Episode 9 - Empowered by Joy and Intention with Tracy Weems

By Jessica Garrison

Tracy Weems is a longtime friend of the Crooks, who have had the privilege to see her flourish over recent years of her life. However, Tracy has been on a personal journey to discover self-care, boundaries, and how F.E.E.L impacts her life, and she’s here to share her incredible story with us.

Tracy said that she is still learning the ups and downs of self-care, as she has been a caregiver for most of her life. She was a caregiver for her late husband, her children, and is currently a caregiver for her grandmother. Putting her needs first isn’t what Tracy’s used to, but she’s finding that by taking care of herself first, she’s better able to take care of those around her. Rather than acting with resentment or anger, self-care puts Tracy in a better place mentally to be able to show up for those around her.

We see Tracy’s self-care overlap with boundaries since she’s discovered how liberating it is to say “No.” No, period. There doesn’t need to be a long explanation or an excuse as to why she doesn’t want to do something. Part of her self-care has been saying “no” to things she doesn’t want to do, and this has helped her boundaries grow as well.

Tracy didn’t always have the support she needed to be able to confidently set boundaries. Now that she’s grown and has learned so many lessons over the years, she now allows herself to feel her emotions and act based on them. In turn, this has helped her do what she wants to do, rather than always doing what others want her to do.

When Tracy was only 14, her mother passed away unexpectedly, and she realized she never dealt with the grief. So, when her husband passed away in 2016, she sought help to be able to handle her grief in a healthy way rather than suppressing it like she did when she was young. In this journey, she was diagnosed with ADHD, she’s learned how to deal with her emotions, and she feels more validated since discovering new layers to herself.

Supporting women is so important to Tracy, especially being a Black woman. She had to internally accept that she is okay with being a Black woman, and no matter how exhausting it is, she continues to stand up for what she believes in. Tracy wants to do more for the girls who look like her and encourage them that they can do whatever they set their minds to. Some people think they know Tracy’s experience more than she does, despite not being Black or being a woman. Tracy just continues to focus on those who matter most; She wants young Black girls and women to know that they can do whatever they want, and history has proven that they get it done.

Tracy’s values are surrounded by faith, and she credits this to having maintained her sanity while she’s experienced her hardships. Faith gets her back on track when she falters, and it keeps her doing the right thing. Even if people around her don’t have the same beliefs, she appreciates when her views are respected. She looks for respect to be earned, not just from her, but Tracy works to earn it from others as well.

After her mother passed, Tracy did things based on what she thought her mother would’ve wanted, even if she didn’t necessarily agree. She didn’t have a lot of support in the area of expectations that she needed either, so it took a long time for her to live out of her own expectations rather than others. Now, she acts based on what she wants and what her body needs, not based on what others expect her to do. As so many young people don’t, Tracy didn’t know her place in the world, and it just took a little bit of time for her to find it.

Over the years, Tracy has been peeling back her layers, which doesn’t have to be a negative thing. She describes this process like peeling back an orange: no one wants to eat the outer shell, but once you peel back the layers of the fruit, you get to enjoy the deliciousness inside. It’s not about the outside shell, but rather what’s on the inside.

Tracy describes herself as a loner and says she has always been selective of her inner circle, but sometimes that has resulted in her feeling lonely. However, she’s made a change in her life by making herself more available in a positive way. She didn’t have models of female empowerment growing up, and living out F.E.E.L. continues to be a journey for her. She’s seen the benefits of peeling back her layers, though sometimes it’s easier said than done. Tracy has found that she’s able to work things out when she talks aloud to herself, even more so than when she speaks to a therapist or someone in confidence. We tend to be most honest with ourselves in private, and Tracy uses this to her advantage to be able to work on herself.

Even when talking about difficult topics, Tracy has been so honest and vulnerable throughout the episode. We appreciate her wisdom and positive outlook on each talking point, and she has provided so much inspiration to those who listen.

Ways to Engage: Do you find that you’re most honest with yourself in a private situation like Tracy is? Do you ever take the time to speak to yourself aloud or write things down freely? Think of a situation or layer you’d like to explore and see if you’re more honest with yourself in private. It might not be for everyone, but you may discover a more effective way to embrace your layers.

Episode 8 - Healthy Boundaries Equals Healthy Bodies with Dr. Shalonna Battle

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest this week, Dr. Shalonna Battle, is an expert when it comes to women and their health concerns. She’s a nurse practitioner who has not only seen but also experienced how difficult it can be as a woman visiting the doctor. Particularly for women of color, health concerns are not always treated the way they should be since women are stereotyped to be dramatic, overbearing, and emotional. She’s used her knowledge to continue helping women in the doctor’s office but to also help them in everyday life. However, she’s had to go on her own journey to be able to help others go on theirs.

Being a caregiver to others caused Shalonna to leave herself behind when it came to self-care. She had to learn how to value it before she was able to prioritize it in her life. A lot of the time, Shalonna takes work home with her and has her own podcast to think about outside of work. Women are always placing themselves on the back burner, but Shalonna has come to realize that that does a disservice to yourself, as well as those around you. Our self-care is connected to everything: our boundaries, our mental health, and our physical health, just to name a few. Without taking care of yourself, you’re not able to give to all the other parts of your life.

Boundaries is another area that has been difficult for Shalonna. She’s a compassionate person who wants to please those around her. The first step is giving yourself permission, and she said that when you set boundaries, you are doing two things: recognizing your limitations and respecting your limitations. When you communicate them, you’re also asking those around you to do the same. We often give respect to those around us, but don’t give it to ourselves as much as we should. Remember to give yourself the respect you deserve as you would a friend or a family member. We have to learn to not be afraid to ask for the respect we deserve from others, too.

The podcast Shalonna created is called The Eavesdrop, and its purpose is to help women outside of the doctor’s office. There are many layers to health, such as an economic layer. Not everyone has the money, insurance, or time off to be able to go to the doctor on a regular basis when they’re feeling pain or to see a specialist for what they need. On the podcast, Shalonna has experts come on to provide resources and knowledge, and she hopes to support women by providing this in a public forum that doesn’t cost anything.

Too many times, Shalonna has seen patients come in that are suffering because no one makes the connection between emotional health and physical health. An example she provided was when she had a patient with chronic pelvic pain. Something she thought of that no one else did was screen for depression. Shalonna said her patient had never been screened for it before, and her results were off the charts. This poor woman didn’t know her mental health could be affecting her physically, and neither did any of the other professionals she went to see. When one is off, the other is bound to suffer, and Shalonna is able to share how much mental health can affect physical health with all the work she does.

When it comes to living out of your own expectations versus others’, Shalonna said she lives out of her truth and encourages others to live out of their own, too. Something Melissa and our team have talked about often is “imposter syndrome,” which is basically when you have self-doubt about yourself and your abilities when you’re achieving something great. It doesn’t feel like you should have the title others give you or you don’t deserve the praise you may be getting. But, as Shalonna reminds us, we have to strive for whatever we want. Be your own individual and live out the life you want to. What other people may think or believe is not as important as what you think or believe.

It’s difficult learning to accept the negative layers we may have, but Shalonna has seen the beauty in accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly. She continues to grow and thrive, as well as help other women who need to see the beauty in peeling back the layers. It’s gotten her to where she is now, and I think everyone can agree that Dr. Shalonna Battle is an extraordinary woman. She doesn’t allow negative relationships in her life, and this helps her to continue working on appreciating her self-worth. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve, and a big part of that is realizing how much you’re worth. We tend to look down on ourselves, but we’re working to change the narrative to self-love and self-appreciation.

I recommend everyone listen to Dr. Shalonna Battle’s podcast, The Eavesdrop, to not only support her work in supporting women, but also learn something that could change your life.

Ways to Engage: Think about a time when you had a negative or positive experience at the doctor’s office. What happened that made you feel that way? What are things you wish they would have done or would not have done to make you feel more comfortable? Or what did they do that you enjoyed? A negative experience with one doctor may not be the same for another, but it instills fear in us for future visits. Feel free to share what feels comfortable to you, and we hope Dr. Shalonna Battle’s episode can provide a bit of peace.

Episode 7 - Embracing Body Love with Rachel Lavin

By Jessica Garrison

This week, Melissa is joined by Rachel Lavin, a personal trainer and author of The Donut Diaries. Her website features an about page, the many services she provides, and a blog about her experiences that coincide with her weight journey. We’ve never covered the topics of eating disorders, the expectations of women’s bodies, and the culture of food in depth before, but I love that we’re bringing attention to the subjects with Rachel’s guidance and knowledge.

