Episode 20 - Living Unapologetically with Keldamuzik: Confidence, Creativity & Representation in the Music Industry
By Jessica Garrison
You may know our next guest as a singer, but you may not know Keldamuzik as the entertaining, courageous, creative, ambitious, outgoing, and passionate woman she always has been. She’s learned a lot in her journey through music, and she’s here with us to share her lessons, her truth, and her wisdom.
Keldamuzik supports women in living unapologetically just by being her confident and genial self, but there’s a lot that she does behind the scenes that supports women in more ways than what is appreciated. She says living unapologetically connects directly with boundaries because you have to know what you want to involve yourself in and what to surround yourself with. I can attest that by surrounding yourself with good people who genuinely support you and want to watch you succeed will do so much for your confidence. It doesn’t sound like much, but being around constant negative energy weighs on you, and you can’t help but listen to the outside voices after a while.
I also admire Keldamuzik’s ability to speak up and say what is on her mind. There could be someone else in the room who is thinking the same as you, but they might not have the courage or protection to say it. She asks herself, what if they’re thinking that too? It can be so easy to uplift women and make sure all voices are heard, especially if you’re in a position where people stop to listen to you. That’s why it is so important for those who are privileged to speak up for those who are not—if your word is worth more than theirs, make their words heard, too.
Another topic of conversation I want to mention is representation, which I agree is important in all forms of media. Whether you’re watching a movie or reading a book, you want to be able to feel connected to it one way or the other. If all forms of media are made by straight white men, it’d be pretty boring, because only those stories would be told (at least accurately). We appreciate stories with actual struggle and triumph, with flawed people who are just like us but still find a way to make it work. Keldamuzik provides this representation for people, not only as a musician and producer, but she is also an entrepreneur for Tamz Berets.
I love this episode because Keldamuzik’s character traits jump out immediately, and she is such a likeable person. She wants to build with strength and representation, actions we can all admire and work towards achieving. There’s no doubt that her confidence will radiate through the screen and be passed along to listeners. I will be a Keldamuzik fan forever!
Ways to Engage: Everything Keldamuzik names has the word “diva” in it, meaning confident, independent, motivated, and empowering others to do the same. Think of a word that encompasses you, similarly to your character traits. Something that gives you strength, power, and confidence. Keep that word with you and remind yourself of it when you need it most.
Episode 19 - From People-Pleasing to Personal Power: Lisa McCourt on Joy, Healing & LGBTQ+ Advocacy
By Jessica Garrison
Lisa McCourt is a forever learner of new things, a mama bear, a collaborator, and she is dedicated to making the world a better place. Her founding of the Joy School has changed the lives of so many and has allowed people to begin their journey towards healing and feeling joy.
It’s exhausting to be a people pleaser, and no one knows this better than Lisa. While talking about living out of her own expectations versus others’, Lisa says that if someone is having a bad day, we think it’s our fault. I remember saying one time that guilt is always my go-to emotion if someone isn’t happy or if something doesn’t work out. Even if I know in my head that there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it, I still feel bad. It’s taken me a long time to rewire my brain, but I still warp back to the old ways sometimes. It’s helpful to recognize the emotion, and I tell myself that it’s okay to feel the way I feel, but I still tell my brain that it has nothing to do with me. Not worrying about things you can’t change is a huge burden lifted off your shoulders than should’ve never been placed there to begin with. You don’t quite realize how much damage you were doing to yourself until you drop what is unnecessary.
Lisa mentioned her trans daughter during the episode, and I want to touch on the conversation she had with Melissa. Although Lisa didn’t know much about the trans community, it wasn’t difficult to understand. Lisa became the president of her local PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter, though you can find these organizations all over the country. Now more than ever it’s important to protect minorities and share correct information about the community. Lisa’s daughter was able to take her life back and live as herself unapologetically, which is what we want for everyone. It shouldn’t matter how someone else is living their life if they aren’t hurting anyone or spreading hate. The LGBTQ+ community spreads nothing but the idea of love—love between any group of people, and that’s what we should be aiming for. Lisa’s support and activism just proves her dedication to making the world a better place, but she reminds us that it goes beyond legislation. The work begins on the ground with people speaking up and bringing awareness to issues in the community. Lisa’s why is to be a voice of love, compassion, and justice in the world, and she does this so beautifully just by being herself.
I mentioned The Joy School earlier, a “unique online space where you can learn, relax, and unfold into your greatness while being seen, heard, and honored as the perfectly imperfect creature you are.” I love hearing from women like Lisa who are not only fighting the good fight for herself, but for others as well, whether she knows them personally or not. You can check out upcoming events for the Joy School with Lisa and begin a journey towards a new appreciation for yourself.
Ways to Engage: Next time someone asks you to do something, think about if you’re being authentically yourself with them or if you’re just doing it to please others. Think about if this action aligns with your own values before automatically agreeing to it.
Episode 18 - Authenticity, Boundaries & the Power of Saying No with Andrea Pass
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by the honest, authentic, communicative, hardworking, friendly, responsible, thorough, caring, and strategic Andrea Pass. The way that Andrea weaves her layers through storytelling will capture your attention and create excitement to begin a journey of your own.
Like many of us, Andrea has experience working from home, so she understands the need for boundaries when work and home are in the same building. There didn’t used to be boundaries for Andrea when it came to work, but that never seems to work out in the person’s favor. One example she shared was not eating lunch until 3 PM because she wasn’t taking breaks, and I have to say that I’ve been there a time or two as well. Sometimes I tell myself I should complete just one more task before taking a break for lunch when I’m working from home, but one more task turns into ten and before I know it, it’s already a few hours into the afternoon. Although it may seem like it’s better for me to get the work done and eat later, I realized that my best work is done when my body is nourished and getting everything it needs. My brain can think more clearly and I’m not distracted by my stomach rumbling with hunger. It’s a good reminder that boundaries are just as important for yourself as they are for others.
Andrea has set times for calls and other work-related events, having a calendar with her availability handy so she isn’t overbooking herself. It’s up to her when she wants to have meetings or take work calls, and it’s important to remember that you have more control than you think. Even if you don’t work from home, you can take these lessons and apply them to your business site. Set boundaries for yourself when you’re going to take breaks, drink enough water, and don’t give more than you have to offer.
