Episode 40 - Unapologetically Authentic: Prioritizing Yourself & Living by Your Own Expectations with Anna Przy
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: eating disorder
Our next guest is the empathetic, magical, and delusional Anna Przy. As we’re winding down season 8, I would say that this is one of my favorite episodes from the whole season. I had listened to it originally a few months back, but now I’m excited that it’s time to share it with the world.
Anna says that she is currently in a good space, sharing with us how she is not afraid to ask for help. The most important step is recognizing and admitting that you need help, so it’s refreshing to hear people say that they’ve overcome this hurdle. I would also argue that seeking help out can be so intimidating that we try to bury whatever feelings we may have on our own. Not everyone can afford a therapist or psychiatrist, but we also have to understand that it isn’t selfish to prioritize your wellness. It doesn’t hurt to reach out and discover options for mental health wellness if that’s what you need, and just trying is a step in the right direction.
This didn’t come easily to Anna at first. She had to go through daily deconstruction and reconstruction of how she was living her life, especially after reaching a point where she was questioning if she even liked her life. Now she is better at everything, just because she had been ignoring herself for so long and was finally pouring back into herself. If this seems too scary at first, maybe try one area of your life you’d like to see improvement on, and go from there. Even the smallest improvement would be progress.
Anna also talks about how she experienced burnout, and it wasn’t from the day before or even the week before, but it has been from a lifetime of ignoring her own needs. She emphasizes the necessity of covering the basics, like implementing self care tactics so you aren’t reaching the breaking point before reeling yourself back in. Anna also says that she’s begun to check in with herself when she starts to feel angry and tries to get to the root cause of what’s upsetting her; it usually isn’t the surface level issue that makes you break, but rather something that has been building up over time.
Our programming runs deep, and on pen and paper, taking care of your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health is easy. However, it takes time and practice to apply it, and that dedication of time can seem daunting for a lot of people. Anna says even taking five minutes to walk away and reset can be beneficial in your health journey. Those five minutes can be utilized for a breathing exercise or a quick meditation to get you back in the mindset that you need.
When listening to this episode, Anna’s positive attitude and enthusiasm are so infectious that you can’t help but match her energy. I’m looking forward to everyone hearing her episode and joining in on these essential conversations. Anna truly is magical.
Ways to Engage: Make a list of what you do for yourself vs. what you do for others. Which is bigger? Which do you fulfill most of the time? Make sure you’re doing as much (if not more) for yourself as you do for others.
Episode 39 - Embracing Real Health: Living in Total Wellness with Glen Alex
By Jessica Garrison
If you’ve been keeping up with our Together We F.E.E.L panels on YouTube, this next guest will sound familiar to you. Glen Alex was featured in the episode, “Meet the Different Makers — Holistic Health & Self-Advocacy.” Meanwhile, Melissa has also been a guest on The Glen Alex Show in episode, “Embracing Emotional Layers for Living in Total Health,” so now we have the privilege of hosting Glen on our podcast. She is intuitive, insightful, joyful, creative, and acts with complete integrity.
Another character trait Glen mentions is that she sees the big picture of things while also seeing the little pieces that make it up. Context is so important when having a thoughtful discussion or looking at certain decisions you’ve made. Glen says something similar while discussing self care, which is “knowledge is potential, and the application is power.” If you have the knowledge inside of you, then there’s the potential to do all these incredible things. However, if you don’t apply the knowledge in real life and keep it to yourself, then nothing will physically change. It’s that application of the knowledge that gets you the results you’re looking for, just like how the pieces of the puzzle matter for the big picture to be complete.
Glen also said while discussing self care that it isn’t necessarily the “how to” that is most important, but it’s the why behind it. Why take care of yourself? Why do something nice or relaxing for yourself? If you don’t see the worth or value in yourself, then you’ll let self care fall to the bottom of your list. Burnout becomes inevitable when you aren’t taking the time to fill up your own cup and reset, but remember the pieces to your big picture. If you figure out the why, Glen says, then the “how to” will follow.
One last thing I want to touch on is the spin that Glen puts on talking to yourself like you would a friend. We always hear women say you should talk to yourself like your best friend in negative situations because you’d never say the horrible things you tell yourself to a friend. But Glen went a step further in saying that you should do that for the wins too. If your friend has something exciting happen for them, you tell them how much they deserve it after the work they’ve put in or maybe you celebrate with a night out. I think it’s great to apply these things to yourself, like take yourself out for dinner after a successful project. If you’d do it for your friend, then you should do it for yourself as well. It all ties into that self care piece of understanding that you are worth putting energy into yourself and celebrating.
Listening to this episode as well as the YouTube panel show with Glen is a great reminder for how you think you treat yourself versus how you actually treat yourself. She is a champion for women, especially with the work she does with her own podcast in sharing their stories and spreading a positive message. I look forward to everyone hearing Glen’s journey, and I’d love for everyone to check out The Glen Alex Show as well. We’re changing the world one podcast episode at a time!
Ways to Engage: Be aware of saying you “should” do something and change it to “could.” Think of things as you are capable and can do them, rather than twisting reality to what you should be doing, but aren’t. See how this changes your motivation and perception of yourself as you make this shift.
Episode 38 - Reset & Reconnect: Nervous System Healing and Emotional Mastery with Anat Peri
By Jessica Garrison
Anat Peri is someone who understands the nuances and intricacies that come with embracing our layers. Sometimes she’s silly and sometimes she’s serious, but she is always doing her best to live unapologetically and authentically. We’ve heard from her on our YouTube panel show in the episode, “The Power of Mental, Emotional & Physical Health Alignment,” but now we get to dive a little deeper with Anat.
I love how Anat talks about self care during this episode, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that she realized she was living in survival mode. She says it wasn’t self care that she was doing, but it was self repair (what a mic drop moment). Rather than filling her cup in order to overflow and share with others, she was doing the bare minimum to keep herself going, and that will lead you directly to burnout.
It was on a retreat that everything changed for Anat. She figured she’d end up working in her free time, but she wasn’t even worried about touching her laptop. Rather, she enjoyed her time of rest and relaxation, and the world didn’t end when she took some time for herself. It was a reset for her, particularly for her nervous system. Most people have heard of fight or flight, a physiological reaction to a perceived threat. Even if we aren’t in danger, our bodies can still be reactive like we are, and Anat needed a way to reset her nervous system so she wasn’t constantly feeling that intensity. She came back from the retreat well rested and thought, I can be like this every day. You don’t have to keep pushing through, just getting by week after week. It’s important to take the right steps so you aren’t constantly trying to play catch up with your self care.
