Episode 27 - Breaking the Caregiver Cycle: Self-Awareness, Survival Mode & Loving Fiercely with Lynette Weldon
By Jessica Garrison
To start our week, we are with Lynette Weldon, whose name you may recognize from the Embracing Layers Radio Show. She participated in our episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and she is now on the podcast to show off how truly dedicated, driven, passionate, and loyal she is.
Being a fierce advocate, Lynette shares how her time as a caregiver changed her life on both ends of the spectrum. Growing up, Lynette’s mother was a caregiver to her stepdad after a brain tumor was discovered, and her mother didn’t take the time to care for herself as she should’ve. So when Lynette’s daughter was born with down syndrome and a hole in her heart, she didn’t take the time for herself either. This just goes to show how, even if we don’t realize it, our actions are being watched by others. We can choose to model unhealthy behaviors for ourselves and others, or we can break the cycle.
Lynette’s daughter is also not her only child, so she’s had to learn the balance of giving her daughter the special attention she needs while also giving love and attention to her other children. She says she was living in “fight or flight” survival mode for 10 years before telling herself that something had to change. It was affecting her health, and this in turn was affecting her ability to be a functional caregiver. She doesn’t want anyone else to reach a point like this in their lives, living like they’re on autopilot. Imagine telling yourself your whole life to keep pushing through, just get to the next week again and again until you finally end up as the one in someone else’s care. Lynette shows us that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can be an effective caregiver while still taking the time to care for yourself.
During this episode, I love how Lynette shares the “grieving process” with caregiving, and there’s many layers to just the idea of grief itself. This word typically comes to mind when someone dies, and you grieve their life and the time you spent together. It’s also okay to grieve the loss of something you used to do that you can’t anymore or the life you had once before that’s changed. She says it’s okay to not only feel sad or feel angry, but to also admit those feelings to yourself. Melissa always says that there are no good or bad emotions, they are just your emotions. They’re there as clues, so you shouldn’t feel shame for any emotion you have, despite what we’ve been raised to believe. Seasons change and we change along with them, but it’s still okay to grieve a season you miss.
Caregivers are kind of like unknown heroes, people who keep the world moving but we never ask how they’re doing—we always ask how the person they’re caring for is doing, but never them. Take some time to reflect, thank a caregiver, and ask them how they’re doing. Listen to how they are truly doing or ask what ways you can help lighten the load for them. We feel like we have to do everything ourselves, but we really don’t. Reach out and ask for help, or be that person to support someone when they need it the most.
Ways to Engage: Do you feel like you’re overworked or don’t have any time in the day for yourself? Start with small increments of time, like 5 or 10 minutes to do something for you. Read a couple pages of your book, write down your thoughts, or just rest. Your time is yours, and it’s up to you to take control of it.