I loved that Andrea also said that she doesn’t tell people what they want to hear—she’s honest. As a P.R. agent, she can’t predict the future of how sales will go or assume a deal before it’s confirmed. Even if it’s with good intentions, false promises will lose you the respect and trust you’ve worked to achieve with people. Andrea reminds us to remember our character traits; remember who we are. Don’t change yourself for someone you may want to do business with or change it because you think it’s how someone else wants you to behave. There’s no need to worry about messing up if you’re yourself, and you don’t have to worry about which mask you’re supposed to be wearing at a given time.
This is such a valuable conversation to remember when you’re working towards your goals. Andrea lives her life authentically and unapologetically, and I look forward to everyone taking a piece of her advice with them after listening.
Ways to Engage: Create a schedule of when you’re available and when you’re not, and set boundaries for this. What can wait until tomorrow? What needs to be done today? Which items on your to do list are a priority? When it comes to work, boundaries and time management go hand in hand, and this can change everything for you.
Episode 17 - Unmasking the Layers: Eating Disorders, Sexual Shame & the Journey to Self-Healing with Leslie Draffin
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: eating disorder
Leslie Draffin is a passionate, purpose-driven, and embrace the present moment kind of woman, who continues to learn and grow on her journey of self-discovery, which is all part of being human. During the episode and blog, eating disorders are a main topic of conversation, so be sure to take care of yourself and proceed with caution if this is a sensitive subject for you. Resources will be provided for anyone who needs them as we continue to have these difficult yet crucial conversations.
Leslie speaks openly about her past with an eating disorder, and I truly believe that even if it isn't categorized as an eating disorder, so many people, women especially, suffer from disordered eating. Leslie lived with her eating disorder for 20 years before she reconnected with her body. No one had mentioned the word eating disorder to her because she had been within perfect range for the BMI scale, but that didn’t mean the way she went about her diet to fit within that scale was healthy. However, it was never an issue because she fit into the mold that most doctors were looking for. I wrote in our book, Embracing Layers Unapologetically, about the double standards of women and their weight in society, especially in American culture. If you’re skinny, no one cares what you’re doing or what you’re eating—they’re just happy you’re thin. If you’re overweight, no one cares that you’re killing yourself in the gym or starving because you’re still fat and that must be your own fault. Leslie had been doing detrimental harm to her body and mental state, but no doctors, except one, would question her health because she matched the “right” numbers. This goes to show how imperative it is to listen to your body and trust your instincts because no one knows you better than yourself.
Overcoming sexual shame was also on Leslie’s list of layers she had to embrace. She was hiding the positive result of an STI and sweeping things under the rug rather than confronting them. Leslie was working from the outside in rather than working from the inside out, causing a lot of internal conflict. She filled the void in her body with unhealthy things rather than taking the time to learn about herself and fill her perceived void with nourishment. We’re constantly trying to push away hurtful memories or complicated emotions, but it’s when we face them head on that we get the results we’re looking for.
There is a huge weight that’s lifted once we begin to reveal the truth to ourselves, show more compassion, and shed shame and judgment. I hope that Leslie’s sincerity and her story inspire others to step out of the dark and into the light of their own journey.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to look at your health in a different way. If you’re constantly checking the number on the scale, start looking at how much water you drink in a day or how many steps you get in. If you feel like you don’t have any time for yourself, start carving out small amounts of time to let yourself breathe, even if it’s just for 5 minutes. A fresh perspective allows for different results and new ideas in your journey.
Resources:
ANAD Eating Disorder Helpline: 1-888-375-7767 (Mon-Fri 10 AM to 10 PM EST)
Information on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI): https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/default.htm
Episode 16 - From Expectations to Empowerment: Tara Mae Temple’s Journey
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest may sound familiar as she has been a friend of the network for some time. Tara Mae Temple has been on our radio show before, including The Value of Introducing Yourself Via Character Traits, The Power of Knowledge, and The Role of Pets in Our Wellness (all of which you can find on our Substack page). Tara is kind, spiritual, loyal, compassionate, and caring, so we’re always happy to host her and hear the waves she’s been making as a healing mentor.
Tara’s journey has been full of expectations, some of them coming from her, but mostly coming from other people. When you begin to live out of your own expectations, it can feel lonely at first, because you’re going up against what you’ve been trained for your whole life. Tara compares it to a retreat where you take the time to find yourself and listen to your body. She says this is a great time to ask yourself questions, journal, pray, meditate, or whatever medium helps to remind you why you’re living out of your own expectations. Have some fun with it and try out different modalities to see what helps the best at a specific time.
I love how Tara says we need to be open to signs from the universe and trust our intuition. We are told so many times that we shouldn’t trust our guts, but it’s so freeing to finally start listening to yourself. Signs can and will be there if you’re open to seeing them, a reminder that you’re doing the right thing and need to keep going. Tara reminds people to not let fear get the best of them—if it’s right, just keep pushing through. People can find their way if they’re open to healing, uplifting those around them in the process. Tara is quite empathetic and tries to put herself in other people’s shoes, thinking about how they may be feeling after a certain moment or if they need reassurance. Be the person for others you would want for yourself.
The importance of us being able to release our emotions in a healthy way and/or in a safe space was brought up during the conversation, advice I think everyone should take part in. Suppressing your emotions is unhealthy and bottling them all up will eventually cause them to explode at the worst possible moment. Tara reminds us it’s healthy to feel anger, and that was a whole layer for her to uncover and understand. It’s different for everyone, but whatever emotions come up for you, don’t push them back down. Learn from them and release what no longer serves you.
It really is incredible hearing stories from our guests each week, even more so with double the content. Just as F.E.E.L connects our talking points together, it also connects the stories from each person we hear from. It’s okay to take up space and immerse yourself in the process of accepting the layered aspects of yourself and living out of your own expectations. We all have the potential to tap into ourselves the way Tara does, so you can think of this episode as the first step in your journey. Now it’s time to walk the talk, just as both of our guests this week do.