When Anat talks about retraining the nervous system, she also talks about that inner child work, which has been a recurring topic with the network. The fact that we are hearing this more and more from people is a step in the right direction because our childhood really is the foundation for how we act the rest of our lives. This inner child work isn’t a walk in the park Anat says, and the transformation won’t come overnight, but it’s worth it to put the work in to reap the rewards.
Anat speaks so confidently about the experiences that have come with her embracing layers journey and the hope in her voice is encouraging for others to do the same. She is an advocate for people to feel all of their emotions instead of pushing them away, and Anat is definitely walking the talk.
Ways to Engage: Take steps to practice resetting your nervous system, such as mental, physical, or sensory grounding. An example of physical grounding would be clenching your fist tight and releasing it, noticing the difference in sensations.
Episode 37 - Rooted in Values: Honoring Your Emotional, Personal & Professional Growth with Tina Mistry
By Jessica Garrison
This week we are featuring Tina Mistry, whom Melissa met through the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce. Tina was actually on the first panel of Together We F.E.E.L for “New Year, Take Care of You,” but today we have the privilege of focusing the attention on her. She is thoughtful, strategic, and committed, which Melissa says fits her perfectly.
While discussing living out of her own expectations, Tina brings up the generational differences with expectations, especially when it comes to family. As kids, when our parents told us to do something, we’d just do it, and Tina was the same way. One specific example comes from Tina’s mom, who would have her children help clean the house. Now as an adult, Tina says she’ll have someone come in to clean her house for her because she wants to use that time to spend with her family. Tina’s mom didn’t understand why Tina would pay someone to clean her house when she could do it herself, but it’s an exhausting process. Even now, she says that her mom will clean the house top to bottom by herself no matter how much it wears her out. I’m sure everyone can think of something that they do differently than their parents that they may not understand or approve of, but you have to do what’s best for you.
Another point Tina brought up is how strange it seemed for her to go to college because she’d be the first in her family. Tina’s mother didn’t go to college and her mother before her didn’t go to college. College isn’t for everyone, and I think people sometimes get the idea that if they didn’t go to college and are happy with their life, then no one has to go to college to be happy. We’re all on our own path, and that’s why it’s so crucial we live out of our own expectations. You’ll be the one living your life, not anyone else.
Moments like this are great reminders of why representation is so important, especially for young people. It’s inspiring to see someone with similarities to you “making it” and doing something you never imagined was possible. Not only in our own lives, but we want to see diverse representation in the media as well. It’s tiring to see the same old story being told with the same white people starring in it. We want to hear a variety of stories be told and learn new things, seeing ourselves be the star for once. We keep putting cracks in the glass ceiling, and eventually it will break.
This was such a great conversation to listen to, and it gets you excited to start the next day with a new motivation. Along with Tina’s wisdom and experience, she is so humble as she speaks about her journey. Give yourself patience and grace as you embark on your own path. If you want to do something that hasn’t been done before, especially by someone who comes from a similar background as you, try it anyway. Like Tina says, someone has to be the first.
Ways to Engage: Journal your values in different areas of your life, such as professional, personal, emotional, spiritual, etc. Continue to check in with yourself and journal these values as things change. Are there any similarities or themes? Is there a constant value that has remained over time?
Episode 36 - Embracing Purpose, Passion & Resilience: Grishma Shah on Values-Driven Storytelling
By Jessica Garrison
Our second podcast episode of the week features Grishma Shah, a gritty, resilient, compassionate, independent, and loyal woman. She has been on our radio show episode, “Coming Back to Your WHY and Your VALUES,” our YouTube Panel episode, “The Power of the Written Word,” and we’ve also hosted her on our Substack live for her award-winning book, Anagram Destiny. Now Grishma is with us to discuss embracing her layers and the tools she used to get there.
Grishma is very centered in her why and her values, which made her perfect for the radio show episode. From a young age, Grishma was able to travel, study abroad, and see the world. She credits this to her desire to make a positive impact in the world. Exposing young people to a variety of cultures and different ways of living not only builds an educational foundation for them but it also leads to more understanding, empathy, and compassion.
With this came her book, Anagram Destiny. Although Grishma is in academia and the book has parallels to her life, this book is a work of fiction. She knew that writing an academic or research paper would only reach a limited number of people, and it’s people who are already interested in studying the topic. Fiction is a way to reach a broader audience and create emotions in people they never thought possible. It gives them a new perspective and allows them to explore a world they never even dreamed of.
When her book came out, Grishma was a marketing maniac and it led to her becoming burnt out. She was constantly checking Amazon numbers and its ranking to see how “good” the book was doing. I can attest that when our book came out for the Embracing Layers Network, I couldn’t help but check the numbers. But good things take time, and Grishma reminded herself of why she wrote the book in the first place. She didn’t write it to make a lot of money, but she made it to create the impact she’s always wanted. With Grishma’s values she’s able to ground herself, make decisions, and understand things more clearly. Even if just one person’s life is positively impacted by her book or story, then she is accomplishing her goal.
Grishma also tells us how her local library had seven copies of her book on their shelf and when she checked recently, they had all been borrowed. It was a great reminder that what she is doing is reaching other people, and it validates her why even further. Grishma is such a delight to listen to and she has so much knowledge to share—she has definitely made an impact on me and the way I view the world.
Ways to Engage: Next time you’re making a difficult decision or find yourself between two choices, think of your why. Connect your decisions back to your why and your values, remembering who you want to be and what is most important to you.
Episode 35 - Our (In)Visible Work: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership & Empowerment with Dr. Doreen MacAulay & Dr. Janelle Wells
By Jessica Garrison
We have double the excitement for this episode featuring two special guests: Dr. Doreen MacAulay and Dr. Janelle Wells! Doreen is a dedicated, empathetic, and hardworking facilitator while Janelle is a learner, optimist, nurturer, and a unity-builder. I’m thrilled we’re hosting these two ladies who have so much kindness and wisdom to share, especially about the professional world.
