Episode 52 -Breaking Generational Trauma, Survivor’s Guilt & Emotional Healing with Julie Barth
By Jessica Garrison
Julie Barth, an empathetic, outspoken, change agent joins us this week on The FEEL Podcast. Her story is one of perseverance, strength, and overcoming the idea that we should hide our emotions.
In the episode, Julie says that she hadn’t pondered the idea of generational trauma until recently. She had the idea, like many other people, that the life you have is completely yours and you’re born with a clean slate. Sometimes, we carry so much inside of ourselves that we can’t help but pass it along to others, whether we mean to or not. She admits that she would make excuses or invalidate her children’s experiences because they were kids and didn’t understand. We teach children not to have boundaries, citing that they can make their own decisions at 18 years old, as if 18 is a magical age. We see it all the time, and I think that’s a balance we have to find because yes they are technically still children, but as soon as they turn 18 the weights of responsibility are thrust upon them with no experience or knowledge of what to do. We have to make mistakes in order to grow, but guidance can keep us from making the worst of them and builds a familiarity with boundaries for when they are older and on their own.
After losing her husband to cancer while the children were very young, Julie says there was a lot to navigate, so boundaries just fell to the wayside. She didn’t understand that survivor's guilt could apply to her in this situation, so there was a lot of inner turmoil she was fighting alone. A lot of times we imagine survivor’s guilt as something severe, but it perfectly applies to Julie’s scenario. They weren’t conscious thoughts, but her self talk was negative, and this continued to affect her life. Her second husband validated these negative thoughts, pushing her further into the shadows. She didn’t want to “wear her tragedy,” so she kept everything inside and would act like nothing was wrong. This just festered inside, creating a perfect storm between her inner turmoil and her husband feeding into these thoughts.
Julie says that she was seeing herself how others saw her, rather than how she truly was as a person on the inside. She was actively being sabotaged, being dragged 3 steps back after taking 1 step forward. We don’t always see these people coming into our lives, but they creep up on us when we are not taking care of ourselves or don’t understand our worth.
Her book, Notes From a Blackberry, is a memoir filled with raw emotion and beautiful prose that looks even further into Julie’s journey. One of the most important lessons she’s learned and wants to share is to accept help. Sometimes our pride gets in the way, but it isn’t weak to ask for help—it’s brave.
Ways to Engage: How do you think other people describe you? What do you agree with or don’t agree with? Write it down and throw it away. How do you describe yourself? The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Get rid of everyone else’s opinions and focus on who you are and who you want to be.
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