Ways to Engage: When learning to live out of your own expectations, start asking yourself questions to get to know yourself better and know what you truly desire. Think of this as you sit in silence, meditate, journal, pray, or anything other acts that allow you to consider the expectations of your authentic self.
Episode 15 - How to Say NO Without Guilt | Stacey Olson on Boundaries & Self-Care
By Jessica Garrison
To be present with optimism and integrity is invaluable, especially in a world that sometimes moves faster than we’d like it to. However, our next guest, Stacey Olson, believes in walking the talk, and she’s been on a journey to say “no” with confidence, minus all the guilt that comes with it.
Stacey’s well-rounded grasp on layers really stuck with me after listening to the episode, particularly when she said it’s important to “be present, not perfect.” We can agree to everything people want us to and be at every event we’re asked to be, but we’d be there as shells of ourselves, too worn out to actually participate. Make sure you are savoring the moments as they are in the present rather than looking back at them wishing you had done more to enjoy yourself.
Your energy levels can be compared to a gas tank, which Stacey says might not always run on full capacity, but it should never be running on empty. She had been operating on empty for quite some time, but she’s learned to not let her gas tank fall under half before taking the time to refuel. Now that she understands these things about herself, it’s important that she continues to take care of herself as she unpeels the layers, which encourages her to keep going. I think many of us can relate to running on an empty tank, thinking just one more day or just another week. We always say as humans that we need more time in the day yet we’re constantly wishing the time we do have away. It’s time to fill your days with moments you can be present in and plan for moments you can look forward to.
Grant yourself more grace and patience, especially as you just begin to step into accepting the layered aspects of yourself. Stacey continues to grow and evolve, letting go of some of the pressure and expectations she’s had in the past. Some of this pressure was put on by others, but a lot of it she put on herself, which is another experience I think many of us can relate to. Usually when we feel like there’s a lot of pressure on us, it’s coming from within. People in our lives typically just want us to be happy and proud of ourselves, but our minds tend to run wild with made up stories. Communication is an incredible tool to utilize when accepting the layered aspects of yourself, and this includes listening. You have to listen to your body, understand your needs, and communicate them to those around you.
This topic, along with living out F.E.E.L and how it’s affected your relationships, nicely wraps up Stacey’s episode and showcases her character perfectly. If there’s one thing to remember while on the journey, it’s that we’re all human, and that includes you. Be kind, be patient, and allow yourself grace.
Ways to Engage: Think about if there is balance between the different areas of your life. How can you maintain this balance or create more clear alignments? Remember that self care isn’t selfish. If you want to prioritize those you love, taking care of yourself allows you to show up for them and be more present in those moments.
Episode 14 - Releasing “Good Girl Syndrome” with Kat Newport
By Jessica Garrison
I truly believe everyone is going to love this next episode with our guest, Kat Newport. Kat is a compassionate leader and a problem solver. She remains grounded yet courageous, she is purpose-driven, and she is fearlessly supportive, which becomes very clear after just a few minutes of the conversation.
I think it’s safe to say that all women, at one point or another, have experienced “good girl syndrome,” which is very prominent in people pleasers. It’s always putting someone else above yourself, neglecting your own boundaries, self care, expectations, values, or health in the process. Women are trained from the time they are young girls—whether they see it in real life, media, or the culture around them—to take care of others before themselves. As Kat says, it is important to identify when this program is coming out, so you can understand why exactly it was activated and what you can do to stop it.
It’s uncomfortable in the beginning to change behaviors you’re so used to, but if it’s healthier for you, then it’s worth the effort to at least try. Kat reminds us that there’s two steps to confidently setting boundaries: standing by the boundary and maintaining it. The work is not done once you lay down the boundary, but you also have to maintain it when you get pushback from people. It’s up to you to do that, and even though people aren’t always trying to negatively impact your boundaries, you still have to stand up for them. Maybe they forgot or didn’t think you were serious about it, but no matter the reason, remember why you’re doing it.
While discussing the purpose of her own why, Kat gives great advice that can be used in many different areas of F.E.E.L. When there’s friction or hardship with people, ask questions such as, what exactly is the concern? How do you want to see it resolved in an ideal world? Open yourself up to the relationship and the solution. Remember, your delivery of words matters, and you have to at least be open to negotiation or compromise. She used this example for confronting someone at work, but I would definitely suggest tucking this into the back of your mind and revisiting when there’s a conflict in your life.
There are a few other character traits Kat possesses that I’d like to share at the end of this blog. She balances kindness with accountability, ensuring people feel heard while driving results. Kat stands up for others while fostering a culture of care and responsibility, leads with heart and conviction, makes thoughtful decisions that benefit individuals as well as the bigger picture, tackles challenges head on with empathy and strategic thinking, and she approaches situations with wisdom and emotional intelligence while taking bold action when needed. This episode has been one of my favorites this season. Kat gives so much great advice, and along with her captivating storytelling, this is one you won’t want to miss.
Ways to Engage: What are some examples you’ve seen or experienced with “good girl syndrome?” Is this something you were aware of before listening to the episode or is new to you? Become aware of situations like this in your life or in the lives of those around you, supporting women in living unapologetically.
Episode 13 - Embracing Kindness, Patience, & Tolerance with Arlene Miller
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by Arlene Miller, an authentic, compassionate, courageous, and loyal woman. She describes her character traits as sacred qualities, just one example of how her outlook shows another layer to the conversations we have each week.
When it comes to living out of her own expectations, Arlene brings a new perspective that I don’t think has been brought up before. She says we need to drop expectations with judgment, not only for ourselves but for others as well. Sometimes we make assumptions about what others will do for us or what we expect of them, and those assumptions are lined with judgment. We should reframe the way we view people without putting them into boxes. When someone asks you a favor, consider it for a while before automatically agreeing, and do the same thing vice versa. Offer them time to think it over rather than pressuring someone to give you an answer right away. By doing this, we’re able to uphold their boundaries, showcase how we want ours to be upheld, and inspire those around us to leave judgment out of their expectations.
