Episode 5 - Living Unapologetically with Tracy DeTomasi: Empowering Women & Supporting Survivors
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault/sexual violence
I am completely mesmerized by our next guest, Tracy DeTomasi. Who she is as a person and the work that she does is so inspiring, and there is a lot of knowledge to be gained from this episode. Tracy describes herself as transparent, honest, and trauma-informed, all of which shine through from this discussion.
The transformative work that Tracy has done in her own life bleeds into her work, and she has so much wisdom when it comes to supporting other women in living unapologetically. Women are constantly apologizing for taking up space when we don’t need to, even if we earned our spot in the room. Melissa gives a great example of mirroring our words to be less apologetic. Rather than starting a sentence with “I’m sorry, but…” you can say, “Excuse me” or even “Can I have a moment of your time?” It doesn’t seem big, but this is something I’ve intentionally continued to work on over the last few years, and you see the subtle changes over time. I used to linger in the background of two people talking til the coast was clear, even if what I had to say was really important. I’ve gotten away from saying, “I’m sorry, but…” because there’s no reason to apologize. There’s no need to say sorry or apologize for being somewhere you are supposed to be, and you should take up space wherever you go.
In addition to this, Tracy talks about knowing who you are and that you’re coming from the right place. She does amazing work with Project Callisto, which “uses technology to empower survivors of sexual violence.” Tracy is giving survivors the right to choose back, offering resources and opportunities that they are free to claim or deny. I wanted to share something that Tracy said: “The only person responsible for the assault is the perpetrator.” Although we have become more aware and pulled back on victim blaming, it still happens. It doesn’t matter what a person was wearing, if they had a relationship with the person in the past, if they were flirting, whatever—it doesn’t matter. If you didn’t want the encounter to happen, it is not your fault. Project Callisto is about supporting survivors and holding perpetrators accountable, and any place that offers such a supportive space for all survivors makes me believe in the world again.
This blog barely scratches the surface of this great episode with Tracy—let us know which talking point stuck out the most to you or what you personally took away from this episode. Tracy is helping women live their lives without shame or guilt, and she in turn is living her best, healthiest life unapologetically.
Ways to Engage: Do not hold the emotions of others in your body. Listen to your body and separate your own emotions from the emotions of others. If you’re struggling with this, journal it. Write out what you’re feeling and connect the dots between what is yours and what you are holding for others.