Episode 12 - Finding Your Foundation with Ursula Sharp
By Jessica Garrison
Melissa met Ursula Sharp at a conference and knew shortly after that she wanted to have her as a guest on the podcast. Her perspective on life and F.E.E.L. is not only encouraging but also very self-reflective. Ursula became forced to take care of herself after being diagnosed with renal disease, and she is currently on dialysis awaiting a kidney transplant. This health crisis has taught her to make intentional time for herself. She takes a pause to breathe, a moment to reflect, and the time to set realistic goals. She said that the best way to describe her would be a car without a GPS since she was just going through the motions with no real sense of direction. Now, Ursula is able to reach the goals she sets for herself and not become overwhelmed by the impossible.
Boundaries are important to Ursula because she needs a safe space to exist, something we all truly need. We’re taught as women to be there for other people, despite our personal well-being. We’ve heard this from so many women over the seasons, but Ursula reiterated this a few times during the episode. At first, when expressing boundaries, people may be confused as to why you’re suddenly sticking up for yourself or are not their beck and call anymore. It’s important though to stand by the boundaries you set if you believe in them or need them. It’s all about balance in different aspects of your life and keeping to the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.
Ursula expressed the need to have an unfiltered connection with someone in order to take care of her emotional health. She found this connection with her therapist and discovered how it really helped her to recognize her triggers. The disease she’s living with gave her a new perspective on her emotional health, and this transformed her as a person. Although growth can be uncomfortable, it’s necessary to live out F.E.E.L. Ursula has been eating better, walking regularly, and meditating. However, she also gives herself permission to have a “lazy day” where she can just sit down and relax. By slowing down and taking the time to focus on what’s going on around her, Ursula has been able to benefit from her mental health staying healthy since she can’t always rely on her body to feel healthy.
One piece of advice that Ursula wanted to give to anyone listening is that “if it doesn’t feel right, let it go.” I’ve said before that women especially are told too many times to not trust their gut, but if something feels right, you should go after it. And if it feels wrong, as Ursula says, letting it go is probably for the best. What feels right to Ursula is leaving a positive legacy behind, and she wants to also support others in doing the same thing. At the end of the day, all people want is to feel heard, and Ursula supports women by being an active listener to those around her. Not everyone is looking for advice or for the situation to be “fixed,” but sometimes they just want someone to listen to them vent. Ursula makes sure communication is clear in the conversation, such as offering, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is my response based on what I heard.” This causes the person she’s speaking with to reflect upon what they said/how they said it, and for there to be no hurt feelings based on a miscommunication. I think this is a great way to have conversations that can be tough while still making sure that everyone involved is feeling heard, understood, and supported.
There’s a lot of judgment out in the world, and Ursula wants to make sure that she doesn’t add to it, which is part of her leaving a positive legacy behind. In her world, your word is your bond, so she makes it a point to be honest and straightforward with people. If they take anything away from a conversation with her, she wants it to be that she is upfront with them, and they can trust what she’s saying, whether it be good or bad.
Of course, Ursula is not a perfect person, and she’s struggled with patience through her journey to accepting her layers. Even if she knows things can take time to evolve, she wants to see results right away. As Ursula pointed out earlier while speaking about self-care, she’s learned to handle this by taking more pauses. For example, she’s learned not to rush through conversations; if someone catches her at a bad time, she wants to give them her fullest attention and offers to speak with them later rather than just dismissing them because she’s in a hurry. It keeps her more present and in the moment each day.
Ursula says, “Don’t live your life living someone else’s dream,” which is a huge takeaway when it comes to living out of your own expectations versus others’. At the end of the day, it’s your life and the people who you’re listening to may not still be there in the future. You’re the only person who will have to deal with the consequences of your actions, so make sure you’re living the way you want to. Even if someone may not agree with her decisions, Ursula knows what’s best for her and where she wants to go in life, so the opinions of others aren’t always considered. If it’s someone whose opinion she values, of course, she’ll listen to their thoughts and concerns, but she doesn’t let them be the final decision-maker. It’s Ursula’s life, and she’ll live it however she may please, just as we should all be doing.
Despite there being no instruction manual on how to get through life (wouldn’t it be much easier if there were?), Ursula is able to persist with confidence because she believes in what she’s doing. Everyone is just doing their best to get through life successful and happy, and Ursula is no different. However, her kindness, intelligence, and empathy already positively affect her and those around her. The vulnerability and spirit she showed during the episode makes this one you won’t want to miss!
Ways to Engage: Are there any techniques or specific things you do when listening to someone in addition to what Ursula offers? What are they? How have the results been? Feel free to share with us so we can all discover ways to support others and better ourselves.