Episode 36 - Healing After Pregnancy Loss: Grief, Stillbirth Awareness, and Journaling with Vallen Webb
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest, Vallen Webb, is no stranger to The Embracing Layers Network. She has been featured on our YouTube panel show, Together We F.E.E.L, in the episode Processing Grief, as well as hosting Melissa on her podcast, Pregnancy Loss and Motherhood. Vallen describes herself as resilient, joyful, courageous, funny, and griefy.
Vallen is open about her heartbreaking experience losing her daughter during an emotionally taxing delivery. Although an unthinkable situation, it’s more common than people realize. Stillbirth is the leading cause of death for babies in the U.S., with one in four women who know they’re pregnant experiencing a miscarriage. After the death of her daughter, Vallen didn’t know where to turn, journaling to help make some sense of her thoughts. Not only was this beneficial in her own journey, but she wants to use it to help other women, too. She describes how she helped a family a few months after her own loss and discovered her love for teaching women about this. Her goal was to create her own training and become a pregnancy loss educator, exactly like she is doing now.
Sensitive topics like this are usually avoided in conversation because it’s painful and uncomfortable to talk about, which is even more reason to discuss it openly. We should encourage people to share their emotions with us without judgment or interruption. Grief is a funny thing, something that Vallen reiterates in this episode. Not everyone grieves the same way and the timing of our outbursts doesn’t always make sense. And sometimes when deaths are unexpected, you’re not sure where to turn. We expect to lose our grandparents and even parents at some point in our lives, basically anyone who is older than us. But there are some things in life we can never be prepared for. One of the only things that made Vallen feel better was to help other people, and that’s where journaling came in so she could share her story.
Journaling has been a highly recommended outlet by guests on the podcast since the beginning, furthering the importance of self care in our journey. I’ve had a journal since I was a freshman in high school, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Keeping thoughts locked inside your mind can make it so cluttered, so it’s good to let them out in an environment with no pressure. Whether they’re thoughts full of grief, sadness, anger, excitement, anxiety, or whatever you may be feeling, it’s always there for you. Vallen reminds us that with self care, it’s less about what you are doing and more about how you are doing it. Practices with intention and purpose are more likely to produce the results you’re looking for.
I really admire Vallen for not only sharing this difficult story, but sharing it with the intention to help others—it really showcases her bravery and strength. The work she does is important for women everywhere, and her impact in the community will carry on for decades.
Ways to Engage: Start practicing everyday, “normal” actions with intention. Things like brushing your hair, washing your face, or making your coffee in the morning. Make it special for yourself or really take time to appreciate the little things you do to take care of yourself each day, because the little things truly add up.