Episode 12 -Self-Leadership for Women: Let Go of Control, Set Boundaries & Heal Without Guilt with Kate Lenihan
By Jessica Garrison
Podmatch has become such an amazing source connecting us with our guests, and we were able to meet Kate Lenihan, our guest this week, through that very medium. She is curious, rounded, empathetic, and known for bringing humor and clarity to deeply emotional conversations. She told Melissa this before being asked for her character traits, so we know this is Kate at her very core.
Another way we phrase self care is self leadership or self preservation, and Kate sees delegation as a form of self care. Women tend to take on all the projects themselves without asking for help. We’ve heard the phrase if you want something done right, then you need to do it yourself. However, we have to release this mindset that we’re the only ones who can do it or that there’s only one right way of having it done. By releasing some of your responsibilities, you release the load you’re constantly carrying. It is not a weakness to ask for help, but rather it is brave. We cannot always be certain of what the outcome may be, and it is “not your responsibility to control it,” so it’s important to let go of some of those expectations as well.
In her journey of supporting herself and other women in living unapologetically, Kate worked towards helping women relinquish some of their responsibilities without all of the guilt. She saw so many women struggle with delegating because they felt bad for asking for help or felt they were being bossy by putting someone else in charge of an assignment. Their reasoning was like we just discussed: they didn’t think it would be done right, so if it wasn’t in their hands, then they were even more stressed out about it. Women can be resistant to giving up control, but Kate says that is all part of the boundaries journey. If it isn’t a full body yes, then it’s a full body no. If there is one thing you take from this episode, let it be if it isn’t a full body yes, then it’s a full body no.
Another part of the episode I feel is important to share is Kate’s discussion of grief and how she lived in it for a long time. She wasn’t properly processing her grief, but rather she was pushing it down and ignoring it each day. This kept bubbling up for Kate, and grief tends to do that at the most inconvenient times. No matter what, it will show itself whether you want it to or not. Eventually your body won’t be able to hold it in anymore and will react however it needs to in order to feel a release. Kate also said that grief is not exclusive to death. You can feel grief in many different areas of your life; it is all encompassing and should not be ignored or compared to others. Your feelings are valid, so don’t dismiss them just because you think someone else may have it worse. We are experiencing the world together and deserve to express our feelings honestly.
Kate’s episode serves as a great reminder for our talking points and how they can be interpreted in many different ways, showcasing how they have their own sets of layers. I have hardly scratched the surface of this conversation, so I look forward to everyone listening to Kate’s story from her own voice and perspective.
Ways to Engage: Take inventory of what you do in a day, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. What do you do for yourself and what do you do for others? Where are some areas you can ask for help? Delegate some of what you do in a day, even starting small if that’s helpful. Don’t try to carry the world on your own; you are brave when you ask for help.