Episode 18 -Emotional Regulation & Nervous System Healing: How to Stop Shrinking Yourself with Jessica Vanrose
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest is from the podcast Life After Trauma, which Melissa guested on last year. Now we get to flip the script and host Jessica Vanrose, who interviewed Melissa in the two part episode called Choosing You: Self-Care, Boundaries, and Breaking the Good Girl Script. Jessica is a thoughtful, present, intuitive, and passionate woman.
The talking point of taking care of all aspects of your health was a highlight of the episode. It felt like every word Jessica was saying, I kept nodding along, agreeing with all of the wisdom she had to share. She says that emotional health is not about “fixing” every feeling. We’ve talked before about how feelings can arise at the most inconvenient times, but that doesn’t mean you push them down and never think of them again. Jessica will tell herself, “I see you, and I will come back to you when I have capacity.” Acknowledge the emotion, then do a check in with yourself when you do have the capacity for it. Even going for a short walk helps Jessica open her mind and move the emotions through her body. This may work for you, or you can try some other ways to help you keep up with all of your emotions. Either way, make sure you are acknowledging past emotions that you may not have before so it doesn’t fester and come back stronger than ever.
Another great quote from Jessica is, “Regulation is better than resolution.” Sometimes it is better to regulate your emotions and nervous system rather than searching for an impossible solution. Things are going to come up, and how you prepare yourself will determine how you handle them with your mind and body. This is why her method is so powerful, it keeps her nervous system regulated.
When it comes to her layers, Jessica has been self-monitoring them and how she embraces them. She says that she would present herself in a specific way for a specific place, rather than just authentically being herself with wherever she was or whoever she was with. After going through her journey, she now is herself in each space, something that you never realize is so freeing until you actually do it. Accepting her layers has also helped her feel gratitude without forcing it. She says it’s “permission over prescription.” You can’t prescribe the same thing over and over again in different spaces, hoping for different results. If you give yourself permission to just be authentic, then you will find your people in any space and feel grateful for it.
Something so important to take away from this episode is to not shrink yourself. Be your authentic self every single day, celebrating your accomplishments and celebrating yourself. There is so much we do in a day, a week, and even a year that we never stop to appreciate. It’s not selfish or bragging, but it’s acknowledging how far you’ve come and how many more possibilities there are for you. Once you untap the ability to live out FEEL, there’s nothing that can stand in your way.
Ways to Engage: Next time you are in a situation where you have strong feelings but might not be able to express them, say to yourself, “I acknowledge these feelings. I will revisit them when I have the capacity.” Don’t just say this, but actually revisit them. At the end of the day or when you do have the capacity to feel all of your emotions, check in with yourself, and work through them properly. Practice this until it comes naturally, and always make sure you are taking care of yourself as you do this.