Episode 28 - Breaking Free from Good Girl Expectations: Barbara Howlin’s Journey to Self-Trust and Inner Safety
By Jessica Garrison
Our episode this week with Barbara Howlin is full of gems and reminders for our listeners to take with them as they embark on their own journey. Barbara describes herself as a creative, loving, passionate, and expansive human.
We’ve discussed “good girl syndrome” in a past episode with Kat Newport, and Barbara bringing it up again goes to show how prominent it is in our society. Barbara says she is shedding the good girl syndrome and focusing on being herself, rather than automatically trying to conform to the good girl everyone wants to see. It can be difficult not to resort back to old tactics, such as looking for validation from other people. I know I struggle with seeking validation from people sometimes, even though I don’t need it. Barbara deals with this by asking herself questions to make sure she is living out of her own expectations rather than someone else’s. Am I trying to prove myself? Am I living from the inside out or the outside in? Am I coming from a place of love or a place looking for love? Barbara says she was walking through life with her head down rather than up, and she doesn’t want to rush through anymore. It’s important we take time and slow down to appreciate our lives when the moment is here.
Her morning routine consists of journaling, reiki, and movement in nature, a practice that doesn’t take long at all—about 30 minutes in total. Barbara describes this balance as a juggling act between what you need and what will make you feel nourished, and she has a clear understanding of what is most important to her. The glass in her life that she refuses to drop is herself and her family. Everything else will bounce back, and I think that’s a great way at looking at what you prioritize in comparison to everything else. It really puts things into perspective.
Burnout recovery was needed for Barbara, something she realized just before the pandemic. After that, she knew she couldn’t go back to the way things were before. She began reclaiming her intuition and recovered a sense of safety. Our nervous systems are not built to be on edge all day every day, and we have to train ourselves to know that we aren’t in danger. Recreating a sense of safety often begins with looking back at your past or your childhood. In other words, it starts with embracing your layers.
Barbara’s story is one to come back to whenever you’re doubting yourself. She shows us not only how necessary it is that we take care of ourselves, but also that we continue to live our lives, having fun while we do it. There’s no need to be ashamed of your layers or what you have experienced. All we can do now is move forward and hold our heads high as we go.
Ways to Engage: Identify some things in your life that are “glass.” What can you not drop at any cost in fear of it breaking? What can you live with dropping and having it bounce back? Remember these priorities during your journey.