Episode 16 -Breaking the Silence on Abuse, Healing, Boundaries & Self-Worth with Tiffiny Newton
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: abuse, self-harm
Our next guest is a woman who’s determined to help other women see the best in themselves and break their silence, all of which becomes clear when you start listening to our episode with Tiffiny Newton. Her story has some triggering topics, but they are important to talk about nonetheless. Be sure to take care of yourself while listening and refer to our resources if needed.
Tiffiny described not utilizing self care as “death by a thousand cuts.” She was isolated and not taking care of herself as she needed after being in an abusive relationship. The first step to healing was understanding abuse, which is a common misconception among many people in this world. Abuse is not necessarily broken bones or bruises, which we have discussed frequently on our platform, particularly in our book club with Gasping for Air. Tiffiny said that she made excuses, like it was just a fight or she was overreacting, but she has come to terms with it in order to heal. She says it’s scary, but it’s also empowering to realize it, name it, and speak up.
She reasoned that if she “did better” in the relationship, things would get better in turn, and that’s a narrative put into a lot of abuse victims’ heads. They put all of their energy into becoming someone that they think their partner wants them to be so they won’t have to experience anymore hurt, but the truth is there is no making them happy. It was to the point where Tiffiny was self-harming, just to see what was real. For Tiffiny to leave, she had to be strategic with her planning, another misconception people have from abusive relationships. Sometimes you can’t “just leave.” It isn’t always safe to do that, but we hope these conversations can help move things forward for women so they have resources available and ways that they can safely leave an abusive situation.
After leaving this relationship, Tiffiny needed to revisit her boundaries after experiencing a relationship where her sense of them had been repeatedly disregarded. Ultimately, you hurt yourself when you don’t have boundaries because you’re basically letting everyone else decide where your boundaries are based on theirs. Without boundaries, it’s harder to decide who’s toxic in your life because they will show themselves by how they react or adjust to your boundary setting.
Tiffiny has her own book, Behind the Smile, written with her experiences as “a guide for friends and family members who suspect their loved one may be trapped in a controlling or abusive relationship.” Let this be a reminder to you that you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and live in a safe, healthy way. If this doesn’t sound like your life, then please reach out or visit the resources page for more information. Be kind to yourself as well as others—you never know what someone is going through.
Ways to Engage: Take some time to appreciate yourself and track your daily wins. Look back at where you used to be and look at where you are now, and how far you’ve come. Allow yourself to feel proud because we never take enough of these moments. Life is hard, and you have come a long way. There may be more ways to go, but it’s important we realize all of the progress we have made and acknowledge the strength it took to get there.
Resources:
Mental Health/Self-Harm
Call 988
Text 988
Abuse
Call 800-799-7233
Text BEGIN to 88788