Food is such an important part of Rachel’s day, as it should be for everyone’s day. Part of her self-care routine is eating a good breakfast, moving her body, and waking up with gratitude. Another aspect of her self-care routine is getting the tasks on her to-do list completed so she’s able to go to sleep peacefully. I think everyone can attest that it’s anxiety-inducing to lay in bed thinking of everything you didn’t get done but could’ve, or all the stuff you’ll have to do tomorrow. Having this as a self-care step has been beneficial to Rachel, and I can understand how impactful that must be.

Boundaries have been a long time coming for Rachel. She doesn’t want to set boundaries with anger. The world is harsh enough as we all know, so she always sets her boundaries properly, without anger or resentment. She sets them from a healthy standpoint and with a calm mind. Communication is key in making sure people know how she’s feeling and how she can understand their feelings as well.

She feels very strongly about taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health. The biggest hurdle to getting to where she is now was learning to speak kinder to herself. She found herself reaching outward rather than inward and lost herself in the process. When she turned 40, she was a size 0, and everyone in her life was complimenting how much better she looked after losing weight. Still, she wasn’t happy. She moved forward with being kinder to herself, recognizing trauma from the past, and putting forgiveness first. The attention she was getting made her feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. An important lesson she wants everyone to learn is that another person’s body is no one else’s business, and commenting on other people’s bodies is never appropriate.

Rachel said it takes serious work to realize where your trauma comes from. You have to search through the parts you may not want to and offer forgiveness you never knew you were capable of giving. In supporting women, Rachel shared a story that I thought was adorable and shows that there can be light during dark times. A little girl in TJ Maxx went up to a woman and said, “I love your dress!” When Rachel told the little girl how kind that was, she said, “And I love your purse!” We need to see more of this with young women, portraying each other as advocates rather than competition. It was also kind of Rachel to compliment the young girl for being supportive, reinforcing how good it feels to be kind.

When it comes to her values, Rachel is conscious of how she treats others and how she treats herself. It’s important to learn the body’s signals and honor those signals because, otherwise, everything else will suffer. She doesn’t ever want to go back to treating herself poorly, and I commend her on the journey she’s been on because it certainly isn’t an easy one.

Although living outside of other people’s expectations is a work in progress, Rachel has come to learn that using “No” as a sentence is such a relief. There’s no need to explain yourself or why you do what you do. It’s your life, and it’s important to live it as you want to. She saw this come through with her book which she had a passion for. However, Rachel held off on writing it because even though she had lost a lot of weight and wanted to share her experience, she was worried about gaining the weight back. She realized though that her failures were the missing piece to her story, and now she’s able to share her authentic experience with others to help them on their own journey.

Being kinder to yourself means you’ll be kinder to others, and Rachel has seen herself transform into a better partner, friend, and person. The effort that Rachel has put forth making her life better has in turn been making the lives of those around her better, and we’re excited to see what else she will accomplish.

Ways to Engage: Food is an interesting but sensitive topic and has a strange dynamic in our lives. It’s fuel to our bodies, yet it comes with a lot of stipulations in our culture. Please feel free to share any thoughts, experiences, or insight you may have in the comments below.

Episode 6 - Moving Forward from Loss Through Self-Care with June K. Collins

By Jessica Garrison

This week’s episode is a bit different from previous since it has a topic we haven’t spoken about before, nor do we usually see it discussed in a public forum. Melissa is joined by June K. Collins, author of Momma, You Don’t Heal, who wrote the book about her struggles with losing a child. October is Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month, and we’re happy to be able to help June tell her story.

June never really believed in self-care until 2012, when her life changed forever. As anyone can imagine, it took a while for June to be able to come back from her loss, and she had to discover how to do that. She has a routine now where she wakes up early every day and reminisces. This is her alone, quiet time to think about memories of the past, what’s going on in the present, and what she wants out of the future. Good memories still live inside her, and she’s able to live in those in the early hours of the morning. Without self-care, June can see the difference in her attitude. Whenever triggers pop up in her life, she also likes to reflect on what is making her feel that way. She asks herself, “Why am I feeling this way?” and tries to get to the root of the problem.

As June explains, a child dying is not natural to us. It’s a complicated experience that has to have boundaries in place in order to heal. June says that after her son passed away, she didn’t have the capacity to deal with toxic people and chose to cut them out of her life. She reminds us that it isn’t selfish if you don’t do the things you don’t want to do. Save time for what you actually want to do, and you see the reward come through in your energy and attitude.

June talks in detail throughout the episode about her triggers, and this is tied into her emotional and physical health. An example she used is a time when she was in the grocery store and saw a woman yelling at her child. She thought how lucky they were to have their child, and she would do anything to have hers back. Understandably, there was a lot of anger in June’s life, and she had to work that out in order for her to move forward. This led her to discovering her self-care routine of reflecting upon why she feels a certain way and working towards the actual issue, rather than just what’s seen on the outside.

The passing of June’s child came when she was only 31 years old, and she knew she didn’t want to feel that constant heartache and pain forever. The idea of group therapy freaked her out—as an introvert myself, I can understand why. However, she did find what worked for her, which was speaking with someone one-on-one. June also educated herself on psychology and understanding the loss of her child, and she wanted to use what she learned to help others. She felt like some people in her life wanted her to “get over” the loss of her son. She expressed that just because he’s gone, he still lives in her life every day through her memory, which is such a special connection. He lives through the legacy she’s creating, and, in turn, creating one for him as well.

After her son died, June was upset that there were people in her life that weren’t there for her that she thought would be. She needed to surround herself with those who continually support her, so she could support herself and other women who have a similar story. Women tend to feel guilty in any aspect of their lives, and this is just amplified with the loss of a child. Women may feel that even though they were 5 weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage that they shouldn’t feel sadness because they never physically met their child. However, there are no limitations when it comes to grief. The loss of anyone in your life warrants whatever reaction you feel it warrants.

June gives an example during the episode that perfectly describes how she feels. If you break a flower pot and then try to fix it, it still remains cracked. You can glue the pieces back together, paint it, decorate it, and make the outside look like it was never broken. However, if you look on the inside of the flower pot, you can still see all the cracks. She knows how to pick herself back up, but the scars are still there and the hurt still exists on the inside.

Since the loss of her son, June has had another child and continues to thrive for her. She had a lot of anxiety with her pregnancy because of the troubles during her first one; she didn’t want to have similar results. June works through her struggles everyday and reminds herself that “it’s gonna be okay.” June’s strength and perseverance are impressive, especially since she has turned her grief into a way to help others. You can check out her resources on the Embracing Layers website and also check out her book to continue keeping up with her story.

Ways to Engage: What emotions came up while reading the blog and listening to the episode? Taking a page from June, reflect upon those emotions. Break down where they’re really coming from, other than just the sadness of a child passing away. Let’s dig deep and feel our emotions together.

Episode 5 - Unapologetically Embracing Discomfort with Cristina Ramirez

By Jessica Garrison

After learning she wrote a book entitled Empowered by Discomfort, we knew we had to have this next guest on the podcast. Cristina Ramirez has an incredible life journey, from Wall Street to Silicon Valley to being a published writer. Her wisdom and authenticity make this an episode you really don’t want to miss.

For Cristina, if she didn’t do any form of self-care, her body would force her to do it. She allowed herself to continue hitting that point where she was forced, rather than taking care of herself regularly. And that wasn’t the life she wanted to live. To be able to keep up with her kids, she knew she needed to get in better shape, which is a huge part of her journey. She began running as a form of self-care, which killed two birds with one stone. She even ran a 5K, which she was incredibly proud of herself for doing. After she accomplished this feat, she thought, what else can I do? In turn, this became a fitness journey for her as well as a creative journey. On her runs, she is able to have time with her own thoughts and allow her creative mind to thrive.

Through this journey to self-care, Cristina has come to realize just how much physical and emotional health coincide. She says it’s important to sustain confidence and to care about yourself enough to do the work because you are deserving of that kindness. However, the ways you accomplish this may not be the same—some days need different actions. For example, there are days when she needs to run to decompress. Other times, she may use a different method to perform self-care to take care of her physical and emotional health. It’s all about finding a balance that works for you on that given day, and we can see the benefits of it through Cristina’s journey.

Like most of our guests, Cristina described herself as a people pleaser. She was raised to always put others ahead of herself, or else she’d be seen as selfish. She credits her husband for helping her learn to set healthy boundaries because he gave her the space to have what she wanted. Sadly, Cristina’s husband passed away, and it was a devastating time in her life. He had shown her a wonderful new way of life, and she knew she couldn’t go back to her old ways. She says to give permission to yourself so you don’t take it out on those you love the most. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes and setbacks; just continue to move forward.

By living unapologetically herself, Cristina gives those around her permission to do the same. She said that once you have a taste of how freeing and empowering it is to live life unapologetically, you’ll never want to go back. But living unapologetically didn’t always come easily to Cristina, as it doesn’t for most. She was born in Brazil to Cuban parents and attended college in Boston. Her parents didn’t have a lot of funds, so they told her they wouldn’t pay for her education to be a teacher—they wanted her to financially be successful enough to not be in their same position. Instead, she went into banking and finances, though it wasn’t her true passion.

