Episode 48 - Women, Boundaries & Emotional Wellness: How to Stop People Pleasing and Prioritize Self-Care with Angela Iacobellis

By Jessica Garrison

Our next guest is an empathetic, analytical woman who takes things to heart. Melissa met her at a Refresh & Renew event in California, and now we get to meet the incredible woman that is Angela Iacobellis. 

There’s many layers to Angela and her story, including her love for physical wellness. She prioritizes the gym for a release of her emotions from the body, something that is more beneficial than people realize. I will feel in my body when I need to run or do some physical activity to get the nerves out or to feel at peace again. When your body is giving you these cues, listen to them. Even taking 10 minutes for herself to meditate, Angela sees the difference between herself when she takes the time to breathe and when she doesn't. Women feel like they have to do it all and not allow any breaks for themselves, otherwise it would be selfish of them. This came up for Angela when her mother was going through cancer treatment, which was obviously causing a lot of emotional turmoil, which would turn into physical also. You have to give yourself permission to have that alone time, and even taking the 10 minutes to meditate is okay. The world didn’t fall apart for Angela when she took that time for herself, and it helped her come back to her mother healthier and with a more clear mind. 

Angela further elaborates on her layers, saying that you can’t be everything for everyone, another expectation people have for women. Her mom used to say, “I’m doing the best I can right now.” It's the reason why we should be kinder to our past selves because you did the best you could with what you had. It might not have been the best decision in the long run, but you have to forgive yourself and move on to the future, rather than dwelling on the past and things you can’t change.  

Advice that Melissa reiterates for people pleasers throughout the podcast is to wait 24 hours before committing to something, a tactic that Angela also uses. By giving yourself that time to think it over, you can weigh the pros and cons and see if it’s something that is within your capacity at the moment. A lot of times we say yes right off the bat and later have regrets, but this way, you can work ahead instead of struggling to catch up. Angela says that there is a fine line between giving grace and letting people take advantage of you. If you’re always the yes man, then people will come to you even if they have no intention of helping you in return, or even if it affects your mental health in a negative way.

Angela is a very accomplished woman professionally as well as in her journey of living unapologetically, finding empowerment, and embracing her layers. Women are powerful beings who can do it all, just not at the same time. It all starts within.

Ways to Engage: Next time you’re feeling anxious, amped up, frustrated, or any emotion that is causing an internal struggle, try exercising or some physical activity. Meditate, walk, jog, do jumping jacks, etc. Anything you can do to physically express your emotions and move them through your body.

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