Episode 15 - Authentic Living: Choosing Your Own Path Instead of Others’ Expectations with Melissa Crook

By Jessica Garrison

This week with Melissa Crook, we are discussing Living Out of Your Own Expectations Versus Others.’ Expectations are narratives we live by, and they go hand in hand with boundaries. They are the way we design our life, determining events we sign up for, and who we involve in our lives. Whether it’s based on the kind of job we have, relationships we’re in, or even our gender, there are expectations put upon us that we may not even realize. This can also include societal, familial, and cultural expectations that vary greatly from person to person. 

Ask yourself: “What do I care about? What do I expect of myself? What do I want for my life? Who am I?” These questions can seem simple at first, but it’s important to sit with them and be honest with yourself when answering. Sometimes there are things we need to unlearn and relearn, and it can be a lot of pressure to have too much outside input. What’s important to keep in the back of your mind is that you owe it to yourself to live out of your own expectations because it’s your life. You’re the one living it and facing the consequences of it, so make sure it’s worth it to you. 

Another key piece to this is communication. Communicate when you need to make shifts to honor yourself and your own expectations, because people get used to you being a certain way, and they won’t know how to make these shifts with you. We’re not mind readers, so you have to be upfront with your feelings and actions. Have you communicated your expectations or are you expecting people to just know? Remember that, in all areas of life, communication is kind. Communicating what you’re feeling and how you plan to act on it is different from overexplaining to people why you are doing this and offering them a multitude of reasons why. If they care about you, they will respect that you are doing the healthiest thing for you and support that.  

Think about if you decide what your expectations are, or do you allow others to do that for you? Have others informed this with or without your permission? It may be difficult to make these types of changes in your life, especially when everyone gets used to the usual routine. Making waves isn’t ideal, but you have to make your own choices and live out of your own expectations. Otherwise, you might turn around in a few years and realize it was someone else’s life you were living. Stay consistent, and remember that it’s worth it if you are being true to yourself. You are worth the time, the energy, and you are worth honoring. 

Ways To Engage: Identify activities that nourish you, name your character traits, and describe who you are. Does your calendar reflect this? Do your actions and activities align with who you are? Or does this come from other people? Take time to sit with this, analyze, and be honest with yourself. Remember to also be patient with yourself on this journey because it isn’t easy to undo a lot of the learnings we’ve had. You get to choose to live your own life the way you want to live it.

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