALT during the talking points and how her work mirrors the ideals of the F.E.E.L Podcast. When speaking about self care and taking care of yourself while on your period, Taylor shares the statistic that 1 in 5 people with a period in the U.S. are unable to afford period care products every month. One of SAALT’s biggest products is the menstrual cup. You don’t have to buy one every month like a box of tampons or pads; it’s reusable since all you have to do is clean it out when it gets full, rather than throwing it away every time. There’s so much that goes into the process of getting the products to where they need to be, making sure that the company distributing them is reputable and is working towards the same goals as them. Taylor shares that SAALT partners with HER International because they understood “it’s more than just donating products.” A lot more work goes into it; these are people’s lives that are affected by the work they do. This affects people’s mental health, their ability to get an education, and their physical health/hygiene.
Taylor says that “periods are really layered” and that’s why it’s such a good fit to be able to feature her work this week. Periods are fluid and can change—they can change your hormones, how your body feels, how you feel mentally, and it’s not always the same reactions every month. Factoring in people who have children or are going through serious changes in life, the way you deal with your period can affect every other aspect of your life, which is difficult for people who don’t have periods to understand. It’s hard enough dealing with all of this, let alone if you don’t have a way to properly deal with it, such as medication if necessary or the proper hygienic products to help you take care of yourself.
Taylor says, “I associate my period with empowerment,” which I absolutely love. I realize as I get older, I can relate to her sentiment. Growing up (and I know it wasn’t just me), it was so embarrassing to have your period. I’d try to be secretive, taking my pad or tampon out of my bag and hurrying to the bathroom praying that no one else would be in there to hear the crinkle of the wrapper. I don’t know why I cared so much considering it’s normal and healthy to have a regular period. I want us to get rid of the stigma that having your period makes you gross or dirty because it’s one of the most natural things that we go through in life. The work that Taylor and SAALT do is helping to erase those negative connotations that people have when it comes to periods and the more work we can do, the better off the world will be.
Honestly, I have not even scratched the surface on this episode. I have two pages of notes and I think I only covered about half of them, so I highly recommend listening to the full episode to hear Taylor speak about this herself and sharing all of the knowledge she has. Please feel free to explore the resources page for this episode to find out more information about Taylor, SAALT, and where you can learn more and even get a discount code for the SAALT website!
Disclaimer: This episode is for educational purposes only, and we know and respect that each woman needs to handle their period care in a way that feels most healthy for them.
Episode 5 - Embracing Discomfort As a Path to Peace with Meghan Locklair
By Jessica Garrison
The talking points used in the podcast are a staple to what it means to F.E.E.L, and our guest this week has been an inspiration to the talking points we feature here, particularly “coming back to your ‘why.’” Meghan Locklair is very intentional with what she does, living her life as a learner who is always open to new ideas.
Her technique to handle self care is very different from others that we’ve heard from in the past: by embracing discomfort. Meghan understands the world is not always kind, and she wants to pursue ways to cope with the hardships that life may bring. She recognizes that confronting discomfort isn’t for everyone, but for her, it helps to put things into perspective and take care of herself better.
Boundaries are something that evolve with time, and Meghan understands how they have to shift with your needs as you evolve over the years. She said she had to figure herself out, what God thinks of the boundaries she’s setting, and how they can affect what she values the most. Her boundaries are “not the same as ten years ago” because they’ve actually increased with her age, but she’s also gotten better at setting them as guardrails rather than setting them up as brick walls. It’s nice to see the contrast between Meghan’s boundaries when she was younger versus how she sets them now, especially since she is such a well rounded individual.
Meghan has two main goals personally, and they are her keeping her mind and body healthy. She knows there’s a deep connection between the two and tries to be conscious of truly feeling her emotions. If she’s angry, she wants to be able to express that just as she wants to for a happy emotion. Hormones are a difficult thing to navigate for women, and we see this become more difficult in a world of misogyny that is never pleased with how women react to any given situation. Meghan says, “you’re not more emotional, you’re more intuitive.” I wish someone had said this to me when I was younger because I always got told I was “too emotional,” but that shouldn’t be referred to as something negative. Meghan and everyone at F.E.E.L are here to tell you your emotions are valid and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to have them.
Her advice for supporting women is to own your life and own your values; if something is important to you, then don’t be afraid of it. Life can present peer pressure to you, but there’s always more than one option, and you should be pursuing whatever means the most to you despite what others may say about it. Meghan says we all need each other, so we should be respecting one another, helping one another, and inviting others to join the journey. Melissa also gives notable advice that it’s great for women to be independent, but that doesn’t mean you need to take everything on yourself, so don’t be afraid to allow help from others. Accepting help from others when you need it is a strength, not a weakness.