While discussing taking care of their emotional and mental health as much as their physical health, the two talked about emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand, use, and manage your emotions. We don’t always have the language to describe the emotion we’re feeling, but Janelle says she observes before responding, and this allows her time to think about what she wants to say before she says it. She lets her breath be the first word she speaks, and both Melissa and I loved this phrasing. Janelle is registering her emotions before saying something she may regret in the heat of the moment. In high school I learned the phrase BAR: breathe, assess, react. Take a breath, assess the situation, and then react to what is happening. A lot of people like to RAB: react to what happened, assess their actions, and then breathe. With BAR, you’re allowing the first word to be a breath and managing your emotions in a more healthy way.
Doreen gives a real life example of emotional exhaustion when, during an early job, she thought her boss was mad at her, and it bothered her the whole day. She was tense all day thinking about the situation, and when he spoke to her later, he didn’t even mention it. He wasn’t mad at her at all, but she told herself this narrative that he was, and this created a lot of emotional turmoil that didn’t need to happen. She says it’s key to have something around you to ground you and your emotions. Remember what is reality and what is a narrative created in your head, so you don’t have to carry all this unnecessary stress.
The two have since helped other businesses “reinvest in people to empower work that matters within the workplace and the communities they serve” with WellsQuest, and I think it’s so wonderful that they use their passions to help create healthier work environments. This also ties into supporting women in living unapologetically, helping women recognize a healthy workplace and community.
One last quote I want to leave with that Janelle says is to “speak up even if your voice shakes.” Standing up in front of a room full of people to disagree with them or give them your opinion is scary, but it’s still important to make your opinion heard. Even if you stutter the whole way through your sentence or your voice is shaking with fear, be proud of yourself for speaking your mind in a situation it wasn’t comfortable to. Allow yourself to take up space and recognize that your voice deserves to be heard, just as Doreen and Janelle do through their journey.
Ways to Engage: Find something that can ground you during a stressful or highly intense emotional state. Whether it be an object, a person, or a technique that brings you back to Earth, start thinking of things that can be grounding for you when your nervous system needs it most.
Episode 34 - Redefining Womanhood: Childless, Not Less with Lana Manikowski
By Jessica Garrison
Lana Manikowski is a guest we have had on the podcast previously in season 6, and she has since been a good friend to our network. We’ve featured her on our Substack live with guest authors where we discussed her book, So Now What? Create a Life You Love Without the Children You Always Dreamed Of. Lana is a passionate connector and collaborator as she changes the world for women everywhere. Last time, she spoke to us about her infertility journey and now she is here to discuss how she has progressed further by accepting her layers.
There is an event I want to spotlight that Lana puts together in Chicago called the “Other’s Day Brunch.” Other’s Day is for women who feel like the odd one out on Mother’s Day. Whether it be because of fertility issues, the loss of a child, or because someone simply chooses to remain childless, Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for women. Lana expressed that the event reaches people she would never expect, such as a woman whose daughter decided to not have her in her life anymore. This woman now has a place for Mother’s Day to connect with other people and share stories that have nothing to do with their titles of mother or grandmother or daughter. They can come and just be themselves authentically, without expectations or uncomfortable conversations.
I love that Lana hosts this and even though it only began a few years ago, Other’s Day Brunch has already become a nationwide event, with women traveling from all over the country to attend. I remember when we had Lana on our Substack live and she was telling us how much interest there was in this event. It just goes to show how many women are in need of this, and that doesn’t even include all of the women who haven’t heard of this event or women who don’t have the means to attend. Even if you think your experience is something no one else could possibly understand, there are people out there you can connect with. It makes so much sense that Lana describes herself as a connector, because she is constantly putting women in contact with the resources they need. Not having the resources she needed after deciding to end a seven year fertility treatment journey was a huge motivator for Lana. It’s not an easy decision to make, and you’ve just put your body through an awful lot, let alone the emotional turmoil that you also experience. Lana says she wasn’t even referred to a therapist during this difficult time, but now she has great resources to share with women. Not only that, but she has become the resource for women. She is living her life unapologetically as well as encouraging other women to live unapologetically.
There are so many gems in this episode from Lana, and if you want to hear more, check out our other platforms featuring her conversations. It’s not easy to share these vulnerable moments with an audience, and I commend Lana on her poise and grace as she educates people on a childless/child-free lifestyle.
Ways to Engage: At the end of each day, write down a win for yourself. Whether it was completing a difficult project, walking to the coffee shop instead of driving, or even just making it through a trying day in one piece. Recognize and celebrate the progress you are making every single day—and do the same for others as well.
Episode 33 - Unbreakable Day: Surviving Trauma & Embracing Healing with Naseem Rochette
By Jessica Garrison
This week, we are joined by Naseem Rochette, who has endured more in the past decade than most people can even fathom for a lifetime. She shares her experience of her “Unbreakable Day,” which will make more sense in just a minute. Naseem is an energetic, joyful, vulnerable, and thoughtful happy misfit.
Naseem’s “Unbreakable Day” came in 2018 when she was struck by a car in a crosswalk, being run over three times before becoming pinned under the vehicle. Although she was miraculously left with no broken bones or internal bleeding, this experience was horrific and traumatizing, leaving Naseem with bruising, nerve damage, and chronic pain for the rest of her life. With this history, taking care of her emotional, physical, and spiritual health were the center of the conversation throughout the episode. In that scenario, Naseem thought she was going to die, and what flashed through her mind were not material items, but they were her loved ones. She felt regret, expressing that they wouldn’t know just how deep her love ran for them. Coming out of her accident, Naseem knew her priority would be her children and making sure she’s always present with them—these are moments we take for granted every single day, so let this be a reminder to hold your loved ones a little closer and a little tighter after listening to the episode.
After the accident, Naseem didn’t want to accept help from others. She was always the one doing the helping, and there was guilt stemming from her injuries. Since she didn’t have broken bones or internal bleeding, Naseem felt like she didn’t deserve the help or the fussing because it could’ve been worse. Even though she’s lucky for not sustaining worse injuries, what she went through was still traumatic and painful, and she had to recognize that she still had a long way to go in her recovery. It’s important for us to remember that even though bad things happen to others, and they may even be “worse” in comparison to what has happened to you, your feelings about the situation are valid. Naseem’s experience is her own experience, so however she is feeling about what happened, deserves to be heard. She had to learn to participate in her healing process and accept fully what had happened and how she felt about it.
