Episode 29 - Releasing Guilt & Embracing Boundaries: How to Journal Through Self-Doubt with Callie Martin Pierce
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest this week is Callie Martin, a friend of Melissa’s whom she met from the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce. Callie is a motivated self-starter who has a strong passion for helping others, which becomes very clear early on in her episode.
Callie has been on a long journey of discovering healthy boundaries and putting them in place, and I love what she has to say about them as well. You have to understand what values are important to you because that’s going to dictate what you say yes and no to. If you don’t value yourself and the time you have, you will become consumed by things that don’t really fill your cup—eventually you’re just living life for other people rather than yourself.
Callie also covers the guilt piece that comes with boundaries, which is something I struggle with often. For me, I try to celebrate any win I can. Recently I had to set a boundary with someone who wanted me to dog sit, and even though it wasn’t a big deal to them, I still felt guilty. Still, I reminded myself that I did it! I said no when I felt like saying no, and I was proud of myself for it. The world didn’t end, no one was mad at me, and I had peace knowing I didn’t have to worry about dog sitting when I had too busy of a schedule to do it. Callie suggests journaling for moments like this, writing down what her thoughts are in the situation and how she feels about it. Then she writes what reality is, the actual happenings rather than the story she’s telling in her head. Typically, you are the only one thinking about saying no after the fact, whereas the other person moved on and isn’t dwelling on it the same way.
This is where communication is needed in confidently setting boundaries, because in my situation for example, I could’ve lied about the reasons behind why I was saying no. The truth was that I didn’t have the bandwidth to be able to keep up with everything in addition to what I already had going on in my personal life, so that’s what I told them. I was nervous about it, but they were very understanding and kind. You don’t have to have a reason or excuse if you really don’t want to do something. Telling the person how you’re genuinely feeling is a much better alternative to making something up. And you also don’t have to worry about “remembering” your lies.
I appreciate how honest Callie is while discussing her boundaries and health, admitting both the struggles and the triumphs. Boundaries are a difficult topic to cover sometimes, but I think she beautifully encapsulates everything they can and should be. She is a joy to listen to and I’m so glad Melissa brought her to us. She’s part of a community of women who are changing the world without even realizing it, and when others see her confidently setting boundaries, they’ll be inspired to do the same. Even the smallest steps are still steps in the right direction.
Ways to Engage: If you’re struggling with guilt from setting boundaries, journal it out. Write down your thoughts. Ask yourself, what is reality? What is going on in your life? Why did you say no? Ask yourself, what are my thoughts? What narrative am I telling myself? Recognize that the stories you tell yourself are not always fact, and you can release yourself of the guilt from setting healthy boundaries.