Sometimes it’s difficult for Meghan to put into actual words what her values are, but she knows what they are in her core, and that’s the most important thing. When it comes to making decisions, the “why” has to be involved and it should be clear if it’s part of your master plan. Otherwise, you should reevaluate either your “why” or your master plan. It’s evident that Meghan knows what she wants out of life and goes after it, but she does so in a way that she doesn’t lose who she truly is on the inside.
Melissa shares with us that Meghan is a twin, so she’s had to work to find her own identity and sense of self. Meghan says that people have more ownership over their life than they like to think; she wants to change the idea of “why is this happening to me” and turn it into a positive. She feels that “God brings us into different seasons,” but she doesn’t want to have a victim mindset that decisions are being made for people and there’s nothing they can do about it. Learn to recognize different seasons, learn from them, and become the person you want to be, even if circumstances are not ideal.
Hearing from Meghan has been so wonderful, especially after learning that she inadvertently inspired so much for this podcast. I think we can all agree with Melissa that Meghan has a glow about her, and it shines through every time she speaks about her family, her life, and her values.
Episode 4 - Becoming My Own Soulmate with Danielle Parks
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week shares an incredible story of heartbreak and betrayal but comes out the other side with a new sense of self that is guaranteed to inspire those who listen. Danielle Parks gives a new perspective to what it means to be a wife, a woman, and a human being. She speaks candidly about her journey through self care, setting boundaries, and what it means to find comfort in yourself.
In her self care process, running was a major outlet for Danielle. After realizing this wasn’t the best way to express herself, she went to the other end of the spectrum and rested her body, which caused a domino effect in her life. Instead of running and taking her mind off of things, rest caused her to sit with her feelings, even the ones that are uncomfortable. Instead of constantly keeping her mind off things, this became a time for growth, evolving, and acceptance, which is arguably the first step in learning to love your authentic self. Our feelings and emotions are there for a reason, so it’s important to listen to them and what they’re telling us. Danielle says to “give yourself permission to not know where you’re going on the journey.”
Danielle practices setting her intentions for the day and gives herself time to align that so she can relish in the feeling of it all. She also journals so she has a safe place to create and thinks everyone should have a place like this, which I completely agree with. Even if you don’t think you have a creative personality, it’s important to express yourself on some type of level rather than bottling it up. It might take a while to find the right medium, but once you do, it’ll be all worth it in the end.
When it comes to supporting other women in living unapologetically, Danielle allows the space to be there for herself and for other women; you do not need to take care of everyone and everything. This is a lesson that she had to learn the hard way. She shares a time when she didn’t listen to her body, despite it screaming at her that something was wrong: she doubted the trust she had in her husband. When she questioned him about her feelings, she still wasn’t sure if she could trust his answer. She shared a Bible verse with him that says, “Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from the housetops.” Unfortunately, she was correct in her doubts. Her husband was eventually sentenced for embezzlement, but Danielle was determined to make the relationship work. She would wake up at 5am just to visit him hours away, describing her experience as being in “survival mode,” feeling the need to be a certain person for this man.
It’s only just recently that she has begun to feel free from the situation. She realized she had to let her husband go and the old Danielle die for a newer and happier one to be born. Her advice is to take a moment to feel all of the emotions: the guilt, the sorrow, the pain. Accept love and support from others, too. She used to be a shell of herself, but now she is grateful for everything she’s been through because it got her to the place where she is today. Melissa shares an interesting insight that we are okay with disappointing ourselves before disappointing others, and that mindset needs to change. The journey is rooted in forgiveness. Forgiveness for others and also for yourself.
Living out of your own expectations instead of others can be a difficult boundary to set as well, but life shows up as it wants. Danielle says she had to grieve the life she once had and accept the truth of her new reality in order to move on. The truth is her North Star, which is a term she uses to express guidance. She asks, “what do you want to feel like? What do you want to experience, not just in the day, but in life?” Those are some important questions to ask yourself so you can keep reaching your goals.
The more layers we peel off, the more beauty we find underneath. Danielle says to find the resources within yourself and know your own worth. She lives more in the present now, and she can be who she truly wants to be. Danielle shows up truthfully for others and allows them to do the same, which is a priority for her right now. I admire her vulnerability with us and how she shared her story so others could learn. There’s no judgment in her voice, no apologies, and no more regrets. We should all strive to live a life like Danielle with her motivation and power.
Episode 3 - Living Her Authentic Truth with Lindsay Kerr
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is so unique in that she offers fascinating insight on an uncommon topic that puts you on the edge of your seat as you’re listening. Lindsay Kerr is a mental health therapist whose work involves ketamine psychotherapy. She helps her clients enter an unordinary state of consciousness to help them with issues such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety. They use it in low doses so as to not depress the respiratory system, and it elicits a psychedelic experience that houses a mindset for healing. It’s obvious that Lindsay is a well educated young woman who believes strongly in helping others. In the episode, she delves further into her work, how the opportunity found her, and how impactful her responsibilities are.
