Episode 8 - No More Painful Periods & More with Isabella Thor
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: suicide, infertility, stillbirth
We love to have discussions that benefit women, even if they aren’t always deemed “appropriate.” Periods are a fact of life, and it’s imperative that women receive as much information as they can. Isabella Thor is a loving, playful, and orgasmic woman who brings so much to the F.E.E.L conversation.
Isabella expresses the importance of setting time aside for yourself everyday, and I couldn’t agree more. For her, the time is spent stretching and moving her body, but this could be anything that makes you feel nourished. It’s about giving yourself the time you deserve, and we have to remember it isn’t selfish to think this way. When I first started writing for the podcast, I was a guest on a season 2 episode entitled “Prioritizing the Time.” I’m a huge advocate for people scheduling their self care time or any time they want for just themselves.
Sometimes I’ll hear a friend say they want to see a particular movie, but they don’t have any time. If it’s something you really want to do, then you should be able to set aside 2 hours for yourself out of the week to do it. No matter what it may be, scheduling that self care time can be life changing, and this in turn helps to develop boundaries.
It isn’t easy to set boundaries, especially if you don’t have a lot of practice at it. There might be some pushback from people in your life who aren’t used to it, but you have to stand by what makes you happy, and your time is valuable. Sometimes it even creates a positive domino effect where others will feel inspired to do the same.
Isabella offers a great breathing exercise for times you’re feeling rushed, overwhelmed, or caught in a thought loop (a thought loop is a pattern of repetitive thoughts that can contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorders). Slow everything down by breathing in, holding your breath, exhaling, and holding again in 5 second increments. I always think in my head that breathing exercises won’t work, but then when I utilize them, it really helps to bring my anxiety down. Even if you haven’t tried it before, see if this helps with the anxiety that setting boundaries can bring.
There’s a free article Isabella mentions during the episode entitled, The 5 Steps to Resolve Period Pain for Good, that offers further insight into a pain free period. Her expertise and kind hearted attitude makes this an episode you definitely won’t want to miss!
Ways to Engage: Think of something you’ve wanted to do recently but haven’t found the time to do it. Not something someone else has been bugging you to do or something work related, but an activity that nourishes your soul. Carve time out of your schedule, write it in your planner, and stand by your boundaries to accomplish it. Sometimes you have to push yourself to make the time, but it’s so worth it in the end.
Episode 7 - Making the Most of the Little Moments with Kristin Lefforge
By Jessica Garrison
Kristin Lefforge is someone who Melissa has wanted to have on the podcast for quite some time, and I can say that it was definitely worth the wait. Kristin describes herself as determined, giving, empathic, and curious, with a little bit of sarcasm sprinkled in. As a therapist, Kristin has a lot of tools to share when it comes to your journey in finding empowerment and embracing layers.
In this blog, I want to focus on the final talking point and how Kristin describes living out F.E.E.L. We talk a lot on the podcast about starting the journey and the importance of staying on the path, even when it becomes difficult. Some areas are easier to conquer than others, but odds are there will be at least one thing that will stop you in your tracks. However, I want people to remember the reason for all of their hard work and to see how rewarding it is when you keep fighting the good fight.
By living out F.E.E.L, Kristin is more grounded with herself and has more humility. She says even though there weren’t huge mountains for her to climb, she didn’t just walk right into the life she has now. She had to listen to all aspects of her body: physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental. Once she started to listen, she could act upon it and move towards what she truly wanted. Kristin is proud of the life she has created and wouldn’t change anything about it. For me, the reason for embarking on a journey like this is to have the life I fantasize for myself and to get there with no regrets.
By focusing on yourself, putting intention into your work and your life, you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Even when things get difficult or seem impossible, you have to remember the end goal you’re working towards. There is a happy and healthy light at the end of the tunnel, and I think Kristin captures this reminder perfectly. Her episode is full of dedication, hope, and inspiration to start your journey as soon as possible.
As for all our guests, Kristin’s resources will be listed on our website, and I highly recommend checking them out. Even a small step forward is a step in the right direction, a point I hope everyone remembers as they begin their journey. Being proud of the life you’ve created for yourself isn’t selfish or bragging, but rather a reminder to everyone that they can achieve that too. When we look back on our life, it will be the little moments that added up to the most important.
Ways to Engage: By starting your journey to living out F.E.E.L, what are some goals you want to see yourself achieve? Make sure these are goals you want to achieve, rather than something an outside voice is telling you to do. Write them down and come back to them every so often to see how your goals have changed. It’s rewarding to remind yourself what you’re working towards and to see how it all comes together over time.
Episode 6 - Standing Up & Finding Your Value with Dana Diaz
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings for episode: Discussion of sensitive topics such as abuse, domestic violence, suicide
It’s always important to talk about heavy topics, but you also have to do it with a delicate dialogue, and Dana Diaz does this so incredibly well throughout the episode. She describes herself as normal, a helper, a learner, and has a desire to live in her truth.