Curiosity is a beautiful sacred quality according to Arlene, and we can’t help but agree. Melissa is always sharing how we should stop feeling judgmental and start feeling curious. An example of this could be, instead of judging the woman at the grocery store on food stamps, bring a more curious perspective. Could she be a single mother? Could she have a serious health condition that causes her to put money towards medical bills over groceries? Could she be all alone and just needs a little extra help? Maybe she uses food stamps just because she can, but no matter the reason, it isn’t our place to judge. If you find yourself being judgmental, start asking some questions that could answer some of these judgments. Whether our judgments are right or wrong, curiosity leads us to become more tolerant and patient with people, just as Arlene has.
Arlene has learned to love and accept herself through her journey because showing grace to others allows you to develop grace for yourself. There’s no need to be so hard on people, and that includes yourself. We’re all just doing our best in this world full of obstacles, but mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. I’ll end this blog with a beautiful visualization Arlene inspires within us before going to sleep.
Imagine yourself as a tree, starting with the roots. We have to be deeply rooted in the ground to stand strong, and this foundation means everything. As we learn new things and develop our own sense of self, we continue to grow towards a sky of possibility. Sprouting branches and growing leaves just adds layers to our whole self. Even through the different seasons, as the tree loses leaves and it blossoms, the tree continues to stand tall, adjusting itself to survive the changes. However, it always comes back to its beautiful self during its peak season. Remember that you are strong and deserve to take up space. You are always changing yet your roots remain grounded in the Earth. You are whoever you imagine yourself to be, and you will withstand whatever comes your way.
Ways to Engage: We talk about living out of your own expectations, but do you consider what expectations you put upon other people? Are they fair and reasonable? Are you making a quick judgment of someone else and what you expect them to do for you? The work begins with us, and we should keep these thoughts in the back of our mind as we continue to grow and evolve.
Episode 12 - FEELing to Healing with Carrie Pierce
By Jessica Garrison
There’s so many layers to our next guest, Carrie Pierce. She is tactful, strategic, and observant, constantly caring for others before thinking of herself. Her journey is coated in loss, bravery, vulnerability, kindness, and love. After listening to the episode, you will have a newfound respect for those in your life you might not have realized were fighting a huge battle.
Carrie is vulnerable and opens up about her journey of F.E.E.L, which includes having to be on a special diet after losing so much muscle from not eating. She was a caregiver for her dad who had severe dementia, which is a devastating illness that has affected so many people. She wasn’t eating properly and her body had basically shut down. There was a lot of trauma that went unaddressed in both her mind and body, which began to take its toll. Self care for her was something she could snatch in a second, not really mindful or with purpose. After her parents passed, she began the process of discovering who she was and tending to the needs that were ignored for so long.
Caregivers' needs are often pushed to the side and buried, and Carrie says that becoming a caregiver can be a death sentence because of how often their needs are not met. It’s difficult to remind yourself to stay healthy when all of your focus is keeping someone else healthy, but Carrie gives a great example to remember how important it is to do the work for yourself. When a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, it has to take the journey itself to change. If you try to help it get out of its cocoon, it’ll die—you have to wait for it to be ready to emerge on its own. People are the same way with self care and learning to prioritize themselves. They have to be willing to do the work and realize that they’re the ones who can complete metamorphosis rather than someone forcing you to take the steps before you’re ready.
Looking at childhood core wounds is another aspect we have to look into, though it’s never easy to look at the past from that perspective. We all have them in one way or the other, and it’s been mentioned on our show before about the need to heal your inner child. Carrie says that core wounds drive us until we are healed, and we see this day to day with people in our lives, searching for something they might not have had as a child. We can only heal so much physically without healing ourselves mentally and spiritually as well. That’s where the childhood core wounds come in, and we have to dig a little deeper to heal all aspects of our health.
Carrie is a licensed aesthetician, certified color analyst, and has even worked as a Hollywood makeup and special effects artist. There’s a lot we didn’t cover in the blog that Carrie goes into further detail with during the episode, so don’t forget to tune in to hear more of her incredible life. Although there’s been a lot to learn and unlearn, Carrie is finally prioritizing herself to live unapologetically. I hope everyone who reads this and listens to our podcast not only understands the importance of taking care of yourself, but that you are worth the time and effort to take care of yourself.
Ways to Engage: Take time to consider your core wounds starting from childhood. Sit with the emotions that come up during this exploration while remembering that there are no “good” or “bad” emotions—they are clues to help you get to the bottom of the real issue. Healing yourself from the past continues to heal yourself into the future, setting you up for further success mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Episode 11 - Exhausted to Empowered: Setting Healthy Boundaries with Suzanne Culberg
By Jessica Garrison
It always amazes me how far our messages reach, and our next guest goes to show just how universal the meaning of F.E.E.L is. If you ask Suzanne Culberg, her character traits are irreverent, mischievous, and unfiltered. If you ask the audience of her podcast, The Nope Coach, she is energetic, funny, and direct.
Suzanne offered some great examples of real life cases that really puts into perspective how vital it is that we take care of ourselves. We’ve heard the example of airplane oxygen masks a few times in the past, signifying the need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. In this episode, she talks about the races in Australia and how the racers need to stop at one point or another during the race to take care of their cars. Whether it be replacing tires or filling up the gas tank, there’s no way for the cars to make it through the race without stopping at least once. If they try to push through, they’ll run out of fuel or could spin out from damage. They might be in the lead for a good chunk of the race, but eventually they will fall behind because they weren’t pacing themselves. The same goes for people—we need to refuel and take breaks in order to come out on top. Suzanne emphasizes the importance of taking the pit stop and being present in the moment; you’ll thank yourself later.
Beginning all of this can be an adjustment, but Suzanne also reminds us to give ourselves grace as we begin our own journey. Another example she used is when you first start working out at a gym, you don’t automatically start lifting 100 pound weights—you have to work your way up to that. You can try to push yourself to do it, but you’ll hurt yourself in the process and will be back to square one. There’s no shame in starting small and gradually working towards the person you want to be. It truly is the healthiest and safest option.