She eventually became a preschool teacher, despite it being “the lowest of the low” on the teacher totem pole. She took the time to live her life authentically rather than wondering, “what if?” for the rest of her life. During the difficult times, Cristina reminded herself that what she was doing was a means to an end, and those stepping stones would lead her to the destination she wanted. By keeping her why and values close to her heart, she knew that whatever road she took would be done with integrity.

Even though the world makes discomfort seem so negative, Cristina has found positivity in embracing this discomfort. We all have challenges we don’t think should be there, but at the end of the day, ignoring it or wallowing in it doesn’t work. After her husband passed, Cristina needed time to process and access her truth without feeling guilty. Life gets bigger, but the grief doesn’t get smaller. She gives herself permission to continue living life happily, which is all her husband wanted to begin with.

Embracing your layers is about acceptance and understanding. Cristina describes her layers as all the different parts of her personality that exist inside her, but she gets to choose who gets the mic. Cristina gives 100% in everything she does so she can say, “I know that I did the best I can,” even if something doesn’t work out in her favor. Not everything will always come your way, but if you give it your all, at least you won’t have any regrets. It’s refreshing to hear Cristina talk about how far she has come in her journey and all the places she has yet to go. We cannot wait to continue to see her flourish.

Ways to Engage: A huge theme in this episode is embracing discomfort. We’ve had other guests speak to this matter as well. How do you feel about embracing discomfort? Does it scare you or make you nervous? Is it something you’ve never thought about before? Tell us what you think about this week’s topic in the comments below! 

Episode 4 - Self Awareness & Somatic Healing with Susan Gold

By Jessica Garrison

This week, Melissa had the opportunity to speak with Susan Gold, author of Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom. She shared with us the journey she took to publish her book and everything leading up to it. To open up about some of the most vulnerable memories she has to anyone who decides to pick up her book is a huge step in healing. Susan discussed the obstacles she faced while learning to embrace her layers and how she overcame them.

Similar to our last guest, Gill Tietz, Susan recalled how she used alcohol to cover up a lot of her emotions. It was easy for her to lie to those around her, as well as to herself. She would also participate in endurance-related sports to stay sane, but she realized later on that it wasn’t actually self-care to her; it was just something to keep her mind busy. After immense self-reflection, soul searching, and talk therapy, Susan was able to work towards a journey that featured her most authentic self.

Susan grew up in an abusive household that taught her to “tough it out.” It took a long time for her to realize that toughing everything out was not a normal response, and she had to unlearn this way of life. This belief was carried into her marriage. She shared with Melissa that, even though she knew things were over, she kept pushing those thoughts away to keep up with appearances. Eventually, she knew that to take care of her physical and emotional health, she had to become aware of her journey and learn that the word “no” is a sentence all on its own.

Despite supporting women in living unapologetically every day with the work she does, Susan isn’t always aware that she’s doing it, particularly in a corporate setting. In rooms where women were not typically vocal, Susan spoke her mind and asked questions, even if she was ignored. Her intuition and perseverance created an environment where other women felt they could do the same. She’s been told that she’s a “change-maker” and is tired of living in outdated, patriarchal systems. I have one thing to say about that: PREACH!

Susan’s why and values are more clear now than ever since she has been trusting her gut and is able to understand what she wants. It’s easier for her now to stop and take a deep breath when life is getting overwhelming and the vision becomes blurry. Women, in particular, are told to not trust themselves. We’re conditioned to think that we’re too dramatic, too paranoid, or too emotional. I can’t stress enough that if you have a gut feeling, you should listen to it. Your feelings are completely valid, even if others don’t think the same way.

Following what other people wanted her to do was easy for Susan, as it is easy for the rest of us to just do what other people tell us to do. However, it never fit right for Susan to do something blindly if it wasn’t what she wanted to do. This feeling was a prison cell around her that appeared inescapable. She eventually had to stop and say, “This doesn’t feel right.” To be able to overcome this, Susan had to take a look at her childhood self, someone whom she closed off from the world a long time ago. She grew to understand that she is a strong woman and she’s meant to share her experiences to help others.

Susan also described herself as a chameleon with these experiences. She could be whoever other people needed her to be; it’s a survival technique she picked up through childhood. It took a while for her to say, “This is who I am.” It isn’t easy to stand your ground the way she has, but finding her truth seems to be the most rewarding experience for Susan. The layers she used to push away are now embraced through new experiences along the journey.

Susan has discovered her authentic self with compassion and patience. She’s grateful to make a positive impact in people’s lives by sharing her story, and her journey, finding empowerment, and embracing her layers.

Ways to Engage: Susan’s self-reflection techniques helped her discover her authentic self, a journey that shows up in different ways for people. Name a situation where you lived out of someone else’s expectations rather than your own. How did it make you feel, and how would you handle things differently now?

Episode 3 - Embracing the Layers of a Sober-Powered Life with Gill Tietz

By Jessica Garrison

This week we’re joined by the Sober Powered Podcast founder, Gill Tietz. Gill used to work in a lab where she “expressed, purified, and characterized therapeutic proteins for research.” She’s since used her biochemistry background to help educate others about alcohol and works towards ending the stigma that surrounds it.

That stigma kept Gill feeling stuck in her situation. She was afraid of being judged or appearing as “not strong enough” to stop drinking. Despite the media tending to glorify drinking and alcoholism, Gill wants everyone to know it is not a strong person versus a weak person trait. People react to alcohol differently, and if you have a problem stopping, it doesn’t make you weak. Just like our self-care journeys, everyone has their own path to travel and some are more difficult than others.

When your work is your hobby like it is for Gill, it’s difficult to have boundaries set up. She used to be worried that setting boundaries would hurt other people's feelings. As a woman, you have to be careful as to not appear as a “bitch,” especially from a business standpoint. Words that come from a man may be seen as assertive or dominant, but the same words from a woman may be seen as bitchy or controlling. The “Swiftie” in me can’t help but think of Taylor Swift’s “The Man” when Melissa and Gill are talking about this. She just describes the contrast in comparisons so vividly, as does Gill.

Gill also felt the need for people to like her, and that adds to the reason why she had a difficult time setting boundaries. Without boundaries, she found that resentment and negative emotions would cloud her relationships. She’s still trying to be firm in setting her boundaries, but she’s already seen the benefit in her relationships with communicating her boundaries.

Gill talks a lot about taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health on her own podcast. She’s discovered that by using other things to meet her needs, she won’t be successful in fulfilling her health either way. She provided a few examples, such as drinking or shopping. People tend to drink when they want to avoid certain feelings; they might be covered up for a little bit, but they won’t just go away. The same goes for covering up anxieties with a shopping spree. Sometimes it’s nice to buy yourself some new things, same as having a drink with a friend after a long day, but it won’t make the feelings disappear. Facing it is an important lesson that Gill has come to realize and shares with her audience.

Originally, Gill’s relationship with self-care included drinking. For example, after a long day of work, she would have a glass of wine, which is seemingly normal to most people. However, it was becoming a habit that she went to immediately whenever feeling stressed. This wasn’t taking care of herself at the core, though. Her moods would range from her being tired or cranky to having no patience. She didn’t know why she’d feel this way after having her “self-care” glass of wine. She’s finally started prioritizing herself, describing it as being on a “health kick.” One action she’s been taking towards this includes not checking her phone as soon as she wakes up. She realized it’s a source of stress because she feels the need to respond right away to those who are emailing her or she has to see trolls in her Instagram comments before the day even begins. This way, she can go for a walk and start the morning calm before diving right into the chaos.

Melissa and Gill have a lot in common when it comes to their why and their values: neither of them wants to lose track of their mission. It can be tempting to give in to what others want you to do in exchange for more money or publicity, but if it doesn’t align with their values, they can’t bring themselves to accept the offer. I think it’s quite an admirable quality to have, especially since they have a platform to help others, not to take advantage of them for a quick buck.

A roadblock for Gill has been her self-esteem, but she’s been learning to be kinder to herself and more gracious. She mentioned the advice that people give about talking to yourself like you’re talking to a friend, and that’s advice I have actually found to be effective. If I’m having a mental breakdown, yelling at myself doesn’t help. If I remain calm and supportive of what I’m feeling, it gives me better results. As Gill puts it, there are so many different versions of ourselves and we should appreciate all of our parts because it’s what makes us who we are.

Without self-care, boundaries, living out of her own expectations, and all the other aspects of F.E.E.L., Gill is not 100% herself. She’s found herself to be more accepting, understanding, and patient. Through her journey to sobriety and to taking better care of herself, Gill has learned to be more compassionate as well. The work she does is not only life-changing, but also life-saving. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please reach out to some resources listed below.