Naseem said that if people don’t know where you started from, they can’t appreciate how far you’ve come. Progress may not always be linear, but it’s still important to celebrate whatever it may look like for you. Naseem refers to the day of her accident as the “Unbreakable Day,” because she survived something that she probably shouldn’t have, but she is choosing to unleash herself into the world authentically and unapologetically. With the strength of her love and her layers, she remains unbreakable.
Ways to Engage: Whenever guilt comes up as an emotion, explore the reasons why. Think about the situation you’re in and analyze that feeling of guilt. Is it stemming from an event in your past? Are you telling yourself a different narrative than what’s reality? Our emotions are not good or bad, but they rather are indicators to the bigger picture of ourselves.
Episode 32 - Boundaries, Joy & Daily Intention: Kim Mosiman on Choosing Yourself Every Day
By Jessica Garrison
We have another familiar guest for you this week who is a good friend of the Embracing Layers Network and has been on multiple platforms with us discussing her journey. Kim Mosiman has been on our YouTube panel show, Together We F.E.E.L, in episodes: Tools & Truth for Women’s Wellness, Alignment, & Power, Perimenopause & Menopause - Breaking the Silence on Midlife Wellness, Body Responsibility, and New Year, Take Care of You. She has also been on our radio show in episodes: Incorporating Activities that Nourish You & How You Want to FEEL in the Next 6 Months, Living Out of Your Own Expectations, and Have You Connected Your Emotional Health to Your Physical Health? Most recently though we have had Kim as a guest author on our Substack live where we discussed her book, Reflections of Joy. Kim is patient, open-minded, and optimistic and if you haven’t heard her in our previous projects, you will definitely see these character traits during our newest episode.
Kim gives great insight to confidently setting boundaries, but they haven’t always come naturally to her. She was in a bad space in her life when she realized she needed boundaries, but it certainly hasn’t been a perfect journey. Perfection has never and will never exist, though we may look at other people and think everything about them is flawless. I love that Kim reminds us it’s okay to love who you are and be happy with yourself. Although no one’s perfect and there’s always room for improvement, two things can exist in one space. You can love who you are and still strive to do better each day. Kim does this for herself, and it’s changed the way she sees herself and her boundaries. There’s also the aspect of doing things for yourself each day that she mentions, and I couldn’t agree more. People tend to think it’s selfish for you to do things for yourself, but not only does it enhance your mood, it reminds you that you are worth the time and energy to be happy.
As I said before, Kim has been a guest author on our Substack, and she has intentional time to write every morning. Even if it isn’t for long, she takes at least ten minutes to write whatever comes to mind. There isn’t pressure of writing a certain amount of words or writing for a specific topic, but rather she allows herself to be free, even if only a couple of sentences come out. This gives her time to herself in the morning, and you have to be able to work in your passions where you can. We’ve heard before that whenever people say they don’t have any time for themselves, Melissa offers a solution. Even if it’s taking the time you would’ve used doom scrolling on social media and incorporating that into an activity that nourishes you, there is time in the day to have for yourself.
Kim is very active in the community, whether it’s with writing, coaching on nutrition, or helping others in the gym. She is constantly helping others feel good about themselves, and we will have plenty of resources from Kim to share. To hear more from Kim, you can check out the links to our other platforms she has been a guest on and visit her website. I don’t usually get to meet the guests before writing the blog, so this is a new experience for me. I can attest that Kim is an intelligent and intuitive woman who wants everyone to live their happiest, healthiest life.
Ways to Engage: Take some time to reflect, maybe even try writing your reflections down in a notebook. Reflect upon your health, comparing where you were before and where you are now. What has improved? What do you want to improve upon? Don’t be too hard on yourself—celebrate even the smallest of wins. Remember to give yourself grace as you move through your journey towards a healthier lifestyle.
Episode 31 - Rooted in Purpose: How Values Shape Holistic Therapy with Valerie Rivera
By Jessica Garrison
Not only has our next guest been on the podcast before, but she has also given us one of the most memorable quotes over the years. Valerie Rivera, curious and full of determination, was featured on the 8th episode of our 4th season, “Celebrate Yourself with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy.” Resiliency has been a foundation through her different seasons, and she’s back to share more of her journey and how these seasons have changed for her.
Last time Valerie was with us, she said that whatever you say yes to, you are saying no to something else. This is a great reminder for when you’re learning to say no to things that you don’t have time for or things that don’t fill your cup. If you say yes to something you don’t want to do, ultimately you’re saying no to something you do want to do. This sentiment has been repeated on the podcast over the seasons, and it’s still as true as the first time Valerie said it.
Valerie reminds us that it’s okay to change your mind, and we should allow ourselves to do it every so often. If you’re not changing, then you’re not evolving or reflecting. It’s important to reevaluate your expectations or reevaluate your values especially as time goes on. Things change in life, and it’s okay to change along with them. Otherwise you might get left behind.
Self-reflection is a recurring tool for Valerie, especially with the work that she does as a holistic therapist. She is ever-changing, and she compares these layers to an onion, which we have done so many times before. I always think of Shrek whenever people say this, but it’s true. We have to peel the onion and heal. Some layers are easier to peel and heal from, while others need more time and patience. Valerie says the core is childhood and how she grew up, which I agree with completely—Childhood shapes the people we become. We have to get to the root of ourselves to be able to heal the foundation and keep building ourselves up with more stable ground. And if you don’t want to think of yourself as an onion with layers, think of yourself as a sweet, delicious piece of cake; cakes also have layers.
I love when we have past guests come back and share not only what they’ve been doing since the last time they were here, but to also see what they’ve learned. Even when we think we may have it all figured out, life is waiting to throw a curveball, and hearing how these women move through life is so inspiring. We’re all just doing our best to figure it out, and Valerie is a prime example of someone who is doing the work for themselves and this in turn is helping others. Taking the time to stop and reflect, not only on what you need to change but also on what you have done well, is so important in this journey. Listen back to Valerie’s first episode in comparison to this one, and you’ll see everything come together.