Suzanne shares that being up front with people can be simple, though that takes a bit of practice. We tend to over explain ourselves when we first start setting boundaries and telling people no, but we’re just creating a lot more work for ourselves in the long run. Being up front and honest is the best bet for everyone involved—there’s no dancing around the subject wondering what we thought someone might have meant by something. Rather, it’s all laid out for us in the beginning.
You can visit Suzanne’s website and check out her podcast on Spotify to learn even more about her journey, how far she’s come, and all of the incredible places she’ll be going. Which example from Suzanne will you be using in your day to day life? They’re definitely key reminders you’ll want to keep in the back of your mind. Not only will they help you show kindness and patience for others, but for yourself as well.
Ways to Engage: Next time someone requests something from you, such as a time-consuming favor, take time to think about it before agreeing. Is this something you have the capacity for mentally or physically? Are you only saying yes out of obligation or is it something you really want to do/help out with? There’s nothing wrong with taking the time to make a decision, and an honest decision is one well made.
Episode 10 - Taking Time for You is NOT Lazy with Leigh Shulman
By Jessica Garrison
The patient and creative Leigh Shulman joins us this week to share her perspective through our talking points. I made so many personal connections with her story, and I can’t wait to hear which parts everyone else connected with, too. Leigh loves to explore, and it’s very apparent in her open mindedness and willingness to truly listen to others.
Leigh is supporting women unapologetically everyday through her work as a women’s writing mentor, but she says she hears from men as well. When they reach out to her, she listens and helps in any way she can. The men who contact her are very respectful and are not caught up in what’s for men and what’s for women. Leigh and her husband model this kind of behavior for their son, who participates in jiu jitsu, a Japanese system of unarmed combat and physical training. Whether her son wins or loses, it isn’t about the sex of the person opposite of him. Sometimes girls beat him in competition, and he doesn’t look at it like he’s weak because of that. People usually see this as negative, but thinking that he should have won because he’s a boy and they should be stronger than girls is a negative stereotype that we have to work to get rid of.
This is everywhere in our media. I remember growing up with an episode of Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon where Zoey is on the wrestling team, but none of the boys want to wrestle her. If they were to beat her, they would look bad for “beating up a girl,” but if they were to lose, then it looks bad because they got beat by a girl, which is apparently very shameful. Girls are always being deemed as not athletic because they’re deemed inferior, but if they were to be more athletic than a boy, that doesn’t follow social guidelines—they’re not even given a fair chance from the start.
We also see this in sports with transgender athletes who sometimes aren’t even allowed to participate because people get wrapped up in what’s “fair” between men and women. That and, unfortunately, transphobia is alive and well in our society. Leigh emphasizes the importance of sitting in the discomfort and figuring out why you’re uncomfortable. Melissa always says that emotions are clues from our body, so hone in on that and create thoughtful discussions about why you or someone else may be feeling uncomfortable, even in tough or controversial conversations such as this.
You can check out Leigh’s website if you’re interested in working with her, reading her blogs, or taking one of her courses. It’s crucial, even life saving, that we create spaces for everyone to pursue their dreams and have the confidence to accomplish whatever they put their minds to. Women like Leigh make a great change in the world, especially through her writing, which I appreciate so much. There is a wealth of knowledge in this episode, so sit back, relax, and take it all in.
Ways to Engage: Do you have a problem with seeing rest or naps as lazy? Time may be limited, but time for you is not wasted, nor is it laziness. Give yourself permission to get the rest your body and mind needs.
Episode 9 - Communicating Our Needs is Kind with Comfort Woods
By Jessica Garrison
I just know everyone is going to love our next guest, Comfort Woods. She is a kind, confident, playful, intuitive, and altruistic woman who has not only done the work for herself but is also sharing her wisdom with other women as an empowerment coach. Her journey involved revisiting the past to take care of her younger self and setting healthy boundaries for herself, though we all know that can be easier said than done.
Comfort went through life staying quiet so she could fit in with the crowd and was a perpetual people pleaser. After hitting her rock bottom, it felt like she was starting over from scratch. The thought of that is horrifying, but it also can be thrilling. You are now able to build the life you want from the ground up and feel good about your efforts. Comfort had to take some time to discover who she was, not what someone else has told her to be or who she morphed herself into so she would be liked. She had to learn to live out of her own expectations rather than someone else’s, but when you’ve been told what to do your whole life and how to act, it’s overwhelming figuring out where to start.
There was some pushback from people in her life who were used to her doing whatever they told her to do, which we’ve heard from guests before. Of course people like it when we do whatever they tell us, but it’s unfortunate to hear how some people get a lot of pushback when they start to stand up for themselves. Guilt is a natural feeling when you begin telling people no for the first time, but that doesn’t mean your growth should stop. Those in your life will just have to get used to the new person you’re becoming, which is actually a healthier version who has boundaries and lives authentically. If they don’t want to change with you, then it might be time to let that person go.
It’s rewarding for Comfort to look back and see how far she has come from childhood to now. It isn’t easy to heal yourself from the past, so it’s impactful to celebrate the wins. Women especially make themselves smaller with their wants and accomplishments, but we should celebrate ourselves and others more often.
If you are looking for a sign to start living your life how you want to live it, this is it! Comfort’s life has changed for the better because she has been living the life she wants to, and her happiness has ultimately improved. She wants everyone to know it is never too late to start living the life you desire. You deserve to live as your authentic self, celebrate the highs, and take time to heal from the lows. If you ever need a reminder, come back to this episode and listen to Comfort’s encouraging words. There’s no time to start like the present!
Ways to Engage: Do you have expectations that people know of automatically or do you communicate them? What stops you from communicating your expectations or boundaries with people? It’s important to be clear with people rather than making assumptions, even if it’s difficult to communicate your expectations at first.
Episode 8 - Taking a Trauma Informed Approach with Beth Sandlin
By Jessica Garrison
If you’ve tuned into our radio show before, then this guest may sound a little familiar. Beth Sandlin was featured before on our radio show episode, The Role of Safety (Emotional, Physical, Mental) in Embracing our Layers. Beth is a hilarious, fun, light, and adaptable woman who likes to meet people where they’re at. Although you got a little glimpse of her in the radio show, this episode allows us to further explore her work and comprehend more from her experiences.