Ways to Engage: What are some examples in the media where alcohol or alcoholism is glorified? Did they make you view alcoholics, your friends, or even yourself in a different way? Feel free to share your thoughts and any other topics that need to be embraced.

Resources:

Gill Tietz’s website: https://www.soberpowered.com

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1-800-662-4357 or 1-800-487-4889

American Addiction Centers: 1-888-451-9142

Episode 2 - The Multilayered Journey to Sexual Health with Fanny Leboulanger

By Jessica Garrison

Hold on tight for the newest episode of the F.E.E.L Podcast as we become comfortable with the uncomfortable. We have an international guest, Dr. Fanny Leboulanger, who comes to us from France. She is well-rounded in so many areas, providing her intelligence to the world of medicine, gynecology, and pleasure. I had never heard of an intimacy/pleasure counselor before and had no idea what the work entailed. But after hearing Fanny speak, I see just how important her work is.

Fanny described herself in med school and in her professional career as a “good girl.” She was at the top of her class and had everything society told her she needed: a good job, financial stability, and a man to come home to at the end of the day. Life was presenting her with mysteries that she couldn’t leave unsolved. She found that during her time as a gynecologist, too many women were coming in with issues like having pain in their body, although further examinations proved there was nothing wrong physically. She didn’t have answers to give them about why sex was painful or why they weren’t receiving the pleasure that so many others talk about. Since then, she has been dedicating her life to helping women feel pleasure and giving them the sexual freedom they deserve.

Med school made Fanny forget she was her own person, so she needed to find a good balance after she graduated. She allowed herself to reclaim pleasure (and reclaim the fact that she could give it to herself). She “would not accept what was unacceptable,” and she had to train herself to stick with those boundaries. The way she’s accomplished this is by trusting herself. As women, we’re constantly doubting ourselves, whether it be our feelings, actions, or intuition. No one knows us better than we know ourselves, and Fanny has seen the benefits of putting absolute trust in herself.

When asked about taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Fanny noted that emotions are sensations that our brain sends to us. She said we need to give ourselves the space to release those emotions. If you’re angry and want to kick, kick. If you’re happy and want to dance, dance. Allow yourself to release what you feel on the inside, and express it through the outside. This energy can get stored up inside of us and cause a physical breakdown, which she found out through the grueling schedule of being a doctor.

Women are always coming to Fanny ashamed. They were ashamed of not feeling pleasure during sex, they were ashamed of not becoming aroused, and they were ashamed of their own bodies. She supports women by having these uncomfortable conversations with them and opening up about what she’s personally struggled with. As a counselor, she’s able to dig deeper into how to help women accomplish their goals, whatever they may be.

A word that kept coming up during this episode was consent. Even if you’re discussing sexual pleasure with yourself, the word consent is still in use. Fanny’s advice is to not rush yourself. If you’re worried or nervous about something intimate, whether it be touching yourself or looking at the reflection of your genitals, don’t force it. Do what makes you feel comfortable and what you’re ready for. It’s easy to compare yourself to someone else, even what they do in the privacy of their bedroom. Living out of her own expectations has proven to be an advantage in her life, even if people don’t agree. Sex, pleasure, and bodies are normal—there’s no reason to be ashamed of them.

Fanny was angry at herself at first for not embracing her layers; she wondered why she didn’t do this sooner. However, she realized that she had to learn the important lesson of letting things go first. Until then, she wouldn’t be able to completely let go of being who she used to be. She discovered pleasure, acknowledgment, and a state of curiosity. She reclaims her right to mess up because, at the end of the day, we’re all human. It’s not normal to expect people to be perfect—we all will mess up and make mistakes. The sooner we can accept this, the sooner we can let a lot of anger and resentment go.

It’s been a long journey for Fanny to come to the place she’s at now, but it’s been worth it. She understands who she is and has figured out why she’s here. She expressed that there is no “one size fits all” solution because we are all so different. Show up for yourself, heal yourself, and accept yourself, no matter how that may appear for you. By showing up for herself, she’s able to show up for others and provide the support that women need.

If you’re interested in hearing more from Fanny, feel free to visit her website and listen to her podcast!

Ways to Engage: What were your first thoughts when you heard that Fanny is an intimacy/pleasure coach? What did you think after reading the blog and listening to the episode? Have your views on female intimacy and pleasure changed? Let us know your thoughts about embracing the uncomfortable down below!

Episode 1 - Seeking Freedom with Lis Thomas

By Jessica Garrison

Welcome back to season 5 of the F.E.E.L Podcast! We’re so excited to be here and share the incredible stories we’ve been hearing all summer. Our first guest to kick things off is Lis Thomas, a women’s advocate, writer, and brand strategist. She’s been on an amazing journey over the years, and there is so much to learn from her during this episode.

When Melissa introduced Lis, she shared a quote that Lis wrote about self-love on the platform she founded, Womanhood Unwrapped: “Self-love isn’t about the destination; it’s about starting somewhere and continuing down a path of self-discovery — no destination needed!” She carries this down her road of self-care, and Lis has accepted that there’s no perfect starting place. Everyone is on their own journey and it looks different depending on each person.

Lis made the observation that boundaries haven’t been in many conversations until the last decade or so. They are so important to how we keep everything managed in our lives, and she has to remind herself of the personal rules she set. Lis asks herself questions such as, “is the boundary necessary? Will the boundary make the situation better? How can I set this boundary in a kind way?” I love that she mentioned the kindness aspect of setting boundaries because there’s never enough kindness in the world. When we hear the word boundary, it sounds harsh and even rude. In reality, it’s just a barrier you’re setting up for yourself, so there’s no reason to project negativity towards it.

Along with kindness, Lis makes room for humor in everyday life. Living in the moment and having a good time helps to keep her emotional health and physical health in check. When she was just 23, she was diagnosed with melanoma and it changed her world. Luckily, it was discovered early on, but Lis wanted to make sure it wouldn’t keep affecting her negatively. She goes to the dermatologist on a regular basis to keep her health in check, but she doesn’t let it weigh on her mind constantly. Otherwise, it would impact her emotional health despite her physical health being fine. She didn’t want the diagnosis to take over her life and hide her in fear. She continues to live happily and healthily, with both her physical health as well as her emotional health.

Lis already supports women every day through her platform Womanhood Unwrapped, and she expressed how relevant it is to support women in living unapologetically. Women learn how to say sorry from such a young age and continue to say sorry throughout their lives, even when they didn’t do anything wrong. She says she has to remind her daughter of this and allows her family to live in a world where they don’t have to apologize for everything and they can live as themselves authentically.

In Lis’s mind, there are 3 layers that women tend to have: the overarching blanket of society, a woman’s own upbringing, and a woman’s family and/or partner. No matter how you decide to express yourself or live your life, it’s important that you are in the driver’s seat, just as Lis says in this episode. When she had a dealbreaker, she stuck to it. She knew what she wanted and didn’t settle for less, which I think is such an admirable quality. It can be difficult to not do what other people want you to do or what other people expect, but it’s important to be happy in your own life.

In closing, Lis shared that she allows herself to feel whatever she is feeling and accept that it’s okay. She says, “Don’t minimize yourself—take up some space.” This quote from her is so powerful; women in particular are always making themselves smaller to allow someone else to feel bigger, especially men. However, there is enough room for everyone to feel what they want, and we don’t have to put ourselves in a box for others.

Lis was a perfect first guest for this new season; she leads the way for all of the other wonderful guests we have this Fall. She can live confidently and authentically knowing that she is who she is. Even though we’re all a work in progress, she has come a long way in her journey.

Ways to Engage: If you had to name three layers that women tend to have, what would they be? Societal? Personal? Let us know about your perspective of a woman’s complex layers in the comments down below!

Episode 11 - Embracing Our Multifaceted Identities with Jenna Madden

 By Jessica Garrison

Welcome to the final blog of season four! We’ve had so many incredible, insightful guests this season, but I’m definitely partial to this one. Jenna Madden, who identifies as a nonbinary queer person, has been one of my best friends since high school, and I’m so thankful they accepted the invitation to be featured on an episode of our podcast. Even though Jenna is a year younger than me, they have always been someone I’ve looked up to and aspired to be more like.

Self care can seem really scary at first, especially if someone else seems to have the hang of it and you’re just learning. But for Jenna, self care is all about the basics and doing whatever makes them feel good. Whether it be a deep breathing exercise or taking a break to hydrate, Jenna says, “it’s important to nourish yourself.” They’re also a fan of playing the guitar, running, swimming, and playing soccer. Even if they aren’t necessarily the best at a certain activity, Jenna likes to let loose and finds peace in participating in anything that keeps them grounded.