There’s something in each talking point I could get into, but the one that stuck with me the most was “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself.” With Dana’s history, it took a long time for her to be able to discover who she truly is, not the person others wanted her to be. It was a survival instinct to conform to what the people around her said, but lately she’s been able to discover herself. We shouldn’t live in the past hoping we can change it; we should be moving forward to a more authentic life.
It’s inevitable that we’ll make mistakes, but Dana emphasizes that growth is essential for moving forward and forgiving ourselves. What I loved most about this conversation is that she says it’s important to forgive ourselves, but we don’t necessarily have to forgive others. I constantly hear that we should forgive those who have done us wrong in order to feel at peace, but that’s never sounded right to me. Unfortunately, there are some things that people do that are unforgivable. Why should we have to forgive them in order to be happy? I agree we should forgive ourselves and not hold onto the anger of mistakes we’ve made, but we don’t have to forgive those we aren’t ready to forgive. Sometimes it’s harsh or doesn’t sound fair, but offering forgiveness you don’t mean can be even more damaging. I’m thankful that Dana brought this up in the conversation and proved that you can live your life authentically and happily without forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do.
Dana is currently the author of two books that go into more detail of her past, Choking on Shame: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family and Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse, as well as her own website for more information on her story. I commend her for her vulnerability, honesty, and strength to become the person she is today. It isn’t easy to put your story out there for others to hear or judge, but by sharing her truth, she is able to change the lives of so many who need it.
Ways to Engage: Think of a moment in your life that you believe you should forgive yourself for. It can be difficult at first, so start small if that helps. Offering forgiveness to your past self can help you heal and move forward in a healthy way with the future. Meditate, write it down, or do whatever works best for you to conjure up the memories and emotions necessary.
Abuse/Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Suicide/Crisis Lifeline: 988
Episode 5 - Becoming an Expert in Kindfulness with Jen Schwytzer
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is Jen Schwytzer, an authentic, kind, and passionate expert, who extends her generosity to her community. From coaching to educating to fostering children, Jen’s well rounded experiences open a whole new world to the F.E.E.L Podcast.
There’s a lot of “hats” that Jen wears, and these just contribute to her beautiful, complex layers. She says that she is still working on discovering them, but it is a lifelong journey for most of us; there’s always something new to learn about yourself. As we get older, we also find more layers that we may have never thought of before.
I love the conversation Jen and Melissa have about the nonlinear journey with layers. There will be some days you feel amazing about yourself, like you’re doing everything right and you’re exactly where you want to be. But then there will be days when you feel the opposite, but it’s important to remember that that’s okay. Not everyday will be perfect, but that’s part of the journey of uncovering your layers. We need these harder days to discover the layers that might not be so pleasant, but they are just as necessary to understand.
Adaptability and flexibility are characteristics we need to survive because, although we wish it would, things don’t always go according to plan. Even if something seems inconvenient at first or you don’t feel prepared to handle the situation, it could be brought to you for the better. I try to tell myself everything happens for a reason, even if it seems negative at first. It might not seem like it at the time, but there might be a better opportunity further down the road or I’m being prepared for something better. These events can help you uncover the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical layers that will help you grow.
Jen has so much to offer throughout this episode, and I’m excited for everyone to hear it. Our conversations about layers are monumental and they really make a difference in the community. Jen’s journey is one that’s already incredible in nature, but she continues to grow and shine everyday.
Ways to Engage: What are some layers you’ve been happy to uncover? What are some you’ve been disappointed to uncover? What were the reasons behind these emotions? Looking back, how has it affected your journey by discovering these layers? What emotions do you have now about them? It’s important for us to reflect upon our layers and how they’ve made us who we are today.
Episode 4 - Self Care is Healthcare with Vashti Kanahele
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: Mention of Sexual Assault briefly (in regards to PTSD)
The best ways to describe Vashti Kanahele are fierce, loyal, brave, empathetic, and passionate. All of these traits are admirable ones that many people aspire to have. Vashti showcases her incredible character throughout the episode and brings a perspective to the podcast that we don’t usually get.
I could go on forever about Vashti’s episode and how many important layers she brings to the conversation, but something I really connected with was her stance on supporting women in living unapologetically. She is passionate about helping other women, and with her husband being a diplomat, she hears women’s stories across many different countries, languages, and cultures. Vashti mentions that when we ask someone how they are, they tend to say, “I’m fine,” even if that’s not really the case. Not everyone has the continuity of care or support, so women get used to brushing off the truth.
Vashti used the analogy of putting a bandaid over a wound but not getting down to the root cause of the problem. We can say we’re fine and heal ourselves for a short period of time, but that isn’t digging deep enough to understand why it happened in the first place. Without understanding the true cause of our emotions or physical ailments, then they will keep returning.
She supports women having all of their options presented to them, and Vashti wants to help women advocate for themselves. It’s always easier to advocate for someone else than ourselves, and when we’re in a struggling society, it’s also easy to let things go. However, you’re not doing yourself any favors by pushing off the real problems and trudging through the hardships. Sometimes it’s the only option for survival, but it won’t hold you up forever.
