Episode 13 - Reclaiming Yourself After Trauma: Kristin Duncombe on Boundaries, Healing, and Empowered Living
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warning: sexual abuse
The story of our next guest, Kristin Duncombe, is a test of strength and vulnerability, a combination that goes hand in hand, despite common misconceptions. She is impulsive, determined, disorganized, thoughtful, extroverted, and a friendly introvert.
Starting off, Kristin shares the relationship she had with her husband and its rocky road, describing how busy he was with work. She says she was constantly waiting on him—waiting up for him, waiting to make dinner, and waiting on him to make decisions when she already knew the best outcome. Her husband would walk into the house after being absent all day as if he owned everyone and everything. As if Kristin wasn’t the one holding the place together and taking care of the children so he could do what he wanted to do. Not only this, but there was poor communication from him in the relationship, which made waiting on him a full time job. I can attest, experiencing it myself as well as seeing friends go through it, that there is something so exhausting about waiting on a partner. There’s a hole inside that never gets filled, though you think that if you just keep waiting, eventually you’ll feel fulfilled. But we can’t spend our lives waiting for someone else, especially someone who doesn’t see how worth it you are. That’s how time passes you by before you even know it, and you’re left wishing you could do it all again.
Kristin has become the subject of her own life, just as Jessica should be the subject of Jessica’s life and you should be the subject of your own life. It’s important to remember that you’re the main character, and you don’t want to let someone else take over your narration. Life can be whatever you want to make it, and this leads into living out of your own expectations. If you constantly live out of the expectations of other people, you’ll spend your whole life wishing you were doing anything else than what you’re doing. If you’re not sure where to start, understand what makes you feel passionate and align with your why. You can’t go wrong there.
Kristin says that she doesn’t have space for boundaryless people in her life anymore, and I can just imagine how free she feels now. She is finally living for herself, which in turn is giving herself as well as her children the best, healthiest life possible. I hope this episode is an inspiration for all women who are ready to break the chains they’ve been wrapped in their whole life and finally be free within themselves.
Ways to Engage: Let’s go back to the basics. Name 5 activities that nourish you, 5 things you are passionate about, and/or 5 things that align with your why. Keep coming back to these things as you make decisions and remember to check in with yourself every so often to make sure they still align with you.
RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE or 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 66743