When talking about boundaries, one word that Jenna mentioned was consent, and I don’t think there is a better word to fit this topic. Jenna provides the example that not everyone enjoys hugs, so it’s okay to tell someone you’re not comfortable with your space being violated. Even if something may seem small to you, it’s important to build the self confidence to trust your feelings and express them. Not everyone has the same level of comfort, and Jenna tries to motivate those around them to be aware that they have control over their own bodies.

Not only has the guitar helped Jenna understand the importance of self care, but it’s also helped them understand the connection between mental and physical health. Not only does listening to music comfort them mentally, but being able to physically play an instrument also helps to get out anxieties and frustrations. Jenna believes that therapy is for everyone but understands that not everyone may have the same resources as them. They provide other outlets, such as journaling or the Youper app, which guides you through therapy exercises to help calm anxiety.

Jenna is also a big believer in “your struggle is my struggle.” In their free time, Jenna enjoys advocating for others and spreading awareness around their community. So many groups are oppressed in our world, and we believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to experience joy and to live their life to the fullest.

Oppression and systems of power also influence the expectations we have of others and ourselves. I’ve never thought of this perspective before, but they’re absolutely right. Jenna says there’s no simple answer to living out of your own expectations because there are so many elements that can affect the way we see this. Even when it came to accepting themself, it was difficult for Jenna to come to terms with their queer identity because of all the expectations thrown their way, such as not dressing like a stereotypical queer person. Jenna says it was important to remind themself that “you know you the best,” and finding a sense of community has helped in so many ways.

Jenna spoke during the episode about their identity, and how multifaceted people are. You are more than just one thing at any given moment, and that’s why it’s so important for everyone to embrace their layers. I have always been a big believer in intersectional feminism because, like Jenna said, we are more than just one thing. We are more than just our race or religion or sexual orientation; every part of us is beautiful and deserves to be celebrated. Jenna credits their time at Barnard College for helping them understand the complexity of the world. There’s a freedom to dismantling the boxes that society tries to put us in by embracing your true self.

You will not be disappointed with Jenna’s episode. They have so much encouragement and wisdom to offer (I couldn’t possibly fit it all in one blog). Be sure to follow us on social media for posts and updates throughout the summer, and we’ll see you all in the fall!

Episode 10 - Clear Expectations with Chotsani Williams West

 By Jessica Garrison 

Our guest this week has quite the history with the F.E.E.L Podcast. Melissa connected with the original editor of the podcast, Valencia, through our guest, Chotsani Williams West. She is the Assistant Vice President of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, & Belonging for Adelphi University, as well as an Adjunct Professor within the College of Arts & Sciences and the College of Education & Health Sciences. She is clearly an intelligent and accomplished individual, but like everyone else, Chotsani has had setbacks when it comes to her layers and living out F.E.E.L. 

She shares that her self care routine needs “sprucing up,” but she still has a lot of helpful techniques in her current one. For example, she likes to have quiet moments in the car to listen to the birds and take the time to reflect upon her day. She’s been working diligently on her doctorate and can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s been a long road to travel. Stealing the moments for self care when she can has been essential for her mental health, and she has learned to not push self care back, even if that means penciling in time for yourself on the calendar to make sure you get the attention you deserve. 

Boundaries have been flexible for Chotsani, and I think she brings great insight to the topic. By saying “no” when you want to, it makes the “yes” so much more special. It frees up time for what Chotsani wants to do, rather than her schedule being full of things she doesn’t really want to do. And “no” doesn’t always have to be a no with a period at the end of it, though sometimes it might be. Sometimes it can be “no for now, but maybe another time.” Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be as scary as it sounds, though it can be difficult at times to say no to those you really want to say yes to. However, in the long run, you’ll see how beneficial it can be to stick to the boundaries you’ve set and trust your instincts, just as Chotsani has. 

Chotsani is very grateful for the women she has in her life and is surrounded by those who help straighten each other up. They support one another, even if they may not always have the time to pick up the phone and call. Even a text message of encouragement or a shared post between them helps them get through the day. It’s important to not only have these kinds of people in your life but to also allow yourself to fall back on them; supporting one another always feels good. 

Coming back to her why is crucial to Chotsani. She says that if you don’t set this at the very beginning of your career and/or education, when things get blurry, you can easily lose direction. A strong foundation is important to make sure you’re on the track you want to be and act as a guiding point for making decisions. There’s always opportunities to learn about yourself, and maybe this will cause your why to change. As long as it’s true to who you are, then your why will always be important. 

When Chotsani thinks about living out of her own expectations versus others’, she says, “accessibility is important; if people don’t think you’re accessible, it doesn’t lend itself to authentic, life changing conversations.” In her world, you have to be clear on not only how you engage with people, but also what expectations there are in the relationship. It’s easy for miscommunication to happen, so Chotsani clearly expresses what she expects and wants from a situation and allows others the opportunity to do the same.

Chotsani is a lover of dance, so she tends to look at her layers as such. You can’t always choreograph the dance—things come up unexpectedly in life. Sometimes there are moments where you know exactly which step you’ll be doing next and sometimes you have to improvise. There’s no right way or wrong way to discover and embrace your layers. Everyone has their own style and images of how they want their life to turn out, and Chotsani definitely has the elegance of a person dancing through life, even if she’s not sure which step is supposed to come next. Her authenticity throughout this episode was refreshing and personable, and I’m pleased we’re all able to hear her story.

Episode 9 - How to Live Well With Bipolar with Paris Prynkiewicz

 By Jessica Garrison 

Paris Prynkiewicz has been on an extraordinary journey in her life, from being misdiagnosed with depression at 16 years old to being hospitalized a few years later before finally being diagnosed properly. From there, she was able to treat the actual mental disorder she has and was able to get back to the life she wanted to live. As it turns out, Paris has bipolar I and, after being diagnosed, she was able to transform her life. She created the Live Well Bipolar podcast to help others who live with being bipolar, and she wants to spread the message to the world that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Self care wasn’t really part of Paris’s life until she was 23 years old. She attended a personal development conference that helped her realize she wasn’t happy in her situation and needed a change. She began to cut things out of her life that didn’t align with what she truly wanted. She described that her changes started small, like visualizing what she wanted from each day. Now she can visualize what she wants in her future and how she can go about accomplishing those goals while taking proper care of herself.

Like so many of us, it was hard for Paris to say no at first. She worked two jobs and attended school full time before her proper diagnosis at 19 years old. Her psychiatrist thought she was fine because she could hold a job, had straight A’s in school, and was in a consistent relationship. He had no idea about her internal struggles and how she never valued herself. This is a great example of how you have no idea what’s going on in a person’s head, even if everything seems to be okay on the outside. She’s gotten better at recognizing stressors in her life, and those are things she’s able to confidently set a boundary against. She had quite a few negative influences in her life that tried to discourage her from starting her podcast and sharing her story, but she’s been able to block them out and continue with the work she knows is important. 

Our talking point about taking care of your emotional health as much as your physical health really resonated with Paris because that was featured on the first episode of her podcast. She and Melissa were really meant to be! It makes so much sense to her that the two are intertwined, especially when she reflects on her past. Her mental health was the biggest block in her life, so to cope, she was reckless with her physical body. Once she was able to get control mentally, she looked at her physical health. Paris cut out alcohol, she eats in moderation, exercises regularly, and is working towards goals she creates. I’m happy to hear that Paris was able to heal not only her mental health, but physical health as well in her journey. 

Living out of her own expectations rather than others is a challenging experience for Paris. People have this idea of what being bipolar is in their heads, like extreme mood swings or episodes of mania. However, it doesn’t show up the same way in each person, and Paris wants to share that with the world. She was worried about people looking at her differently once she shared her diagnosis, but she has since gained the confidence to speak out about her experiences. She’s able to coach other people through this, whether it be people in her life or people she meets through the podcast. It’s about what’s best for her, rather than what’s best for those around her and fitting into the mold they want her to fit in. 

When it comes to embracing her layers and living out F.E.E.L, Paris has become clear on her thoughts. She doesn’t believe the old stories she used to tell herself, and she understands how to navigate through her life while living with bipolar I. She was used to abuse, whether it be from an ex or herself, but she’s since realized what a healthy relationship is: “When you finally get in front of something healthy, it’s foreign to you.” Paris advises everyone to learn from others who have overcome something like this and stay curious. It’s so incredible how she was able to understand her diagnosis and create something so positive out of it. She’s changing the world with her podcast and the way she shares her experiences. It isn’t easy to put yourself on the spot the way she does everyday, but her courage and intelligence does not go unnoticed.  

Episode 8 - Celebrate Yourself with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy

By Jessica Garrison 

Our guest this week is a mental health professional and entrepreneur from Inner Solace Therapy named Valerie. She helps her clients deal with a variety of things, such as anxiety, relationships, and trauma. Valerie has so much information to share about herself to help others understand the need for self care, boundaries, and accepting their layers. 