Ways to Engage: Take some time to reflect, maybe even try writing your reflections down in a notebook. Reflect upon your health, comparing where you were before and where you are now. What has improved? What do you want to improve upon? Don’t be too hard on yourself—celebrate even the smallest of wins. Remember to give yourself grace as you move through your journey towards a healthier lifestyle.
Episode 30 - Celebrating 4 Years of The F.E.E.L Podcast: LIVE with Melissa Crook & Valencia Saint-Louis
By Jessica Garrison
Happy anniversary to the F.E.E.L Podcast! July 12th marks 4 years since Melissa dropped the very first episode of the podcast. We have evolved into the Embracing Layers Network, branching off into different directions and mediums to spread our message of supporting women in living authentically and unapologetically. To celebrate, we are doing something a little differently with tomorrow’s episode…it will be LIVE. Original team member, Valencia Saint-Louis, is returning to flip the script on Melissa and ask her about the talking points. Melissa will also be sharing her vision for the platform going into another year and its exciting, uplifting future.
This season, we began producing two episodes per week rather than one, so we have had double the content and double the phenomenal guests. There are a few episodes that stuck out to me that I wanted to revisit in preparation for the live episode. One of them comes from Eve Hall about destigmatizing sexual health. That has become a more prominent conversation over the years, but it still isn’t getting the attention it needs. Women like Eve are sharing their stories and creating a safe community for women to be able to take care of all aspects of their health, including sexual.
Our friend, Kat Newport, was also in an episode this season, and she said the phrase “good girl syndrome.” I loved writing this blog because good girl syndrome is something that we see constantly, and I’ve even talked about it before, but I didn’t have quite the right term to use for the scenario. Women are the ultimate people pleasers, and this has come up in past episodes, making it perfect to listen to when you’re trying to get a feel for the podcast.
One final episode I wanted to highlight was Lisa McCourt’s and I truly admire how she is an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, sharing the story of her trans daughter. Lisa is all about finding joy in your life and accepting the layered aspects of yourself. Societal expectations can become loud at times, so this is a great episode to listen to when you need to quiet the outside voices and listen to yourself.
Join us for our live episode celebrating four years of the F.E.E.L Podcast! Share some of your favorite episodes from over the years or some that gave you a new perspective. We are so thankful to be able to share 4 years of content with even more to come. Join Melissa and Valencia Thursday, July 10th as they reflect, share old memories, and of course, FEEL.
Ways to Engage: What has been your favorite episode so far this season or your favorite topic of conversation? Are there any topics you’d like to hear us discuss or any guests you’d like to see return?
Episode 29 - Releasing Guilt & Embracing Boundaries: How to Journal Through Self-Doubt with Callie Martin Pierce
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest this week is Callie Martin, a friend of Melissa’s whom she met from the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce. Callie is a motivated self-starter who has a strong passion for helping others, which becomes very clear early on in her episode.
Callie has been on a long journey of discovering healthy boundaries and putting them in place, and I love what she has to say about them as well. You have to understand what values are important to you because that’s going to dictate what you say yes and no to. If you don’t value yourself and the time you have, you will become consumed by things that don’t really fill your cup—eventually you’re just living life for other people rather than yourself.
Callie also covers the guilt piece that comes with boundaries, which is something I struggle with often. For me, I try to celebrate any win I can. Recently I had to set a boundary with someone who wanted me to dog sit, and even though it wasn’t a big deal to them, I still felt guilty. Still, I reminded myself that I did it! I said no when I felt like saying no, and I was proud of myself for it. The world didn’t end, no one was mad at me, and I had peace knowing I didn’t have to worry about dog sitting when I had too busy of a schedule to do it. Callie suggests journaling for moments like this, writing down what her thoughts are in the situation and how she feels about it. Then she writes what reality is, the actual happenings rather than the story she’s telling in her head. Typically, you are the only one thinking about saying no after the fact, whereas the other person moved on and isn’t dwelling on it the same way.
This is where communication is needed in confidently setting boundaries, because in my situation for example, I could’ve lied about the reasons behind why I was saying no. The truth was that I didn’t have the bandwidth to be able to keep up with everything in addition to what I already had going on in my personal life, so that’s what I told them. I was nervous about it, but they were very understanding and kind. You don’t have to have a reason or excuse if you really don’t want to do something. Telling the person how you’re genuinely feeling is a much better alternative to making something up. And you also don’t have to worry about “remembering” your lies.
I appreciate how honest Callie is while discussing her boundaries and health, admitting both the struggles and the triumphs. Boundaries are a difficult topic to cover sometimes, but I think she beautifully encapsulates everything they can and should be. She is a joy to listen to and I’m so glad Melissa brought her to us. She’s part of a community of women who are changing the world without even realizing it, and when others see her confidently setting boundaries, they’ll be inspired to do the same. Even the smallest steps are still steps in the right direction.
Ways to Engage: If you’re struggling with guilt from setting boundaries, journal it out. Write down your thoughts. Ask yourself, what is reality? What is going on in your life? Why did you say no? Ask yourself, what are my thoughts? What narrative am I telling myself? Recognize that the stories you tell yourself are not always fact, and you can release yourself of the guilt from setting healthy boundaries.
Episode 28 - Motherhood Without the Mask: Identity, Boundaries & Postpartum Truths with Marissa Zwetow
By Jessica Garrison
If you keep up with our radio show and YouTube panel shows, then you may already be familiar with our next guest, Marissa Zwetow. She is a passionate, stubborn, persistent, silly, focused, and empathetic woman who is living life as her most authentic self.
Throughout the episode, Marissa discusses her time as a mother, and although we hear a lot about motherhood, we don’t always hear the truth from women. We have this idea in our mind of what motherhood is and how it will play out for us, but that only scratches the surface of an iceberg of experiences. This is a very nuanced and complicated topic, but it’s those parts of the conversation we aren’t having on a regular basis. When women talk about motherhood, they share what they love about it, not the parts that make them frustrated or exhausted. Personally, I am only a feline mother and have never given birth or been pregnant. I don’t think we talk enough about how much of a change pregnancy creates for your body, let alone how it changes your mental health, and these things are never the same again. Two things can be true at one time, such as you are thrilled to be a mother but you are also exhausted from it and want a break.