It’s always so exciting to hear these stories from women on the podcast because everyone brings a different perspective to how they see the world, and Vashti was no exception. By sharing her outlook and knowledge with us, as well as all the work she does for women, Vashti inspires us to keep an open mind. Her incredible resources will be listed on our website, and I encourage everyone to check them out and think about our ways to engage. This conversation is one we’ve had before but one we want to see continue.
Ways to Engage: Think of an example of when you continued saying you were fine even when you were falling apart inside—we all have those moments. Can you think of a time when a friend was doing the same thing, and you wanted to offer them help or support? In moments that you feel tired, rundown, or burnt out, remind yourself to treat yourself like a friend in a moment of need. Give yourself the same grace and patience, and reach out to someone you know you would do the same for. We are all here for each other, and there’s incredible spaces for women to support other women.
Episode 3 - Be a Rebel With a Cause with Loren Rosario Maldonado
By Jessica Garrison
There is one phrase to perfectly sum up our guest, Loren Rosario Maldonado, and that certainly is a rebel with a cause. Through the discussion of the talking points, Loren displays how compassionate, patient, and determined she is in her embracing layers journey.
Because of the passion Loren has for everything she does, I wanted to highlight what she says during “Coming Back to Your Why and Your Values.” Loren emphasizes the importance of connecting to your why. Of course your why should be valuable to you and is part of your core, but I love that she also identifies the eventual need to pivot. Loren’s values today are not the same ones she had 10 or 15 years ago, and that’s the same for many of us. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to adjust your values as time goes on.
Even though this happens to everyone, we don’t tend to talk about when it’s time to pivot your why. We talk a lot about what our why is currently, but we don’t tend to look at the past or future. It’s crucial to identify our current why of course, but no matter where you are in your journey, you are not alone.
Change can be incredibly scary, but it’s important to look for the signs of when it’s time to pivot. For example, when you’re 20 years old, your why could be getting a higher education. When you turn 25, it could be stepping into the professional world and establishing a career. When you turn 30, it could be getting married or starting a family. There isn’t a right or wrong value to have, but it’s okay to recognize when your life is shifting; naturally, certain things will take precedence over others. It doesn’t mean you forget or lose part of yourself; it’s a natural step in uncovering and embracing your layers.
I believe these conversations are significant in continuing to grow as people and we enter new stages in our lives. If this subject strikes you the way it did me, then you can listen to Loren’s podcast, The C.H.O.I.C.E Chats, which dives deeper into the dialogue of pivoting with a purpose. It’s a great resource to have and to seek out when you reach that point in your life. The conversation Loren and Melissa had can be life changing, and it reaffirms our values of sharing women’s stories to make a positive difference.
Ways to Engage: Think about what your why/value/cause was 5 or 10 years ago. Think about what it is now. Try making a physical list that you can compare, look back on, or use as a reference. This can help you determine if you’ve grown over the years, what goals you have yet to accomplish, and if you’re in the place you want to be. Your why is a very powerful tool, and it drives us to be who we are.
Episode 2 - Prioritizing Time for Me with Limor Bergman
By Jessica Garrison
This week we get to meet the authentic and transparent Limor Bergman, who dives right in to the importance of embracing layers and everything that goes along with that. Her conversation with Melissa about boundaries was quite captivating, and I think her perspective can help motivate those who may be struggling with that aspect of life.
Throughout her journey, Limor has come to realize how important boundaries are and how their absence caused a lot of stress in her life. She emphasizes the need for balance, whether it be with work, family, relationships, or her self-care time. Limor has seen a change in work culture over the years, especially after the pandemic caused a lot of people to begin working remotely. As so many have experienced, there’s more flexibility now, and our homes have become our workplace; we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what we want and set up boundaries that are important to us.
Limor gave an example of boundaries in motherhood when she said someone isn’t a bad mom for buying premade meals. You can’t do everything. Women are expected to work full-time jobs, take care of the children, clean the house, and provide a meals for everyone in the household. And I think it’s crucial for women to hear that you aren’t a bad mom for ordering out once in a while or having a frozen pizza for dinner. Life is exhausting, and you can’t be expected to do everything while still taking care of yourself. Other people’s opinions are not as important as your boundaries, and I’m glad Limor took some time out of this segment to remind everyone that we’re all doing our best.
This episode is full of great moments from Limor, including living out of her own expectations when deciding to start a new business rather than remaining an employee. She has come a long way in her journey and continues to help those around her by volunteering in her community and acting as a guide for women in the workplace. I’m so glad we were able to hear from Limor this week, and if you’re still craving more, she has her own podcast entitled “From a Woman to a Leader.” It’s Limor’s attitude, experience, and courage that reminds us what embracing our layers is all about.
Ways to Engage: What are some misconceptions or stereotypes you hear from women or about women? What about wives or mothers? Look at these phrases and identify if they’re positive or negative, and where you’ve heard these sayings from. The things we say and the stereotypes we enforce can negatively impact ourselves as well as those around us, particularly children. Rather than putting women in a box of expectations, we can begin to recognize these stereotypes and live our lives authentically.