Valerie says she’s trying to normalize the term “selfish,” a way in which so many people describe self care. She says she gets monthly massages or mani/pedis to keep her head on straight and give herself a well deserved treat: “Anything that allows [her] to nurture [herself] through health and wellness” can be considered part of her self care routine. She tries to stay consistent when it comes to taking care of herself, though it’s just human nature to falter from time to time. 

For her boundaries, Valerie says that it shifts based on what is important in her life at the moment. For example, in her 20s, school and work were most important to her, so she based her boundaries around those aspects of her life. However, now that she’s older, these are not the same priorities. She used to have a bigger social circle, but now she has a family, a career, and different goals. Part of her boundaries is being able to say no without an explanation, which I think is a great sentiment. We always feel the need to explain why we say no and try to reschedule, even if it’s something we don’t want to do. As we’ve learned over the past few seasons of the podcast, no is a sentence all on its own. It’s “okay to change [your] mind.”

At Inner Solace Therapy, Valerie puts importance on a person’s mental health being connected to their physical health. She says she has her own therapist to help keep her mental health on the right track, and it’s critical to pay attention to your body’s internal cues. If your body is trying to tell you something, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and listen to what you need both mentally and physically. 

Valerie and Melissa had such a great conversation about supporting women, and it all starts with yourself. It’s okay to celebrate yourself and be your own cheerleader; sometimes that’s what you need the most. If you show up for yourself, then others will show up for you, too. And sometimes other people will need support as well, and if you’re able, be the first person there to support them. Everyone needs support, even if they don’t think they do. Melissa also says, “Nothing is wrong with celebrating your victories.” Even if someone else is celebrating, “there is space for everyone.” 

Just as boundaries have changed for Valerie, her values have changed throughout her life as well. I think this is completely normal and healthy. She describes the why as a “guiding point in order to recognize where you’re going.” For her, it’s rooted in safety and security because that’s what she wants for her family. She describes it as an ongoing process, and it probably won’t stay the exact same for anyone throughout their life. Change is okay and can be a great thing.  

There’s a duality when it comes to expectations you set for yourself; it can be a good thing, but it can also be harmful if you’re not careful. Just like other aspects of your life, it’s important to reassess your expectations for yourself to make sure you’re pushing yourself towards your goals,  but not too hard. If you have unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’ll never get to where you want to go and it’ll negatively impact your mental health. However, it’s important to still push yourself and make sure you’re achieving the things you set out to do. Valerie is so smart in the way she describes living out of her own expectations vs. others, and she’s inspired me to reevaluate my goals to make sure I’m not setting impossible expectations for myself. 

Living out F.E.E.L and accepting her layers has been quite the journey for Valerie, one that she continues to work towards. When Valerie was younger, she describes how she was disconnected from reality because she was in survival mode. Since then, she’s continued to work towards peeling back her layers and accepting who she is, whether it be past, present, or future. She has so much knowledge and kindness, and I’m so glad she was able to be part of our podcast and share that with everyone. It’s important to remember not to be discouraged because no matter how you see your progress, you’re continuing to move forward.

Episode 7 - Emotional Health & Physical Health Healing with Teresa Vesneske

By Jessica Garrison 

We have such an enjoyable episode this week with guest Teresa Vesneske, a former paraeducator, now educator, who brings incredible energy to every conversation she has. She has 3 daughters and her life was dedicated to making sure they had everything they needed growing up. Once they were all on their own and Teresa had an empty nest, she had to figure out the next steps of her life. She decided to pursue her dream of becoming an educator by going back to school and finishing her degree. With her determined attitude and supportive family, she was able to work towards her goal and is now making a difference in the lives of so many children. 

To be able to succeed at what she wanted to do, she had to establish some boundaries: “You can only give so much.” She understood what changes needed to be made, such as getting the negativity out of her life and realizing not everything can be perfect. If someone was making her feel bad about herself, she unfriended them, at least for the time being. Teresa keeps the possibility open that they may realign at different points of their lives, but as it stands, she needs people who are there to support her rather than tear her down. 

Teresa has had an incredible journey through her physical health connecting with her mental health. Her physical health was a priority because she was resting at a weight of 374 pounds. She had so much social anxiety; even the thought of getting on an airplane was nerve wracking to her, and I don’t blame her. Like Teresa says, “the world is not kind.” If you scroll on your phone for just ten minutes, you’re bound to see at least one thing that negatively depicts people who are obese, particularly women. Teresa sought out weight loss surgery to help her change her life and, thankfully, it did: “I’m down 215 pounds and living my best life!” The most important thing she did was ask for help, even after she had her surgery. She rediscovered her love for swimming after losing weight and works with a counselor to help work through an eating disorder she didn’t even realize she had until after the surgery. 

Being everyone else’s support system weighed on her, so she had to get in the “selfish” mindset of taking care of herself first. We know that it isn’t actually selfish to take care of yourself, but it’s difficult in the beginning when you’re trying to change an idea you’ve lived with your entire life. Teresa realized that “being good to myself trickles over to them.” She’s become a cheerleader for others but also for herself, and the community around her is beginning to follow her mindset. In supporting others and other women, she says that sharing the story is important because it shows others that it’s okay to ask for help. Those who love Teresa are there to support her, and she saw it was okay to lean into that support. Once she realized this, her life began to move forward in a positive way, and she wants other people to learn from this. 

Teresa was a young mother, and her whole focus was on raising her children. She began to neglect other parts of her life for her girls, primarily her own self care. She was a mother figure to a lot of people, including children that her children were friends with. This kind of attitude further signifies that she was meant to be an educator, and her kindness is incomparable. We can all remember that friend whose mom was “Everyone’s Mom” and the impact they made on our lives.  

By living out of her own expectations rather than others, Teresa realized how much better life could be. There were people who said she’d never get her degree or a teaching job, never lose weight, and basically never accomplish her goals. She also has siblings who are a lot older than her, and she had to stop comparing where they were in their lives to where she was; they were on a separate journey and not in the same area of life as her. You can never really compare yourself to anyone because what they’ve been through and what you’ve been through are completely different. You are on your own journey and how you get to your destination is up to you.   

This past November Teresa completed her 11th 5k run and hopes to accomplish more in the future. She shared that she always wanted to be a runner but couldn’t really do so until she lost weight. Just as Teresa has shown us, with a positive mindset and attitude to match, anything is possible. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes next. 

Episode 6 - Period Empowerment - How SAALT Makes This Possible with Taylor Christenson

By Jessica Garrison

Taylor Christenson has been a guest on the podcast previously, but she’s back in season 4 to share exciting information for listeners to learn more about period health and how you could possibly save some money on period hygiene products. I want to be clear that even though period products are well known as feminine hygiene products, we recognize that not everyone who has their period identifies as a woman or as feminine. The F.E.E.L Podcast is a safe space for everyone to share their thoughts, feelings, struggles, and victories.

SAALT creates “clean, high-performance products that are healthy for you and the planet.” The CEO and cofounder featured on their website is Cherie, whose Venezuelan aunt told her that period products haven’t been available in stores for years; Cherie couldn’t imagine what she would do if she had to live her life without access to period products or if one of her five daughters had to live that way. She worked up a way to be able to create and send sustainable period products overseas for those who aren’t as privileged as we are to have period products available in stores. Period products are still pretty expensive in the United States, but it’s a step above some other countries that don’t have the same access.

While Taylor was a guest during this episode, she spoke about SAALT during the talking points and how her work mirrors the ideals of the F.E.E.L Podcast. When speaking about self care and taking care of yourself while on your period, Taylor shares the statistic that 1 in 5 people with a period in the U.S. are unable to afford period care products every month. One of SAALT’s biggest products is the menstrual cup. You don’t have to buy one every month like a box of tampons or pads; it’s reusable since all you have to do is clean it out when it gets full, rather than throwing it away every time. There’s so much that goes into the process of getting the products to where they need to be, making sure that the company distributing them is reputable and is working towards the same goals as them. Taylor shares that SAALT partners with HER International because they understood “it’s more than just donating products.” A lot more work goes into it; these are people’s lives that are affected by the work they do. This affects people’s mental health, their ability to get an education, and their physical health/hygiene.

Taylor says that “periods are really layered” and that’s why it’s such a good fit to be able to feature her work this week. Periods are fluid and can change—they can change your hormones, how your body feels, how you feel mentally, and it’s not always the same reactions every month. Factoring in people who have children or are going through serious changes in life, the way you deal with your period can affect every other aspect of your life, which is difficult for people who don’t have periods to understand. It’s hard enough dealing with all of this, let alone if you don’t have a way to properly deal with it, such as medication if necessary or the proper hygienic products to help you take care of yourself.