Marissa also shares how she tends to see women stereotypical gender roles after children are born—this was a personal experience for her, and I definitely see this happen in life as well. Women are expected to always take care of the children, but when a man takes care of his child for the evening it’s “babysitting.” She also understands how difficult it can be to set boundaries during this time, especially because of how motherhood is supposed to be “natural” for women. We shouldn’t seem ungrateful because some women can’t have children or some women lost their children (another instance we see weaponized gratitude in effect). Or because society tells you that you aren’t a real woman unless you have children and that’s just how life works. It’s crucial for people to understand that being a mother is hard work, and you were never meant to do it alone. It takes a village to raise a child, and it shouldn’t just fall on the woman who gave birth to do everything.
In Marissa’s work, she helps moms feel like themselves again and normalizes postpartum conversations. We act like a woman growing a human being inside her body for 9 months then going through a traumatic, body-changing process to bring that human into the world is no big deal. Add maternity and paternity leave into the mix and we could talk all day about the unfair judgments made against parents. It’s only normal to feel unhappy at times, and it’s okay to share those feelings aloud.
It’s time we all share the truth about what it means to be a woman, including everything that comes with it, and Marissa is leading this discussion with strength, truth, and integrity. If you want to hear more of Marissa, she was on our radio show episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and our YouTube panel show episode, “Honest Talk About Pregnancy & Postpartum Health.” Feel free to share your experiences or speak openly about what you have been through and how it makes you feel. We are always here to listen.
Ways to Engage: What are your expectations for yourself? What are society's expectations for you? Is there overlap or are there some expectations you thought were your own but turned out to be someone else’s? Think about what you want out of life and what you expect for yourself without listening to what the outside voices want.
Episode 27 - Breaking the Caregiver Cycle: Self-Awareness, Survival Mode & Loving Fiercely with Lynette Weldon
By Jessica Garrison
To start our week, we are with Lynette Weldon, whose name you may recognize from the Embracing Layers Radio Show. She participated in our episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and she is now on the podcast to show off how truly dedicated, driven, passionate, and loyal she is.
Being a fierce advocate, Lynette shares how her time as a caregiver changed her life on both ends of the spectrum. Growing up, Lynette’s mother was a caregiver to her stepdad after a brain tumor was discovered, and her mother didn’t take the time to care for herself as she should’ve. So when Lynette’s daughter was born with down syndrome and a hole in her heart, she didn’t take the time for herself either. This just goes to show how, even if we don’t realize it, our actions are being watched by others. We can choose to model unhealthy behaviors for ourselves and others, or we can break the cycle.
Lynette’s daughter is also not her only child, so she’s had to learn the balance of giving her daughter the special attention she needs while also giving love and attention to her other children. She says she was living in “fight or flight” survival mode for 10 years before telling herself that something had to change. It was affecting her health, and this in turn was affecting her ability to be a functional caregiver. She doesn’t want anyone else to reach a point like this in their lives, living like they’re on autopilot. Imagine telling yourself your whole life to keep pushing through, just get to the next week again and again until you finally end up as the one in someone else’s care. Lynette shows us that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can be an effective caregiver while still taking the time to care for yourself.
During this episode, I love how Lynette shares the “grieving process” with caregiving, and there’s many layers to just the idea of grief itself. This word typically comes to mind when someone dies, and you grieve their life and the time you spent together. It’s also okay to grieve the loss of something you used to do that you can’t anymore or the life you had once before that’s changed. She says it’s okay to not only feel sad or feel angry, but to also admit those feelings to yourself. Melissa always says that there are no good or bad emotions, they are just your emotions. They’re there as clues, so you shouldn’t feel shame for any emotion you have, despite what we’ve been raised to believe. Seasons change and we change along with them, but it’s still okay to grieve a season you miss.
Caregivers are kind of like unknown heroes, people who keep the world moving but we never ask how they’re doing—we always ask how the person they’re caring for is doing, but never them. Take some time to reflect, thank a caregiver, and ask them how they’re doing. Listen to how they are truly doing or ask what ways you can help lighten the load for them. We feel like we have to do everything ourselves, but we really don’t. Reach out and ask for help, or be that person to support someone when they need it the most.
Ways to Engage: Do you feel like you’re overworked or don’t have any time in the day for yourself? Start with small increments of time, like 5 or 10 minutes to do something for you. Read a couple pages of your book, write down your thoughts, or just rest. Your time is yours, and it’s up to you to take control of it.
Episode 26 - Mental Health Days, Neurospicy Life & Self-Care with Amy Taylor
By Jessica Garrison
We’re joined with a new guest this week, the loyal, loving, kind, generous, family-oriented, progressive, open-minded, and self aware Amy Taylor. Her character traits proudly radiate through the screen as you listen, especially her generous and family-oriented nature.
While talking about self care, Amy mentions how she takes a mental health day when she feels like her body and mind need a break. This isn’t always a feasible option, but if you’re in a position to take a mental health day, it would be a good idea. Taking some time off can be beneficial in breaking up the long stretch of work or allowing your body to rest when it needs it. Even on days when I say, “this is my day off,” I still tend to find myself doing things for work or stressing about something happening in the near future. I’m still on my own journey to not only understanding when my mind needs a break but to also grant myself that break and allow myself to refuel. I have seen the positive impacts of this with my roommate who is a teacher. Teaching is an invaluable yet underappreciated career, so sometimes she plans for a mental health day where she can catch up on some much needed rest and self care.
The time Amy spends with her friends and family is also part of her self care. It’s a constant in her life, and she knows she has people in her corner who love and support her no matter what. In her 30s, Amy was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and in her 50s she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. With this knowledge, she decided to live her life out loud, rather than leaving her authentic self to disappear into silence. Amy wants people to know that they are not alone, even though life can feel very lonely at times. There is a community out there, whether it’s your family, a close group of friends, or maybe even online, where you can be loud and proud of who you are.
These other areas of her life tie into her health as well, such as taking a long hot shower when she needs it, reducing the amount of sugar she consumes, and getting the right amount of sleep. Our last blog focuses on the importance of sleep, and it’s even more important for Amy because of her bipolar disorder. She can become manic, and sleep affects you even more as you grow older. Even getting out of the house can be part of self care, and she enjoys doing things with her teenage daughter to get her out of the house, too. I can attest that when I have a long stretch of not leaving the house, I can feel myself sink deeper into depression. And the thing is, the longer I don’t leave the house, the harder it becomes to get myself out the door. It’s all about finding that balance of what you want and what you need to be the healthiest version of yourself, while still surrounding yourself with the support you need.
