Episode 28 - Motherhood Without the Mask: Identity, Boundaries & Postpartum Truths with Marissa Zwetow

By Jessica Garrison

If you keep up with our radio show and YouTube panel shows, then you may already be familiar with our next guest, Marissa Zwetow. She is a passionate, stubborn, persistent, silly, focused, and empathetic woman who is living life as her most authentic self.

Throughout the episode, Marissa discusses her time as a mother, and although we hear a lot about motherhood, we don’t always hear the truth from women. We have this idea in our mind of what motherhood is and how it will play out for us, but that only scratches the surface of an iceberg of experiences. This is a very nuanced and complicated topic, but it’s those parts of the conversation we aren’t having on a regular basis. When women talk about motherhood, they share what they love about it, not the parts that make them frustrated or exhausted. Personally, I am only a feline mother and have never given birth or been pregnant. I don’t think we talk enough about how much of a change pregnancy creates for your body, let alone how it changes your mental health, and these things are never the same again. Two things can be true at one time, such as you are thrilled to be a mother but you are also exhausted from it and want a break.

Marissa also shares how she tends to see women stereotypical gender roles after children are born—this was a personal experience for her, and I definitely see this happen in life as well. Women are expected to always take care of the children, but when a man takes care of his child for the evening it’s “babysitting.” She also understands how difficult it can be to set boundaries during this time, especially because of how motherhood is supposed to be “natural” for women. We shouldn’t seem ungrateful because some women can’t have children or some women lost their children (another instance we see weaponized gratitude in effect). Or because society tells you that you aren’t a real woman unless you have children and that’s just how life works. It’s crucial for people to understand that being a mother is hard work, and you were never meant to do it alone. It takes a village to raise a child, and it shouldn’t just fall on the woman who gave birth to do everything.

In Marissa’s work, she helps moms feel like themselves again and normalizes postpartum conversations. We act like a woman growing a human being inside her body for 9 months then going through a traumatic, body-changing process to bring that human into the world is no big deal. Add maternity and paternity leave into the mix and we could talk all day about the unfair judgments made against parents. It’s only normal to feel unhappy at times, and it’s okay to share those feelings aloud.

It’s time we all share the truth about what it means to be a woman, including everything that comes with it, and Marissa is leading this discussion with strength, truth, and integrity. If you want to hear more of Marissa, she was on our radio show episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and our YouTube panel show episode, “Honest Talk About Pregnancy & Postpartum Health.” Feel free to share your experiences or speak openly about what you have been through and how it makes you feel. We are always here to listen.

Ways to Engage: What are your expectations for yourself? What are society's expectations for you? Is there overlap or are there some expectations you thought were your own but turned out to be someone else’s? Think about what you want out of life and what you expect for yourself without listening to what the outside voices want.

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Episode 27 - Breaking the Caregiver Cycle: Self-Awareness, Survival Mode & Loving Fiercely with Lynette Weldon