Taylor says, “I associate my period with empowerment,” which I absolutely love. I realize as I get older, I can relate to her sentiment. Growing up (and I know it wasn’t just me), it was so embarrassing to have your period. I’d try to be secretive, taking my pad or tampon out of my bag and hurrying to the bathroom praying that no one else would be in there to hear the crinkle of the wrapper. I don’t know why I cared so much considering it’s normal and healthy to have a regular period. I want us to get rid of the stigma that having your period makes you gross or dirty because it’s one of the most natural things that we go through in life. The work that Taylor and SAALT do is helping to erase those negative connotations that people have when it comes to periods and the more work we can do, the better off the world will be.

Honestly, I have not even scratched the surface on this episode. I have two pages of notes and I think I only covered about half of them, so I highly recommend listening to the full episode to hear Taylor speak about this herself and sharing all of the knowledge she has. Please feel free to explore the resources page for this episode to find out more information about Taylor, SAALT, and where you can learn more and even get a discount code for the SAALT website!

Disclaimer: This episode is for educational purposes only, and we know and respect that each woman needs to handle their period care in a way that feels most healthy for them.

Episode 5 - Embracing Discomfort As a Path to Peace with Meghan Locklair

By Jessica Garrison

The talking points used in the podcast are a staple to what it means to F.E.E.L, and our guest this week has been an inspiration to the talking points we feature here, particularly “coming back to your ‘why.’” Meghan Locklair is very intentional with what she does, living her life as a learner who is always open to new ideas. 

Her technique to handle self care is very different from others that we’ve heard from in the past: by embracing discomfort. Meghan understands the world is not always kind, and she wants to pursue ways to cope with the hardships that life may bring. She recognizes that confronting discomfort isn’t for everyone, but for her, it helps to put things into perspective and take care of herself better. 

Boundaries are something that evolve with time, and Meghan understands how they have to shift with your needs as you evolve over the years. She said she had to figure herself out, what God thinks of the boundaries she’s setting, and how they can affect what she values the most. Her boundaries are “not the same as ten years ago” because they’ve actually increased with her age, but she’s also gotten better at setting them as guardrails rather than setting them up as brick walls. It’s nice to see the contrast between Meghan’s boundaries when she was younger versus how she sets them now, especially since she is such a well rounded individual.  

Meghan has two main goals personally, and they are her keeping her mind and body healthy. She knows there’s a deep connection between the two and tries to be conscious of truly feeling her emotions. If she’s angry, she wants to be able to express that just as she wants to for a happy emotion. Hormones are a difficult thing to navigate for women, and we see this become more difficult in a world of misogyny that is never pleased with how women react to any given situation. Meghan says, “you’re not more emotional, you’re more intuitive.” I wish someone had said this to me when I was younger because I always got told I was “too emotional,” but that shouldn’t be referred to as something negative. Meghan and everyone at F.E.E.L are here to tell you your emotions are valid and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to have them. 

Her advice for supporting women is to own your life and own your values; if something is important to you, then don’t be afraid of it. Life can present peer pressure to you, but there’s always more than one option, and you should be pursuing whatever means the most to you despite what others may say about it. Meghan says we all need each other, so we should be respecting one another, helping one another, and inviting others to join the journey. Melissa also gives notable advice that it’s great for women to be independent, but that doesn’t mean you need to take everything on yourself, so don’t be afraid to allow help from others. Accepting help from others when you need it is a strength, not a weakness. 

Sometimes it’s difficult for Meghan to put into actual words what her values are, but she knows what they are in her core, and that’s the most important thing. When it comes to making decisions, the “why” has to be involved and it should be clear if it’s part of your master plan. Otherwise, you should reevaluate either your “why” or your master plan. It’s evident that Meghan knows what she wants out of life and goes after it, but she does so in a way that she doesn’t lose who she truly is on the inside. 

Melissa shares with us that Meghan is a twin, so she’s had to work to find her own identity and sense of self. Meghan says that people have more ownership over their life than they like to think; she wants to change the idea of “why is this happening to me” and turn it into a positive. She feels that “God brings us into different seasons,” but she doesn’t want to have a victim mindset that decisions are being made for people and there’s nothing they can do about it. Learn to recognize different seasons, learn from them, and become the person you want to be, even if circumstances are not ideal. 

Hearing from Meghan has been so wonderful, especially after learning that she inadvertently inspired so much for this podcast. I think we can all agree with Melissa that Meghan has a glow about her, and it shines through every time she speaks about her family, her life, and her values. 

Episode 4 - Becoming My Own Soulmate with Danielle Parks

By Jessica Garrison 

Our guest this week shares an incredible story of heartbreak and betrayal but comes out the other side with a new sense of self that is guaranteed to inspire those who listen. Danielle Parks gives a new perspective to what it means to be a wife, a woman, and a human being. She speaks candidly about her journey through self care, setting boundaries, and what it means to find comfort in yourself.  

In her self care process, running was a major outlet for Danielle. After realizing this wasn’t the best way to express herself, she went to the other end of the spectrum and rested her body, which caused a domino effect in her life. Instead of running and taking her mind off of things, rest caused her to sit with her feelings, even the ones that are uncomfortable. Instead of constantly keeping her mind off things, this became a time for growth, evolving, and acceptance, which is arguably the first step in learning to love your authentic self. Our feelings and emotions are there for a reason, so it’s important to listen to them and what they’re telling us. Danielle says to “give yourself permission to not know where you’re going on the journey.” 

Danielle practices setting her intentions for the day and gives herself time to align that so she can relish in the feeling of it all. She also journals so she has a safe place to create and thinks everyone should have a place like this, which I completely agree with. Even if you don’t think you have a creative personality, it’s important to express yourself on some type of level rather than bottling it up. It might take a while to find the right medium, but once you do, it’ll be all worth it in the end. 

When it comes to supporting other women in living unapologetically, Danielle allows the space to be there for herself and for other women; you do not need to take care of everyone and everything. This is a lesson that she had to learn the hard way. She shares a time when she didn’t listen to her body, despite it screaming at her that something was wrong: she doubted the trust she had in her husband. When she questioned him about her feelings, she still wasn’t sure if she could trust his answer. She shared a Bible verse with him that says, “Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from the housetops.” Unfortunately, she was correct in her doubts. Her husband was eventually sentenced for embezzlement, but Danielle was determined to make the relationship work. She would wake up at 5am just to visit him hours away, describing her experience as being in “survival mode,” feeling the need to be a certain person for this man. 

It’s only just recently that she has begun to feel free from the situation. She realized she had to let her husband go and the old Danielle die for a newer and happier one to be born. Her advice is to take a moment to feel all of the emotions: the guilt, the sorrow, the pain. Accept love and support from others, too. She used to be a shell of herself, but now she is grateful for everything she’s been through because it got her to the place where she is today. Melissa shares an interesting insight that we are okay with disappointing ourselves before disappointing others, and that mindset needs to change. The journey is rooted in forgiveness. Forgiveness for others and also for yourself. 

Living out of your own expectations instead of others can be a difficult boundary to set as well, but life shows up as it wants. Danielle says she had to grieve the life she once had and accept the truth of her new reality in order to move on. The truth is her North Star, which is a term she uses to express guidance. She asks, “what do you want to feel like? What do you want to experience, not just in the day, but in life?” Those are some important questions to ask yourself so you can keep reaching your goals. 

The more layers we peel off, the more beauty we find underneath. Danielle says to find the resources within yourself and know your own worth. She lives more in the present now, and she can be who she truly wants to be. Danielle shows up truthfully for others and allows them to do the same, which is a priority for her right now. I admire her vulnerability with us and how she shared her story so others could learn. There’s no judgment in her voice, no apologies, and no more regrets. We should all strive to live a life like Danielle with her motivation and power. 

Episode 3 - Living Her Authentic Truth with Lindsay Kerr

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest this week is so unique in that she offers fascinating insight on an uncommon topic that puts you on the edge of your seat as you’re listening. Lindsay Kerr is a mental health therapist whose work involves ketamine psychotherapy. She helps her clients enter an unordinary state of consciousness to help them with issues such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety. They use it in low doses so as to not depress the respiratory system, and it elicits a psychedelic experience that houses a mindset for healing. It’s obvious that Lindsay is a well educated young woman who believes strongly in helping others. In the episode, she delves further into her work, how the opportunity found her, and how impactful her responsibilities are. 

Since Lindsay is a single mother, she has to think about how prioritizing self care impacts her daughter. Her schedule has to coincide with her daughter’s, but she’s learned along the way that not every hole in the schedule needs to be filled. If there’s an hour or two in a day where she doesn’t have anything planned, she doesn’t feel the need to pencil something in. Lindsay has worked as a therapist, a yoga instructor, and a barista, so she has experience working with people. However, no matter how much experience you may have, working with the public can be a trial all on its own. With that kind of stressful environment, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and forget to take moments for yourself. But rather than trying to keep her schedule loaded with work, Lindsay prioritizes what’s important for herself, her daughter, and the clients who trust her with their mental health. Taking a step back from the chaos helps keep her head on straight and keep her mental health from declining. 