Beth has been a pilates teacher for 20 years, and she uses this connection between her mind and body to support other women in their journeys to do the same. With an understanding of the nervous system, she is more intune with its cycles and is able to pick up on clues to help clients. She even exchanged the pilates studio she worked at for a university setting so she could reach more people with her work on the mind and body.
You can start with slowly moving the body and feeling that close connection for yourself. Beth says she doesn’t follow social media trends with her pilates classes because it’s a constant moving target, and just because it’s mainstream doesn’t mean it’s beneficial. However, the effects of simply moving the body never goes out of style, and she is proving that to people day after day.
Beth’s pilates techniques are trauma informed, allowing her clients to work out what’s going on internally and moving that through their body rather than keeping it trapped in one spot to grow tense. Beth and Melissa discuss the spectrum of trauma, which is a different idea than what we usually think of when it comes to trauma. Sometimes a trauma in your body is more intense or prevalent than another, but that doesn’t mean it should be ignored or go untreated.
There isn’t a one size fits all solution when it comes to your mental health or even your physical health—it’s all about finding the right balance. You can find our radio show episode that features Beth on our Substack page along with a few other guests with like-minded thoughts on the connections between our physical, mental, and emotional health. Beth says there is no “right” path all the time but rather what is right for you right now. Although we have to take our own journey to find empowerment and embrace our layers, there is still a great community surrounding you that wants to see you succeed.
Ways to Engage: Are there unprocessed traumas in your body you’ve thought about lately? Take the time to work your body through the trauma, work your mind through it, and process what you need to in order to heal properly.
Episode 7 - Unapologetic Suburban Troublemaker with Ellen Smith
By Jessica Garrison
There’s so much to unpack with our episodes this week, starting with our guest Ellen Smith. She is a quirky and empathetic boss bitch who is not afraid to tackle hard conversations, which makes her the perfect guest for this podcast. Ellen stands up for the underdog and is continually fighting against racism and antisemitism.
I took a lot from this conversation about boundaries, specifically when Ellen talked about having a hard stop at 5 PM for her work. After everything was shut down in 2020, we got used to having work with us 24/7 on our phones and computers. There wasn’t a clear line of where work stopped and your personal life began. Ellen has since taken that time to name a certain time to stop, no exceptions. It’s a great idea to tell yourself exactly what time you are clocking into work and what time you are clocking out. This not only sets a boundary for those you work with, but for yourself as well so you’re not constantly stressing or checking your emails. If you continue to work from home or have a connection to work out of the physical space, this is advice you might want to take.
Ellen had to take these boundaries into account as well when she was writing her book, Memoirs of a Suburban Troublemaker. Ellen was able to write and publish a story that was her own, rather than writing other people’s stories, and she sees this as an opportunity to create spaces and inspiration for other women to share their stories, too. She recalls how she took care of herself while writing her book because it was going through her history, and sometimes dark things can come up when digging around. She added a touch of humor to some of the darker stories, while still being honest with herself about what it means to her and to the book. She was able to reframe her mindset—instead of thinking this happened to me, she thinks this happened for me. You need to have the lows to have the highs, but it’s key to remember your mental health in these situations as well. Use your knowledge of boundaries and the knowledge of your own body to explore your layers and to rest when needed.
In the episode, Melissa reads an excerpt from Ellen’s book and it truly is a triumph. It’s inspiring to hear Ellen’s story in the form of written word, and we’ve already discussed the importance of memoir in our Herstory feature episode. Her strong sense of justice and her growth is weaved in throughout the book. Ellen’s story is one that can be told for years to come and there would still be new lessons to learn from it. Her book was able to come to fruition because of the boundaries Ellen set for herself, and that success can follow you, too.
Ways to Engage: Think about the perceptions you have about different communities in your area or that you’ve come across in your life. Are these perceptions based on behavior you’ve experienced or stereotypes you’ve been told? Make sure the opinions you’re forming are your own and are fair.
Episode 6 - Destigmatizing Sexual Health with Eve Hall
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: sexual abuse
The conversations during this episode are something that I am very passionate about, and our guest, Eve Hall, shares that same passion for sexual health, especially for women. She believes in the power of pleasure, and believe it or not, we are meant to experience pleasure. After listening to Eve, trust me, you will have a renewed sense of pride and courage to feel confident in your body.
Eve supports women in living unapologetically, and she is doing so by destigmatizing sexual health. As women, we are not supposed to have sex, at least according to society. If you have no sex life, you’re a prude, but if you are having sex, then you’re a whore. It’s a delicate balance to find in the climate we’re currently living in. Women are their own people and their bodies are more than just a reproduction center. We are here to share that there is nothing wrong with just wanting to experience pleasure. In fact, your clitoris is there solely to give you pleasure! There is no other reason for it, so take that as your sign to feel liberated rather than ashamed of feeling good.
During this talking point, Eve also brings up how we need to stop sexualizing children, and I couldn’t agree more. It blows my mind how we shame women for having sex, yet we are constantly sexualizing women, even young girls. For example, when a girl is developing breasts, it’s made to be a big deal. Suddenly she needs a bra because otherwise it’s inappropriate. But why? Breasts are completely natural, and I don’t know when it became socially acceptable to tell someone they should put on a bra. Next time you think or want to say something along these lines, check yourself. Why are we so focused on a child’s body? It’s putting in their mind at a young age that they need to cover themselves up, and it perpetuates this idea of women being responsible for other people’s behaviors. If it’s distracting, look inward and figure out why you’re so bothered by what someone else is wearing. Better yet, we can begin teaching children at a young age that they should keep their hands or hurtful comments to themselves. I feel like this has been an ongoing conversation for many years, but the more we discuss it, the more awareness we are bringing to the topic and the more change that will come from it.
I love to see women who are passionate about destigmatizing sexual health, because it’s also important for women to know all the dirty details of their bodies. Then they can know what’s normal and what isn’t. Eve is making a difference in the world by changing the way society speaks about women, sex, and sexual health. Eve likes to say that instead of “big dick energy,” she has “big clit energy.” Take that power and hold it within yourself forever because, as women, we are a force to be reckoned with.