Since Lindsay is a single mother, she has to think about how prioritizing self care impacts her daughter. Her schedule has to coincide with her daughter’s, but she’s learned along the way that not every hole in the schedule needs to be filled. If there’s an hour or two in a day where she doesn’t have anything planned, she doesn’t feel the need to pencil something in. Lindsay has worked as a therapist, a yoga instructor, and a barista, so she has experience working with people. However, no matter how much experience you may have, working with the public can be a trial all on its own. With that kind of stressful environment, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and forget to take moments for yourself. But rather than trying to keep her schedule loaded with work, Lindsay prioritizes what’s important for herself, her daughter, and the clients who trust her with their mental health. Taking a step back from the chaos helps keep her head on straight and keep her mental health from declining.
When describing boundaries, Lindsay says that they change from time to time. In some instances she has the energy and capacity and in some instances she doesn’t. The time she has with her daughter is set and she has nonnegotiables that people have to respect if they want to continue being in her life. She’s learned not to compare herself to others, nor her schedule or boundaries. Everyone has their own ways for dealing with the varying seasons—there’s no right or wrong, just what is.
In this episode, Lindsay says one of my absolute favorite quotes from the entire podcast: “We offer women the opportunity to live unapologetically when we do it ourselves.” She understands the importance of role models and how the ability of being yourself can change people’s lives. Her advice is to model your authentic truth, encourage others to live their truth, unpack old narratives and creativity, overcome the obstacles you face, and continue to be curious. I really couldn’t have said it better myself.
Living out of your own expectations instead of others, to me, is one of the most difficult acts to accomplish. This was particularly difficult for Linsday because of her professional work. Not everyone understands what she does or why she does it, but she knows. What matters most is that Lindsay loves her work and is helping others on a daily basis. She’s stopped asking permission to live her best life and continues to strive for greatness.
Lindsay is currently in a PhD program and by living out F.E.E.L, she feels empowered and confident enough to make choices to get through her experiences. She doesn’t second guess herself as much; she knows that she is an intelligent woman who knows what she needs and has. She uses her voice now to not only fight for herself, but to also fight for her clients who are seeking a better life, just as any of us would. She says she “treats the whole person instead of just one symptom.” This brings a whole new meaning to embracing your layers and understanding each one of them.
I thank Lindsay for being so authentic with us and being brave enough to share her passions and truth. I loved hearing about the work she does, how much effort she puts forth towards what she cares about, and hearing how she takes on the world. Seeing Lindsay live out her life unapologetically certainly inspires me to do the same.
Episode 2 - Happiness Over Perfection with Stef Tousignant
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is the creator and host of the Parent Differently podcast, Stef Tousignant. Stef’s podcast aims to help parents grow, reflect, and understand that being perfect is impossible. However, just because you aren’t a perfect parent doesn’t mean you aren’t a good one. Everyone is just trying to do their best in a world that isn’t always working in their favor, and Stef really puts things into perspective with her podcast on how we can continue to better ourselves and be happy, rather than getting bogged down on things that we cannot change.
For Stef, the journey to self care has been a bumpy road with a lot of “enough is enough” moments. She describes how she found it difficult in her busy schedule to find time for herself, but she realized that, for her, it has little to do with the acts of self care and more to do with her mindset. Her goal is to be intentional and purposeful in her thoughts, which helps her prioritize what is most important. Her journey in self care may not necessarily apply to anyone else, but that doesn’t make it wrong either. We’re all on our own journey that we must discover for ourselves what works and what doesn’t.
The conversation that sticks in my mind the most from this episode comes from the topic of boundaries. Stef says how she always created unachievable goals for herself and lacked the boundaries to keep herself on track. However, she shifted her perspective so the word boundary has a new meaning: “happiness over perfection.” Stef uses the example of decorating for the holidays—she hated it! She always felt the need to do it because that’s what everyone else would do, but it didn’t make her happy. She realized she had the choice to just not do it. Instead, she lets her children choose their favorite holidays and they can decorate however they please for it. She’ll help them, of course, but the pressure is off of her and the freedom is instead given to someone who actually wants it. There’s no need to put useless amounts of pressure on yourself, especially if it isn’t making you happy. Sometimes, there is the secret option to just let things go.
When it comes to taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Stef says something very important that I think we can all take away from this episode: “All emotions are welcome.” As Melissa has said before, there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Feelings may make us uncomfortable or they may be unpleasant to experience, but they are all there to serve a purpose. They help us understand why we’re feeling that way, whether it be a stressor we need to take care of or a negative presence in our lives. Sometimes this is a difficult concept to understand, but these two women put it into words perfectly.