When describing boundaries, Lindsay says that they change from time to time. In some instances she has the energy and capacity and in some instances she doesn’t. The time she has with her daughter is set and she has nonnegotiables that people have to respect if they want to continue being in her life. She’s learned not to compare herself to others, nor her schedule or boundaries. Everyone has their own ways for dealing with the varying seasons—there’s no right or wrong, just what is. 

In this episode, Lindsay says one of my absolute favorite quotes from the entire podcast: “We offer women the opportunity to live unapologetically when we do it ourselves.” She understands the importance of role models and how the ability of being yourself can change people’s lives. Her advice is to model your authentic truth, encourage others to live their truth, unpack old narratives and creativity, overcome the obstacles you face, and continue to be curious. I really couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Living out of your own expectations instead of others, to me, is one of the most difficult acts to accomplish. This was particularly difficult for Linsday because of her professional work. Not everyone understands what she does or why she does it, but she knows. What matters most is that Lindsay loves her work and is helping others on a daily basis. She’s stopped asking permission to live her best life and continues to strive for greatness. 

Lindsay is currently in a PhD program and by living out F.E.E.L, she feels empowered and confident enough to make choices to get through her experiences. She doesn’t second guess herself as much; she knows that she is an intelligent woman who knows what she needs and has. She uses her voice now to not only fight for herself, but to also fight for her clients who are seeking a better life, just as any of us would. She says she “treats the whole person instead of just one symptom.” This brings a whole new meaning to embracing your layers and understanding each one of them.  

I thank Lindsay for being so authentic with us and being brave enough to share her passions and truth. I loved hearing about the work she does, how much effort she puts forth towards what she cares about, and hearing how she takes on the world. Seeing Lindsay live out her life unapologetically certainly inspires me to do the same. 

Episode 2 - Happiness Over Perfection with Stef Tousignant

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest this week is the creator and host of the Parent Differently podcast, Stef Tousignant. Stef’s podcast aims to help parents grow, reflect, and understand that being perfect is impossible. However, just because you aren’t a perfect parent doesn’t mean you aren’t a good one. Everyone is just trying to do their best in a world that isn’t always working in their favor, and Stef really puts things into perspective with her podcast on how we can continue to better ourselves and be happy, rather than getting bogged down on things that we cannot change.

For Stef, the journey to self care has been a bumpy road with a lot of “enough is enough” moments. She describes how she found it difficult in her busy schedule to find time for herself, but she realized that, for her, it has little to do with the acts of self care and more to do with her mindset. Her goal is to be intentional and purposeful in her thoughts, which helps her prioritize what is most important. Her journey in self care may not necessarily apply to anyone else, but that doesn’t make it wrong either. We’re all on our own journey that we must discover for ourselves what works and what doesn’t.

The conversation that sticks in my mind the most from this episode comes from the topic of boundaries. Stef says how she always created unachievable goals for herself and lacked the boundaries to keep herself on track. However, she shifted her perspective so the word boundary has a new meaning: “happiness over perfection.” Stef uses the example of decorating for the holidays—she hated it! She always felt the need to do it because that’s what everyone else would do, but it didn’t make her happy. She realized she had the choice to just not do it. Instead, she lets her children choose their favorite holidays and they can decorate however they please for it. She’ll help them, of course, but the pressure is off of her and the freedom is instead given to someone who actually wants it. There’s no need to put useless amounts of pressure on yourself, especially if it isn’t making you happy. Sometimes, there is the secret option to just let things go.

When it comes to taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Stef says something very important that I think we can all take away from this episode: “All emotions are welcome.” As Melissa has said before, there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Feelings may make us uncomfortable or they may be unpleasant to experience, but they are all there to serve a purpose. They help us understand why we’re feeling that way, whether it be a stressor we need to take care of or a negative presence in our lives. Sometimes this is a difficult concept to understand, but these two women put it into words perfectly.

A quote I love from this episode comes from Stef, who says to “ground your expectations in your intention.” You can make yourself feel like a failure, especially if your expectations are rooted in cultural norms. No one is perfect, though sometimes they may seem like they are on the outside. Expectations to be perfect are never going to be met, so you’ll just make yourself miserable by trying to reach something completely unreachable, like how her goals used to be. She says to take the shame out of this by being intentional with your purpose and actions, and by just being the best you can be without constant comparisons.

The F.E.E.L podcast did an episode in season 2 called “Weaponized Gratitude,” where we discussed how gratitude can be used against people to make them feel guilty or to manipulate them. We weren’t sure how this would contrast with Stef’s podcast, since hers puts an emphasis on the word and encourages others to feel gratitude. However, Stef speaks about gratitude in such a healthy way on her podcast, and she shows a whole new perspective to the word, so we were happy to welcome her as a guest this season. We’re grateful (no pun intended) that Stef was able to be part of our podcast and share with us how she gets through the world as a woman, a mother, and a professional. Be sure to check out her podcast Parent Differently and continue to share the positivity that Stef has shared with us!

Episode 1 - Learning to Live Unapologetically with Paula Chirinos

By Jessica Garrison

Welcome back to another season of the F.E.E.L Podcast! We are officially kicking off the fourth season, and there is so much exciting content coming your way. Our first episode features Paula Chirinos, a young, intelligent, queer, Latina woman. She describes her journey in such a fierce and lively way; she is the perfect guest for our first episode this season. 

Like most guests we see on the podcast, Paula says she was not the best at self care for a while. Being a first generation immigrant, she kept herself busy trying to make her parents proud. She wanted them to know all of the sacrifices they made for her to have a better life were not in vain, but by never giving herself a break, she quickly burned herself out and had a physical breakdown. Recently, she’s learned to express herself through her body and goes to the gym after work to blow off steam and realized “it’s the little things” that keep her going. She also looks to her plushies for comfort, which I resonate with deeply on a spiritual level. No, they are not just for children! 

Paula expressed the connection she sees between self care and establishing healthy boundaries. She puts it into a great perspective by comparing professional and personal relationships with an “unofficial contract.” There are expectations set for one another to meet that are previously agreed upon, and they will be able to fit both parties’ needs. There’s a support system there, and the expectations are communicated not only beforehand, but also when needed. This is a great new way to look at boundaries and see that they’re not a negative trait to have in relationships, just like how a contract isn’t necessarily a negative thing to have in a professional environment. 

Paula graduated from college in the Spring of 2020, which was arguably the worst possible time to graduate and try to make your way into the world. Towards the end of 2021, she began seeking therapeutic help and discovered she had ADHD. Once she was diagnosed, she was able to learn her triggers and develop coping mechanisms. A big one was not giving other people so much power when it came to negative feedback. Paula had to deal with oppression from all angles before: being a woman, being queer, being part of an immigrant family, and being a Latina. She’s developed this coping mechanism into a tool for everyday life, which has helped her pursue a healthier balance.  

When discussing how she looks to support other women in living unapologetically, Paula shared a TikTok trend that has been going around recently that involves being kinder to your younger self. She speaks so vulnerably about this, which I just love; it might be my favorite part of the episode. We all need to allow our inner child to heal by showing them the kindness they should’ve been shown all along. By healing ourselves, we can show others what possibilities lie in the nearby future. Paula says that age doesn’t matter when it comes to mentoring. Like we say on the podcast, you can learn something new from anyone, no matter how different they may seem (and this includes age as well).  

Living out of your own expectations instead of others’ is a big topic for Paula, especially because of the sacrifices her parents made to give her the best possible life. I mentioned earlier that she felt like couldn’t disappoint them, and this made her into a very competitive person. It was all about showing them how amazing she could be in what they wanted, rather than what she wanted. When she was just 11 years old, she was diagnosed with depression. Combined with discovering she’s queer, it was a huge release for Paula to be able to live her truth. Now that she has all the pieces, Paula continues to work towards putting them together to create a life of her own expectations.  

Paula has quite the beautiful complex identity—she’s had no choice but to embrace her layers to live a life to the fullest of happiness. By accepting all aspects of herself, she’s been able to put words to her feelings and express herself the way she most desires. She has put in so much work over the years to be comfortable in her own skin, and she stands by the statement that self love is a journey: “There are days where you will have setbacks.” However, you have to accept the good and the bad to truly find peace. She finds that her life has improved by cutting off people who were holding her back and surrounding herself with those who uplift her. 

Paula has such an inspiring story to tell, and we’re so thankful she opened up during this episode. She made a statement pretty early on in the episode that everyone will, or at least should, agree with by the end: Paula Chirinos is one bad bitch.