Episode 28 -The Power of Putting Yourself First with Val Jones: Overcoming People Pleasing & Embracing Self-Care
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: Mentions of emotional abuse
Val Jones joins us this week as she shares her story of learning that taking care of yourself is not selfish. She describes herself as a disruptive, sacred, unapologetic and intuitive visionary. Keep an eye out for news on Melissa joining Val later on her podcast, The Selfish Woman.
As most women, Val was conditioned to be a people pleaser with Good Girl Syndrome. Everything she did, she did for others. To make them happy, to make them like her, whatever it was, she was doing for everyone else instead of herself. Finally, she took a year to be selfish, a year for everything to be about her and for her. Val makes the excellent point that we have changed the meaning of words before, so there’s no reason we can’t change the meaning of the word “selfish.” Selfish is not the same term we learned many years ago where we think we should be putting everyone else above ourselves and never ask for anything…ever. It can mean joy and abundance, rather than being associated with someone you don’t want to be around. Being selfish is not negative; it is taking care of yourself and putting yourself first, something we should all learn to do.
In supporting women in living unapologetically, Val says that she had to live it out first. Everything starts with yourself. If you want to create a change, you have to become that change, but this in turn causes a ripple effect for those around you. Once people see you living your healthiest, most authentic life, they’ll think, “I want to do that, and I can.” It’s inspiring to see someone you love and admire taking those first steps for themselves. Val says, “It’s beyond ourselves, but it starts with us,” and I couldn’t agree more.
Val said that for her journey to be successful, she had to get in tune with her mind, body, and soul. She had spent so much time stuffing her feelings and filling the space with anything else that she didn’t even know what was best for herself. Sitting with yourself in silence is something that makes many people very uncomfortable, but that’s just what is needed. If you don’t know yourself to the core, then who does? Who knows what you truly desire or how you really feel other than you? That’s why it is so important to take care of yourself and be selfish. Your life begins to change in small ways but also in exponential ways. Some results you see immediately and some take time, but you feel them nonetheless.
Val wrote a book entitled The Selfish Year: The Power of Putting Yourself First about the year she described earlier of putting herself first. She continues to empower women with her book and podcast, and I love that we were able to add Val to our list of amazing women to know.
Ways to Engage: Start asking, “What’s wrong?” rather than, “What’s wrong with me?” Nothing is wrong with you, but if there is something that is bothering you, dig deeper without blaming yourself. How you frame your words, especially internally, is so important to how you think of yourself. Be kind, be patient, and be curious.