A quote I love from this episode comes from Stef, who says to “ground your expectations in your intention.” You can make yourself feel like a failure, especially if your expectations are rooted in cultural norms. No one is perfect, though sometimes they may seem like they are on the outside. Expectations to be perfect are never going to be met, so you’ll just make yourself miserable by trying to reach something completely unreachable, like how her goals used to be. She says to take the shame out of this by being intentional with your purpose and actions, and by just being the best you can be without constant comparisons.
The F.E.E.L podcast did an episode in season 2 called “Weaponized Gratitude,” where we discussed how gratitude can be used against people to make them feel guilty or to manipulate them. We weren’t sure how this would contrast with Stef’s podcast, since hers puts an emphasis on the word and encourages others to feel gratitude. However, Stef speaks about gratitude in such a healthy way on her podcast, and she shows a whole new perspective to the word, so we were happy to welcome her as a guest this season. We’re grateful (no pun intended) that Stef was able to be part of our podcast and share with us how she gets through the world as a woman, a mother, and a professional. Be sure to check out her podcast Parent Differently and continue to share the positivity that Stef has shared with us!
Episode 1 - Learning to Live Unapologetically with Paula Chirinos
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome back to another season of the F.E.E.L Podcast! We are officially kicking off the fourth season, and there is so much exciting content coming your way. Our first episode features Paula Chirinos, a young, intelligent, queer, Latina woman. She describes her journey in such a fierce and lively way; she is the perfect guest for our first episode this season.
Like most guests we see on the podcast, Paula says she was not the best at self care for a while. Being a first generation immigrant, she kept herself busy trying to make her parents proud. She wanted them to know all of the sacrifices they made for her to have a better life were not in vain, but by never giving herself a break, she quickly burned herself out and had a physical breakdown. Recently, she’s learned to express herself through her body and goes to the gym after work to blow off steam and realized “it’s the little things” that keep her going. She also looks to her plushies for comfort, which I resonate with deeply on a spiritual level. No, they are not just for children!
Paula expressed the connection she sees between self care and establishing healthy boundaries. She puts it into a great perspective by comparing professional and personal relationships with an “unofficial contract.” There are expectations set for one another to meet that are previously agreed upon, and they will be able to fit both parties’ needs. There’s a support system there, and the expectations are communicated not only beforehand, but also when needed. This is a great new way to look at boundaries and see that they’re not a negative trait to have in relationships, just like how a contract isn’t necessarily a negative thing to have in a professional environment.
Paula graduated from college in the Spring of 2020, which was arguably the worst possible time to graduate and try to make your way into the world. Towards the end of 2021, she began seeking therapeutic help and discovered she had ADHD. Once she was diagnosed, she was able to learn her triggers and develop coping mechanisms. A big one was not giving other people so much power when it came to negative feedback. Paula had to deal with oppression from all angles before: being a woman, being queer, being part of an immigrant family, and being a Latina. She’s developed this coping mechanism into a tool for everyday life, which has helped her pursue a healthier balance.
When discussing how she looks to support other women in living unapologetically, Paula shared a TikTok trend that has been going around recently that involves being kinder to your younger self. She speaks so vulnerably about this, which I just love; it might be my favorite part of the episode. We all need to allow our inner child to heal by showing them the kindness they should’ve been shown all along. By healing ourselves, we can show others what possibilities lie in the nearby future. Paula says that age doesn’t matter when it comes to mentoring. Like we say on the podcast, you can learn something new from anyone, no matter how different they may seem (and this includes age as well).
Living out of your own expectations instead of others’ is a big topic for Paula, especially because of the sacrifices her parents made to give her the best possible life. I mentioned earlier that she felt like couldn’t disappoint them, and this made her into a very competitive person. It was all about showing them how amazing she could be in what they wanted, rather than what she wanted. When she was just 11 years old, she was diagnosed with depression. Combined with discovering she’s queer, it was a huge release for Paula to be able to live her truth. Now that she has all the pieces, Paula continues to work towards putting them together to create a life of her own expectations.
Paula has quite the beautiful complex identity—she’s had no choice but to embrace her layers to live a life to the fullest of happiness. By accepting all aspects of herself, she’s been able to put words to her feelings and express herself the way she most desires. She has put in so much work over the years to be comfortable in her own skin, and she stands by the statement that self love is a journey: “There are days where you will have setbacks.” However, you have to accept the good and the bad to truly find peace. She finds that her life has improved by cutting off people who were holding her back and surrounding herself with those who uplift her.
Paula has such an inspiring story to tell, and we’re so thankful she opened up during this episode. She made a statement pretty early on in the episode that everyone will, or at least should, agree with by the end: Paula Chirinos is one bad bitch.