Ways to Engage: Are there areas of your sexuality that you need to revisit? Areas that have been ignored or you have preconceived notions on? Has something shamed you into changing your opinion of your body or sexuality? Allow yourself to feel free in every aspect of your body.
Episode 5 - It’s Okay to Sit & Rest with Veronica Williams
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by Veronica Williams, a nurturing, loyal, thoughtful, compassionate, supportive, and patient soul. Her story is unique to her, yet I could connect with so many things she was saying during the episode, and I know everyone else will be able to find their own point to connect with, too.
In particular, Veronica’s journey with self care encompasses all aspects of F.E.E.L. Veronica talks about showing up in the manner that people need her, something so important to remember when we are communicating our wants and needs. Sometimes people are looking for advice and sometimes they just want to vent out their frustrations, but whatever it may be, not everyone wants the situation “fixed.” Stretching yourself thin to cover everyone’s needs is difficult enough—you don’t need to waste extra energy on doing things that the other person may not even be asking of you. Above all else, you have to take care of yourself so you can be the person you want to be for others.
I’ve listened ahead to a few episodes this season, and a common theme that’s been coming up is the idea of resting and not feeling bad about it. Veronica is a big supporter of just sitting on the couch, not doing a breathing exercise, not doing meditation, but just sitting in silence to rest. We are always on the go, and if we take a break, even for 5 minutes to just sit, we feel like we’re lazy and wasting time. Melissa and I agree that we need to get the word lazy out of our heads; it’s a word that has kind of taken on a different meaning than what it’s truly supposed to mean. I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are not lazy because you take a break and rest.
A personal example in my life is I wait tables part-time, and I am not exactly an extrovert. When I come home from work, I need a few minutes of sitting in silence in my room just to breathe and gather my thoughts. I call it my decompressing time and if I don’t do that for myself, I am easily agitated and overwhelmed. It does better, not only for myself, but for those around me to take those extra few minutes. If you’re struggling with this idea, consider it like self care, which isn’t selfish at all. You are filling up your own cup to be able to pour into others, and I’m glad this conversation is being had more and more.
There is so much amazing content in this episode, make sure you have paper and pen with you to take notes while you listen. Veronica’s resources are invaluable, and our episodes are always available to go back to when needed. I think this is one that will be visited for many years to come.
Ways to Engage: When’s the last time you sat down and relaxed? No meditating, no reading, no exercises, just sitting and resting. We think of ourselves as “lazy” when we do this, but here is a reminder that it’s okay to be still and enjoy a moment of peace.
Episode 4 - Listening to the Wisdom of our Body with Jen Aks
By Jessica Garrison
Our week continues with the passionate, dedicated, committed, trustworthy, empowered, and inspired Jen Aks. Throughout this episode, you see each of these character traits jump out, especially her passion for helping others get connected with themselves, allowing them to feel whole both inside and out.
Jen has an unbelievable sense of embracing her layers, which is arguably one of the more difficult bridges to cross. It doesn’t have to be as scary as it sounds, but sometimes you just don’t know where to start. Jen is able to help frame her layers by using IFS (Internal Family Systems). It’s a great way for her to find empowerment in her layers by teaching her to frame the observation as “there’s a part of me that…” rather than making your layers the whole part of you. If there’s an aspect of your past or your layers that you aren’t proud of, remember that it’s just part of yourself and you are not defined by it.
She also offers the perspective of being older and looking back at your past with a new lens. Rather than reliving the pain, you’re just trying to understand it better and learn. Being 26, I agree completely that I can look back at decisions I made or layers from the past of when I was in high school or even college and understand myself better. For example, you can look back and understand why you lacked boundaries or what event happened that made you realize you needed to have them in place.
Sometimes this self-reflection means that you have to sacrifice certain relationships for your own inner peace. We’ve discussed on the podcast in the past that there’s an idea of relationships needing to last forever, but they aren’t all built for that. I think that goes into Jen’s framework wonderfully because reflecting back on how you acted in past relationships or even current ones and how they have affected you is all part of the growing process. Relationships ending aren’t always a bad thing, and it’s necessary to do these check-ins with yourself to see where you are and how far you’ve come.
Jen has such charisma when talking about these important topics, and she has such a positive outlook. From small accomplishments to the large ones, Jen will recognize them and think, I did that! Hype yourself up and remember that you did that! You have come a long way from who you were before, and you continue to transform each day into a healthier version of yourself. There’s always something to learn from and always something to look forward to, and now hearing the rest of the episode from Jen’s perspective is another thing you can look forward to!
Ways to Engage: When a relationship ends, what’s your perspective? Do you vilify it? Do you recognize that it’s the end of your season with that person or do you try to keep relationships just for the sake of having them? Relationships, romantic or otherwise, are not always meant to last forever and that’s okay.
Episode 3 - No Longer in Bondage with Logan Hufford
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: sexual addiction
Although women are primarily interviewed on our show, the journey of F.E.E.L is for everyone. Logan Hufford is one of our guests this week, and he is a grateful and authentic person who is experiencing the freedom of authenticity for the first time. He used to have different sides to him depending on who he was with, not really knowing which side was the real one. Now he has a firmer grasp on what it means to be himself, which is no easy feat considering the hurdles he’s had to go through to get there.
Logan dives deep into the subject of boundaries, a pillar that was critical for him in his recovery. In his life, he didn’t have an idea of boundaries in his head that made sense; he thought of boundaries being a guardrail at the very edge of a cliff. Our boundaries should be like guardrails to protect us, but they should be far enough back that there’s safety before going completely over the edge.
The biggest lesson Logan shares is that your boundaries have to be about you and your own behavior. It’s not going to work if you make them about someone else and their actions because at the end of the day, no matter how much we may try, we can’t control what others will do. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be affected by other people’s actions. It’s important to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, but your life is in your own hands. Logan says it isn’t about “their behavior” but what you will do if someone continues the behavior you have a boundary for. You may not be able to control another person’s actions, but you can say, “if you do this, I will do X as a result.” However, saying this is only half the battle. Once you say it, you have to act on it. Otherwise, your ultimatum won’t be taken seriously. Sometimes it takes practice, but holding yourself accountable is the best way to show people you’re serious about your boundaries.