It may seem that I’ve covered a lot from the episode, but there is still so much more for Amy to share with you herself. Check out her resources on our website and share it with a friend!
Ways to Engage: Take a mental health day. It’s a challenge and a privilege to take time off of work when you need it the most, but if you’re able, take a day off to replenish and nourish your body the way it deserves to be.
Episode 25 - Nursing, Sleep, and Becoming Your Healthiest Self with Jennifer Johnson
By Jessica Garrison
Jennifer Johnson joins the F.E.E.L Podcast this week to share her journey which hasn’t come easy, but it has changed her for the better. Describing herself as empathetic, resilient, stubborn, and a multitasking queen, Jennifer is taking the world by storm as the healthiest, most authentic version of herself.
Professionally, Jennifer is a nurse, and there isn’t much she hasn’t seen through this line of work. From nursing school to rigorous COVID shifts, Jennifer has needed to pay extra attention to her physical, mental, and spiritual health. She discusses the importance of sleep, and I cannot express how much I love to hear people talk about its health benefits because I love to sleep. I’ve also found out the type of person I am when I don’t get enough of it. My first year of college I really struggled with falling asleep, and I became a short-tempered, irritable, and unfocused person. I knew I needed a change but couldn’t figure out what to do. With my discovery of melatonin gummies, I was finally catching up on some well deserved rest. Sleep aids shouldn’t be used on a daily basis, so I knew I had to find a night routine that worked for me to settle in for the evening; I’ve found this to also be a version of self care. I take my time brushing my teeth, doing my skincare routine, spritzing my pillow with a calming mist, and taking a deep breath because it’s time to get some rest after a long day. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and you just have to find what works best for you. It might not come easily at first, but believe me as well as Jennifer when I tell you it is worth it in the long run.
Jennifer shares with us how she’s worked nights most of her career while her husband worked during the day. With two young children, she wasn’t able to get the proper rest she needed, and this was negatively impacting other areas of her life. I can’t imagine doing the influential and traumatic work a nurse does on a daily basis, let alone without sleep. People tend to think that if they don’t sleep enough they’ve “won.” They had more hours in the day to get stuff done or they brag about not needing a lot of sleep at night. Even if you don’t feel affected at first, not getting enough sleep can negatively affect your immune system, nervous system, brain function, and more. One way or another, it will catch up to you, and you’ll thank yourself later for allowing your body to rest.
To dive deeper into behind the scenes of her nursing career and her journey to F.E.E.L, you can read Jennifer’s book Nursing Intuition. We can all take a piece of what Jennifer has learned and shared as we continue to grow on our own. Then others can look at us and hear our experiences, and continue to grow on their own. It’s a never ending cycle that can be a positive force in the world.
Ways to Engage: Start focusing on your sleep schedule. Are you getting enough hours of rest? Do you wake up a lot throughout your sleep cycle? Are you on your phone right before you go to sleep or right after you wake up? Sleep is one of the most important aspects of your health, and we should be treating it as such.
Episode 24 - Embracing Authenticity, Expectations & Self-Love with Vesta Hurlbutt
By Jessica Garrison
We are thrilled to have Vesta Hurlbutt join us this week for a conversation of healing and loving your authentic self. She is kind, loving, all-inclusive, happy, approachable, and fun, all of which are commendable traits to have, and you will grow to appreciate Vesta even more after listening to her share her story.
The overall conversation of expectations is valuable, so much so that Vesta has an episode dedicated to it on her own podcast, Open Heart Healing. If you’re trying to live out of someone else’s expectations, you’ll start to feel bad about yourself because you’re not fulfilling your own desires. Even if you do every single thing another person wants you to do, it still will not make you feel whole within yourself.
It’s not conceited to love yourself, a point Vesta makes very clear during this talking point. It all goes back to self love and self forgiveness, knowing that you are worth the time and energy it takes to become the healthiest version of yourself. Vesta reminds us that it’s okay if you aren’t meeting your own expectations at this very moment because you will eventually, as long as you are being true to yourself and keeping these components in the back of your mind as you continue your journey.
I also appreciate Vesta’s distinction between the ability to love your body and still want to make it better. There’s always room for self improvement, and if this is an area you struggle with, remember that two things can exist at one time. You can still look in the mirror and love and appreciate your body, but want to improve upon it such as needing to lose or gain weight to make yourself healthier. Just like emotions of happiness and sadness, these two things can be valid at the same time.
I mentioned Vesta’s podcast earlier, and this is a platform for her to share her journey and “explore the path to inner fulfillment.” Vesta’s “why” is centered around wanting to continue to feel amazing, and this a feeling she wants to share with others. Her job allows her to chase her dreams and passions, which she greatly appreciates. We appreciate it as well, because the work Vesta does to help spread the joy allows so many others to feel free in their own lives. It’s admirable to see a woman like her work diligently to give others a platform to help them heal, which also ties into supporting women in living unapologetically.
One last thing I want to share that Vesta said is that she has come across many different walks of life and has found love in every single place. There will always be people there who will support you and a community to stand behind you. Between the Embracing Layers Network and the network Vesta has created, there is already a community waiting for you.
Ways to Engage: Take the time to recognize people in your life who you love unconditionally and vice versa. It might even help to write them down for times when you’re feeling unloved, depressed, lonely, etc. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing and you are worthy of experiencing it.
Episode 23 - Laura Helgeson on UTI Advocacy, Misdiagnosis, & Mental Health: Creating Change & Choosing Kindness
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by another guest who may sound a little familiar. Laura Helgeson has been on our Embracing Layers Radio Show episode Have You Connected Your Physical Health to Your Emotional Health in Your Embracing Layers Journey? and she’s here to share further details about her journey. Laura is focused, driven, compassionate, and she is someone with kindness.
The connection between physical, mental, and spiritual health has been the center of Laura’s life and her why. Laura opens up about her struggle with chronic UTIs, something she’s suffered from since she was young. Since there’s so many misconceptions about UTIs, Laura hid her diagnosis from pretty much everyone. I love that she emphasizes the point of releasing shame from the body because they’re natural beings. Melissa has said before that there is a lot of learning that goes into embracing your layers, but there is just as much unlearning to do. Overcoming the shame we feel from our bodies is a key example of how important it is to learn as well as unlearn. This way, we are able to take care of all aspects of our health properly and with more knowledge.