It also is a healthy request, rather than forcing someone to act a certain way. This, in turn, gives the other person a chance to think about their boundaries. Is it something they’re willing to change? Is it worth changing to keep you in their life? That’s up to them, but you have also spoken your piece on the matter.
It’s so eye-opening to hear stories from people who have experienced addiction because it can truly happen to anyone, and it sneaks up on you sometimes. I hope Logan’s story can not only offer comfort and help, but also, as Melissa says, can remind people to turn their judgment into curiosity. There is no shame in asking for help, and it’s never too late to step into the journey of living your life as your authentic self. I promise it is one of the most rewarding experiences you could have.
Ways to Engage: When setting your boundaries, think about the way you’re wording your expectations. Instead of making it about the other person’s behavior, make it about what your behavior will be if theirs doesn’t change. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s decisions, but you can be responsible for your own.
SAMHSA’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services: 1-800-662-4357
Episode 2 - Moms Supporting Moms with Mariela Desantiago
By Jessica Garrison
Surprise! Two episodes in one week! We have so many amazing guests to share with you this season, which means double the episodes and double the resources. Our second guest of opening week, Mariela Desantiago, has been on an amazing journey as a first time mom, and there’s nothing like motherhood to really make you need F.E.E.L. Mariela is creative, particular, type A organized, flexible, and a learner. She is using her new experiences and knowledge to help mothers find that much-needed balance.
Since this was a new experience, there was a lot that Mariela wasn’t sure about when it came to motherhood. There may be books on what to expect when you’re expecting, but every pregnancy and child is different, so you never truly know what you may come up against. There isn’t a set manual on how to parent, so Mariela still needed guidance in terms of advice and knowledge. She’s a frequent podcast listener, but she still wasn’t finding the topic she was looking for. A lightbulb went off in Mariela’s head, and she decided to create a podcast of her own that would give people advice and share the truth of what it’s like being a parent. I’ve heard the phrase before that if you can’t find a book you want to read, you should write it. Mariela didn’t find the right podcast, so she created it, and that is quite commendable.
This idea came to her as she was on a walk, which is connected to her self care routine. For Mariela, self care needs to be nonnegotiable so she can reset after giving so much of herself to her family. We’ve heard from prior guests that self care doesn’t have to be a major thing you do each day, but even doing something small can change the way you experience the rest of the day.
In addition to keeping up with everyone else, it can be overwhelming to keep up with your own well being. It’s crucial to point out, as Mariela recognized, there’s no need to take everything on yourself. There are people around you—a community, friends, family, loved ones—who are willing and wanting to help. As an “independent woman who can do it all by herself,” I am no stranger to attempting to do everything solo. However, it’s important to take a look around at the people in your life who are willing to help but maybe don’t know where to begin. Just ask. You’ll be thanking yourself later for sharing the load rather than breaking your back trying to carry it all yourself.
Mariela’s podcast, New Mom Talk, is a great resource for anyone who is looking for the truth about parenthood. These conversations are so special and allow us to help those who may not even realize yet that they need help. It takes a village—don’t be afraid to lean on them.
Ways to Engage: If you’re a young/new mom, think of some things you could use help with and share them with a friend or loved one who is willing to take some of the load off. Do you know a young/new mom who could use a hand? Offer ways to help or be supportive during this transitional time in their lives.
Episode 1 - Fueled with Passion & Nutrition with Laura Tolosi
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome to the 8th season of the F.E.E.L Podcast! It’s hard to believe there’s already 7 seasons behind us, but we have some extraordinary guests lined up for season 8, along with some exciting new events coming up. We kick off the newest season with Laura Tolosi, who is no stranger to the Embracing Layers Network. She was featured on the Embracing Layers Radio Show, giving to great conversations such as the role of pets in our wellness, navigating mental health diagnoses, and connecting physical health to emotional health. Now, we get to dive deeper with Laura into all of our talking points. She is a passionate, nurturing, chill, and heart-centered woman who lives in her integrity.
Laura’s work is directly involved in all aspects of F.E.E.L, but the connection between our physical health and mental/emotional health is one of the most valuable connections you can recognize. I loved hearing Laura say what an integral part food plays in our health, including the mental aspect, which I think gets lost in translation sometimes. What you eat not only affects your physical state, but it also affects your mood. What you eat and when you eat are important factors to pay attention to. Laura will ask her clients questions to better understand why someone may be eating when they’re not hungry. How is the food making you feel? Does it make you feel more energized when you’re done eating or do you feel like you have to go lie down? These are some key questions to think about next time you catch yourself repeating an action without thought.
Laura also promotes rest for your mental and physical wellbeing, which seems self-explanatory, but there is a lot of guilt surrounded by the idea of rest. Laura advises how a quick power nap can be useful, but we tend to beat ourselves up when we take a rest in the middle of the day (I know I do). Honestly, pushing yourself through the day when you’re exhausted is not going to give you the progress you may be looking for. On paper, it looks like you’re energized because of all the things you’re doing, but they probably aren’t being done to the caliber you want them to be. If you’re tired, you’re not giving your best self to the world, and we have to learn to allow ourselves to rest when we need it. Trust and listen to what your body is telling you, and do what makes you feel good from the inside out.
If you want to hear more from Laura, you can check out our past radio show episodes on Substack as a paid subscriber, and there’s so much coming up you won’t want to miss! Laura has so much knowledge on this topic, and it’s relevant to everyone. Remember to trust yourself and fuel your body the way you feel is best. At the end of the day, it’s your body and no one knows it better than you do.
Ways to Engage: Think about the purpose of the food you’re eating and the reason behind it. Are you actually hungry or are you trying to fill a void? Are these nutritious calories you’re eating or empty ones that make you feel tired rather than energized? Be mindful of the things you’re putting into your body and how it makes you feel.