It’s not easy to reach this point in your journey, and I’m proud of Laura for sharing her story to help other women. If there aren’t resources on this topic, she will become the resource for people. If there aren’t conversations being held on this topic, she’ll begin the discussion. Chronic UTIs are not recognized legitimately in the United States, even though it is a very real and serious health issue. Laura shared the statistic with us that 60% of women in the U.S. will suffer from a UTI at some point in her life and 30% of those women will have recurring UTIs or chronic UTIs. It’s an issue that is deeply personal for Laura, but also for so many women who need this information to live comfortably.
I also love how Laura expresses the need to do things for yourself, even if it’s minor. The little things really add up, and this can help your stamina in your embracing layers journey. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal, doing something small for yourself can make a world of difference. Whether it’s a short walk, a five minute breathing exercise, or getting dessert after dinner, you owe it to yourself to do the little things to make you happy and keep the connections throughout our bodies stable.
Laura is a trailblazer who is creating a huge change in the way women view themselves, both the inside and the outside. Health is her objective, and she is inspiring others to become their own advocate. Her amazing work for women will continue as she continues to live unapologetically.
Ways to Engage: Do something kind for yourself today. Get a large coffee instead of medium, take yourself out to a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, stay in for the evening instead of going out. Whatever it may be, do something kind for yourself—it doesn’t have to be big. The little things add up.
Episode 22 - Self-Care, Boundaries & Honoring Your Energy with Amy Donovan
By Jessica Garrison
Our second guest of the week is not necessarily new to our network, but she is new to the F.E.E.L Podcast. Amy Donovan has been on the radio show with episodes, “Coming Back to Your WHY and Your Values” and “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” as well as our YouTube panel show “Together We F.E.E.L: Body Responsibility.” So when you finish the episode and want to hear more from Amy, there’s plenty to explore! Amy describes herself as a good dreamer but not always a great executer, an oversharer, an open book, a complete empath, someone who operates at an 8, quick witted, quick tempered, and quick at everything except physical activity, which I think many of us may already connect with.
No matter what phase of life you’re in, it’s busy. I think we have a misconception on how life is “supposed” to go, like you’re supposed to be married with children and retire at a certain age. However, life is unpredictable and when things don’t go as planned, we kind of have a mentality of pushing through until life has settled enough for us to do what we want. However, we’ve heard before and we’re hearing now that you cannot wait to take care of yourself—make time for yourself within the moments you have now. This makes it so important to provide self care for yourself throughout even the busiest of days.
Otherwise, resentment and regret starts to control you because you realize you’ve been waiting for your kids to grow up and move out to start doing nice things for yourself, or you’re waiting to retire until you take that dream vacation you’ve been planning in your head for years. Live your life now while it’s here, stop to smell the roses, and remember to take care of yourself through the journey.
Another point that connects with this is the idea of “keeping score” in relationships, which Amy brought up during the boundaries talking point. I think this comes up a lot in relationships but it isn’t discussed much. There’s a balance to find between having an equal partnership without keeping score of who does what. For example, my roommate and I will buy each other drinks at coffee shops without being asked or giving the other money for it. We just do it back and forth when the time is right for it to have a little surprise. We don’t keep track and say, “I got you a large before and you got me a medium this time,” or any other comparisons. It isn’t about doing something nice to use against the other person later, but rather to just do something nice because you want to. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic relationship, but it could also be with friends, family, or coworkers.
Amy has such a bright spirit, and I really enjoyed her episode. She’s vulnerable, authentic, and she gets you excited to start your own journey. Let Amy serve as a reminder to treat yourself and others kindly because you are worthy and deserve good things.
Ways to Engage: What are things you like about yourself? Not what you don’t like, but what you can truly appreciate about yourself. Start with character traits. Do you like that you’re empathetic or funny or patient? What do you like about yourself physically? Build your confidence and focus on the good, rather than picking apart the things you don’t like.
Episode 21 - Boundaries, Empathy & the Nonlinear Journey to Growth with Jewel Hohman
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest of the week is the curious, empathetic, and passionate Jewel Hohman. Her journey is so specific to her yet there are dozens of connecting points that will resonate with everyone listening.
The conversation Melissa and Jewel have on boundaries is a great reminder for people that change is not linear. We’re only human after all, and we tend to relapse back into old habits, but we have to remember that that’s okay. It’s important not to beat yourself up over these setbacks, but rather to recognize the behavior and continue to move forward. There are stages of change, and as long as you’re trying, you should recognize that within yourself.
Jewel also talks about making boundaries about you rather than the other person, and this is something that’s continued to come up this season. As much as we may like to, we cannot control another person’s actions, but we can hold them accountable with our own actions. It’s not effective to say to someone, “Stop doing X.” But you can say, “if you keep doing X, then I will do Y.” It’s crucial then to follow through with your action if they continue to cross your boundary, but communicating it this way is most efficient. I’ve used this phrasing in the past and have seen the results firsthand, and I can confirm it’s worth the internal battle you may have with yourself. It’s rewarding to see people respect your boundaries, or if they don’t, it’s rewarding to see yourself respect your own boundaries and see yourself as valuable enough to defend.
In her journey, Jewel mentally chose to direct her attention into fulfilling relationships with people who respected her boundaries and didn’t make her choose between them. Keep in mind that you cannot take on other people’s emotions, though we tend to do that as humans, especially when you’re an empathetic person. Empathy is an incredible trait to have, but that doesn’t mean you should be constantly carrying other people’s emotions with you. If you’re trying to find “the right answer,” Jewel says there is no right answer. However, there is whatever is right for you, and that’s where you can begin.
Jewel is truly making a difference within her own life with the way she values herself and confidently lives authentically, which in turns makes an incredible difference in the lives of others. As she continues to be empathetic, curious, and passionate, join Jewel in your own journey to become the healthiest version of yourself who sees how worth it you really are.
Ways to Engage: Ask yourself questions of what you want for the future and what you want for yourself right now in life. What experiences do you want to have? Ask yourself the rapid fire questions: How do you want to be feeling in the next 6 months? What activities nourish you? Use these answers to live out of your own expectations and go after what you want.